Trying to get a 2nd date HB8 after multiple failed attempts



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:46 am 
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Giving the full context here and details, cause I don't really know the point where things changed.

Met a HB8 about a month ago at a club, spent the night making out and grinding. I did my first direct approach and will post the details on another thread cause some interesting stuff came up.

Texted the next day, arranged a dance date for wed night, she cancels day of cause she thinks her dinner before hand will go over time. I reply, all good no worries.

I'm not texting her every day and we eventually make another date for the following wed. We end up going to dinner instead of dancing, then I suggest we go to a bar near her house since she has to go home after anyway. She's a bit shy about it but eventually agrees, before we get on the bus she has an lmr and says why don't we go around here, but she forgot her ID and lucky the bus just came and we got on.

We go to the bar, we chat a bit, she says she came out of a 1 year relationship and just wants to be single, and thinks that guys have rarely wanted a relationship with her, this was her first and most are a month or so and she didn't know why. I tell her I want the same for now and we talk a bit more about each other.

We make out like crazy. It gets really hot, but she's still a bit hesitant to take me home. I tell her forwardly, I have no expectations, which is true, this disarms her, bar closes, we walk back to hers, "are you walking me home or coming in?" As soon as we get in she's into me and it's great. We do everything except have actual sex cause I was a genius in my planning and forgot the one thing I needed. At any rate, I cum, she cums, everyone is happy. Though we don't sleep very comfortably cause I have a cold.

Next day catch the train together to work, seems ok but when I put my arm around her she's not really holding my hand etc so a tad cold.

That night I message her, how was blah, doesn't reply to the next day and is short. I wait till Friday, ask her for another date the next wed she gives the thumbs up. I assume this means yes. On Saturday I randomly got tickets to an event so I invited her, she chatted fine but politely declined. Tuesday night I message to confirm the next day, I fucked up here a bit cause I should have said "still good for a dance tomorrow" but I was rambly and suggested a change to the date. Silence. I message again later that night and my text was bad and along the lines of hey is everything ok I want to see you etc, then call but goes to vmail, leave a simple hey still good for tomorrow message. Wed morning, "Yeah I was busy, sorry I can't go tonight"... Ok no worries.

I leave it till Friday, invite her out that night but she has plans. She re-engages with texting and we back and forth about dancing and other stuff, which surprised me cause I thought it was for sure a flake at this point given how bad the texting was on wed. Since then I've sent one more message and again she replies the next day, weekend was good how was yours etc, so she is still replying but how do I get a date with her?

I haven't replied to her last reply, after reading a thread about chasing I can see that I am chasing her way too much. I think the answer is to slow the fuck down and stop messaging her and inviting her so much and wait for her to chase back a bit and maybe try to plan something a bit further ahead.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 3:07 pm 
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I think the answer is to slow the fuck down and stop messaging her


The issue here is that while you may think you're innocently following up with her, it does come across as desperate and by the sound of it, overly aggressive.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 6:59 am 
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Back off and give her space. Let her initiate the next date. And start be a bit more busy. You need to reframe yourself as the prize not her. From what it sounds like she hooks up with dudes on a regular... Not trying to sound mean ,but understand if she was that easy to bag and is butt hurt about relationships, you're not the o my one within her radar. And if your trying to keep setting dates up and she is declining that's a sign of she feels she can have you whenever. And that's the last thing you want to convey.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 8:34 am 
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Nassander wrote:
she cancels day of cause she thinks her dinner before hand will go over time. I reply, all good no worries.


Good reply.


Quote:
Next day catch the train together to work


Eh. That's a relationship vibe the morning right after first sex. Awkward and a bit smothering.

Quote:
seems ok but when I put my arm around her she's not really holding my hand etc so a tad cold.


she wanted to be alone.

Quote:
That night I message her


Her coldness to your PDA on the train was a sign that she needed space. Right now, you're sending up red flags (to an experienced woman) that you're possibly a Stage Five clinger.

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doesn't reply to the next day and is short.


Woman likes her space. This was made clear to you on the train, and by her not replying to your text until the next day.


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I wait till Friday, ask her for another date the next wed


Why so formal? The girl is clearly into hooking up, and not much else.

You: "Hey, it's Netflix and drinks night over here. Come by when you're free."

Quote:
On Saturday I randomly got tickets to an event so I invited her



Jesus, man. you got a taste, and now you're like a little puppy with its tongue lolling. But you already set up a date for Wednesday. Makes it seem like you have few options.

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Tuesday night I message to confirm the next day


Never confirm dates. It's a fearful move. You are the prize. Act accordingly.

Quote:
I fucked up here a bit cause I should have said "still good for a dance tomorrow" but I was rambly and suggested a change to the date. Silence.



At this point, you already look a bit emotionally-uncentered. Right here, you have to stop or you risk looking unhinged.

Quote:
I message again later that night and my text was bad and along the lines of hey is everything ok I want to see you etc,



Jesus christ.

Quote:
then call but goes to vmail



holy shit, lol. Way too much, man.




Quote:
leave a simple hey still good for tomorrow message. Wed morning, "Yeah I was busy, sorry I can't go tonight"... Ok no worries.


Translation: "please fuck off for now."

Quote:
I leave it till Friday, invite her out that night but she has plans. She re-engages with texting and we back and forth about dancing and other stuff, which surprised me cause I thought it was for sure a flake at this point given how bad the texting was on wed. Since then I've sent one more message and again she replies the next day, weekend was good how was yours etc



Translation: "I own this motherfucker, I can make him dance. It gives me validation in-between fucking other guys. I'm loving this attention, but not him."




Quote:
I haven't replied to her last reply, after reading a thread about chasing I can see that I am chasing her way too much. I think the answer is to slow the fuck down and stop messaging her and inviting her so much and wait for her to chase back a bit and maybe try to plan something a bit further ahead.



Do NOTHING. See other women.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:27 am 
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Lol thx realise how it looks now, will Def take advice on board for next time and give more space.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:44 am 
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Not trying to sound mean ,but understand if she was that easy to bag and is butt hurt about relationships, you're not the o my one within her radar.
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