Told a girl how I feel, what should my next steps be?



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PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 9:45 pm 
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So I'm a filmmaker and I met an actress to work with. We shoot a project together one day and then suddenly, we're spending every single day together.

She's helping me with projects, I'm helping her. She writes a short film where it requires her and I to be alone in a room together for several hours. We had a blast.

Back at her place, she cooks me dinner, we watch shows on her couch. I finally take her out to see a movie in a theater that I knew she wanted to see. Dinner and a movie. She's cold, I give her my jacket.

She takes me to a Buddhist thing she's interested in. Then we go out to a restaurant again. Always having great conversation and fun.

At this point, I've known her a week in person. I tell her I like her/have feelings for her while on a walk late at night and she tells me she likes me, but she just got out of a relationship and is trying to learn to be happy on her own for a while and not rely on others just because she's lonely. She also says that she doesn't know me all that well yet, but she's been really enjoying spending time with me. Later she also sorta mentions that she wants a guy that would be able to pick her up (and then I jokingly picked her up to prove I can do it).

I really like this girl and want to have a relationship with her. Should I keep working with her on professional projects? Keep trying to take her out on "dates"? Take it easy and not see her as much? Not sure what the best way to proceed is. I'm seeing her tonight to work on some editing together. I imagine we'll also probably watch a movie and eat some dinner together.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 6:53 am 
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So I've been reading more on pickup techniques and I think I understand where I went wrong.

I basically skipped the attraction phase and went straight to comfort. I've been a provider instead of a lover. I've made her a friend.

I guess my question now is... is it too late? How do I restart the attraction phase?


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 7:09 am 
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It's shitting where you eat. But the frame has been set and she's classified you as "the fun, safe guy." No problem boss, you inadvertently properly set the frame as a friend as this is a professional relationship and you probably don't want to screw that up.

My gut feeling is that you are interested in her because you haven't cultivated other female options in your life. Did you know that these fun experiences you're having with her can be had with that cute, available girl you saw the other day or tomorrow - AND this girl from the sidewalk or wherever gets to have sex with you if she's interested in that because you set the frame properly from the outset as a guy who is interested in her (you don't have to SAY you're interested in a woman you meet - she'll know it intuitively if you're coming with a socially proper vibe that you'd exude with a girl you were already getting with).

If you want to try to get her attracted, go out and meet, date, and sleep with other women. You won't even likely have to mention a thing about all of this to her, she will probably be able to tell. At which point I'm guessing she will try to make a move on you. I wouldn't do it because it's shitting where you eat but to each his own. There's nothing you can say to reverse her current thoughts about you. Do this for your best shot at it.

So yeah, whether you want to pursue her or not the same thing applies: Meet more women.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 11:16 am 
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karamat4 wrote:
I guess my question now is... is it too late?


Sadly, yes.

Your options are to either keep her as a friend and be a friend, genuinely, without sexual interest involved.
or
Cut her off completely, tell her friendship is not what you're looking for, and let her come to you. If she does, she'll do so knowing your stance and you can treat her like a woman you want, not like a friend.
If she doesn't come to you, well, there's your answer.

Generally I never give this advice, but you've been doing this for barely a week, so there's a chance, depending on exactly how overboard you went with friendzoning yourself. But either way, don't hold your breath on it.

And for future reference, never "tell women how you feel". If you're attracted to a her, act on it, don't talk about it. Show her you like her. And that doesn't mean shit like giving her your jacket when she's cold. That's what her friend does. Or her boyfriend. And you're definitely not her boyfriend at this stage.
It means flirt with her. Tease. Make a move. Show.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:45 pm 
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karamat4 wrote:
Back at her place, she cooks me dinner, we watch shows on her couch.


....and? Did you make a move? If not, you just friend-zoned yourself.


Quote:

I finally take her out to see a movie in a theater that I knew she wanted to see. Dinner and a movie. She's cold, I give her my jacket.


What the hell? You were just on this woman's couch. Why would you make the NEXT meet up at a movie? That's a step back.

Quote:
She takes me to a Buddhist thing she's interested in. Then we go out to a restaurant again. Always having great conversation and fun.


Three dates and no sex?


Quote:
At this point, I've known her a week in person. I tell her I like her/have feelings for her


Jesus christ.

This is not how you attract women. You attract them by SHOWING, not telling. When you're on her couch, you make a move, kiss her passionately. Women want passion and a great time. You can't convince them with words.


Quote:
while on a walk late at night and she tells me she likes me, but she just got out of a relationship and is trying to learn to be happy on her own for a while and not rely on others just because she's lonely. She also says that she doesn't know me all that well yet, but she's been really enjoying spending time with me. Later she also sorta mentions that she wants a guy that would be able to pick her up (and then I jokingly picked her up to prove I can do it).


*groan*

She was digging on you, man. She thinks youre weak/small (and your lack of escalation is incredibly weak...you should;ve jumped her bones on the couch). She wants a big bad boy to pick her up and pin her against a wall.


Her: I want a guy who is able to pick me up.
You: I want a woman who's skinny enough to do that with.


Keep it playful/fun.


Quote:
I really like this girl and want to have a relationship with her.



WTF?

Get that shit out of your head right now. You'll never, ever win over 9's and 10's with that kind of needy agenda. You don't know this woman. You don't even know if you like how she kisses. You don't know if you like her naked body. You don't know if you like her personality.


Quote:
Should I keep working with her on professional projects? Keep trying to take her out on "dates"? Take it easy and not see her as much? Not sure what the best way to proceed is. I'm seeing her tonight to work on some editing together. I imagine we'll also probably watch a movie and eat some dinner together.



Pull your head out of your ass, OP.

This woman HAD YOU ON HER COUCH. Think about that for a second. Set aside the idiotic princess fairy tail innocent girl fantasy you've concocted and think about that.

Then, think about how she said "she wants a man able to pick her up". What do you think she as talking about there? Picking her up and walking her past snarling dogs? Picking her up and walking with her over a rose garden?

No.

She's picturing a dominant male (like on those romance book covers) ripping her clothes off and fucking her in a standing position.

Women are not fragile flowers and princesses. They like it dirty. They want passion, honesty, to catch a buzz then to be dominated in bed and have orgasms. Then they want to tell your their secrets in bed (or vice versa).

That's it, OP. That's all this will ever be.

If she has you on her couch again tonight, don't even wait five minutes into the movie. Kiss her passionately, and lead.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 9:18 pm 
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karamat4 wrote:
So I'm a filmmaker and I met an actress to work with. We shoot a project together one day and then suddenly, we're spending every single day together.

She's helping me with projects, I'm helping her. She writes a short film where it requires her and I to be alone in a room together for several hours. We had a blast.

Back at her place, she cooks me dinner, we watch shows on her couch. I finally take her out to see a movie in a theater that I knew she wanted to see. Dinner and a movie. She's cold, I give her my jacket.

She takes me to a Buddhist thing she's interested in. Then we go out to a restaurant again. Always having great conversation and fun.

At this point, I've known her a week in person. I tell her I like her/have feelings for her while on a walk late at night and she tells me she likes me, but she just got out of a relationship and is trying to learn to be happy on her own for a while and not rely on others just because she's lonely. She also says that she doesn't know me all that well yet, but she's been really enjoying spending time with me. Later she also sorta mentions that she wants a guy that would be able to pick her up (and then I jokingly picked her up to prove I can do it).

I really like this girl and want to have a relationship with her. Should I keep working with her on professional projects? Keep trying to take her out on "dates"? Take it easy and not see her as much? Not sure what the best way to proceed is. I'm seeing her tonight to work on some editing together. I imagine we'll also probably watch a movie and eat some dinner together.


The only place I think you're going wrong here is for starters - You made no physical attempts at escalation other than picking her up that one time. You're trying to escalate verbally hoping that leads to what? Her jumping on you and making out with you?

And two, you're saying you want to have a relationship with a girl that is still hurt and healing from a past relationship. A girl that you've only known for a week. You're emotions are getting to involved too quickly here my friend, but I don't think this is over nor do I think its "too late". You're still going to see the girl, you're still dating her, all you have to do is start making your move. There are girls out there who are less willing to jump into things than others. Especially fresh out of a relationship. My ex girl stayed single for 3 years after her last relationship, and i mean, she didn't even date. Healing was her primary focus.. And thats one of the main reasons I took her serious. She also made it clear she wasn't ready to jump into sex, to which I told her it wasn't fair to me to wait around; so we agreed that i'd continue to see others until she was ready.

So theres something interesting people out there... I just say this to say; be honest with both yourself and her. Don't sell yourself short and go after what you want. You still got a shot. But you're going to have to make a move and do less talking.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2017 2:33 pm 
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Sounds like she was looking to get laid to forget about it her recent break-up. Fuck her way out of her feelings. You were just the viable candidate to do it. Girls all across the planet will go out and fuck some random just to feel better about the emotional turmoil of a failed relationship.

And the late night walk? OMG. The scene was set. She randomly mentioned she wanted a guy to pick her up. It was late. You should have pounced. It could have been as simple as you suggesting you go back to her place,or yours, for a late night snack and then you practice your physical prowess. Something like, in a cool nonchalant way, "Let's go back to your place. We'll get a late night snack and I'll show you i'm the type of guy you like and pick you up." Or something to that affect. I'd say it was a 60% chance you would have got back to her place. You might would have had to be a bit persistent about it over the following 10 minutes but it could have happened. Once you got her home....well you already know.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 19, 2017 4:15 am 
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It depends on what's the girl feeling, Just be RESPECTFUL. Follow your feelings and use intellect as well that's what a pure man does .

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 11:46 pm 
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Quote:
It means flirt with her. Tease. Make a move. Show.

how do you make a move and how do you show?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 5:04 am 
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This is literally a chronicle of a typical AFC relationship with a women. From jumpstreet he lays everything out on the table for her. His feelings his intentions. She has no excitement and half heartedly lingers around, considering and looking for other options...preferably ANY man who will excite her.

Look it, she actually told you what turns her on. Picking her up... literally. So go on YouTube and learn that fucking I've had the time of my life move from Flashdance and reenact the scene like in Crazy Stupid Love. You know movies right movie man?! Make this girl the leading lady in the movie of your life and pick her up off her feet and let her land back down in your bed!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:35 am 
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puaninja wrote:
From jumpstreet he lays everything out on the table for her. His feelings his intentions. She has no excitement and half heartedly lingers around, considering and looking for other options...preferably ANY man who will excite her.

+1. Brilliant fucking post.

Tough love OP, meant to help you get in there (not that you'll ever see this): Where is the intrigue, where is the girl's curiosity, where is the MISDIRECTION, where is the suspense. You're unpredictable, she isn't quite sure about you. Embody this.

THIS FORUM WOULD HAVE NO PURPOSE IF GUYS WOULD JUST EMBRACE ABUNDANCE.


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