Did I lose my power in this relationship?



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:45 pm 
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Hi Guys

A was in a relationship a while back that ended (she finished) and although I am moving on, meeting girls etc, I want to know if I lost my power. I dont care about changing the past, but I dont want it happening with any new girls I meet.

I met a girl who had a very sweet side but seemed quite stubborn at times..
Now usually, I hold my frame quite well and i dont let girls round rings round me but we had one particular situation and I'd love to know if you would have done the same/something different..

We went out for a meal with two of my friends one night in another part of town. She is a bit obsessed with chocolate/desert and didnt want to order a main meal like the rest of us. Me and my mate persuaded her gently to have some proper food and then have desert later.

She saw the waiter at this restaurant (quite a fancy restaurant) carrying out a desert.. was a banana split.. and started tapping my leg in excitement saying oh wow.. i gotta have one of those. We all ended up sharing some other desert, ended the evening and went home.

Now she is from out of town (out of the country actually), but on the way home, she said 'we must go back there and try that desert i saw'. I said the place we had been is a bit far out but lets go somewhere nearer in the next day or so and have the same desert somewhere else. She said 'no, we gotta go back there'.. i tried to argue a bit and explain we didnt have to go back there, but she insisted in a way that i felt i had to give in.

The next night, we went back there and she had her dessert.

Now, there was no big fallout from the night and things were ok after, but I was very frustrated that I ended up giving in like that. I just want to know, would you guys have done the same?.. or was my response just giving away my power and leaving me destined from trouble?

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:40 pm 
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Is this a joke?

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:45 pm 
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Ok, so you are asking about a relationship that ended, and are concerned about this certain event affected your relationship, but you didn't even talk about how it ended...?


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:50 pm 
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masterm1ne wrote:
Ok, so you are asking about a relationship that ended, and are concerned about this certain event affected your relationship, but you didn't even talk about how it ended...?



Fair point. I had a pop at her about something over the phone weeks later when she was back in her country.
I apologised the same day but could feel she had gone cold. I had a go as she was doing the same obsessing thing about food and over text I told her to stop being an idiot.

we spoke on phone and she said she wouldnt be able to relocate. I pushed and asked if there was something more to it. I suspect there was and she wouldnt say.

Im fine about that relationship ending now, but I wonder to myself that if I am in a situation again where I give in to a girl's demand like that instead of going my way or setting a compromise, if it weakens my position in general and I lose attraction.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:10 am 
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Sounds like there were other issues, discounting the whole in another country problem... If you call a woman an idiot over the phone bc of food... sounds like there were other issues don't you agree?

From what you explained I don't think it ended because you 'lost power' in the way you think you did. If you really like someone, would you tell them "stop being an idiot" over a desert? Do you see how silly that is when I say it?


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:08 am 
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cunning_stunt wrote:
Hi Guys

A was in a relationship a while back that ended (she finished) and although I am moving on, meeting girls etc, I want to know if I lost my power. I dont care about changing the past, but I dont want it happening with any new girls I meet.


What's power?

cunning_stunt wrote:
I met a girl who had a very sweet side but seemed quite stubborn at times..
Now usually, I hold my frame quite well and i dont let girls round rings round me but we had one particular situation and I'd love to know if you would have done the same/something different..

We went out for a meal with two of my friends one night in another part of town. She is a bit obsessed with chocolate/desert and didnt want to order a main meal like the rest of us. Me and my mate persuaded her gently to have some proper food and then have desert later.

She saw the waiter at this restaurant (quite a fancy restaurant) carrying out a desert.. was a banana split.. and started tapping my leg in excitement saying oh wow.. i gotta have one of those. We all ended up sharing some other desert, ended the evening and went home.

Now she is from out of town (out of the country actually), but on the way home, she said 'we must go back there and try that desert i saw'. I said the place we had been is a bit far out but lets go somewhere nearer in the next day or so and have the same desert somewhere else. She said 'no, we gotta go back there'.. i tried to argue a bit and explain we didnt have to go back there, but she insisted in a way that i felt i had to give in.

The next night, we went back there and she had her dessert.

Now, there was no big fallout from the night and things were ok after, but I was very frustrated that I ended up giving in like that. I just want to know, would you guys have done the same?.. or was my response just giving away my power and leaving me destined from trouble?


Lol. Dude, you take yourself WAY too seriously. What the hell are you even talking about - giving in? Did you have critical business to attend to? Did you sacrifice half of your goats to be with her? What compromise did you make here?
She was overly excited for that specific desert. You didn't even tell us why this was an inconvenience for you. Because the place was at the other side of town?

I honestly don't understand. You're acting as if she forces you to change your way of life.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 2:07 pm 
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i tried to argue a bit and explain we didnt have to go back there, but she insisted in a way that i felt i had to give in.


You could have easily negotiated for anal.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 4:10 pm 
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cunning_stunt wrote:
Hi Guys

A was in a relationship a while back that ended (she finished) and although I am moving on, meeting girls etc, I want to know if I lost my power. I dont care about changing the past, but I dont want it happening with any new girls I meet.

I met a girl who had a very sweet side but seemed quite stubborn at times..
Now usually, I hold my frame quite well and i dont let girls round rings round me but we had one particular situation and I'd love to know if you would have done the same/something different..

Ego talking. Get over yourself.

We went out for a meal with two of my friends one night in another part of town. She is a bit obsessed with chocolate/desert and didnt want to order a main meal like the rest of us. Me and my mate persuaded her gently to have some proper food and then have desert later.

Ok?

She saw the waiter at this restaurant (quite a fancy restaurant) carrying out a desert.. was a banana split.. and started tapping my leg in excitement saying oh wow.. i gotta have one of those. We all ended up sharing some other desert, ended the evening and went home.

Now she is from out of town (out of the country actually), but on the way home, she said 'we must go back there and try that desert i saw'. I said the place we had been is a bit far out but lets go somewhere nearer in the next day or so and have the same desert somewhere else. She said 'no, we gotta go back there'.. i tried to argue a bit and explain we didnt have to go back there, but she insisted in a way that i felt i had to give in.

You chose to turn into a bitch, basically.

The next night, we went back there and she had her dessert.

Now, there was no big fallout from the night and things were ok after, but I was very frustrated that I ended up giving in like that. I just want to know, would you guys have done the same?.. or was my response just giving away my power and leaving me destined from trouble?
Talk about much ado about nothing. Are you a drama queen by any chance? Most girls loathe being around guys who act this way.



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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 4:25 pm 
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cunning_stunt wrote:
Hi Guys

A was in a relationship a while back that ended (she finished) and although I am moving on, meeting girls etc, I want to know if I lost my power. I dont care about changing the past, but I dont want it happening with any new girls I meet.

I met a girl who had a very sweet side but seemed quite stubborn at times..
Now usually, I hold my frame quite well and i dont let girls round rings round me but we had one particular situation and I'd love to know if you would have done the same/something different..

We went out for a meal with two of my friends one night in another part of town. She is a bit obsessed with chocolate/desert and didnt want to order a main meal like the rest of us. Me and my mate persuaded her gently to have some proper food and then have desert later.

She saw the waiter at this restaurant (quite a fancy restaurant) carrying out a desert.. was a banana split.. and started tapping my leg in excitement saying oh wow.. i gotta have one of those. We all ended up sharing some other desert, ended the evening and went home.

Now she is from out of town (out of the country actually), but on the way home, she said 'we must go back there and try that desert i saw'. I said the place we had been is a bit far out but lets go somewhere nearer in the next day or so and have the same desert somewhere else. She said 'no, we gotta go back there'.. i tried to argue a bit and explain we didnt have to go back there, but she insisted in a way that i felt i had to give in.

The next night, we went back there and she had her dessert.

Now, there was no big fallout from the night and things were ok after, but I was very frustrated that I ended up giving in like that. I just want to know, would you guys have done the same?.. or was my response just giving away my power and leaving me destined from trouble?



Men looking for problems when there aren't any, and obsessing over things women probably still aren't even thinking about = neurotic.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:04 pm 
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Yes you did lost power by giving her the dessert at the other side of the town, a confident strong man who is the boss in the relationship would tell her its ridiculous to go all the way back for a fucking desert and she would understand if she respects you, clearly you made mistakes before the desert incident as otherwise she would not go cold like that.

What ive learned, in the beginning of the relationship is you set the boundaries early on. I have a friend of mine who has a girlfriend who really really likes sushi, he is the typical nice guy and don't have a lot of money now because of car problems and rent to pay, however she will get mad/frustrated with him if they don't order sushi 3 times a week ( he always need to pay... although he refuses a bit always ends up paying) confident men who are in control laugh about this but its a reality for many men and i am sure your one of them, the guy who let the girl take control so she is not mad/frustrated.

You know what she does when we go out, flirt with guys, tell him his dick is small as a joke but still, in short completely walks all over him but this is not her fault, its his for letting a person treating him this way.

When a person, friend or gf or anyone wants something and you don't for obvious reasons (no money, long drive for a desert) you tell them and if they go grumpy or whatever stand your ground and not give in because when you do they will keep pushing you until you fall and lose all your self respect. Become the guy with options so people give you respect and will treat you with respect.

Just found this: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/do ... nd.184662/ Read it through a couple of times and LEARN from it, this is exactly what happens to relationships ending!

Lesson learned i hope

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:15 am 
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Furiox wrote:
Yes you did lost power by giving her the dessert at the other side of the town, a confident strong man who is the boss in the relationship would tell her its ridiculous to go all the way back for a fucking desert and she would understand if she respects you, clearly you made mistakes before the desert incident as otherwise she would not go cold like that.


I'm sorry, but this is stupid. It's just as stupid as you having a favorite beer served at the other side of town and having your confident strong girlfriend tell you it's ridiculous to go there for a fucking beer. Go drink the piss water we have at the local pub.

What the hell man? You're talking about a girlfriend. Stop treating your women like competition. You're supposed to be a team.

Furiox wrote:
What ive learned, in the beginning of the relationship is you set the boundaries early on. I have a friend of mine who has a girlfriend who really really likes sushi, he is the typical nice guy and don't have a lot of money now because of car problems and rent to pay, however she will get mad/frustrated with him if they don't order sushi 3 times a week ( he always need to pay... although he refuses a bit always ends up paying) confident men who are in control laugh about this but its a reality for many men and i am sure your one of them, the guy who let the girl take control so she is not mad/frustrated.
You know what she does when we go out, flirt with guys, tell him his dick is small as a joke but still, in short completely walks all over him but this is not her fault, its his for letting a person treating him this way.

That has nothing to do with setting boundaries. A boundary is "I hate dating insecure women who feel the need to go through my phone". And if she's the type, you don't date her.
However when a woman walks all over you that's not an issue of setting boundaries, it's an issue of you being willing to endure just about anything for an occasional piece of ass.


Furiox wrote:
When a person, friend or gf or anyone wants something and you don't for obvious reasons (no money, long drive for a desert) you tell them and if they go grumpy or whatever stand your ground and not give in because when you do they will keep pushing you until you fall and lose all your self respect. Become the guy with options so people give you respect and will treat you with respect.

Just found this: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/do ... nd.184662/ Read it through a couple of times and LEARN from it, this is exactly what happens to relationships ending!

Lesson learned i hope


IT'S A DESERT. Jesus Christ, be normal. If you don't feel like it then tell her to go alone or that you'll go some other time, but this does not need to become a matter of standing your ground. You make it sound as if you're trying so hard to be the "man" of the relationship simply because you're not particularly in the mood for something.
And it's fine to not be, but that doesn't mean your girl needs to blindly obey your every command because it makes you feel more of a man.

Balance. Use it.

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