How to handle disrespect / putting in too much efforts?



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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 5:00 pm 
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My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I thought things have been going very well until this week. During one of our conversations, she was trying to go back on one of her promises that she has made me without a legit reason. I found that extremely disrespectful. I immediately let her know that I really hate people going back on their words and haven't been talking to her much since and have become more distant.

But because of this incident, it made me realize that I am always the one leading and putting in efforts in the relationship and she would just follow and receive. I can't even think of a single time that she planned something or go out of her ways to do something nice for me. And on top of that, she even tried to go back on her words. Quite frankly, it's making me have doubts in this relationship.

But ever since I haven't been talking to her much, I could tell that she really cares about me and she has been trying really hard to initiate conversations with me. My question is: Should I tell her the root issue about how I feel like the relationship is one sided? Or just don't say anything since she's already trying to change.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 7:01 pm 
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Now would be the time to draw lines if that's what you want. 6-8 months is usually that time in the relationship where you begin questioning whether or not you two should be together.

Her current trying to change is her doing what she feels to be neccessary so that you treat her the way you always did. It's not a change, because it was fueled by your distance; not her own understanding on what needs to be done. There's also always a chance youre looking at things from a one sided point of view because you're upset. Either way though, communicating that is always better than letting it fester. It'll only get worse with time if it's built up.

What did she break her promise on though? Why did you leave that out?

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Last edited by Eddie Fews on Fri May 19, 2017 8:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 7:50 pm 
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Eddie Fews wrote:
Now would be the time to draw lines if that's what you want. 6-8 months is usually that time in the relationship where you begin questioning whether or not you two should be together.

Her current trying to change is her doing what she feels to be neccessary so that you treat her the way you always did. It's not a change, because it was fueled your distance; not her own understanding on what needs to be done. There's also always a change your looking at things from a one sided view because you're upset. Either way though, communicating that is always better than letting it fester. It'll only get worse with time if it's built up.

What did she break her promise on though? Why did you leave that out?


Thanks Eddie! Great advice. How would you go about bringing up something like this? And it was a sexual promise that required her to buy something but she didn't want to buy it anymore because of some lame excuse.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 7:52 pm 
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Fuck man just say what it is. It's an internet forum.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 7:57 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
Fuck man just say what it is. It's an internet forum.

Hahah it was basically her needing to buy lingerie. But she said she doesn't have room.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 8:06 pm 
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Was the lingerie for her...or you?

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 8:10 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Was the lingerie for her...or you?


For me to watch her wear it


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 8:19 pm 
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jonfraquar wrote:
neo87 wrote:
Fuck man just say what it is. It's an internet forum.

Hahah it was basically her needing to buy lingerie. But she said she doesn't have room.


Well, I'll say on this specific case, ie she didnt buy the lingerie for you and gave you a bs excuse, some communication vs distance would be better. There should be a discussion where you address, ok that excuse is not the reason, whats the real reason? Now, there could be a valid reason to her...maybe she has body issues and didnt want to wear a certain thing...in that case, you should let her know how attracted you are to her instead of forcing her to get something she doesnt feel attractive in. Maybe the end reason is bs though and she's just selfish. But...now that I think of it...if its a sex thing, I'm not the guy who would want his gf to do something just for me. It sounds like you want something that she doesnt.

If the main issue is she doesnt do nice things for you, sure address it...but dont make it about a sex thing. Thats not a good dynamic to introduce around sex.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 8:27 pm 
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jonfraquar wrote:
neo87 wrote:
Fuck man just say what it is. It's an internet forum.

Hahah it was basically her needing to buy lingerie. But she said she doesn't have room.


Lol

I can't help but think he left it out because Deep down he knows it was so petty and he didn't want us to rag on him about it.

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