Hi guys,

So I wrote a post about a girl last week. Well, to sum it up, I met her las month, we had 3 dates (drinks; drinks+kiss; dinner+sex) and we felt great. The night we spent together was amazing: great chemistry, nice sex, lot of laughs, etc.

But, from the day after we had sex, I felt in my gut that something was going on with her. The sex date was amazing. Sex was good, we laughed a lot... we were almost 12 hours together. We both felt chemistry; relaxed and calmed next to each other; wich is not something easy to find.

Anyway, we arranged a date for yesterday night. We shared some drinks and I could tell she was not 100% there. Keep in mind that she is a yoga instructor (shitty hours, working from 8 am to 9.30 pm) so she was tired... but I could tell that being tired was not the only thing that was going on with her. The date was fine, ups and downs (moments when I knew she was out somewhere and moment when she was totally in there with me).

When we were about to split up, she started to explain her hours and, even though she wanted to see me again, it would be difficult for her bla bla bla. I replied that she owed me no explanation at all and that she and I are both busy persons and it's something that I like. The she said she wanted to see me again but (and here starts the interesting shit) just to grab a drink or something. She did not want what happened last time (sex) to happen again... she did not said it too convinced but she said it. She did not regret it. It was great, she felt amazing... maybe too much and she does not want to be hooked or attached to anybody. I said 'nobody is talking about that. If we both want to keep seeing each other, let's just do that'.

So the conversations was on those terms. There was a moment when I felt I had to go all in. I knew what was happening to her. In our 3rd date (dinner+sex) she told me about this guy. They had been seeing each other for about 5 months, until 2 months ago he 'broke up' with her (he had some mental problems). So... the fucking fucked up shit happened last month (a few weeks before I met her) when this guy... committed fucking SUICIDE. When she told me about I felt so fucking sad. Since one of my best friends from childhood committed suicide in 2008... I could tell how she felt. She also added on that dinner that she felt guilty about it, although there is no reason for that.

So I brought that subject into our conversation last night and she said yes... that is why she is like this right now. She is sad. Obviously. She is fucked up inside-.

The thing is: we both felt great on our 3rd date; we both appreciate life allowed us to meet. I told her I understand what is she going through but, in my case, when I meet somebody who gets my attention... I want to keep seeing that person. Is not something common in my case (all the girls I have been for the past year... let's say I did not 'care').

She added the typical shit of 'I want us to be friends for the moment' and that she wants to keep seeing me. I replied that I don't want us to be friends and that it looks like she wants everything with that 'friends' shit (seeing each other but with emergency brake on) and that if she wants to see me she knows where to reach me. Also I added that (regarding that suicide shit) I am here for her. Then I left.

So, IMO, in a short term future, it's bad news. She is not ready to meet someone and she is closed in her armor in order to protect herself from something so fucking terrible that happened to her.

But, in a med/long term is good news, we both had a great time together, we feel we have chemistry and things in common.

My next move is... no move at all. Give her her space and keep dating with the other girls.

So that is my history with this particular girl that has got my attention more than just sex.

If you have anything to say about it, any advice or any past experience... any reply will be more than welcome.

Peace.

Just distance yourself from her.
Stop doing that. Just seduce her.

You can however send something like this: "I would invite you to come over this weekend, but I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself."

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yup. That's what I'm gonna do.
Nah. Maybe next weekend. She needs space.

Negotiating what the relationship is is always a bad move when you are negotiating from the position of weakness. I get that you were trying to be cool and calm about things and show how you can be understanding and supportive about everything that she's going through so she can see that you care. As cold or as harsh as this may sound, this early in you shouldn't care. You showing that you're the caring and sensitive type that will take what he can get from her in this situation gives her the security of knowing that you will be there when she's ready. In her mind she is in full control of where things go from here. There is no incentive for her to think that she should act now and allows her to procrastinate and during that time you'll become less important to her. ALL women should think that if she doesn't want you now will be hard pressed in getting you in the future. I'm not telling you to be rude. You can tell her that you hope everything works out for her and walk away from it.

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I agree but here is the thing: I just said that at the beginning of the convo. When she started to complicate things and when said the 'friends' shit, that's when I said to her 'I don't want to be your friends' and left after that. Anyway... is this particular case... is difficult. A person you have been dating commites suicide... must break you.
Actually... that is basically what I did.

The point is that it never should have been said. Then you really didn't walk away either. You offered to be a friend by saying that you were there for her. When you do that, you've just agreed to her terms.

I agree that a person she's dated commits suicide may break her, but it's not your responsibility to help her get through it unless you view yourself as just her friend. You're not going to get the girl by being there for her when she needs you. You're going to be a shoulder to cry on until the next guy comes along. I'm not unsympathetic to the situation she's in but she was going through that before she met you. If she didn't meet you, she would still be going through it.

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You should just ask other girls on dates, a bunch of them, then after a couple more good dates that go well, invite her out again when you don't really care if it works out with her again.

Just to chill a bit more and cool down, be more relaxed.

I agree with pumpington. This is the "Abundance Mentality". Bang a few girls, and then go back to this girl again and see how it works out.


Their pussy is the one leverage that women have over us. It's funny because their strength is also their weakness, and our strength. Having the options of multiple pussy, is our only leverage over them.


-G

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LEARNING GAME IS LAME!..Right up until the point when you will eventually see a hot girl standing or sitting right in front of you. In that moment..you will wish that you had learned game!

I understand, dude. Thanks for your reply. So, what is your advice? What would you do in this case?

For sure man. I am already on it. There is other girls I am dating.

I don't have any advice for this girl because everything that's happened has happened and I'm not big on trying to patch up mistakes because there are so many girls out there just as good as this one. I was trying to get you thinking about next time you come across girls that have issues or start giving you reasons on why you two shouldn't see each other.

Don't try to negotiate for more than what a girl says that she wants to give. If she defines the boundaries of what she wants from you verbally, don't worry about it. Trying to verbally make a deal will cause her to want to dig in her heels and stick to what she has told you. Instead if you just acknowledge what she says with something like, "I understand" or not acknowledge it at all then you have a chance of escalating to sex the next time you see her.

Don't offer to be her platonic friend when you want more than that. She will hear that and hold you to your word if you try anything. You can eventually come back from this, but why even put yourself in that position?

Don't try to take on the roll of her hero. There are tons of men that do all of those things and most of them walk away empty handed and taken advantage of.

Most of the time when a girl has sex with you and she pulls the "I'm not ready" or "let's just be friends" type of thing will come back within days or weeks without you having to reach out to them.

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I get it. So when I girl tries to define those boundaries you just 'ignore' her words, right? If she says 'let's just be friends' you just say 'ok, perfect' and keep going like she did not say anything?

I did not realise I put myself in that position, but I will learn from this and from your words. Thanks all for your replies!

Yes! And then continue to escalate!


It's the same way that you would handle a girl's "shit test" like; "But i have a boyfriend", or "But i don't even know you, we just met", or "Let's just be friends"


Words that i use is to respond to those kind of shit tests are; "Yeah that's cool..blah blah blah", or "No problem..blah blah blah", or "Yeah i understand..blah blah blah"


You want to briefly acknowledge to her that you understand her terms (in just 2 or 3 words - just like in my 3 examples above), just so that you can give her a false sense of security, to bypass her defenses. Once you've done that..just continue your escalation as if you never even heard her say it.


-G

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LEARNING GAME IS LAME!..Right up until the point when you will eventually see a hot girl standing or sitting right in front of you. In that moment..you will wish that you had learned game!

Pumpington and GFRESH2DEF win the internet today. As usual. No sarcasm; real talk.

Thanks all for your replies. I truly learned something here. Talk soon.