Posts that are not practical contributions or grounded in experience will be subject to removal.

I want to highlight, that I personally disagree with claims that PU will change your life for the better. The self help industry (and by that title PU included) is crammed with frauds looking to prey on losers with more money than sense.

There are alot of myths passed around about what will change you and what won't, so much so that even after studying the psychology of learning and attitude change, it's still unclear what exactly is "true" with regards to Self help.

My view is that the problem with pick up right now is that it has become far too self important and is concerning itself with matters that it doesn't understand. In my opinion PUA's should stick to their field of expertise (getting laid) rather than wander of into the worlds of councilling which PU does not cover of train PUA's for.

What this is, is an approach via methodical planning and consistency to get results in an area that you want to excell in.

------------------
LEARNING
------------------

1. 7 P's

Prior
Planning
and
Preperation
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance

Think through what you want to achieve, how you achieve this, when you will do this, how often you will practise and how you will know you have achieved your goal.

EXAMPLE
Time: Week 1
Goal: Have strong Eye Contact.
Method: Keep self aware and coinciosuly count 5 conversations every day of this week where you maintain Eye Contact for longer than the other person/s you are talking to.
Measure: E/C has become more instinctual and automatic.

2. Re-evaluate.

If your plan doesn't work out, (and at some point it will fail) then look over your plan and change it for next time. Was their enough time to complete objectives? Was your measuring system effective? Were you specefic enough about when you would practise and learn new skills?

3. Do Less Achieve More.

Focus on one thing at a time during your periods of "change" to keep your rate of progress effective.

For instance, the goals for Week one could be purely about Eye contact and good body language.

With your attention centred, not only will your thoughts be less clutered but you will be more aware about what you want to change.

4. Read, Apply, Observe Apply.

Read about and observe the themes you want to embody, the more you are exposed to the stimulus you want to mimic or assimilate, just thinking about Smiling when opening for instance, or training hard to improve your hockey game can go a long way in un-consciously motivating yourself to make difficult decisions.

5. Expressive Writing.

Whether this is lists of things that make you feel good, recounting bad expriences or examining your own thoughts about yourself and others. Expressive writing allows for something that in head or person to person talk doesn't.

It allows you to structure and observe your thoughts which has a plethora of benefits in reducing anxiety, motivating yourself, over-coming negative expreiences, generating new healthier beliefs about the world and just all round making you feel happier.

To sumarise.

1. Plan, in detail. A plan with details included is golden.
2. When things go wrong, assess your plan for changes.
3. Do less, achieve more. Focus on the important by ignoring the un-important.
4. Surround yourself with your virtues.
5. Use expressive writing to journal thoughts and make sense of your "internal chatter".

As I see it there are only 3 ways to develop strong inner game. & these three things are action, reading books, and therapy. Through action you develop confidence. Through books you develop understanding. Through therapy you also develop understanding but you also change up your belief systems. For me the best way to get into state before going out is through meditation. It quites down your mind and you instantly become more attractive because your more relaxed and chill. Your body movements are slower, your facial expressions are different, and your tone ov voice is more relaxed.

Therapy is a great way to develop strong inner game. Im not talking about some regular talk therapy but about EMDR. This therapy is strictly used to change our belief systems from the past. It also raises your self-esteem like no other. & the best thing is that the beliefs you go over in the session become installed permanently. No bullshit no nothing. But theres a price and that price is always money.

IT was also reccommended by Vin Dicarlo and I think Mystery went through the same therapy too.

_________________
Cut the shit, time to fuck.

Before I ever try to build inner game in a person, I find it useful to first get them to be honest about how they view themselves and the person they'd like to be. One way I've found very effective at this is getting them to visualize the type of man they'd really like to be--how he'd speak, how he'd respond to certain situations, his walk, the way he dresses, his outlook on life, etc.

The reason this works is because it draws a bridge between a person's current beliefs--the way they see the world due to social conditioning, beliefs imposed by authority figures, etc.-- and their core values--what they actually believe on a subconscious level beneath all the shit that's been piled on top of it.

When a person's current beliefs become more closely aligned with their core values, confidence springs from that because they are behaving in a way that is congruent with their subconscious mind. In some cases, this has been all that's necessary to help a person.

Your boy,
870

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

There is a fundamental theory in psychology you need to grasp before approaching any inner game strategies. It's the ABC's: Affect, Behavior, Cognition. Each of these influence the other. The key to successful inner game exercises is to either use exercises that attempt to change all three or use a cluster of exercises that target them individually. I'm going to give you a brief introduction followed by concepts used and examples, so you can understand the processes at work.

Journaling
Journaling is a pretty powerful tool in attaining inner game. Field Reports/Lay Reports are part of this journaling, but journaling is much broader than that. One writes of any experience that is important, both in a positive or negative way. What you write about is really important in this. If it's positive, you want to outline how much you've improved from where you started at. If its negative, you always must point out ways to improve for next time.

You can also do a daily journal in addition to event journaling, where you list 5 positive aspects about yourself or things that happened that day. This constantly primes a person to more positive things that happened, that they may have taken for granted. If 5 is too easy, you do 10. The subject of these lists changes depending on what the person needs to improve on. It's been shown to work by doing Thankful Journals, Positive Traits, etc.

Quote about this:
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make our world.
-Buddha


Finding of Journaling About Negative Experiences:

• Coping through writing (Pennebaker, 1997)
– reduced anxiety
– 50% drop in visits to doctor
– immune system and overall health improved
– general emotional well-being increased
– became more social
– found gender differences
– replicated across cultures

Links to contribute to knowledge of effective journaling:
http://law.jrank.org/pages/1124/Excuse- ... shing.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_p ... d_optimism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy
http://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_

Self Concordant Goals
There has been a recent rise in the Field Report section of various “Learning Journals.” As a result, it made me remember research regarding goal setting that I skipped over when compiling this post about journaling. Research shows that the more meaningful a goal is, the greater potential it has for increasing our overall well being. Self concordant goals are long term goals which are intrinsically motivated. When one sets a goal that is both meaningful and congruent what they want – not what a PUA Forum or society expects, they not only are more likely to achieve their goals but also increase their levels of happiness/wellbeing, are more successful in future endeavors, and experience an increased motivation which lowers procrastination.



It has been found the more meaningful the goal, the larger the possible impact. This was hinted at 870’s post of aligning yourself with who you want to be. Meaningful means the goals are pursued out of deep personal conviction and/or a strong self interest. These goals are free from the desire to impress others.



At the foundation of this all, it deals with our goals aligning with our needs, values, and our self concept of ours self. These kinds of goals, unlike extrinsically motivated ones, have been shown to increase levels of well being AND help become more successful at achieving goals. What this means is that internally you will benefit in a way other types of goals lack, while experiencing an increased motivation and success in future outer game pursuits.

Links for further information:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/don ... -happiness
http://lifetwo.com/production/node/2007 ... e-of-goals
http://academic.udayton.edu/jackbauer/P ... 20copy.pdf


Mindfulness Exercises and Exercise
A lot of inner game issues are depression and anxieties. Meditation and exercise have both been shown to change the physiology of the body, enabling the person to feel better. Exercise is actually shown to be the more effective treatment for depression. Meditation has been shown an effective treatment for social anxieties and other things that hinder the progression of PUAs. Meditation changes the structure of the brain, while exercise releases useful chemicals into the system. This make someone more confident, less easily aroused and stressed, and more calm in new situations. Meditation is the best example of mindfulness exercises, but it can be done with anything, including music, dance, exercise, etc.





Links about meditation and exercise:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broaden-and-build
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_app ... meditation
http://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamer ... rcises.htm

Link on how to meditate
http://www.dharmaweb.org/index.php/The_ ... rahmavamso

Acting Confidently
This doesn't need explaining. This is the classic Mystery "Fake it till you make it" strategy. Notice the reason it's not really affective is it only focuses on Behavior. But when combined with exercises that target Affect and Cognition, it proves much more useful.

Links about fake it or make it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-perception_theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fake_it_till_you_make_it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_feedback

Reframing Thought Patterns
Force yourself to look at things from other perspectives. Example of thought patterns that need to be changed:

Link to cognitive distortions: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

Examples of other Cognitive Reframes:
• Challenge or threat (Tomaka et al., 1997)
• Arousal as euphoria or anger (Schachter & Singer, 1962)
• Cooperation or competition (Ross & Samuels, 1993)
• Volunteering as privilege or duty (Lareau, 2004)
• Relationships about being known or being validated (Schnarch, 1997)
• Failure as opportunity or disaster
• Work as exercise or chore

Links
approach-anticipation-excitement-vt35880.html?highlight=approach
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 125257.htm
http://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/
http://www.enotalone.com/article/5412.html
http://health.discovery.com/centers/men ... imism.html

Sleep
Sleep is critical in so many things. Basically it'll affect performance on skills and even which events you remember (Sleep deprivation makes people forget the positive occurrence but remember negative). This subject is too diverse for links, just trust me.



Self Efficacy
This is learning that one is able to achieve the goals they want to. The basic way to cultivate this is to go outside your comfort zone and try new things. Once you fail, you cope with the failure, try again and succeed. Ultimately what breeds the confidence isn't the successes, but rather the realization that one can cope with failure. That's when self efficacy is developed.

Links about Self Efficacy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy
http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/BanEncy.html
http://projects.coe.uga.edu/epltt/index ... f-Efficacy


Buddhism
It's increasingly being found that a lot of Buddhist principles are very similar in restructuring thought patterns, by changing cognitions and behaviors. Not all are really useful in PUA, but several are.



And the 10 grave precepts from the Zen tradition:

Affirm life; Do not kill
Be giving; Do not steal
Honor the body; Do not misuse sexuality
Manifest truth; Do not lie
Proceed clearly; Do not cloud the mind
See the perfection; Do not speak of others' errors and faults
Realize self and other as one; Do not elevate the self and blame others
Give generously; Do not be withholding
Actualize harmony; Do not be angry

Links about Buddhism's Applications:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Prece ... n_Precepts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism_and_psychology

Positive Psychology
Really useful field filled with tons of inner game help. Be careful though, as psuedo scientists love to use the label to propagate their self help junk. Positive psych is what drew my attention to Buddhism.

Link to Powerpoints of the classes I watched on the internet:
http://isites.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?ke ... .page69146

Cultivation of Self Esteem
These are the things that have been researched and shown to cultivate self esteem. They are located in the self esteem powerpoint from the Harvard Lectures.

Exercise
Sleep
Touch
Induce calm
Slave to passions
Finding flow
Coping
Humble behavior
Taking time

Links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_

Goal Setting
This is breaking up the final goal into small, measurable goals that show the progress the person is doing. This can then be journaled about. Commitment and consistency is big here. If you say your going to do it, especially to a PUA coach, you'll feel obligated to do it. Goals and the pursuits of goals should have this:

• Clear sense of direction
• Immediate feedback
• Written plan (Claypool & Cangemi, 1983)
• Specific goals (Ajzen & Fishbein, 1982)
• Setting lifelines (Tami, 1999)
– goals in-spire
– goals are life-enhancing
• Go public (telling people so they hold you accountable)

Also, making sure goals are self concordant. This means basically if you had a vin diagram of the below three questions, your goals would fit into where the circles over lap. 870 mentioned this and correctly diagnosed why it work.

Three question process
• What is meaningful to me? What is important to me?
• What is pleasurable to me? What do I enjoy doing?
• What are my strengths? What am I good at?


Visualizations
870 mentioned this above. While from what I remember, it doesn't really work for the reasons 870 mentioned, it doesn't change it works. This is the only tool I don't use and as a result, I don't remember much about the research or ways of utilizing it. I do know that in one study, one group visualized getting an A on a test, while the other group visualized working hard and getting an A on a test. That simple intervention yielded significantly higher grades for the work group. It may have something to do with visualizations leads to beliefs, which creates cognitive dissonance. It's basically a more realistic version of "The Secret". Sorry I can't tell you more about this though.

I borrowed a lot from the Positive Psych lectures to keep my thoughts organized. I hope I remembered all of them, but this should give anyone tons of tools they can select from. I personally think mindfulness is one of the easiest yet effective ones, from both research and my life. I still do the mindfulness and journaling, but have done all these of varying degree and continue to do them. You can never have too stable of an inner game IMO

The below were added after the initial post, to keep information in one place.

Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method.

Example:
Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.

Links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization

Sarging
After reading this thread today, I realized I didn't discuss sarging! Many people like to try to get inner game first and outer game second, but this simply isn't how it works. Getting experiences that affirm your cognitions of "I am a cool guy" or "I am an attractive guy" is very important in this ABC model. Even if you think your the bomb, if you keep getting rejected you're going to get very uncomfortable psychologically. Even if you met your future wife, I'd advise you to stay single and keep sarging for a time period (it is your choice how far you go in those sarges).

The reason is you need the experiences to shape your world view and break your old one, which is going to require time and patience!

Great response Hobbit.

If someone were to ask me to tell them one thing that would improve their life it would be...

EXERCISE ! ( reiterating Hobbits' post )

If you do one thing every day to improve yourself, exercise. It improves EVERY aspect of your life. I seriously would put this top of the list.

Byron

The fastest, most time tested, low risk, high reward method for building self esteem (which obviously is a huge component of inner game) is hitting the gym.

The gains you make in the weight room are concrete, measurable, and definable. Knowing for a fact that you have made progress is the most effective way of ensuring that you continue on the path towards progress.

Not to mention, working out will make you healthier, and will without a doubt make you more attractive.

Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method.

Example:
Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization

The book Feeling Good by Dr. Burns to learn to talk balk to negative thoughts and get healthy self esteem. I use it, helped a lot.
http://books.google.com/books?id=UaEg_u ... ns&f=false

Posting to find be able to find this thread later.

Thanks to all for posting I need a lil inner/self confidence building and this seems it could be helpfull.

Has anyone tried Approaching Confidence bye PUA training?

Ive used it and got big results fast. No more approach anxiety for me.

_________________
Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com

best forum on the subject I have ever seen in my life, thank you friends!

_________________
the possibility of victory, is on the attack. Who defends himself shows that his strength is inadequate; who attacks shows that it is abundant

Thanks OP! This stuff is gold. Definitely empowering through knowledge.

From everything I have read, both here and else where, about success, happiness, spirituality, confidence, ect all boils down to one thing....

Worthiness.

This is what everyone refers to here as inner game.


If you truly believe you are worthy of something, there is no stopping you getting what you desire. Women, money, happiness, success.

what is worthiness?
Worthiness is the removal of doubt.
If you have no doubts about yourself, you free yourself from fear.
Once you are free you will become empowered to do anything you choose, and succeed at it without limit.

How do you remove doubt?
This is very tricky, but it can be achieved by removing negativity from your life.
Every time you think or say something negative you re-enforce your doubt. A technique I have been learning is to remove the words NO, CANT, and DONT from everything I say and think. Its a tricky thing to do, but now after a month of actively trying, things are getting much easier and my whole outlook and attitude towards life is changing.

My positivity is starting to help me manifest the world I want to in. For once in my life I know that I have some control about the direction of my life and the things happening within it.

I feel as if this thread has steered away from it's intended goals and I'm hoping I can steer it back there.

I'm currently on a search for much more defined method of blasting through inner game problems people have. While there is a vast amount of information on the subject I have yet to find anything that outlines a clear method of addressing the major issues.

I believe that this issue of inner game is actually less debilitating in men than it is in women. In my experience I've found men are much easier to move forward through change despite having issues such as low self esteem (in my opinion the biggest problem that plagues people seeking help from anything - such as pua). Men will push through low self esteem and go to the gym, or change the way they look, knowing that self esteem will follow these actions.

Women on the other hand are entirely different, I've found that if a woman has low self esteem it is virtually impossible to get her to make positive steps towards improving herself. For example, I take the philosophy of "there are no ugly people, only lazy people", the vast majority of women can look good if they put the effort in, good hair, doing their make up well, etc etc, these changes can almost instantly make a woman attractive. Yet, the problem I find is the women with low self esteem, despite being told and shown this, will not make this effort because of their low self esteem, it completely destroys their motivation, they feel as if it's all pointless.


So, back to my original point, I think that it would be highly useful if we can create a clear and concise method for blasting these issues entirely. While it is less useful to men as they can usually work through it, I find that teaching women with these issues is almost impossible.

In order to try and create such a method, I think the best place to start would be to take all of the major inner game issues and order them. Two lists are appropriate here, most common, and most debilitating.

From this we can start addressing every issue in specifics and create a clear and concise method overall.