Everyone has their core personality that they've spent from the day that they were born until this moment. That is who you are. What does that mean when it comes from a pickup perspective? There are guys that love to advocate the cocky/funny persona, but that is only effective if the guy is actually cocky and funny. It may work with enough practice but until then you have to force a change on yourself that doesn't match your full personality. You see it with a lot of the guys on the forum that will be talking to a girl in a cocky/funny way and when she responds with banter or questioning his personality, he's trying figure out how to respond to a "shit test" because it's not really him.

Your core personality/experiences build up your belief system. A guy that's not good with women tend to believe that who he is right now isn't attractive to women rather than trying to maximize and project his masculine strengths that he already possesses.

I agree with what you're saying and you're also making my point. That core personality you're referring to is actually hard to access and understand to begin with.

You can say a guy is a shy introvert, but so what? In fact, I argue it's not helpful at all even referring to it.

Your cocky/funny example is also a good example of incongruence, which by definition is inauthentic. To project your natural masculine strengths, you have to be relaxed and congruent.

There are no two ways about it. The shy introvert needs to learn over time that it's actually not dangerous to relax and express his masculinity. So where's the core personality in that? Is it the shy introvert or the confident guy he grows into over time?

You're core personality IS you. There is nothing hard to access about it. The hard part is accepting it, if anything. I don't see it this way. Point it out and accept it. Now that you've accepted it, make a game plan on how you want to approach women while recognizing the fact that you're not going to be an over-the-top person because you know that's not you.Now wouldn't that be a lot easier if you accepted who you are?That's exactly what their core personality is if we use your description. Introversion is not a problem, but shyness is the result of not accepting one's self and in turn not believing that others will be accepting. Once you are comfortable and accepting of yourself, you can be relaxed and congruent.

I definitely didn't read it this way. I'm curious if you can elaborate on what you mean by "Don't give off the appearance that you are trying to be something you are not for deceptive purposes?" I'm not sure if you are saying that the act in itself is being deceptive or don't be deceptive.

We don't have to belabor the point. I see where you're coming from. And I'm not disagreeing with you. It's probably more about how we're labeling things and the context of our viewpoints. For me, especially when coaching, it's easier to not try to define or access the big question of who a man is. Identity tends to emerge on its own as a result of growth. It's also easier for me if we keep the labels, like shy and introvert, at bay to prevent any strong self-identification. Relaxation into simply being is accessing who you are. But who you are in that context starts to become rather undefined in my experience. It becomes a deep conversation about the nature of consciousness pretty quickly, and that tends to be a less productive thing to talk about.

You can indeed deceive a woman as long as you don't look like you are doing it.

Don't get me wrong, I've deceived my share of women in a lot of different ways and when I look back at it none of it was really necessary. In fact, deception eventually comes out when you actually like a woman and then you spend time trying to recover and that's why I don't think it's worth it. I'm cool with manipulating situations but tricking women into thinking that you're something that you're not isn't something that I'd advise.

For all the people saying to "be yourself," what do you advise people who need character development? Just trying to make this a pragmatic discussion.

I wish I could tell a guy, hey be yourself, and you'll find a girl or a few who you're compatible with (even if you're weird) and you'll be happy. But many guys want to bang as many girls as they can. So that advice doesnt give them the results they are looking for. Personally, I dont have a problem with someone using routines because the original goal of a routine is to practice the delivery. I think that someone whether they're authentic or not, once they get the success they wanted, will end up more or less in the same place. So a guy can start using routines, get some success and then come to the realization that his happiness is important and drop them.

Excellent posting as always JD.

Another one of women's advices "have a sense of humor" actually means "make me laugh cutely."

It doesn't mean to be some Night at the Improv supplicant court jester.

It means "be a smooth dude who knows how to make a woman giggle."

I see zero difference between fake it til you make it and "becoming your best self" outside of whether you think dr Phil would wag his finger at it.