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I'd love to read the lay report. I think you made the correct decision, brother. Considering you know the whole family, could make things weird. I don't know why she doesn't take that into consideration when making choices. That post above speaks a lot of truth.
Women will be manipulative whether it's intentional or not. I can definitely think of some situations I've been in where that has been present. If a girl is overly nice for example and goes to a bar with a guy, not necessarily a guy she's dating but there with, and she gets approached by a different fella; she might engage in conversation with him. Say he asks for her number and she doesn't want to hurt his confidence so she gives it to him, meanwhile the other guy is now getting pissed because "his girl" is getting pick up in front of him. She doesn't even see the wrong in what she's doing.
Not a direct solution to this thread but something that is still relevant nonetheless.
Cheers, brother.
The family situation is not too bad to be fair. Her brother totally understand where I am coming from, her dad will as well and her mum also understands. I will see the kids on my terms when I am visiting her brother or other family members for a catchup over a cuppa. Nothing stopping her taking the kids round to see me when I am there but that is it. If she choses not to then that's her choice. No skin off my nose.