Gf with butch lesbian bouncer



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PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 10:53 am 
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I'm 29 and my gf is 25

5 years on and off (no separation longer than 1 month) and have been talking about moving together recently and she is unhappy we don't live together.

My gf had just been on a hen do to benidorm ( sat-wed), prior to this we met up on the Thursday evening and everything was fine we had a good time Etc and when we was chatting about her upcoming holiday she told me this :- is she sharing a room with 2 girls and 1 of them is a butch lesbian who is a door lady , and she was laughing saying her friend said the lesbian always trys it on with straight girls and can be a bit to much.

Anyway so she goes on holiday, we hardly speak (quite unusual not to speak all day) when we did speak it was like she didn't want to really but she tells me she's been out drinking every night and spending all the time with the lesbian (similar age group, roommates) and tells me she snogged her In a club as a dare.

My gf doesn't really go out clubbing, maybe once every 2 months, and is not a drinker at home etc but will drink a lot and get drunk when she is out clubbing.

She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.

I wasn't happy with what was happening and thinking the butch lesbian is getting drunk with her eveynight and trying it on with her, maybe taking advantage of my gf and she is not saying no and cheating on me, the next day she was flying home so I thought to speak about it then with her..

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY

When she gets back she's being off with me on txt but also talking bad about her best mate (she never has in 5years) , we arrange to meet up for a quick the next night to chat. When we do, she is saying she had a really good time etc and liked spending time with this lesbian girl (tells me bulshit stories the lesbain told her that my gf believes etc)

We chat for 30min and she is txting then says she's in a hurry and going to her friends for a bit around 9pm tells me where it is (it's the lesbians flat but I didnt know yet), i drive past at 1am and her car is still there, I tried to ring her no answer.

The next day I wake up and she has txt me saying she was asleep, I asked where and she said home (lying because her car was at lesbian friend flat) i said I drove past yours and you car wasn't there ( i hadn't done really) she lies and says her mum was out in the car lol so I tell her I seen it at the flat, she then admits she stayed there till 3am but I wasn't bothered I just didn't know why she was lying because it was very out of character for her to be doing something like this, I then realise the flat is the lesbians flat from holiday when she tells me her name again!

We fall out and argue over it for a day because i said she shouldn't have lied
to me, she apologises and says she didn't think I'd like her being out that late.

We talk and she ask me to her text her the next day when I'm up to try arrange meeting up, i txt the next day and she ignores all day (very unlike her, she asked me to txt her to arrange meeting up and we always do like this) i tried 2 ring her at tea time and no answer and I drive past the lesbians flat and her car is there but at the back this time around 11pm.

She Rings me the next day and says she's very confused and doesn't know what's going on in her head and wanted time alone (although she wasn't alone) , And wants to meet up and talk about things so we do, she tells me nothing is going on but she likes spending time with the girl but the girl wants a relationship with her but my gf is saying she's just a very good friend (she just met her a week ago) and nothing is happening but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by not going to see her, I tell her she is disrespecting me saying she's home lying etc she agrees and says sorry.

When we was talking Her phone got a msg and it was the girl I saw the name so i asked if it was her and she said no it wasn't and grabbed her phone away.

I then leave the room for a few minutes and when I come back her attitude is totally changed and she is saying she needs to be single to sort her head out etc and be alone for to think but she also tells me she will be going to see her new friend. All the time we talk she tells me she hasn't done anything sexual at all just the dare snog on holiday. I dropped her off home and by chance 30minutes later I see her drive past with the lesbian girl. I ring her and ask where she is and she says at home lol, I tell her iv just seen her and i never want to speak to her again for lying, big argument on the phone (she was with the girl at the time) and that's it.


I really don't have a clue what is happening, she is acting so out of character (bad mouthing friends, drinking every night at her new friends cus she stressed, ignoring phone and lying etc)

I really feel like my gf is being controlled a bit and by this butch lesbian who has been taking advantage of her on holiday and carried on pressuring her to meet etc when they have got back and to drink.

My gf has become distant to me, friends and family all this week and it seems something is not right, iv asked her and she Denies it all and says she is happy to go there and spend time with her, but when the lesbian was txtin her constant when she knew was meeting up it felt like she was telling her what to say.

I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,

I want to tell her sister all about this (don't know her to well but have met and spoke) because only I know and hopefully she can speak to her about it, do you think i should?

What should i do?

They never knew each other before , the hen do was a mutual friend and all the women where from the same area, hence how the flat is so close to my gf house so the holiday friendship has carried on.

Any advice and help appreciated, thanks.


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PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 11:33 am 
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Londonm wrote:
I'm 29 and my gf is 25

5 years on and off (no separation longer than 1 month) and have been talking about moving together recently and she is unhappy we don't live together.

My gf had just been on a hen do to benidorm ( sat-wed), prior to this we met up on the Thursday evening and everything was fine we had a good time Etc and when we was chatting about her upcoming holiday she told me this :- is she sharing a room with 2 girls and 1 of them is a butch lesbian who is a door lady , and she was laughing saying her friend said the lesbian always trys it on with straight girls and can be a bit to much.

Anyway so she goes on holiday, we hardly speak (quite unusual not to speak all day) when we did speak it was like she didn't want to really but she tells me she's been out drinking every night and spending all the time with the lesbian (similar age group, roommates) and tells me she snogged her In a club as a dare.

My gf doesn't really go out clubbing, maybe once every 2 months, and is not a drinker at home etc but will drink a lot and get drunk when she is out clubbing.

She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.

I wasn't happy with what was happening and thinking the butch lesbian is getting drunk with her eveynight and trying it on with her, maybe taking advantage of my gf and she is not saying no and cheating on me, the next day she was flying home so I thought to speak about it then with her..

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY

When she gets back she's being off with me on txt but also talking bad about her best mate (she never has in 5years) , we arrange to meet up for a quick the next night to chat. When we do, she is saying she had a really good time etc and liked spending time with this lesbian girl (tells me bulshit stories the lesbain told her that my gf believes etc)

We chat for 30min and she is txting then says she's in a hurry and going to her friends for a bit around 9pm tells me where it is (it's the lesbians flat but I didnt know yet), i drive past at 1am and her car is still there, I tried to ring her no answer.

The next day I wake up and she has txt me saying she was asleep, I asked where and she said home (lying because her car was at lesbian friend flat) i said I drove past yours and you car wasn't there ( i hadn't done really) she lies and says her mum was out in the car lol so I tell her I seen it at the flat, she then admits she stayed there till 3am but I wasn't bothered I just didn't know why she was lying because it was very out of character for her to be doing something like this, I then realise the flat is the lesbians flat from holiday when she tells me her name again!

We fall out and argue over it for a day because i said she shouldn't have lied
to me, she apologises and says she didn't think I'd like her being out that late.

We talk and she ask me to her text her the next day when I'm up to try arrange meeting up, i txt the next day and she ignores all day (very unlike her, she asked me to txt her to arrange meeting up and we always do like this) i tried 2 ring her at tea time and no answer and I drive past the lesbians flat and her car is there but at the back this time around 11pm.

She Rings me the next day and says she's very confused and doesn't know what's going on in her head and wanted time alone (although she wasn't alone) , And wants to meet up and talk about things so we do, she tells me nothing is going on but she likes spending time with the girl but the girl wants a relationship with her but my gf is saying she's just a very good friend (she just met her a week ago) and nothing is happening but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by not going to see her, I tell her she is disrespecting me saying she's home lying etc she agrees and says sorry.

When we was talking Her phone got a msg and it was the girl I saw the name so i asked if it was her and she said no it wasn't and grabbed her phone away.

I then leave the room for a few minutes and when I come back her attitude is totally changed and she is saying she needs to be single to sort her head out etc and be alone for to think but she also tells me she will be going to see her new friend. All the time we talk she tells me she hasn't done anything sexual at all just the dare snog on holiday. I dropped her off home and by chance 30minutes later I see her drive past with the lesbian girl. I ring her and ask where she is and she says at home lol, I tell her iv just seen her and i never want to speak to her again for lying, big argument on the phone (she was with the girl at the time) and that's it.


I really don't have a clue what is happening, she is acting so out of character (bad mouthing friends, drinking every night at her new friends cus she stressed, ignoring phone and lying etc)

I really feel like my gf is being controlled a bit and by this butch lesbian who has been taking advantage of her on holiday and carried on pressuring her to meet etc when they have got back and to drink.

My gf has become distant to me, friends and family all this week and it seems something is not right, iv asked her and she Denies it all and says she is happy to go there and spend time with her, but when the lesbian was txtin her constant when she knew was meeting up it felt like she was telling her what to say.

I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,

I want to tell her sister all about this (don't know her to well but have met and spoke) because only I know and hopefully she can speak to her about it, do you think i should?

What should i do?

They never knew each other before , the hen do was a mutual friend and all the women where from the same area, hence how the flat is so close to my gf house so the holiday friendship has carried on.

Any advice and help appreciated, thanks.


Maybe someone can go in detail but basically:

1.Its over....You sound more like the naive one here. All those lies and I have no idea where you see that you're in a relationship here. Gf clearly is fucking the chick, doesnt care about you and its done.
2. Its over...she practically broke up with you
3. Have some self respect for yourself and move on. At this point YOU'RE the one fucking with THEIR relationship...not the other way around.

It sucks man, but damn


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PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 2:15 pm 
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Londonm wrote:
...I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again...
If this is what you want to do then it's what you should do. You don't need to do anything else. You don't need to save her from a bad influence. You don't need to keep driving and checking for her car. You don't need to tell her sister. You're smart enough to realize what's happening but don't turn into the crazy man and justifying crazy man actions because you think this friendship isn't healthy or she's being controlled.


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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 2:50 pm 
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Sadly, it's over bro. Seems almost too sudden to be true really. She's found something new and exciting and possibly isn't even really a lesbian. Personally, I think she will realise she's made a mistake and come back to you, but thinking logically, this is no different to her cheating on you with a guy.

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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 6:23 pm 
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Londonm wrote:
I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,


Dude. Every second word that leaves this woman's mouth is a lie. At what point does she stop deserving that care?

Neo is right, you're the naive one here. I would delete her number and not let her back in even if she came crawling on her knees. Know why? Not because of whatever she's doing with that other girl, but because of the way she's handling the situation and treating you in the process.

And don't do stupid shit like involving her family or whatever. She made her choice. Now have some self respect and act accordingly.

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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 6:45 pm 
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Londonm wrote:
Anyway so she goes on holiday, we hardly speak (quite unusual not to speak all day) when we did speak it was like she didn't want to really but she tells me she's been out drinking every night and spending all the time with the lesbian (similar age group, roommates) and tells me she snogged her In a club as a dare.


I tell my gf's this, if these kinds of situations ever pop up:

"I don't want to date a floozy. So if you want to go out drinking a lot at bars, we can change our exclusivity to an open relationship."


But I establish these boundaries EARLY, and if my line is crossed, they fucking know it. but you have to pick and choose your battles. Be very clear and consistent in your boundaries....and then shut the fuck up about it, because then it makes you look too negative. Women aren'tdumb, you don't need to harp on things. Draw your boundary, then get back to the fun, chill guy.


Quote:
She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.



Most 20-somethings.


Quote:
When she gets back she's being off with me on txt but also talking bad about her best mate (she never has in 5years) , we arrange to meet up for a quick the next night to chat.


This is weird. Why just chat? No passion left?


Quote:
We chat for 30min and she is txting then says she's in a hurry and going to her friends for a bit around 9pm tells me where it is (it's the lesbians flat but I didnt know yet), i drive past at 1am and her car is still there, I tried to ring her no answer.



It sounds like you asked her for the address. Why would she volunteer the exact location?


Quote:
The next day I wake up and she has txt me saying she was asleep, I asked where and she said home (lying because her car was at lesbian friend flat) i said I drove past yours and you car wasn't there ( i hadn't done really) she lies and says her mum was out in the car lol so I tell her I seen it at the flat, she then admits she stayed there till 3am but I wasn't bothered I just didn't know why she was lying because it was very out of character for her to be doing something like this, I then realise the flat is the lesbians flat from holiday when she tells me her name again!



Probably partying her ass off, still on the drinking binge, maybe some X or coke involved. Whether she had sex or not, only she knows.



Quote:
We talk and she ask me to her text her the next day when I'm up to try arrange meeting up,



It doesn't sound like you two are/were even in a relationship, honestly. This is coming off as you two just being fuck buddies. This is not how two people behave in an exclusive relationship.


Quote:
i txt the next day and she ignores all day (very unlike her, she asked me to txt her to arrange meeting up and we always do like this) i tried 2 ring her at tea time and no answer and I drive past the lesbians flat and her car is there but at the back this time around 11pm.


Ugh, that sucks.


Quote:
She Rings me the next day and says she's very confused and doesn't know what's going on in her head and wanted time alone (although she wasn't alone) , And wants to meet up and talk about things so we do, she tells me nothing is going on but she likes spending time with the girl but the girl wants a relationship with her but my gf is saying she's just a very good friend (she just met her a week ago) and nothing is happening but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by not going to see her, I tell her she is disrespecting me saying she's home lying etc she agrees and says sorry.



Her: I need time alone.
You: Cool, let me know when you feel better.

Then go about your purpose and meet other women.


Then you walk the fuck away. The biggest mistake men make with women is not giving them space and being clingy.


Quote:
When we was talking Her phone got a msg and it was the girl I saw the name so i asked if it was her and she said no it wasn't and grabbed her phone away.


So you took her phone from her while she was holding it?



Quote:
I then leave the room for a few minutes and when I come back her attitude is totally changed and she is saying she needs to be single to sort her head out etc and be alone for to think but she also tells me she will be going to see her new friend.



You became emotionally-uncentered, and she wanted to bail, hard. Women are not attracted by tantrums. Always keep your cool.

Quote:
All the time we talk she tells me she hasn't done anything sexual at all just the dare snog on holiday.


Why do you keep harping on it? Make your point and move on.


Quote:
I dropped her off home and by chance 30minutes later I see her drive past with the lesbian girl. I ring her and ask where she is and she says at home lol, I tell her iv just seen her and i never want to speak to her again for lying, big argument on the phone (she was with the girl at the time) and that's it.



This is so needy and neurotic. She just broke up with you, and you're asking her where she is?

Quote:
I really don't have a clue what is happening, she is acting so out of character (bad mouthing friends, drinking every night at her new friends cus she stressed, ignoring phone and lying etc)


I can tell you exactly what happened.

You became incredibly controlling and uncentered, probably caused by anxiety over her holiday. You hounded her, over-contacted her, and pushed her away. She sounds immature, so she responded by fooling around with another woman, or at least emotionally bonding with another women with perhaps sexual intentions.

Your continued over-contact, controlling behavior and neediness ultimately caused her to dump you.




Quote:
I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,



Walk away. Stop contacting her. She'll probably come back. You two have a long history.


Quote:
I want to tell her sister all about this (don't know her to well but have met and spoke) because only I know and hopefully she can speak to her about it, do you think i should?


This is so fucking needy and neurotic. did your ex-gf become a meth-addicted prostitute? No? Then there's no need to tell her family anything.

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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 7:06 pm 
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Quote:
She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.


I like her already.

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