she gets distant after 2nd date



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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2017 10:09 am 
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I am relatively naïve at dating.
Thanks to my improved abilities of seduccion I met this girl at a nightclub.
I had value, and I qualified her. She was really into me. She tried to comply me all the time and so on.
She was that much into me that she went back home with me (and a friend of mine) (it is important to say that, we had a friend in common, who was not the friend we went back home with)

Well, I did not kiss her on the way home nor at the club (I think I could but anyway :). 2 days after I asked her out, and without any resistance she accepted. No resistance, No objection, no playing hard to get.. everything was going perfect.
The 1st date went good, I kissed her, though we did not have any long make out session.
I asked her out 2-3 days later again. She couldn't (really). I asked her again the week after, and we got out again(btw the initial plan that I propounded was to come to my home. She accepted at the beginning, but I started to notice her nervous with the idea so I decided to just get out). Here, on the 2nd date som things happened:

(Well before mentioning them, I have to say that she is shy with guys, and I suspect that she lacks of sexual experience, which me too in reality. She has not had any serious relationship and she described herself as really shy with guys unless she is drunk. Well, she is also shy in general)

-I was expecting a good makeout session. I took her to a bench as soon as I could. But it was me who had to look for the kiss all the time. She did not remain with her head tilted to me or sonething, indeed she was looking in front, so i had to make weird moves with my neck to start a kiss every time haha. Every time she looked at me I stared at her eyes, she smiled and turned her head away again(shyness?). Every time I did kiss her, the kiss lasted like 10s, then she turned her head away. And an uncomfortable or lets say weird silence came up, which she filled bringing any stupid topic of conversation.
This happened a bit on the 1st date too.
I do not understand.. other girls have and look for the make out session, with her, she was like "absent". (You may think now that Im a bad kisser. Well , idk if I am, but the other girls I made out with were not so insipid! They literally chased my mouth)

-She told a joke, and finished it saying "I am your girlfriend" or something like that. I am not looking for anything serious so I did not know what to say. There was just silence
Although I realized and later on on the date I would joke a bit saying that I am her bf or hinting it. But well..

-Maybe she noticed me too eager for having a makeout session. Which activated her shields

-Maybe I asked her out too much?. I told her on the date that we should date more often and that I felt like it (in a funny and humoristic way).

-We (well, I) have not produced comfort and "romance" enough yet.
We have not talked about ourselves enough

Well, after the 2nd date, i texted her.. she tended to reply. But I ended the conversation twice, coz I wanted to see if she initiated it (I did the same after the 1st date and she did!) She did not text me at all. After a week I have texted her, asking her out, with a casual and no implied sexual plan (buying clothes). She told me that now she has exams (that is true)and she is short of time but that maybe one day and bla bla bla. Well the conversation continued a bit until she left me a double/blue checked.


My hypothesis: I think that she thinks that All im looking for is sex. And this has activated her shields.
But anyway.. I am really interested in your opinions and advice !


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PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2017 2:16 pm 
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bossom wrote:
My hypothesis: I think that she thinks that All im looking for is sex. And this has activated her shields.
But anyway.. I am really interested in your opinions and advice !


I think the opposite.

There's not a lot to go on here, except your previous posts suggest you don't lead in a sexual manner from the beginning.

Quote:
I did not kiss her on the way home nor at the club (I think I could but anyway :). 2 days after I asked her out,


Her lack of enthusiasm speaks volumes. She's already nexted you I think. It's hard to know exactly why. It could be any reason and you may never know exactly why with any one particular woman. You can only sorta guess by your last failures and adjust for the next one.

The common denominator I see here is ....claiming these girl become 'insipid'.

Quote:
And an uncomfortable or lets say weird silence came up, which she filled bringing any stupid topic of conversation.


Where you were to push the envelope further but didn't?

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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 7:47 pm 
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You probably missed your window of opportunity, you had a chance, you settled with a kiss and now the window has closed. It happens, learn from it, next time, don't make the same mistake.

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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 7:59 pm 
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The girl is never going to say "just fuck me already." Eventually you have to make a play and risk a shutdown before she assumes your lack of playmaking is a lack of interest.

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 12:05 am 
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Three things:

1. You failed to escalate because you can't pull the trigger (low testosterone).

2. You talked too much; probably so much more than the girl did.

3. You framed yourself as the woman and her as the man.

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 12:45 pm 
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You lost this one brother. Time to go on to the next.

Learn from your mistakes. You know the situation better than anybody. What do you think you did to cause this?
Girls are super confusing. Sometimes a guy and girl will hit it off initially but that doesn't mean that same feeling of excitement is going to continue through the entire duration of the time you spend with her. She is shy. Maybe she isn't ready for what you were ready for. I don't know the girl. I do know a very shy girl who's 20 and still a virgin. She's super cute, but she's definitely not into guys so much. What kind of history does your girl have with guys??

Cheers

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 2:43 pm 
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Lol

I love how so many of you guys start making excuses and/or rationalizing a girls behavior to us as if you actually know the reason for her actions. If you did, you wouldn't be here asking. None of the reasons you stated were the reasons she did anything she did. She could be shy, she could be nervous but that's irrelevant.

The only thing relevant here is the game you "became" once you started getting closer to her. The "club guy" that didn't have any expectations, that was just out conversating, meeting women, and having a good time seemed to completely vanish by the second date. And thus, the compliant girl that she was initially vanished in response to you. You became a desperate, you start over analyzing her behaviors, and second guessing yourself. So, in response she became distant, over analytical of you, and thus she started to second guess you.

Are you really a fun free attractive guy? Or were you just very successful at pretending you were for that one night you were high off the enviorment? That's what she has to contemplate. In the meantime you need to hit the brakes, give her a little space, keep getting out there and meeting new women and let her come to you.

Her reasons are irrelevant. The only thing here is, she just wasn't into it the second time around. And you need to know how to back off a bit when that occurs. Show some self control. History doesn't mean anything in the beginning stages of talking to women.

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 11:48 pm 
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Eddie Fews wrote:
I love how so many of you guys start making excuses and/or rationalizing a girls behavior to us as if you actually know the reason for her actions. If you did, you wouldn't be here asking. None of the reasons you stated were the reasons she did anything she did. She could be shy, she could be nervous but that's irrelevant.

The only thing relevant here is the game you "became" once you started getting closer to her. The "club guy" that didn't have any expectations, that was just out conversating, meeting women, and having a good time seemed to completely vanish by the second date. And thus, the compliant girl that she was initially vanished in response to you. You became a desperate, you start over analyzing her behaviors, and second guessing yourself. So, in response she became distant, over analytical of you, and thus she started to second guess you.


This is spot on.




Quote:
Her reasons are irrelevant. The only thing here is, she just wasn't into it the second time around. And you need to know how to back off a bit when that occurs. Show some self control. History doesn't mean anything in the beginning stages of talking to women.



Yep.

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 11:58 pm 
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bossom wrote:
She was that much into me that she went back home with me (and a friend of mine) (it is important to say that, we had a friend in common, who was not the friend we went back home with)


Well, I did not kiss her on the way home nor at the club (I think I could but anyway :).


Why not? When a woman goes home with you, kiss her.


Quote:
The 1st date went good, I kissed her, though we did not have any long make out session.


Why not? Not having long make outs is a failure on any date. Remember that.



Quote:
(Well before mentioning them, I have to say that she is shy with guys, and I suspect that she lacks of sexual experience, which me too in reality. She has not had any serious relationship and she described herself as really shy with guys unless she is drunk. Well, she is also shy in general)


none of that matters.


Quote:
-I was expecting a good makeout session. I took her to a bench as soon as I could. But it was me who had to look for the kiss all the time. She did not remain with her head tilted to me or sonething, indeed she was looking in front, so i had to make weird moves with my neck to start a kiss every time haha.


Sounds like very tentative kissing, keeping your hands at your side, leaning over. This is how a boy kisses.

A man grabs neck, jaw, waist, puts his had on her back, pulls her towards him. A man has passion and dominance.



Quote:
Every time I did kiss her, the kiss lasted like 10s, then she turned her head away. And an uncomfortable or lets say weird silence came up, which she filled bringing any stupid topic of conversation.
This happened a bit on the 1st date too.


You might be a bad kisser. Top three complaint of women.

Quote:
-Maybe I asked her out too much?. I told her on the date that we should date more often and that I felt like it (in a funny and humoristic way).


NO. don't talk meta with new women. Be aware of barfing up negative emotions early, and even in a LTR.


Quote:
Well, after the 2nd date, i texted her.. she tended to reply. But I ended the conversation twice, coz I wanted to see if she initiated it (I did the same after the 1st date and she did!) She did not text me at all. After a week I have texted her, asking her out, with a casual and no implied sexual plan (buying clothes).



clothes shopping? lol. you're taking action based on fear. Women know what you want (sex), so just be real with them. they find it refreshing.




Quote:
My hypothesis: I think that she thinks that All im looking for is sex. And this has activated her shields.
But anyway.. I am really interested in your opinions and advice !


I think she didn't like how you kissed, otherwise she'd be all over you.

There are no "sex shields", lol.

Sometimes it just doesn't work out with a woman.

Back off for a month and talk to other women. Then text her an invite to your place for Netflix. If she passes, continue to see other women and move on.

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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 2:01 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
bossom wrote:


Quote:
The 1st date went good, I kissed her, though we did not have any long make out session.


Why not? Not having long make outs is a failure on any date. Remember that.



Quote:
-I was expecting a good makeout session. I took her to a bench as soon as I could. But it was me who had to look for the kiss all the time. She did not remain with her head tilted to me or sonething, indeed she was looking in front, so i had to make weird moves with my neck to start a kiss every time haha.


Sounds like very tentative kissing, keeping your hands at your side, leaning over. This is how a boy kisses.

A man grabs neck, jaw, waist, puts his had on her back, pulls her towards him. A man has passion and dominance.



Quote:
Every time I did kiss her, the kiss lasted like 10s, then she turned her head away. And an uncomfortable or lets say weird silence came up, which she filled bringing any stupid topic of conversation.
This happened a bit on the 1st date too.


You might be a bad kisser. Top three complaint of women.

Quote:
-Maybe I asked her out too much?. I told her on the date that we should date more often and that I felt like it (in a funny and humoristic way).


NO. don't talk meta with new women. Be aware of barfing up negative emotions early, and even in a LTR.



I know.. I was looking for a long make out on the 2 dates. But it just didnt happen. With other women it does happen though.
The kino was good as I was touching her a lot, specially her neck, massaging it, which she told me that she really liked. (She didnt touch me back though, I guess thats because of her shyness. It cant be otherwise as at that moment she was really into me and showing a lot of interest). Thats what concerned/surprised me... the fact that I was not getting a long make out! She did not let the kiss last!
(I repeat, other women do let it last)

About wanting to see her more often, I did not want to have to spend a month (or more) on weekly dates until she frees and opens herself, My idea was to see her more often (2-3 dates per week) so that that confidence between us is built faster, and thus we fuck sooner
(She is virgin, and doesnt have too much sexual experience. So that I guess that more confidence is required between us in order to "free" her from her shyness and make her act more sexually)
So that was also my question, is there any way to see her more often without losing value (looking needy or too much available).?
You may say "Just go and talk to other women". Well that would be good too, but doesnt respond my question

Thanks for your reply !
Regards


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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 3:18 pm 
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Why do you want to spend two to three dates a week to lay a chick who probably is gonna suck in bed? Where are your other options? Not trying to be rude but if you're looking for sexual experience yourself you don't spend your time on a virgin when other women are out there


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PostPosted: Sat May 13, 2017 1:09 am 
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You can tell a trajectory a girl is on very soon after you meet her. Is she feeling you, does she seem DTF? Or is she doing all the annoying stuff that overly complicated types do that make the dating experience not fun?

When things are going good, we follow our normal course of action and it gets us what we want. When things are going bad, we often think that we can continue our normal course of action and simply hope for things to get better. But that rarely works out for us.

If she starts being uncooperative or weird, then you should get distant and cryptic and make her very much feel the awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings she is giving to you. Remember, she loses all leverage and power over you the SECOND you show disinterest in her. Once a woman realizes she lost that power, her behavior will often change. Instead of investing more, you should be investing less into her.

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PostPosted: Sat May 13, 2017 1:19 am 
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bossom wrote:
The kino was good as I was touching her a lot, specially her neck, massaging it, which she told me that she really liked.


I don't like this kind of kino before having sex with a girl. This is more of a bf/gf type of affection, and works to diffuse tension. It can be awkward as hell too. Kissing is much less awkward.

Quote:
(She didnt touch me back though, I guess thats because of her shyness.


No, it's because it's weak game. You're acting like a male butler/pleaser. Going for the kiss is taking what you want, it's hot.

Quote:
It cant be otherwise as at that moment she was really into me and showing a lot of interest). Thats what concerned/surprised me... the fact that I was not getting a long make out! She did not let the kiss last!
(I repeat, other women do let it last)


Well, you can't win them all.

Quote:
About wanting to see her more often, I did not want to have to spend a month (or more) on weekly dates until she frees and opens herself, My idea was to see her more often (2-3 dates per week) so that that confidence between us is built faster, and thus we fuck sooner


you can't force a girl to go out with you. You show up on a first date, escalate, and see what happens. Wait for her to hit you up.

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