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Pretty sure this is the relationship, not dating part of the forum. Too many replies focus on the poster's dick. Maybe it's different where you are but if I want to date someone I want to get to know them a little and decide if further down the line, if things continue to go well, that I would want to spend my time with them. I actually had this conversation with my girlfriend last night about a mutual friend and who she was dating...
"I thought her and X were dating?"
"no, they were just Netflix and chilling until Y came along and took her out"
Hearing how girls at work talk about guys, the Netflix and Chillers all fall into the fuckboy category and don't last long. The ones who fuck the girl properly and go on proper dates too, almost always win in the long term.
Women are very easily influenced by their friends and their opinions and usually involve their friends in conversations about their dating. Most women would tell their friend not to go on a first date with a guy at his house, however much she wants to fuck him. Remember too how easy it is for a woman to get sex, they want more than that these days.
As much as it is arbitrary bullshit like The Game, reading the female equivalent The Rules, is helpful in understanding dating from a Woman's perspective.
Different expectation set for Guy X and Guy Y.
Guy X was strictly sexual, whether or not she at some point early on wanted him to lead the relationship into something beyond that, who knows.
Guy Y offered a potential future.
Either way the pretence to a relationship is building safety and trust, which stoke the connection flame. If those aren't in place the connection will always have a on/off quality to it, breed insecurity and a potentially toxic relationship moving forward. But I digress a bit.
As for women's friends dictating who she fucks, that's a bunch of bs. Our brains are hardwired to avoid punishment, and seek-out pleasure. If she's horny for some guy it matters not what her girlfriends think, in fact it makes it even more risqué and ramps-up the excitement doing to the contrary.
Just because its EASY for a girl to get sex, doesn't mean her options are always enticing enough to act.
Just like you may not understand why she has sex with the lesser attractive guy, but for whatever reason he has that je ne sais quoi quality she finds completely irresistible.
You're having a logic-driven/rational conversation with your gf, and the odds are she couldn't even tell you what she truly finds attractive. Women's sexual drives are primarily emotionally driven. If walking around with stacks of money, or university degrees hit those buttons, more guys would be getting laid but we know that's not the case.
Other than the last paragraph, I agree with you on the majority. Trust and safety are as important as sex in a relationship, to a woman. Me and my girlfriend were having a conversation about a MUTUAL FRIEND because she had been with 3 guys we know over a short period of time and ended up in a relationship with one. I was trying to work out the timeline. A girl will fuck whoever she wants to fuck, true, but when it comes down to relationship values, no girl wants to be in a relationship with someone that can't integrate with the important people in their lives
With respect to building connection, trust and safety are everything. You can still take those aways an extremely tumultuous roller-coaster of a ride relationship imbued with a borderline obsessive quality. Often people refer to this as "lust".
Ask most guys here about how you build a healthy relationship. You won't hear much beyond 'give her beyond normal sex' mantra. It'll be like putting your ear up to a conch shell and hearing the distant fading echo of the air passing through. Most women's views are no better. Human sexuality and coupling is a complex thing which we often try to over simplify on forums like this.
"No girls want to be in a relationship with someone that can't integrate with the important people in their lives"
Funny thing. In the last 2 weeks 3 very different women sought-out my counselling services, and guess what is one of the common undercurrents between them? Getting into relationships with guys who have completely different values, for the most part. They will tell you that "I knew from the getgo we were just wrong together, but I jumped in anyway".
Sure, that's a pretty small sample size. But I can tell you both by personal accounts of female friends and acquaintances and in my clinical practice as a relationship therapist that a considerable amount of women choose to be in relationships with guys who have very different, and often conflicting values.
This is how co-dependency develops. And men are equally as vulnerable to fall into this pattern EVEN if they are secure to begin with. You meet that someone, fireworks go off/you have that initial spark, the euphoria sets in and at that point you will make a conscious effort to ignore or backward rationalize away things he/she does that are out-of-line with your values.
Its an insidious thing and happens over time at a varying pace. Over time you've given your entire sense of self to the relationship. When the conflict occurs you put your fix-it cap on (if you're a Pursuer, u'll do the initiating, if you're a withdrawer u'll pull away and possibly reach-out to your partner with an benign comment or question to have them engage). Your life goes up and down based on your perception of where the relationship is at at any particular moment - no security, no trust only feelings of insecurity and two people perpetually validation seeking wanting reassurance.
Her friends tell her you two weren't a good match from the beginning, that she can do better, that she needs to get out yet she doesn't. At least not until the consequences become too dire (this too is how abusive patterns occur).
Anyway I m not going to go on, my point is that the woman you and your gf describe is logic driven. Women make decisions all the time that are out-of-line with their values and or beliefs. We are human, we're animals at the end of the day and when you look at something from the outside in you often miss a lot of the picture, especially when you're trying to make sense out of it from a purely rational point of view.