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I am new to this place and am just curious how to play the game that is "hook-ups".
Bit about myself. I am in a very weird place in my life as I feel like I am competent and confident in my daily life but I struggle to commit to relationships in general. I am sure my high standards play a vital role in my inability to attract women. I have been really introverted my whole life but I consider myself rather good in social situations. I can make a group of people laugh, can start a convo, can small-talk (although despise it) etc. But I become quite shy and block-y when I am around women I like. I can mantain friendship with them but I struggle to make something sexual out of it. It's like I am afraid to be vulnerable and be so intimate with somebody. I will start acting weird once somebody touches me and once I know things are starting to heat up, my natural response is to pull back and run.
Plenty of people play the "high standards" card as an excuse when in reality they just lack the experience. I also have high standards OP, but there's no shortage of women that meet them once you actually talk to them regularly.
Besides, having standards plays
into attraction, not against it.
Anyway, being comfortable with vulnerability and intimacy takes practice. At first, you need to fight the urge to pull back.
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I hate being like that but honestly I know why this is happening to me. In childhood my family did a great job of turning everything sexual into taboo. They didn't let me watch people kiss each other and they didn't show me much physical affection either. So I kind of grew up deprived of love and being able to show and feel love.
That can only hinder you as much as you let it do so. Make it a point to start expanding your comfort zone.
[quote="Ganked by Mom"
This has carried on into my adult life. Right now I don't even want to be in long-term relationships because I feel like women are quite annoying and require too much attention (high-maintenance). I want to pursue my other life goals but deep inside I feel like I still crave some affection from women. So I thought that casual dating with the aim of having sex sounds like the best solution for now.
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Needy & insecure women are annoying and require absurd amounts of attention, just like needy & insecure men. Not
all of them. And this ties to the inexperience I mentioned above.
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And here's where I try to get some input from you guys. I was wondering what are some of the best strategies to casually date under following constraints:
1)I am very efficiency sensitive, I don't like wasting my time on long games. If I feel like I have to invest too much time in heating things up with no clear indication of success then I prefer to just bail early.
2)I would say my looks is something 6/10. I am working out and planning to lose a lot of weight, also improving my overall style. In few months I dare to say I could become 7/10. I think my biggest problem are my bad teeth - they are not completely fucked up but are definitely not straight. This of course makes me uncomfortable flashing excessive smiles.
3)I am terrible at dancing and generally fail to strike a convo or any game in clubs.
4)I tend to be emotionally blunt, so I am naturally terrible at projecting emotions which I think is pretty important to women as they speak and act on emotional basis.
5)My online dating pool is very limited as I live in a small country. I did manage to strike my first ever date on Tinder but I didn't feel like she was interested in me. She seemed very excited and attached when we were in texting-phase but on a real date she was less excited. She only talked about herself and her amazing life, barely asked any questions and I didn't see any spark in her eyes. I still think date went pretty well and she agreed to go on a second date but should I say our texting suffered a lot after first date. She doesn't text me randomly anymore and I felt like she was not really interested. Maybe she is that girl who requires too much investment (besides she leads a very active lifestyle and is also very time-sensitive - it is actually amazing how much we have in common with her) and I decided to put this whole project on hold for now until I figure out what is the best way to move on from there.
6)I have never flirted in my life.
7)I hate partying for the sake of it. I come to parties only to extract some value out of them, be it new friends, meeting girls etc.
1) That's good, in theory.
2) Fix them?
3) You're in a club not at a salsa contest. Club dancing is virtually an excuse to touch each other and little more. Also stop trying to have conversations in clubs. Limit verbal communication to a bare minimum.
4) Is that a sugarcoated way of saying you're uptight or what?
5) You
want women to do most of the talking on dates. And it really shouldn't surprise you because people in general love the sound of their own voice, and they love it even more when people genuinely listen and/or take interest in what they have to say.
6) You should. With almost all women. To various intensity.
7) Fun - noun - something that provides mirth, amusement or otherwise enjoyment.
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I would be really happy to hear your ideas on what I could do to improve my game. Maybe even provide a step-by-step guide on how could I learn to express my sexuality. Also what places could be the best to fish for ladies? I feel like bars are my solution as historically I had more success under slight alcohol buzz and bars also provide opportunity to strike a convo. Also ladies become more playful after few drinks. But I feel weird whenever I think that I have to approach a group of women alone - I don't have any mate I could go fishing with. I also don't like the idea of talking to a group of women with the aim of scoring only one girl while the other girls who might be interested in me could become jealous and retaliate in some way. I probably don't know how social dynamics play out in this scenario.
Stop playing hypothetical scenarios in your head. If you haven't experienced it, it's not a problem.
Also, here's a question for you, since you say you have high standards. What can you offer women? What exactly is it that warrants those standards?