Vibe vs words


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 Post subject: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2017 9:51 pm 
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I know asking about vibing is asking about an somewhat abstract "thing".

As I grow in my PUA skills, I want to understand vibing better which I think is something that comes from within/state/personal strength.

I think people have preferences: words, visual, feeling, energy, logic, auditory.

Curious to learn more about flirting/game without words, during mid game. (not looking for openener info).

thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 2:40 am 
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I honestly don't know what "midgame" is, but I do know that the vibe you carry is infinitely more important than the words. Think of it: Just the word "hey" said to a girl has an infinite amount of ways she can take it. But if you're a smooth dude who's used to interest from women, your "hey" is going to sound a lot different to her and be taken a lot differently by her than the "hey" she gets from the gamer dude who has little experience speaking to women in the flesh. Just that one simple word and the way it's said is going to carry connotations that seed the entire relationship with the girl.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 3:24 am 
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Part of it is being aloof and non-reactionary. It shows you are outcome independent and have a solid and stable alpha frame. Most people would always give off good vibes, but they start being nervous or needy and that disrupts their whole state.

You also have to match the girl. Stare at her if she stares at you, look away when she looks away. Don't talk if she wants to do all the talking, and talk if she's quiet. If she's giving ioi's, then you MUST get physical and escalate. If she's not, then keep working on comfort and rapport building. When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 9:36 pm 
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puaninja wrote:
Part of it is being aloof and non-reactionary. It shows you are outcome independent and have a solid and stable alpha frame. Most people would always give off good vibes, but they start being nervous or needy and that disrupts their whole state.

You also have to match the girl. Stare at her if she stares at you, look away when she looks away. Don't talk if she wants to do all the talking, and talk if she's quiet. If she's giving ioi's, then you MUST get physical and escalate. If she's not, then keep working on comfort and rapport building. When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say.



@pua ninja, spot on! This is where I was trying to dial in.


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 9:38 pm 
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Can you provide example/elaborate on this?:

" When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say."


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 4:32 am 
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Refelex wrote:
Can you provide example/elaborate on this?:

" When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say."

Not compliment as in "You have a really nice state there." I meant it as in mirroring and mimicking. The girl might be in a lively and playful state, but if you come in like Mr. Supercool pickup guy and try to be all slick and smooth, it might not mix well with her and you won't vibe. If you are also playful and tease her, then you achieve a symbiosis of sorts.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 2:21 pm 
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puaninja wrote:
Refelex wrote:
Can you provide example/elaborate on this?:

" When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say."

Not compliment as in "You have a really nice state there." I meant it as in mirroring and mimicking. The girl might be in a lively and playful state, but if you come in like Mr. Supercool pickup guy and try to be all slick and smooth, it might not mix well with her and you won't vibe. If you are also playful and tease her, then you achieve a symbiosis of sorts.


Super interesting. So when do you mirror and mimick vs bring your own energy? I feel this is a sticking point for me.
I know if they are high energy you gotta bring that too.

Im never sure what to do with cool/calm collected....I recall if I mirror like to cool/calm it risks zapping my funny/energetic natural style. At the same time, I do know that funny/energetic vs her cool/calm collected may = not sexy to her.

Thoughts?


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 1:03 am 
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Refelex wrote:
puaninja wrote:
Refelex wrote:
Can you provide example/elaborate on this?:

" When you compliment the girl's state it makes for a connection and avoids awkwardness. This is perceived as a good vibe, or connection, or "spark" as they say."

Not compliment as in "You have a really nice state there." I meant it as in mirroring and mimicking. The girl might be in a lively and playful state, but if you come in like Mr. Supercool pickup guy and try to be all slick and smooth, it might not mix well with her and you won't vibe. If you are also playful and tease her, then you achieve a symbiosis of sorts.


Super interesting. So when do you mirror and mimick vs bring your own energy? I feel this is a sticking point for me.
I know if they are high energy you gotta bring that too.

Im never sure what to do with cool/calm collected....I recall if I mirror like to cool/calm it risks zapping my funny/energetic natural style. At the same time, I do know that funny/energetic vs her cool/calm collected may = not sexy to her.

Thoughts?
If you are opening a 5 set at a bar, then you'll almost always need to be high energy. If you are opening a lone girl at Starbucks and everyone is sitting quietly, then cool and calm is the way to be.

If you are gaming at a street fair or concert, that's totally a high energy environment. You are plucking girls out of the herd and getting their attention. In a bookstore, you don't need to get her attention like that.

I do think you have to throttle it a bit. If she starts getting bored, amp up the energy level. If you can tell that she's not getting as excited about things or you are putting her off with jokes or are talking to much, then tone it down and be more cool.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 4:45 am 
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Epic comments, thanks! I do see that probably the more advanced guys here and basically saying to not overthink. I am not overthinking during dates, but I am aware of changing rhythms and dynamics as needed which before were not working and the same not ideal results.

So I had another Tinder date tonite, no kiss but we will probably meet again. We hung at bar for like 3 hours. I know many of you would say wtf, no kiss in 3 hours??? I agree. I want to get better.

One thing I did pay attention to was fluctuating between high energy funny/witty to.... cool, toned down more serious convo, listen more. In another thread I have here I was explaining I am pretty funny but that too much funny = dancing monkey = not good. So I am working on this. Humour is easy for me, it does have aphrodisiac benefits but I have learned its a double edge sword.

So on tonights date, my usual gradual kino and several opportune sexual innuendo tongue in cheek comments that came out easy based on the convo ......this loosened her up and she saw I could flirt and lead in that direction some. But it was never direct. I did not say any serious sexual comments. I did compliment her on her humor and hair which she appreciated.

I dont know when and what is appropriate to say more sexually. In a nutshell, I need work on sexualizing in other ways beyond my subtle gradual kino and need to be willing to take the sexualizing "risks"

Would love any basic sexualizing tips (besides kino).

thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 6:15 am 
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Refelex wrote:

So I had another Tinder date tonite, no kiss but we will probably meet again. We hung at bar for like 3 hours. I know many of you would say wtf, no kiss in 3 hours??? I agree. I want to get better.



Take note of the "high point" in the interaction, usually about 30-45 minutes in. That's when you ask her to come outside for a moment. As soon as you close the door behind you, grab her and kiss her.

Three hours is way too much talking. You're expending key energy then that could be used for other things.


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I dont know when and what is appropriate to say more sexually. In a nutshell, I need work on sexualizing in other ways beyond my subtle gradual kino and need to be willing to take the sexualizing "risks"

Would love any basic sexualizing tips (besides kino).

thanks



Anything can be sexualized.


You (point to the waitress): hot or not?
Her: hot.
You: Yeah, hot.

Sexualize the whole place, because that's who you are at your core.


You: Would you consider yourself more conservative or wild?
Her: Wild.
You: Cool, I want to hear a story....

Or:

Her: conservative.
You(with a grin): boring! But I don't know, I see that evil gleam in your eyes...


You (a half hour in): I have to admit, if we went back to my place I'd make a move ASAP.
Her: woah, haha Really?
You: Yeah, let's get out of here.

Or:

Her: Sounds like trouble. I don't know you well enough I don't think.
You: what's your favorite color?
Her: blue.
You: Mine is green. Now we know each other.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 3:16 pm 
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Thanks Arch. As you can see, 3 hours, as you mention, Im over expending energy.

Regarding your comment: "Take note of the "high point" in the interaction, usually about 30-45 minutes in. That's when you ask her to come outside for a moment. As soon as you close the door behind you, grab her and kiss her."

You mean like a surprise unexpected move?

This is clearly where I need to work on. Definitely since I have learned PUA stuff, I have gotten 200% times better by being aware of all this stuff we are discussing here and using my gradual/casual kino. However, without my gradual kino, I dont think I would get anywhere. So for example, on dates where there is no choice but to sit across the table its much harder for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 4:05 pm 
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Your vibe is determined by both your expiriences and your "mind frame". Your perspective on both yourself, others, and the world. If you saw a girl as being fat, unworthy, and unattractive, the vibe your produced would be one she would be able to sense and feel. You think a girl is too hot for you, your vibe will say it and it will push her away. It's that simple.

How others feel around you is a direct reflection of how you feel within yourself. Your nervous within yourself and that will become your vibe. A nervous/anxious vibe. When you're confident and sure about yourself that will be produced by your vibe.

The teller here is, people want to be around those that possess qualities either they have or that they would like to develop. Who doesn't want to develop completely self confidence and certainty?

The easiest way to develop yourself into one with a magnetic vibe is to sacrifice your comforts for growth. One of those things is what this forum is all about. Approaching women.

Nothing good comes without sacrifice. If you're not giving anything up, you probably aren't gaining anything. Get uncomfortable, get embarssed, recover, strengthen in character, and so will your vibe.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 7:26 pm 
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Totally agree Eddie and trust me compared to my pre PUA, I have taken risks, experimented and failed a bunch.

But I need to step it up. New risks, new types of fails. I am right now under the impression that I can only be more sexual until I have built attraction and comfort.

BUT I dont think I have learned how to build it super hot to where its dead obvious that the chick wants me to make a move. I am still probing/guessing/not sure and I realize there may be always an element of that. But...I am spending tooooo much time talking before getting there.

I want to take it to the next level.


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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 9:09 pm 
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Refelex wrote:
But I need to step it up. New risks, new types of fails. I am right now under the impression that I can only be more sexual until I have built attraction and comfort.



Attraction is already there. It's your job not to talk the girl out of being attracted to you. Often times, comfort comes after sex, and that is how two people feel, and get close.

People keep looking for magical words games or lines.


Quote:
BUT I dont think I have learned how to build it super hot to where its dead obvious that the chick wants me to make a move.



Why does it have to be "dead obvious?" Always assume attraction.


Quote:
I want to take it to the next level.



Hit the gym, 3-4 times a week. Get some sun. Let your body speak for you half the time. Sexualize everything, but not in a creepy way, in a fun, teasing way using charming honesty. Women are not fragile flowers or princesses. They are wild animals that want passionate sex (like the cover of romance novels they snap up), to orgasm, then to snuggle you and trade secrets. Rinse, repeat.

THIS is the way of seduction. Not dinners, or magic balloon rides or fancy cars or flowers. This is how you land, and keep a socially valuable woman.

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 Post subject: Re: Vibe vs words
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 4:52 am 
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Thanks Arch. Ive read about Assume Attraction dozens of times but have never fully understood. I understand it influences our state and what you put out to the girl. So is it, literally, convince oneself that a women is attracted to you? Sure....so, how does that look in practice?


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