Can I recover?



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 Post subject: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 6:20 pm 
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Hey,

first of all I'm not super experienced in dating but here we go


Talked to a girl that was flirting with me a while back, got her number. Everything went fine. She is 23 and I'm 26.

We scheduled a date to go drinking. Everything went fine except that I didn't escalate enough due to my inexperience but we agreed to meet again. She has lots of stuff to do, went home for the next weekend and got ill afterwards (which is actually true ;)).

Well we somehow managed to spontaneously set up a second date and went strolling through town. But overall the date kinda sucked because she was still ill. The second and bigger problem here was that somehow I completely lost my personality, most stuff I said probably sounded like I was saying it to make her like me, idk. overall I just wasn't myself and had very little authenticity. Well it didn't go well. In the end we hugged and went our ways without making any new plans


Well either way I kinda wanted to set up a another date after this and called her up the next day which she didn't answer. She texted me back later and I tried to set it up via text. She answered that she lost quite a bit of time the last month with her studies, will be busy for a while and will get back to me. It's not completely unbelievable since she is currently finishing school and works part time at a restaurant but still it's most likely a 'no thanks'.

Well I answered no problem and that she can get back to me when she got more time to which she replied that she will do that.


That was a week ago and I haven't contacted her since but we sometimes meet randomly, so I met her once and we small talked for a moment.


Can I recover from this and if so how?


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 6:37 pm 
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Unless her world is burning down around her, she would make time for you if she's into you. So the worst thing you can do is try to tactically get her to want to go out with you again. Go about your business and date other women. Contact her after she's done with school but don't expect much.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 6:43 pm 
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lkr200 wrote:
Hey,

first of all I'm not super experienced in dating but here we go


Talked to a girl that was flirting with me a while back, got her number. Everything went fine. She is 23 and I'm 26.

We scheduled a date to go drinking. Everything went fine except that I didn't escalate enough due to my inexperience but we agreed to meet again. She has lots of stuff to do, went home for the next weekend and got ill afterwards (which is actually true ;)).

Well we somehow managed to spontaneously set up a second date and went strolling through town. But overall the date kinda sucked because she was still ill. The second and bigger problem here was that somehow I completely lost my personality, most stuff I said probably sounded like I was saying it to make her like me, idk. overall I just wasn't myself and had very little authenticity. Well it didn't go well. In the end we hugged and went our ways without making any new plans


Well either way I kinda wanted to set up a another date after this and called her up the next day which she didn't answer. She texted me back later and I tried to set it up via text. She answered that she lost quite a bit of time the last month with her studies, will be busy for a while and will get back to me. It's not completely unbelievable since she is currently finishing school and works part time at a restaurant but still it's most likely a 'no thanks'.

Well I answered no problem and that she can get back to me when she got more time to which she replied that she will do that.


That was a week ago and I haven't contacted her since but we sometimes meet randomly, so I met her once and we small talked for a moment.


Can I recover from this and if so how?

You didn't escalate at all, either date! Your 26, a grown ass man, not a High School dumbass kid.

Keep her number, drunk text for titties some time. Pursue other options. Learn how to escalate.

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 1:29 am 
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The only good thing in that situation is that you have nothing to lose at that point and don't need to really try, because its pretty much a lost cause.

I'd probably just wait a long while if you can and then try to game her anew once you see her again. If you act different than before, and actually do the right things, she may give you a second chance. But its doubtful.

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 6:45 am 
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Well your responses don't sound great but I've figured that much.

So there is no great way to reapproach here? Because despite what she thinks after our somewhat miserable 2nd date I'm actually a pretty cool dude.


Idk I thinks I'll give her a call this weekend, talk for a bit and ask her out for that day. If she doesn't answer vor declines without an alternative, I wish her the best and am done.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 9:39 pm 
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lkr200 wrote:
? Because despite what she thinks after our somewhat miserable 2nd date I'm actually a pretty cool dude.

.


And you're proof is? You want her to magically see what you see in yourself or to see what you actually showed her?

Do not call the girl this weekend man. Spare your dignity. It's over unless she comes back on her own.

You guys claim to be unexpirienced, come to get advice from guys who are expirienced, and then say "Idk. I think I'm going to do what I want anyway.". It doesn't get anymore silly than that.

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 10:14 pm 
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I understand your sentiment but to be perfectly honest, at this point I expect absolutely nothing from this phone call, so why not just phone call? I literally have nothing to lose here.

Worst case scenario will be that everything goes bad and I enrich myself with a worthwhile experience.

I mean you are correct in pointing out my inexperience and yes I did come here for advice. That doesn't mean that I won't try shit on my own, gain experience myself and learn from my own mistakes on a topic I have little experience in but depends a ton on gaining your own.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 10:26 pm 
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lkr200 wrote:
I understand your sentiment but to be perfectly honest, at this point I expect absolutely nothing from this phone call, so why not just phone call? I literally have nothing to lose here.

Worst case scenario will be that everything goes bad and I enrich myself with a worthwhile experience.


If you're ever going to get good at this, you have to learn how to walk away while their are still options available. I'm encouraging to begin working on that level of strengthening your character now by not hitting her up anymore. You lose that opportunity to develop yourself which is more important than a girl.

"I" <-- a guy with expirience. Is telling you <-- a guy with no expirience to leave the girl alone. What has listening to "you" gotten you thus far? How about you try something else. It will be better for you character in the long run if you completely leave her alone.

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 10:42 pm 
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First of all despite disagreeing with you here I truely appreciate your input.

As a general question though. How do you develop a character, inner game, strength or whatever you want to call it? In my opinion mostly through experience. You can read guides, follow advice from others or a certain routine but does this truely develop you as a person? To some extend it probably does due to fake it til you make it but making your own mistake, follow your own way is probably more helpful, a faster and also a more natural way to progress as a person as long as you consciously reflect on what went wrong.

I am inexperienced, had a girlfriend here and there but mostly by chance and not by choice and due self esteem issues was always a rather insecure person. Due to various reasons in my life and the choices I make it is getting progressively better though.

I like figuring stuff out my own and I don't see how this call and my progression as a person would be mutually exclusive. I rather see it as an opportunity to grow on my own. If she says no, so be it. If she says yes, I might have a good time.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 10:52 pm 
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You are looking at this wrong, possibly to justify what you may know is a bad idea.

WRONG: What's the worst that could happen? A straight cost-benefit analysis suggests that you won't lose money or experience pain or injury by doing this. Meanwhile, if it somehow works you get what you want!

RIGHT: There is a cost - your time and effort. You could take that time and effort and use it to find more girls. And the ceiling in terms of benefit is much higher. Thus, if the risk is equal you should go for the greater benefit.

As for inner game? I mean don't let dudes talk it up like you need to squeegee a third eye or anything. The rookie challenge is sticked on this forum. Go do it. Take notes on the results, and come back with any questions.

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 11:32 pm 
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Interesting point especially your read on my reasoning.

Still I don't think this phone call is taking much of my time or effort and is not hindering me from doing stuff in my life or meeting other women. Thinking about it, opening this thread and posting in it probably is taking a bit of my time but then again I think it's a good reflection on my behaviour and mindset behind it.

Haven't seen the rookie challenge yet, sounds interesing though.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 12:00 am 
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The Grand Puba
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OP, I want you to understand that women reject men in a soft manner in order to spare our egos. When a guy doesn't take the hint then they become more adamant in their decision to reject. If you ask her to meet up with you on the weekend it will build up a hostility towards you and she will get to the point of saying that you guys should just be friends.

Truthfully, this is too much trouble to be worth it.


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 12:18 am 
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The best case scenario here is that you will get into the friendzone. To answer what this thread asks, no. You can't recover. At least not now. If you hold up and see her again in a few weeks you might be able to try again, but she has already formed her opinion of you can you can't change it this week without making an ass out of yourself. The reason for this is that she knows what you're like now, so to change all of a sudden would make her think something was up.

I know you say you're inexperienced, so it is probably hard for you to let go of her which is why you want to keep trying. This alone is needy. She does not seem interested in you. If she was, you would not need to make a thread titled "can I recover?" You need to just accept it and move on. This is how you will grow.

I'm 22 and I would not make this mistake. You are 26. Just let go and try for a different girl, brother. You can attract them at least. It is just a matter of adjusting your game.

Cheers, brother

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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 9:11 pm 
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I am curious.
How did it end up?

From my point of view, you also need more inner game bro. I mean, you're assuming that the 2nd date was horrible and that she didnt enjoy... but did she tell you anything about it? What clues do u have of that?.
Anyway If a girl meets up with you despite being ill is a good signal, isn't it?
What I mean with this is that, correct me if I am mistaken, you're feeling rejected and you're feeling that it was your responsability to make her enjoy and have the best date ever.
About the 1st, I wouldn't say you've been completly rejected. I would say that you are being just a bit rejected, and just by the now.
Because with women rejection and sexual acceptance are not dual, are not black or white, they are like a thermostat. They dont either like you or not like you. Instead, they can like you at 10%, at 40%, at 80%. It is a scale question.
Ofc, if she liked you at 90% she would get time to see you from wherever.
But that she's declining it now doesnt mean that she doesnt like you at all, at 0%!. She may be at.. lets say 30-40%.
So what I would do is:
-Contact her each X time (once each 2 weeks)
-That contacts must be quick and esporadic. And you have to show value with each of them
-How do you show value? You can use a "false invitation" (Asking her out on a date expecting her not to go. Tell her you're going to a cool place that both like and to where you'll go anyway, but arrange everything so that she cant go. For instace if you both like a lot going to the mountain, you can tell her: "I am going tomorrow to X mountain with my craziest friends, this is going to be crazy!. I want you to come"" this is going to show her that you have an exciting life and that you do stuff, do projects.. which generates attraction on her.)
You can also have a quick conversation, in which you are funny and spark emotions, and send some Demonstrations of High value (talking her about a project you're gon' to carry out...)
Make sure to be you who finishes the conversation.
That way she'll have a good memory of you (That that you leave having triggered positive emotions) which is also value.
I put you an example:
You: Ok I just saw a creepy shady in the mountain which reminds me of you...tell me it isnt you and I'll run away
(Lets say you both love going to the mountains) (Here 1- you are creating value coz you're telling her that you're doing something cool, that is, camping in a mountain, 2- you say so in a funny and unlogical way, which sparks emotions on her, 3-the message includes something in which u both connect, that is, your passion for mountains. That amolifies everything.)
She: hahahaha no I am studying unfortunately!

(Here you dont reply. In that way you leave her with a good memory of you, which is the emotion that u just awoke on her, plus value)


-Ask her out (this time seriously) when she's done with their exams and stuff.


About the 2nd, you only own the 50% of the responsability to make the date awsome. Dont assume the 100% or your inner game will be affected negatively. (You'll be more nervous, you'll flow less)

By the way, I have also noticed that you are inpatient for solving the situation.
Correct me if I am wrong but I see that you're feeling the urge to solve it as soon as possible.
And that is normal ! It is a men's behaviour.
But women dont work that way. Unlike us They are willing to wait. You gotta adapt to that. If you think that you have to solve it as soon as possible, by meeting up with her, or contacting more often with her, you're wrong.
The more you do that, the worse for you.



Sorry for giving this advice a a bit late... maybe it is too late but.. Im giving it anyway for 2 reasons:
-Teaching others what u know or you know superficially is a way to make that knowledge deepen into your unconscious
-in case it helps you in future cases

Good luck !


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 Post subject: Re: Can I recover?
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2017 7:23 am 
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It was a no thanks.

Don't take it personally.

Chalk it up to the game.

These situations will lessen when you meet more women. When you meet them for the first time and when you're with them later, act towards them as though they're your g/f, in a socially calibrated manner.


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