Aloofness



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 Post subject: Aloofness
PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 6:36 pm 
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I think it's about time we have some new content on this forum (I know right.)

Aloofness is not new, but it's rarely discussed.

What is it?

Well the dictionary says;

a·loof

adjective: aloof
not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant."they were courteous but faintly aloof"

synonyms: distant, detached, unfriendly, antisocial, unsociable, avoidance, remote, unapproachable, formal, stiff, withdrawn, reserved, un-forthcoming, uncommunicative, unsympathetic; informal-standoffish
"part of their strategy is to remain aloof during the first stages of negotiation"

Displaying aloofness to a girl is going to turn her on more than pretty much anything.

This forum is always pounding into your thick sculls. BE A CHALLENGE! What greater challenge than trying to unlock the secrets of a cold distant heart?

Aloofness is a fine line. See when trying/not trying to seduce a woman, you are appealing to her inner needs, and one of her strongest inner needs is ATTENTION. It's like heroin. They fucking NEED attention. They crave it.

So, if you're not giving it to them, they try harder to get what they crave.

Give them too little though, and they'll just get pissed off, think you're a social fucktard, and move on to more prevalent attention givers.

So how do you dole out tiny crumbs of attention, leaving them wanting more?

This is done when a girl says or does something flirty for your attention, you give her reverse-attention (I put that in bold because I just made it up.) You say something that appears to brush her off or be ignorant of her advances.

Example;

Pretend not to notice her until she comes over and starts a conversation with you.

Her: "Do you have a girlfriend?"

You: "What do I need a girlfriend for?"

Then, respond to her attempts at banter with short, quick answers, as though you have somewhere more important to be, and you’re doing her a favor by talking to her.

Basically act as though you have the social graces of a five-year-old.

I'll think of more, but it gets the ball rolling.

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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 4:26 am 
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Heywood, from how I see your post, you are basically advocating here to condition a girl not to show interest in you. You're partially on to something in my opinion, but the idea of punishing good behavior will result in that good behavior ceasing to be displayed.

I think a more effective way to think about it, is how can you frame reality for yourself in a way that makes you not feel desperate for attention or sex, or validation yourself, while simultaneously not feeling a compulsion to win or lose an interaction as if a girl is some sort of objective prize to be won by behaving in a certain manner as a means to an end.

You have to be able to self identify when you are falling into that type of framework and try to maintain a focus outside of this to allow for yourself to be more appealing to relate with. Giving someone you barely know too much attention is suffocating, and it reeks of desperation for a connection which projects a social identity for yourself that implies you are of low importance on the social ladder. You have to be fully willing to let go of the outcome, this doesn't mean don't try to get laid, it means at the first hint of bad behavior or rejection, you just move on and stop trying and don't give it thought negatively or positively, just literal indifference to the outcome.

Purposefully attempting to be aloof, often leads down this same road as trying to give attention, it ignores the real issue and continues down that same desperate frame work, which ultimately leads men to behave irrationally and come off weird or desperate because they are trying to behave in a certain way out of desperation to succeed in a type of game where the woman is an object that is the prize at the end of the game. This type of thinking creates a compartmentalization where your mind will weigh risk vs benefit of winning or losing, this makes you hyper sensitive to negative or positive feedback, which in turn can make you less proactive, more insecure and more prone to abstaining from stimulus that has negatively conditioned you or over acting in behavior you have perceived validates you. This type of thinking is the road to failure and giving up unless your belief structures and theories are quickly proved valid, at that point you can become addicted to validation and ground your own self worth in the type of validation you have received, also not a good road to go down, it turns dating and romance into a chore where you're just acting to win a prize, instead of allowing you to genuinely connect with someone and view them simply as a welcome addition to your life that you could be or be without at any time.

In my opinion what you ought to be attempting to achieve, is focus outside of women, with an approach or an interaction being an added bonus to your life. A new relationship you would like to add and investigate, but are completely indifferent to the idea if it is not completely viable. You should be trying to talk to girls that interest you, fully grounded in the fact that they interest you and unashamed about that, but simultaneously willing to just simply walk away at any time if you don't like the viability.

This leads to situations where you don't come off as desperate because you simply are not desperate and are ACTUALLY thinking this way, not as a ''tactic'' to win a game, but because you are actually indifferent for real and don't actually care about the outcome but DO care that you at least TRY to communicate your romantic sentiment towards the people you are romantically interested in. This can create situations where the space is created to allow for connection that would have otherwise been killed or devalued by desperation/neediness.


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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 5:57 pm 
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Basically, treat her like you would treat a gay guy coming on to you. If you're straight that is...


or

treat her like how you treat women you aren't into.

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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 6:28 pm 
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pumpington wrote:
Heywood, from how I see your post, you are basically advocating here to condition a girl not to show interest in you. You're partially on to something in my opinion, but the idea of punishing good behavior will result in that good behavior ceasing to be displayed.



Pump,

My intention here was to get through to guys that deep down, believe they are completely socially fucktarded. And to a degree they are. The problem is they are so shitty at meeting women, so they basically give up. So they become inherently naturally outcome independent, causing a DILLIGAF withdrawn aloofness.

Here's the thing. The girl doesn't know he's socially fucktarded, all she can feel is the aloofness (lack of attention) he's projecting. Her senses become aroused, because of this lack, as her panties dampen, she starts to send out her invitation signals she always sends. Captain Aloofington is clueless to them, unless he reads this, so he does what he usually does.....nothing.

Captain Aloofington needs to recognize them and react in a manner that she was 1st attracted to and amplify.

It's hard for the socially aware that immediately pick up on these signals, to see when these poor guys are missing them till it's to late. Have you ever said similar to "Damn Bro that chick was all over you, and you didn't do shit about it!

But by reading what we talk about here give a jumping off point, where he might begin to see for himself....

I mean we suggest a million things that work for us over and over, but in the end we aren't bothered by them not getting laid.

More poon for us....

The simplest advice to picking up women, is to not do what all of these unsuccessful guys do.

9 dudes approach a girl sitting in a booth at a club and try to open her, she turns them all away, the tenth and socially autistic Captain Alloofington approaches her, asks her to stand, and retrieves his jacket she was sitting on, and walks away. Who's she wondering about?.....

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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 3:05 pm 
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I really like the idea of aloofness, but your examples are not ideal for people learning
Quote:
Pretend not to notice her until she comes over and starts a conversation with you.

How many times can that be repeated or controlled consciously?
Quote:
asks her to stand, and retrieves his jacket she was sitting on, and walks away.

How we gonna slip our jackets under each target :lol:

I'd like to hear more about aloofness as that is definitely an excellent frame to have when interacting with women and getting them to desire you more, but yea some better examples for the people learning would be great.


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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:45 pm 
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CobraKaiDojo wrote:
I really like the idea of aloofness, but your examples are not ideal for people learning
Quote:
Pretend not to notice her until she comes over and starts a conversation with you.

How many times can that be repeated or controlled consciously?
Quote:
asks her to stand, and retrieves his jacket she was sitting on, and walks away.

How we gonna slip our jackets under each target :lol:

I'd like to hear more about aloofness as that is definitely an excellent frame to have when interacting with women and getting them to desire you more, but yea some better examples for the people learning would be great.


Yeah we do need more examples. that's why I started the thread... LOL

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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:28 pm 
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Ok perfect example is what i am dealing with.

I am in a total new enviornment. It's dominated by females. I am about the 5th straight guy, all other males are gay. Compared to all the other straight males, i am more aloof than all others. i pretty much chill and do my job all day and only speak to these girls when it is needed. Of course i would do the usual greet and "how is your day going," just out of professional kindness. But other than that, i don't try to pursue them like all the other straight guys.

during our breaks, its the same, im chilling and hanging out with the crowd but i do very little talking. I'll jump in here & there to tell a lil DHV story or to give my opinion on some topics especially when the girls start talking about dating & relationships. But other than that, i offer them little info about me and because of this they are always intrigued to know more and would question me deeper once i join a convo. Often at times they even open me up with kino (brushing against me while passing, rubbing on my biceps when we say hi to each other)

The other guys, they don't get these type of reactions from the girls. They make themselves to availible and are too open, always chasing the girls.

Recently there was a discussion between us guys about two of the girls. The two girls are like a 8,can be borderline 9. Latinas, lets call them a & b... they also have that latina sassy attitude. The talk between us guys was that these 2 girls are tough to game because of their attitudes. But in reality their attitudes are just bitch shields.
These guys are clueless that they are being shit tested and fail everytime.
I on the other hand keep my cool anytime these girls try to give me shit. One time latina a is giving the guys some of her sassy attitude and i told Her to hush because she couldn't handle me. She got puzzled and wanted to know what i ment by that. Once again my aloofness kicked in. I just smirked and walked away. Couple days pass by and she bumps me on purpose. I looked at her and asked if she likes her hair being pulled, once again she gave me that puzzled look and asked why. I kindly smirked and gave a tug on her hair. She called me an asshole and said she hates me. I walked away without saying a word and she followed. I looked back amd called her a creep for following me. She laughed and said i wasnt normal and of course wat did i do, agreed and amplified. Told her it sounds like she never met a man like me and walked away.

One day i was looking for a scissors. Latina B asks me what im looking for. I looked up said hi but didnt respomd to her question. She comes closer and is now pretty much rubbing her ass against mine and she asks again. This time i decide to flirt with her and tell her im looking for the key to her heart.

Im on my mobile so its hard to type so much but from those scenarios, hopefully you can see how my aloofness is causing these latinas to drop their bitch shields a little and pursue me in a way. Where as the other guys are more aggressive and causing the latinas to create walls around themselves.


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 Post subject: Re: Aloofness
PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:53 am 
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Darkie, I hope you are closing those latinas!

Anyway, aloof is situational and is not always needed. Generally when a women starts giving mixed signals, you show her some aloofness. It keeps her guessing, the same way you are guessing about her. It's part of push pull.

Another good time to do it is early on before the first date. Build attraction and everything, but then let her hang on it while you seem suddenly detached and unconcerned with developing things further. Too often guys show intent at this early stage and represent themselves as needy and trying hard to make things happen.

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