How would you guys approach this...or is it a write off.



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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:07 am 
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Hi,

first of all, I know what ya gonna say, don't hang yourself up on one girl, but at the end of the day this isn't the first time this has happened. I know why I've ended up in this spot as it seems to have become a recent trend of mine and I am slowly working through the issues or whatever to prevent this course from repeating itself to often.
but I'm not looking for advice to undo what has or hasn't been done rather advice to reel her back in once i've flopped.

So heres what happened....
-met on tinder
-went for a drink at a local bar for a chat & meet, found I share some common passions with her (sports, being an entreprenuear etc). I think we both found the conversation interesting, although I failed to pull all the emotional strings & be cheeky/fun or neg etc.
-2nd date, she suggested we go for a walk along the beachfront and coffee... We did that again struggled to push past the small talk bs, At the end of the date I suggested we goto the movies soon as i had won a double pass.
- texted her today, asking if she thought the movie was her type to watch, and my reply... "Hi, you seem like a nice guy, but I dont see this going anywhere. Best of luck in the tindersphere."

Now i can see 4 options from here...
1. do nothing and write it off
2. suggest we have a professional relationship, she has skills and i could learn a lot from her (and vice versa)
3. lets just be friends
4. say something along the lines of....You & I havent had long enough to warm upto each other. (which is mostly true, when im on point the ladies of my past relationships have found me to be quite funny. I think i just lack the courage sometimes to take the risk of offending them with my weird sense of humour.

Thoughts/opinions anyone? again i'm looking for advice on how to react to this situation rather than write it off.

Thanks in advance


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:17 am 
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Think about your mistakes and what you can do better next time. And then just move on


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:46 am 
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so you're saying she is definitely a write off? Because I'm looking for advice to try stretch my luck further. Like I said relationships aside she has skills that are of interest to me, and I'd really like to keep her on side for that reason if no other. But i do genuinely find her attractive, more so her mindset


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 9:58 am 
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Kiwiguy wrote:
so you're saying she is definitely a write off? Because I'm looking for advice to try stretch my luck further. Like I said relationships aside she has skills that are of interest to me, and I'd really like to keep her on side for that reason if no other. But i do genuinely find her attractive, more so her mindset


You're looking for advice on how to unbreak a glass. You can't. So next time, don't break it in the first place. Two actionless and passive dates are literally you wasting her time. That's the real risk, not her getting offended over your weird sense of humor, whatever that means. And her skill set is not that important to you. You're simply using it as a means to rationalize motives to keep holding on.

Kiwiguy wrote:
-2nd date, she suggested we go for a walk along the beachfront and coffee... We did that again struggled to push past the small talk bs, At the end of the date I suggested we goto the movies soon as i had won a double pass.


The words coffee and date should not be used in the same sentence. If you're out for coffee you're not out on a date. And what makes it even worse in this scenario is that you used it as a follow-up to a great idea (drinks). At this point you effectively went backwards.

Here's a question for you OP. At what point, or on which date were you planning to make a move?

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 10:22 am 
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Don't know, guess i was hoping the conversation would start steering in the direction where i could be more comfortable taking these risks that I mention or on -the-fly I would just have a great idea of how to take it to that level. Im not a big fan of this scripted stuff, I feel if i used it i wouldnt come across as genuine.

But yep OK I get the picture, I broke the glass, it cannot be mended.
I've been putting off some other girls while I've been pursuing her, and I'm always busy AF anyways, they could be duds by this stage too lol)

Thats fine, I'll just move on...In the past when on dates i would often say things that would put us together in a future tense as if we were already together, like..."one day we'll look back on this moment together and laugh" or " when we have kids...." - lame examples but you get the picture. So maybe I'll try using that again. At least that one way to break away from small talk however brief.

in regards to her skillset, you are wrong, she has a specific skill, and if it not her that will help me it will most definitely be someone else. But I'd prefer her, because she is local & well established & maybe i'll even save some money or get free advice so... (in all the time I've been around I haven't come across someone that can help me in this area). And yes no doubt the thought of a 2nd chance lies within that strategy as she would soon begin to know me on a deeper level where I'm more comfortable to joke and push buttons etc.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:27 am 
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Kiwiguy wrote:
Don't know, guess i was hoping the conversation would start steering in the direction where i could be more comfortable taking these risks that I mention or on -the-fly I would just have a great idea of how to take it to that level. Im not a big fan of this scripted stuff, I feel if i used it i wouldnt come across as genuine.

Who said anything about scripted stuff? Nobody is advocating that bullshit. Genuine is the way to go. But that's not what you were doing. You were being passive.
Don't base your success with women on random chance. Instead of hoping the conversation randomly steers in a given direction, assume that responsibility yourself and steer it yourself in whichever direction you want.

Kiwiguy wrote:
Thats fine, I'll just move on...In the past when on dates i would often say things that would put us together in a future tense as if we were already together, like..."one day we'll look back on this moment together and laugh" or " when we have kids...." - lame examples but you get the picture. So maybe I'll try using that again. At least that one way to break away from small talk however brief.

You should focus more on learning to express yourself and less on trying to impress. Don't tiptoe around being afraid to show who you are. Don't do thing that are out of character for you and at the same time don't suppress your character.

Kiwiguy wrote:
in regards to her skillset, you are wrong, she has a specific skill, and if it not her that will help me it will most definitely be someone else. But I'd prefer her, because she is local & well established & maybe i'll even save some money or get free advice so... (in all the time I've been around I haven't come across someone that can help me in this area). And yes no doubt the thought of a 2nd chance lies within that strategy as she would soon begin to know me on a deeper level where I'm more comfortable to joke and push buttons etc.

Pushing buttons and making jokes are the baselines of flirting. You don't need a deeper level of knowing each other in order to flirt. If you let fear of rejection to guvnor your interactions with women you'll always be playing to *not lose* instead of playing to win.

Ofcourse you won't be comfortable doing that at first but there's a reason it's called a "comfort zone" and that's exactly how you expand it.

PS: Don't go down the road of "second chances". If you're an aspiring entrepreneur then you should know the importance of recognizing a dead deal and knowing when to cut losses and move on. Wishful thinking never landed anyone any success.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:39 am 
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Kiwiguy wrote:
- texted her today, asking if she thought the movie was her type to watch, and my reply... "Hi, you seem like a nice guy, but I dont see this going anywhere. Best of luck in the tindersphere."

Now i can see 4 options from here...
1. do nothing and write it off
2. suggest we have a professional relationship, she has skills and i could learn a lot from her (and vice versa)
3. lets just be friends
4. say something along the lines of....You & I havent had long enough to warm upto each other. (which is mostly true, when im on point the ladies of my past relationships have found me to be quite funny. I think i just lack the courage sometimes to take the risk of offending them with my weird sense of humour.

Thoughts/opinions anyone? again i'm looking for advice on how to react to this situation rather than write it off.

Thanks in advance


You have to remember that women's communication & understanding is on a sub-communication level, and men's communication & understanding is on a logical level. So i can see why you're thinking logically of the different things that it can mean and what you can do about it. Whenever i see or hear the line "You seem like a nice guy, but i don't see this going anywhere". What she is sub-communicating is actually pretty harsh. She's basically saying "You are a pussy, and i don't fuck guys who are pussies". Women who lose attraction for you will never tell you that outright, because their nature is to avoid direct confrontation. But in retrospect..it might be alot nicer if they did just come out and say that they're not attracted to us because she think we're pussies. That would probably clear things up alot more and erase any notions of mixed signals in our heads, regarding "is she actually not interested in me?" or "is she just playing hard-to-get?". Sorry bro..i can tell you from personal experience when a girl texts/messages/or says "You seem like a nice guy, but i don't see this going anywhere", it definitely means that she is not interested in you. More specifically..she lost attraction for you.


Now you can probably get her back later down the line, but that usually takes her seeing you later on in life when you've become a more successful and awesome guy in her eyes. I had that happen to me before. A girl that i knew in college thought i was the lamest guy ever. She was a real cute brown skin black chick with thick thighs and a big booty. So she was always being hit on by guys. I did try to hit on her whenever i saw her..but needless to say, i got blown out harshly. I took a few months off college. I came back with a re-newed mindset, better fashion sense, and slimmer look. She was one of the 1st girls in my grill once i got back to my college after taking a few months off. She kept complimenting me on how cute i look now, how i dressed better and yata..yata..yata. Not too long after that, i eventually ended up fucking her, which is one of the best revenge stories that you'll ever hear from a guy who eventually ended up fucking the girl in college that thought that she was way too cool for him. I ended up fucking this same girl the 2nd time, a couple years later..while she had a boyfriend. :lol: :twisted: This girl became a long time friend of mines since then.


And by-the-way..i didn't change for her, it was something that i was going through personally at the time. Luckily i made it to the other side (the light side) of that dark period that i was in. But you don't need to make all of these adjustments to yourself. If i was you..i would freeze her out (and i don't mean as a technique). Actually stop talking to this girl, and talk to other girls who actually are interested in you. Now maybe when you feel like you are more abundant, because you are fucking multiple girls..i would then try to message her again and see if you can get her back. Ironically..you probably will get her back at the point because girls can sense when a guy is in abundance. And girls are attracted to that abundance like a magnet.


-G

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:07 am 
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Kiwiguy wrote:
Hi,
So heres what happened....
-met on tinder
-went for a drink at a local bar for a chat & meet, found I share some common passions with her (sports, being an entreprenuear etc). I think we both found the conversation interesting, although I failed to pull all the emotional strings & be cheeky/fun or neg etc.


Tease and be playful.

Quote:
-2nd date


What the fuck?

No escalation on date 1?

That's a failed date. Use a combination of playfulness and teasing to reduce anxiety and increase sexual innuendo.

Do yourself a favor and watch the series "Californication". That's how a guy acts who gets laid on the regular. Women love it.

Just get to the point. The combination of a decent physique and directness will drastically increase your first date hook ups.

I allow 45 minutes on a date before I ask a woman back to my place (assuming she makes the cut, which is about a 10% rate when I'm single).

Women DO NOT want you to drag them along on multiple dates with no escalation. It's boring as hell, and conveys a weak man skirting around SCIENCE and REALITY (IE, men and women go on dates to get laid).


Quote:
she suggested we go for a walk along the beachfront and coffee... We did that again struggled to push past the small talk bs


You failed again to be playful and teasing.

Quote:
At the end of the date I suggested we goto the movies soon as i had won a double pass.
- texted her today, asking if she thought the movie was her type to watch, and my reply... "Hi, you seem like a nice guy, but I dont see this going anywhere. Best of luck in the tindersphere."


hahha, man. Ah that sucks, but saw it coming from a mile away.

You basically acted like you didn't have a dick. Do not be afraid of going for what you want. Women respect a man who respects their time and who gets to the point.

The movie thing was sad.


Quote:
1. do nothing and write it off


This.

Quote:
4. say something along the lines of....You & I havent had long enough to warm upto each other. (which is mostly true, when im on point the ladies of my past relationships have found me to be quite funny. I think i just lack the courage sometimes to take the risk of offending them with my weird sense of humour.


No, this is terrible. You had two dates to act like a dominant male and seduce a woman (and be good in bed).
Attractive women have guys lining up. If you act sexless, you're gone.

Have you ever heard women talk with their girlfriends?

It's dirty, man. and to the point. They don't fuck around, and neither should you.

Women want shocking honesty, firm, direct men, teasing, to catch a buzz, have mindblowing passionate sex (orgasms), and then to have you tell them your secrets while snuggling.

Rinse and fucking repeat. Everything else is COMPLETE BULLSHIT, and then we die.

I had a threesome last night with my gf and one of her friends. They were so dirty even I was shocked temporarily. It was filthy, lol.

Women are wild animals, not princesses or fragile flowers. They are generally more intelligent than men, and probably like sex even more. There are no "tricks". You be yourself, hit the gym, and use playful honesty and teasing and lead. This is what separates yourself from the nice guys who get friend-zoned.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:53 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
I had a threesome last night with my gf and one of her friends. They were so dirty even I was shocked temporarily. It was filthy, lol.

Women are wild animals, not princesses or fragile flowers. They are generally more intelligent than men, and probably like sex even more.

I agree with you 100% Arch. Lol

It was common for me to hear from fuck buddies, that after sex with them..i really thought that i was breaking them off something vicious in the bedroom. My ego speaking of course. lol Only for them to tell me that..not only did these girls have more in the tank to go another round or two, but they would often tell me that they haven't even shown me their true freaky side yet. :shock: These are girls that i've banged several times on different occasions, telling me that i haven't seen anything yet. Meanwhile, i'm like; all i want to do is rince my dick off in her sink..grab a snack (i usually crave a snack after sex)..watch some tv..and pass the fuck out. LOl


-G

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:11 am 
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I have had these. I am calling it a write-off per se.

If you knew much about her, you could try bumping into her "accidentally" every now and then, wearing nice clothes, being manly. If you can't bump into her life this, it may well be finished.

However, I would ask her one simple question. If she is nice, tell her something like:
"That's cool, girl. I appreciate you being honest. Obviously, I am still going to be out meeting girls via Tinder so can you tell me what I could have done better to keep you interested, so I can better myself?"

She might be nice enough to friend-zone you and guide you and maybe there will be a chance again.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 10:05 am 
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GFRESH2DEF wrote:
These are girls that i've banged several times on different occasions, telling me that i haven't seen anything yet. Meanwhile, i'm like; all i want to do is rince my dick off in her sink..grab a snack (i usually crave a snack after sex)..watch some tv..and pass the fuck out. LOl-G

That's some Real shit right there bro. I can relate.


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