Very protective sister+unsuccessful wingman ruined my



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PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:41 pm 
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Hey guys, I need your help,
so yesterday I went to a bar with my friend. I noticed 2 beautiful mexican ladies(later I found out that they were sisters) and let my buddy know that I'm gonna approach them. So I approached them and started talking to them, everything was going pretty well, then my friend joined us. He was trying to talk to one sister, and I was talking to the other one. Everything generally was going well, although I felt like the other sister is not interested in my friend. And she was trying to jump into my conversation with her sister. Anyway my girl(lets call her like that) added me on snapchat and we shared our numbers, (she put even her last name in my phone :D ). So anyway before we said goodbye to each other, I said something like I would really love to see her again, I would really want to take her out to some place and blahblahblah. And I said Im not playing, I would really want to know her more.
Then I was standing in front of restroom waiting for my friend and they were passing by, I kinda started talking to her again and we hugged each other. Then we said goodbye and were about to leave.
Then me and my friend got out of the bar and we were walking while suddenly I noticed those 2 girls walking and some african-american dude trying to hit on them. So I rushed to them trying to show that they are with me and was hugging her. Exact dialogue:
Dude: You're with her?
Me: -Yeah, she is with me
She: -He is with me *almost at the same time*
Dude:-What do you mean "with you"? Thats not a kind of response I expect
Me: -What kind of response you expect?? *in angry way*
The girl: We're dating
Me: We're dating

And then he was like "oh, okay sorry bro, I got it wrong blahblah" anyway he left. And me, my friend, and those 2 girls were walking holding hands to the parking lot trying to find their car. Anyway we got in the car, my girl asked where I live and I answered, guess what? her sister lives right by the building I live! and my girl was gonna stay at her sister's place because she lives very far from the town, but on weekends she comes to hangout with her sister. So anyway we were walking and talking, and I had pretty good conversation with my girl, and I said again I would want to take her out sometime. And we started talking about what kind of food we like, where she would like to go on our first date. So anyway we reached parking lot, we got in a car, we reached home, my friend got out of the car with his girl, but again I noticed that they were not even holding hands, she was not really interested. But my girl waited until they went away, we started making out leaning on the car trunk and her sister called us to come over. Anyway we sitted by the apartment on the bench, talked like for 15 mins and then we went to our apartments, I mean separately.
I'm not bragging or anything, but I feel like my girl was really interested in me, she wasnt very drunk, she was the one who was driving the car, everything was pretty good, but the fact that her sister was kind of feeling annoyed by my friend, made her sister to be protective about my girl, she even said something like "be easy" or "take it easy" to me and her sister, while we were hugging and making out. I think she meant like stop taking it too fast, try to behave and stuff.
Anyway, she sent me a snap like an hour later when I reached home, saying good night with her picture. The next day in the morning she sent me a picture taken by her sisters friend yesterday at the bar, I was accidentally captured on that picture:) It was before I approached them. I said something like "lol who took it and stuff" and then I also said I was serious yesterday when I said that I would love to take her out some day, hopefully next weekend, if she doesnt mind, and I said no rush, no pressure, take your time and let me know. She said that she will, and she also said that she will be in the town the next weekend as well. And I replied saying great, and I also said something like "dont hesitate to snap/text/call me whenever you want, we can talk about whatever you want, I want to know you more". Later I send her short message asking if she safely got back home(which is in the other town, 3 hrs of driving), She replied very late, like 3-4 hrs later saying that no, she's waiting for her mom, because she's also gonna come over and they will leave together. And I replied saying "thats nice, how is yr day going so far". She hasnt replied yet.

So, that's the end of the story:)

Now, tell me whatever you think, more important, tell me what to do to win her:) I personally feel like she was interested, but I'm not sure what her sister told her, I feel like she's trying to make her sister change her mind. Meanwhile, my friend texted to his girl, something very short saying "it was nice to meet you and stuff" but she didnt reply.


P.S I'm really sorry for too many punctuation and grammar mistakes:)


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 9:36 am 
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Quote:
and then I also said I was serious yesterday when I said that I would love to take her out some day, hopefully next weekend, if she doesnt mind, and I said no rush, no pressure, take your time and let me know. She said that she will, and she also said that she will be in the town the next weekend as well. And I replied saying great, and I also said something like "dont hesitate to snap/text/call me whenever you want, we can talk about whatever you want, I want to know you more".


Look at the bolded sentences and understand this: Neither your wingman nor her sister were the reason why you didnt go any further with this girl. You made out with her once and directly jumped into boyfriend mode and started tossing her salad. There is no excitement in that for any girl. To make matters even worse, you left the initiative to her to get in touch with you. They rarely do.

I hope it has worked out for you and that you're back on track with this girl. If it hasn't, these are some of the things to keep in mind.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 2:31 pm 
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SGC_Dame wrote:
Quote:
and then I also said I was serious yesterday when I said that I would love to take her out some day, hopefully next weekend, if she doesnt mind, and I said no rush, no pressure, take your time and let me know. She said that she will, and she also said that she will be in the town the next weekend as well. And I replied saying great, and I also said something like "dont hesitate to snap/text/call me whenever you want, we can talk about whatever you want, I want to know you more".


Look at the bolded sentences and understand this: Neither your wingman nor her sister were the reason why you didnt go any further with this girl. You made out with her once and directly jumped into boyfriend mode and started tossing her salad. There is no excitement in that for any girl. To make matters even worse, you left the initiative to her to get in touch with you. They rarely do.

I hope it has worked out for you and that you're back on track with this girl. If it hasn't, these are some of the things to keep in mind.


Okay here is

UPDATE: before she left we met, we went to coffee place, talked about different stuff. Now, generally evertything was good, but I did 2 things wrong, which I really really regret about :( First of all, while we were sitting on the couch and talking, at some point, there was good time for a kiss, so I was going to kiss her, but she kinda laughed and closed her face with her palms, saying "you're making me shy". And I said "oh I'm so sorry, I made you uncomfortable". And then we were saying goodbye to each other, when I was saying stuff like "I'm looking forward to see you again", I completely accidentally not intentionally, messed up with the words because of anxiety and because English is not my first language, said "and I would want...to have... things...um.. have..um... relationship with you" And her facial expression changed, it was like she was in thinking process and she said "um...." and I said "okay wait um..." and we kinda spoke at the same time
me: "sorry I chose the wrong words...umm"
she:"we're gonna take things slowly"
me:"..I meant ummm I meant different..um" and said something like "like to hang out more" (not sure what exactly I said)
she: "like you would want to see me again?"
me:"yes, exactly!"

After that, I also apologized in a text message, saying that when I'm nervous, I mess up the words and stuff, and said that but I guess she got what I meant adding emoji. And she replied saying something like"lol I'm glad we have things in common" and some other not important stuff, not sure what that is supposed to mean. And since it was raining and she was supposed to drive 3-4 hours, before she left I said "stay safe" and stuff and "text me when you get back home". She said that she will, but she didnt. But I must say it was really late, so she might also fell asleep, anyway, I know I messed up a lot of things.

In any case, right now there is no message or snap from her, I think I can't do anything, I already ruined it :( I'll just wait and see if anything happens and will let you know guys.

I'm not usually nervous when I go to a date (maybe because I didnt really like my previous dates lol), but with her I dont know, why I was really nervous, but she also got sometimes nervous even before I even tried to kiss her.

Anyway, I might have ruined it, but anyone reading this could learn from my experience and avoid my mistakes.

Some stuff that I'd like to add, I know it probably doesnt matter but still:
1)we went upstairs while were at that coffee place, they offer some free tango classes there, she suggested that we could attend this together and I said that yeah I dont mind.
2) also she kinda asked me what I plan to do for 4th of july, and said "one of my friends is holding some event and bla-bla-bla but since the place is pretty I dont really wanna go and said if she'll be around we could hang out at downtown", she said yeah, she'll see, she's not sure if she'll be here on 4th of july.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 2:45 pm 
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Ok, bro, two things:

1. Stop apologizing to women for being a man
2. Stop second-guessing yourself.

You let this cool off for two or three days and then simply hit her up again. No harm done. Judging by your messages, she enjoyed your somewhat goofy company.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 4:09 pm 
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So this girl was making out with you outside the bar and you kept offering to take her out sometime? Why didn't you invite her over right there and then so you could push the intimacy forward instead of offering a date that may or may not have happened and you would have had to start the escalation all over again?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:08 pm 
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Blame is just a cover for your deep subconscious fear of actually sealing the deal. You seem like you might be someone who has never had sex, or has not had a lot of sex, or someone in between. Fear is getting in the way of you having a healthy sex life, that's your major problem.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:59 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Blame is just a cover for your deep subconscious fear of actually sealing the deal. You seem like you might be someone who has never had sex, or has not had a lot of sex, or someone in between. Fear is getting in the way of you having a healthy sex life, that's your major problem.

What do you mean? I didnt quite get you. Like you're saying I should have pushed for sex?
Actually, when we were making out, I asked if she wants to get into the car, we were standing right by our apartments(we live at the same place, I mean she lives in a different town, but her sister lives at the same place I live, but she visits her every weekend), but she said no. Later when we were sitting on the bench by the apartment. She said she has to go, she has to wake up early, I asked if I can come with her, she said no again. I think it was not even technically possible, her sister has roommates, I mean she has just 1 personal bedroom, not sure how would that work, I meam technically there was no space for that lol especially considering that my friend also was with us, although he was getting rejected lol.
And secondly, I had pretty good number of one night stands, and I was not afraid of sealing the deal, the thing is I was not aiming for sex, I felt like she is not that kind of girl who does one night stand thing. That's the thing I was kinda afraid that ifI push harder I may get rejected the next day, so I showed that I respect boundaries and I'm not horny creepy guy.
And actually the next day I saw completely different girl, I mean she was very shy in comparison to what she was when she was kinda tipsy. No, I'm pretty sure she was not drunk that night, because she was driving, but she was tipsy.
Anyway, when it comes to me, I want to date her not because of sex, I just liked her and just wanted to know her more. Its not like I was looking for one night stand or something like that


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 6:03 pm 
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qwarck wrote:
Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Blame is just a cover for your deep subconscious fear of actually sealing the deal. You seem like you might be someone who has never had sex, or has not had a lot of sex, or someone in between. Fear is getting in the way of you having a healthy sex life, that's your major problem.

What do you mean? I didnt quite get you. Like you're saying I should have pushed for sex?
Actually, when we were making out, I asked if she wants to get into the car, we were standing right by our apartments(we live at the same place, I mean she lives in a different town, but her sister lives at the same place I live, but she visits her every weekend), but she said no. Later when we were sitting on the bench by the apartment. She said she has to go, she has to wake up early, I asked if I can come with her, she said no again. I think it was not even technically possible, her sister has roommates, I mean she has just 1 personal bedroom, not sure how would that work, I meam technically there was no space for that lol especially considering that my friend also was with us, although he was getting rejected lol.
And secondly, I had pretty good number of one night stands, and I was not afraid of sealing the deal, the thing is I was not aiming for sex, I felt like she is not that kind of girl who does one night stand thing. That's the thing I was kinda afraid that ifI push harder I may get rejected the next day, so I showed that I respect boundaries and I'm not horny creepy guy.
And actually the next day I saw completely different girl, I mean she was very shy in comparison to what she was when she was kinda tipsy. No, I'm pretty sure she was not drunk that night, because she was driving, but she was tipsy.
Anyway, when it comes to me, I want to date her not because of sex, I just liked her and just wanted to know her more. Its not like I was looking for one night stand or something like that


This man is in for some huge disappointments when it comes to women.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 6:47 pm 
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qwarck wrote:
Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Blame is just a cover for your deep subconscious fear of actually sealing the deal. You seem like you might be someone who has never had sex, or has not had a lot of sex, or someone in between. Fear is getting in the way of you having a healthy sex life, that's your major problem.

What do you mean? I didnt quite get you. Like you're saying I should have pushed for sex?
Actually, when we were making out, I asked if she wants to get into the car, we were standing right by our apartments(we live at the same place, I mean she lives in a different town, but her sister lives at the same place I live, but she visits her every weekend), but she said no. Later when we were sitting on the bench by the apartment. She said she has to go, she has to wake up early, I asked if I can come with her, she said no again. I think it was not even technically possible, her sister has roommates, I mean she has just 1 personal bedroom, not sure how would that work, I meam technically there was no space for that lol especially considering that my friend also was with us, although he was getting rejected lol.
And secondly, I had pretty good number of one night stands, and I was not afraid of sealing the deal, the thing is I was not aiming for sex, I felt like she is not that kind of girl who does one night stand thing. That's the thing I was kinda afraid that ifI push harder I may get rejected the next day, so I showed that I respect boundaries and I'm not horny creepy guy.
And actually the next day I saw completely different girl, I mean she was very shy in comparison to what she was when she was kinda tipsy. No, I'm pretty sure she was not drunk that night, because she was driving, but she was tipsy.
Anyway, when it comes to me, I want to date her not because of sex, I just liked her and just wanted to know her more. Its not like I was looking for one night stand or something like that

One thing that really confuses me about some of you guys is that you create this mentality that if you have sex with a woman before you "know her more" then you won't be able to get to know her after that. It's not a requirement and I'd argue that it slows things down when it comes to getting to know the real version of her and not what she wants you to believe her to be.

Second, shut that noise of "horny, creepy guy." You are obviously sexually attracted to this woman and there is nothing creepy about that. Women like to be sexually attractive and that's why they go through so much to be presentable to men at bars and clubs.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 7:46 am 
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OP, you've got quite a bit to learn.

qwarck wrote:
I was kinda afraid that ifI push harder I may get rejected the next day, so I showed that I respect boundaries and I'm not horny creepy guy.


You're coming from a place that implies women have to be convinced to have sex. OP, they like sex more than we do. Get rid of that self imposed obstacle of yours.

And secondly, what the hell is up with all this asking? What are you actually asking?

"Hey, do you want to go in the car?"
"Hey, do you want to come over?"
"Hey, can I come over?"

Stop the damn asking. Lead. Grab her hand, say "Let's go" and take her wherever you intend to. If she wants to follow you, she will. If not, she won't. But show intent. Show courage. You're a man, not a boy. Stop asking for permission.

qwarck wrote:
Anyway, when it comes to me, I want to date her not because of sex, I just liked her and just wanted to know her more. Its not like I was looking for one night stand or something like that


This is a flawed concept. First of all, you don't realistically even know her. You like her, I get it, but what the hell is this trend of associating the timeframe in which sex happens with how seriously you take her?
If I'm into someone I want to have sex with them. It's that simple. Postponing it does nothing. Actually, scratch that. It does do something. It interferes with the natural evolution of our relationship, it kills sexual tension and it causes awkward stalemates.

Two people can become comfortable enough with eachother to have sex within one or five dates. That doesn't make it either a relationship nor a one night stand.

Stop the preconceived notions.

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