IDK WHAT TO DO : the girl I have been seeing has a boyfriend


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:28 pm 
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Hello everyone , this is my first post here because usually I just read and learn but now I really need advices from you guys . Here is the situation :

I'm 22 years old and I'm on a humanitarian trip with a group of 15 people I didn't really know before . The first day we got to know each other and I noticed this beautiful girl with an amazing body ( 8/10 ) , she was looking at me a lot . By the night , we were making out in a club . The next day I gave her some space , we don't see each other . The day after that when we talk she looks uncomfortable and ignore me a bit , I tried not to care . But on the night we made out again , in front of all of her friends .

Then during 2 weeks we had this rythm : we don't really talk during the day but we make out very hard on the night ( drunk or not ) . I have never experienced that before and i thought it was weird which I told her .

Then one night she told me that she has been seeing another guys for one month and a half , they are still texting but it's not very serious . She then told me that she felt uncomfortable cheating on this guy which explains her behavior during the day , knowing that all the group know the guy she was seeing .

One night , she told me that she doesn't want to kiss me anymore but we end up getting drunk and nearly have sex on the hood of a car .

When she told me that , I said ok do what you want , listen to your emotions , but I don't want to continue like that . Tomorrow we are gonna have a discussion about us .

What should I do ? I do like this girl , losing her wouldn't a big thing but I would like to keep seeing her when we come back home

Edit : I told her I don't give a fuck about this guy and wanted her to be honest with him

Thanks


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:42 pm 
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Ericksson wrote:
When she told me that , I said ok do what you want , listen to your emotions , but I don't want to continue like that . Tomorrow we are gonna have a discussion about us .

What should I do ? I do like this girl , losing her wouldn't a big thing but I would like to keep seeing her when we come back home

Edit : I told her I don't give a fuck about this guy and wanted her to be honest with him

Thanks


Please don't "have a discussion about us". There is no "you". Talking is what fucks these situations up. Know why? Because she herself told you it's not serious with the guy. But by having these pressuring conversations, you yourself make it serious. You make her believe it's serious. On many occasions a woman will tend to follow a man's lead. How you feel about a certain subject will to a degree influence how she feels about it.

Also why would you tell her to be honest with him? It's her life, her guy and her decision. Let her handle it however she sees fit.
Her boyfriend or whatever he is should be of no concern to you. At all.

Anyway, listen to her actions, not her words.
When she decided to kiss you she still had a guy, but didn't care.
She then felt uncomfortable, still didn't care much, and went forward.
Then you talked, and that made her want to back off. Yet she still went even further.
Her actions are clear. Her desires are also clear.
OP, you're in a situation where literally all you have to do is not talk yourself out of a sure thing.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 8:52 pm 
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What should I do ?


You should put your dick in her! Post haste!

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 9:06 pm 
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R.C wrote:
Please don't "have a discussion about us". There is no "you". Talking is what fucks these situations up. Know why? Because she herself told you it's not serious with the guy. But by having these pressuring conversations, you yourself make it serious. You make her believe it's serious. On many occasions a woman will tend to follow a man's lead. How you feel about a certain subject will to a degree influence how she feels about it.


Yes, this is what I call a "Debbie Downer" talk, and they can be deadly early on (for the man).


Quote:
Anyway, listen to her actions, not her words.


I follow this advice every day with women.


Quote:
When she decided to kiss you she still had a guy, but didn't care.
She then felt uncomfortable, still didn't care much, and went forward.
Then you talked, and that made her want to back off. Yet she still went even further.
Her actions are clear. Her desires are also clear.
OP, you're in a situation where literally all you have to do is not talk yourself out of a sure thing.
\


Yep. As always, 90% of the problems on this forum are emotionally-uncentered men talking women out of attraction.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 2:47 am 
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R.C wrote:
Ericksson wrote:
When she told me that , I said ok do what you want , listen to your emotions , but I don't want to continue like that . Tomorrow we are gonna have a discussion about us .

What should I do ? I do like this girl , losing her wouldn't a big thing but I would like to keep seeing her when we come back home

Edit : I told her I don't give a fuck about this guy and wanted her to be honest with him

Thanks


Please don't "have a discussion about us". There is no "you". Talking is what fucks these situations up. Know why? Because she herself told you it's not serious with the guy. But by having these pressuring conversations, you yourself make it serious. You make her believe it's serious.
.


Actually I didn't say "us" to her but I said "we may need to talk about what happened last night"



But I get the point , I make it more serious than it should be , maybe I 'll just say to her that we don't owe anything to each other ,she doesn't have a choice to make , let's just enjoy our trip



Thank you for the answers


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:05 am 
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Ericksson wrote:
Actually I didn't say "us" to her but I said "we may need to talk about what happened last night"

But I get the point , I make it more serious than it should be , maybe I 'll just say to her that we don't owe anything to each other ,she doesn't have a choice to make , let's just enjoy our trip

Thank you for the answers


Good man. Don't forget to update the topic with news. Your post will help others.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:57 pm 
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Kind of in a similar situation.

My advice is just don't overthink and mess it up. Be fun, cool and emotionally centered and it should all go well.

Out of curiosity do you just want to make her a FB or do you want to be with her?


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:45 am 
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Honestly I could date her , we really get along and she is very hot


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:59 am 
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UPDATE : real lesson learned here

So the day we were supposed to "talk" , we went to a restaurant with all the group , after that we took a walk just the two of us . We sat down in a small coffee , me just being cool and easy but she brought up the subject saying " there is not something we should talk about ?" And I replied exactly that thanks to all your advices " there is nothing to talk about , we don't owe anything to each other, let's not make the situation complicated , let's just enjoy the moment and then we will see" she said " ok that's cool that it's clear in your mind , but I'm still confused" ( because the other guy kept texting her) . Then we kept talking and leave but that night she refused to kiss me . I told her " Ok I understand and freeze out " and she was huging me ,kissing me in the neck , playing a bit but still we didn't made out . During the two next days I completely ignored her and then the next night we made out again , and then boom we end up having sex on a rooftop during a storm ( very cliche) , It was great .

I really learned something here : always be cool , don't overthink or talk too much about the situation and don't pay attention to what she says about "the other guy"

Well thank you all for the advices , you really help me on this !


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:56 am 
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Ericksson wrote:
UPDATE : real lesson learned here

So the day we were supposed to "talk" , we went to a restaurant with all the group , after that we took a walk just the two of us . We sat down in a small coffee , me just being cool and easy but she brought up the subject saying " there is not something we should talk about ?" And I replied exactly that thanks to all your advices " there is nothing to talk about , we don't owe anything to each other, let's not make the situation complicated , let's just enjoy the moment and then we will see" she said " ok that's cool that it's clear in your mind , but I'm still confused" ( because the other guy kept texting her) . Then we kept talking and leave but that night she refused to kiss me . I told her " Ok I understand and freeze out " and she was huging me ,kissing me in the neck , playing a bit but still we didn't made out . During the two next days I completely ignored her and then the next night we made out again , and then boom we end up having sex on a rooftop during a storm ( very cliche) , It was great .

I really learned something here : always be cool , don't overthink or talk too much about the situation and don't pay attention to what she says about "the other guy"

Well thank you all for the advices , you really help me on this !


YAS!

Good job.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:07 pm 
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Sounds like a growth moment. Good work, great new reference point for you moving forward.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 5:11 pm 
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Solid mindset

[quote="Ericksson"]UPDATE : real lesson learned here


I really learned something here: always be cool, don't overthink or talk too much about the situation and don't pay attention to what she says about "the other guy"
/quote]




Did someone learn and listen to the advice given? Wow, maybe there is hope on the forums after all. Nice to hear it worked out. Now bookmark your own post so if you ever have to deal with a situation like this again, you have yourself to reference.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:15 pm 
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UPDATE:
I left vietnam before her . We said good bye by kissing in front of everyone but didn't plan to see each other when we come back home . One day after I left she texted me asking how was my flight etc... Then we started chatting a little bit but she took one week to answer one of my text . She said she was sorry but she got busy and tired when she got home.

Ok no worries I waited 4 days before texting her again and she replied immediately .

Once I got back home, I waited a week before asking her out for a drink . She replied yes but next week , I said yes I let you know then .

The next week I got sick on monday , couldn't get out but I don't let her know that I won't be able to meet her I don't know why .
I saw her on sunday at one of my friend's place and whenever I wanted to talk to her she was putting an end to the conversation like "I can't really talk I'm watching TV right now "

Well she is obviously pissed at me for not letting her know about out date .

How would you turn those situation around guys ?

It would be ok of I have to let her go since I'm seeing another girl at the moment but I prefer not to honestly

Thanks


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:46 pm 
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The answer is the same as before. You let it go and don't take it as a big deal. If you feel you did something wrong you can appologize. Otherwise you act like nothing happened and keep going forward keeping things light and fun.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:42 pm 
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I know that's what I do but for example last night we went to a bar with a groupe of friends, I was beeing cool and easy but couldn't talk to her alone we were always surrounded by our friends so I wonder if I should text her to ask her out again or no , or call her .
I don't want to look needy. Even last night she was not like she used to be with me so I guess she is still pissed or not interested anymore .

Don't get me wrong I don't feel bad at all just if I can continue to see her I would otherwise I'll just move on


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