What is cheating?


Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests
Post new topic Reply to topic   Board index » Get Into The Game: New Forum Members Start Here » PUA Lounge




Author Message
 Post subject: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:49 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
This is a.. sensitive topic, at best. One on which my opinion has always been unorthodox. I'm aware it has to do with your own code of ethics and morals and there's no objective truth behind it, but I'm curious of the boards' opinions either way.

Personally, I have cheated. I have also been cheated on. But before I go deeper into the subject, let me define what cheating is, in my eyes.

Attraction is not a choice, but your actions are. That said, let me paint a picture to illustrate what I believe cheating is.
Say you're in an established, exclusive relationship for 18 months. The last 6 have not been going to well, and your girlfriend at the same time met someone else. She's still with you, but for the better path of the last 5 months is also seeing the other guy. Regularly. Whether or not he thinks they're exclusive is irrelevant here, what is relevant is the consistency of their meetings. You don't know about it. Only thing you do know is her behavior is jumping from hot to cold regularly nowadays. Basically she treats you like shit.
That is how I define cheating. Having a regular side. I think that's bullshit. You're half-assing two relationships and not really making either work. It's stupid, and I personally don't see the point.
I have had that happen to me when I was still very young and making my first steps into the dating scene. She ended up transitioning into a relationship with the other dude once she broke up with me. I'm not entirely sure when it started but I suspect it was at least a couple of months before we ended.
Truth be told I didn't really blame her. It was also a LDR at the time (my first and very likely last), and given my lack of experience I did just about everything wrong. Would be quite a struggle to find something I did right, in fact.
At the same time that was one of my biggest and best learning experiences.
So I've had that done to me. I however didn't do that to anyone. Mostly because I just think it's stupid.

The 'popular' definition of cheating however, is having any sort of physical contact with a given person while being exclusive with someone else. And here's where my unorthodox opinion comes into play.
It's fine if you see that as unacceptable. But I don't.
If I'm at a party without my girlfriend, find someone incredibly attractive and the sexual tension is through the roof, I will fuck that girl. I will also make it known that I'm in a relationship and this is most likely going to be a one night thing, but I will do it nonetheless.
For me, that has no impact on my relationship-life. I'll treat my girl just as good as I have been up until this point. Nothing will change on an emotional level.
And yes, I'm not a hypocrite. She has the same liberties. If she really wants to she can fuck whatever guy blows her mind when she's drunk out of it. I honestly don't care, as long as the vibe of our couple life is the same. And that stems from the belief that loving someone and being highly compatible with them does not, can not, and will not ever mean your attraction switch is magically shut off.

From a morality/ethical standpoint I don't have much to say. The first example is in my eyes primarily stupid. Maybe immoral and unethical too, but not necessarily because you're fucking two people at once, but moreso because you're treating your partner like shit and for some reason not even breaking up with them. I assume that can happen even without the safety net of your second pseudo relationship.
And if you're living at their house for example, rent free, and using that benefit as the sole reason for keeping them around then yeah, you're arguably a piece of shit.

Second example however.. I honestly don't see a problem. In fact I'd dare say it's beneficial. Not necessarily the act of going through with it as much as having the liberty to do so. Again, in the real world attraction is not voluntary. "If you truly loved someone you wouldn't want anyone else" belongs in Hollywood. That's not how human beings work. Monogamy - strict monogamy - is flawed as a concept and in my opinion goes against our nature. Suppressing it often leads to implosion.

Think of long term diet plans. "Cheat" meals are encouraged every now and then exactly to prevent overloading yourself into a binge spree, and gives just enough flexibility to not impactfully affect positive results while allowing for long term sustainability.

So there's my input. Let's debate the subject.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 6:14 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2016 12:13 pm
Posts: 289
R.C wrote:
If I'm at a party without my girlfriend, find someone incredibly attractive and the sexual tension is through the roof, I will fuck that girl. I will also make it known that I'm in a relationship and this is most likely going to be a one night thing, but I will do it nonetheless.
For me, that has no impact on my relationship-life. I'll treat my girl just as good as I have been up until this point. Nothing will change on an emotional level.
And yes, I'm not a hypocrite. She has the same liberties. If she really wants to she can fuck whatever guy blows her mind when she's drunk out of it. I honestly don't care, as long as the vibe of our couple life is the same. And that stems from the belief that loving someone and being highly compatible with them does not, can not, and will not ever mean your attraction switch is magically shut off.

Dude that's not cheating, but just being open. Open doesn't mean there's nothing significant between the two of you, it doesn't mean you guys can fuck and fall in love with anybody regardless of anything. Open has negotiated rules, like you're doing.

_________________
We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:01 pm 
Offline
King Among Mortals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
Posts: 7560
Location: United States
Quote:
The 'popular' definition of cheating however, is having any sort of physical contact with a given person while being exclusive with someone else.


I have been on both sides of the cheating fence as well, but I think the more popular [Western] definition is more like someone who is in a committed relationship, and betrays that trust of his or her partner by getting physically or emotionally involved with another person. Common ideals of cheating involves physical sexual contact .

Emotional cheating involves forming a close bond with someone of your preferred gender and basically forming a second relationship. This may or may not include physical cheating such as cyber sex.

This also causes me amazement with what humans will in fact put up with from each other when partnered. [Myself included at one time.]

Now whenever I witness people staying in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they must have killed someone together.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:49 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 9:54 pm
Posts: 23
Location: California
I don't think it matters how we all want to define it. I think you and your girl define it for yourselves. For some people, that can be really strict. For others, pretty loose. Its about honesty isn't it? If you can tell her about it freely, you haven't cheated. If you've got to hide it, you're being dishonest and that's cheating.

For me, I wouldn't have much tolerance for her spending a lot of time with other guys. Maybe I'm just insecure.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:47 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 3:23 am
Posts: 3453
I guess in a way that's true. I have been debating this for awhile now. I don't have a girlfriend but can't see myself staying strictly monogamous. Just feels wrong and not because I can't focus on her but seriously..if I meet a hot girl one night and the cards are right, I want the freedom to bang her or not. i don't want that feeling of suppressing my desire.


I would rather have a girl sleep with a guy but not fall for another man. I think that is where the hurt lies. I do twinge when I think of her fucking another dude, but that's just my caveman biology talking. I would be mad if she started treating me like shit instead

_________________
In a funk? Read this

pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this-game-vt197398.html?hilit=Patience%20in%20this%20game


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:02 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
Stoliar wrote:
Dude that's not cheating, but just being open. Open doesn't mean there's nothing significant between the two of you, it doesn't mean you guys can fuck and fall in love with anybody regardless of anything. Open has negotiated rules, like you're doing.


Open is different. It means not exclusive. I'm talking about cheating here and how I think most people attribute the word to less than it is/should be.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:31 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Now whenever I witness people staying in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they must have killed someone together.

A lot do that, sadly enough.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:33 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
Jgalen wrote:
I don't think it matters how we all want to define it. I think you and your girl define it for yourselves. For some people, that can be really strict. For others, pretty loose. Its about honesty isn't it? If you can tell her about it freely, you haven't cheated.


What if she said she doesn't want to know about it?

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:42 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
Mr. Assertive wrote:
I would rather have a girl sleep with a guy but not fall for another man. I think that is where the hurt lies. I do twinge when I think of her fucking another dude, but that's just my caveman biology talking. I would be mad if she started treating me like shit instead


I agree.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:38 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:58 am
Posts: 995
R.C wrote:
Say you're in an established, exclusive relationship for 18 months.


This, right there. It all comes down to how the partners have agreed on their relationship. If you agreed to be exclusive and fuck someone else, you broke the agreement. A lot of the problem comes from societal opinion that exclusivity is an implicit agreement when a relationship begins. It does also vary from person to person, so one girl might consider a lapdance cheating while another doesn't. Reality is people need to start discussing this and negotiating the ground rules.

For example...

Quote:
If I'm at a party without my girlfriend, find someone incredibly attractive and the sexual tension is through the roof, I will fuck that girl. I will also make it known that I'm in a relationship and this is most likely going to be a one night thing, but I will do it nonetheless.
For me, that has no impact on my relationship-life. I'll treat my girl just as good as I have been up until this point. Nothing will change on an emotional level.
And yes, I'm not a hypocrite. She has the same liberties. If she really wants to she can fuck whatever guy blows her mind when she's drunk out of it. I honestly don't care, as long as the vibe of our couple life is the same. And that stems from the belief that loving someone and being highly compatible with them does not, can not, and will not ever mean your attraction switch is magically shut off.


That's what I believe too, however when you say "she has the same liberties" have you actually discussed this with her? If you haven't had the discussion she may believe you have a tacit agreement not to sleep with other people.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:28 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Mon May 06, 2013 8:36 pm
Posts: 32
Random thoughts:

1. Several posters have already said that the members of the relationship define cheating and I agree with that. If you're in an exclusive relationship and you both agree to allow the other to have flings it's not cheating IMHO.

2. By the way, I'm assuming both people out having flings are doing so very very carefully - one disease or one pregnancy can turn one's life into Hiroshima faster than Paris Hilton can spend money.

3. With regard to people staying in a horrific relationship, the only example I can think of is if you're married and have kids. The moment you decide to become a parent you make a conscious decision that your life no longer belongs to you - it belongs to your kids, and you just get to borrow it when your kid doesn't need it. I've been married for 14 years and have been on the precipice of divorce twice. But we gutted it out and resolved our differences because we agreed that it's not about us - it's about our daughter.

Hope that meaningfully contributed to the conversation.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:43 pm 
Offline
King Among Mortals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
Posts: 7560
Location: United States
DalTXColtsFan wrote:
Random thoughts:

I've been married for 14 years and have been on the precipice of divorce twice. But we gutted it out and resolved our differences.


Here's a random thought. Do you realize you are on a pick up forum.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:48 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:01 am
Posts: 383
The only definition of cheating that matters is one that's based on the boundaries that two people set and agree on within a relationship.

And to comment on your post:

R.C wrote:

Think of long term diet plans. "Cheat" meals are encouraged every now and then exactly to prevent overloading yourself into a binge spree, and gives just enough flexibility to not impactfully affect positive results while allowing for long term sustainability.

So there's my input. Let's debate the subject.


This part here doesn't make much sense, though.

Whether you just do it once or go on some "sex binge" with other women, what's the difference? You're still not breaking boundaries of this hypothetically open relationship.

_________________
Likes attract likes. All comments are geared towards generating lasting attraction for the purpose of a relationship with a well-rounded female (attractive, well educated and cultured, plus knows what she wants in her work and personal life).


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 7:40 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
Posts: 5348
Location: Romania
Autoregressive wrote:
Whether you just do it once or go on some "sex binge" with other women, what's the difference? You're still not breaking boundaries of this hypothetically open relationship.

It's not an "open" relationship. Open relationships have a different, broader meaning.

You ever saw the result of overprotective, iron grip parents? It's usually sluts. Notorious ones. Once they get a taste of what they were denied for years on end, they can't stop and fall into the other extreme. They implode. Just like relationships implode once one party starts cheating after years of suppressing their desires.

A "cheat meal" helps sustain a diet. A binge disrupts it.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What is cheating?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:14 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:01 am
Posts: 383
R.C wrote:
It's not an "open" relationship. Open relationships have a different, broader meaning.


At the end of the day you're still having sex with other people. That's the important part. Most people won't care about the details. Hey, if some girl actually agreed to this stuff - great! I doubt most would see a difference in definition.

R.C wrote:
You ever saw the result of overprotective, iron grip parents? It's usually sluts. Notorious ones. Once they get a taste of what they were denied for years on end, they can't stop and fall into the other extreme. They implode. Just like relationships implode once one party starts cheating after years of suppressing their desires.

A "cheat meal" helps sustain a diet. A binge disrupts it.


A relationship isn't a diet. The analogy doesn't bring anything to the table.

Sleeping with 3 women other than your girlfriend in a 3 week period vs. 5 girls in a 2 year period - who cares? "Binge" or not - no difference I see. You've still got an open relationship.

_________________
Likes attract likes. All comments are geared towards generating lasting attraction for the purpose of a relationship with a well-rounded female (attractive, well educated and cultured, plus knows what she wants in her work and personal life).


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 35 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link