How to initiate/maintain FWB?


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 4:57 pm 
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I've hooked up with this chick a couple times now, but I would like some advice on how to not lead her on while at the same time staying close enough to continue our benefits. I'm seeking a FWB situation and would not want to be in a relationship.

I've read that it's important not to message a girl too often, unless you're looking for a relationship. Say, message a girl every day or two if you want a relationship, and maybe go 3-6 days between messages if you just want to hook up. Is this true?

Then it's gets a little messy, because sometimes she will actually initiate a message to me. She did this a couple days straight. I suppose I could just ignore her, but it seems not very friendly to do to someone I just had sex with. And they call it "friends" with benefits.

I met her off Tinder, and we haven't had any kind of "what are we" talk. I've read it's best to avoid those kinds of talks when seeking FWB. She was on spring break this past week, so I haven't seen her in a bit more than week. During this time I intentionally didn't message her for 6 days, but when I did message her she starts saying how she can't wait to see me, she's got so much to tell me, she's been bored without me yada yada.... sounds like relationship talk to me. What do I do when she starts acting like that with me? I ended up saying "same" and "me too" but felt weird saying it. Once again I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to be a dick.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:23 am 
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Was this a bad question? I understand luck of the draw is always a factor, but this is the only question on the front page of the relationship board that didn't get any answers. I'd be interested to know if I framed the question poorly or if it was too long, boring, or already answered a million times.

Although I kind of received my answer through the school of hard knocks (she now hates me), I would be very interested to hear better approaches than what I did.

Next time I end up in this situation, after like the second date I'm gonna put it out there. Or maybe right after whenever the first time we have sex is. Not immediately after sex, but the next time I see her.

For those interested in what NOT to do, after the fourth date, I moved to a different city (not because of her, just worked out that way) and ghosted her. She kept texting me over the course of two weeks, not every day, but every 3-5 days. I would respond sometimes or not, but I would always wait a couple days to respond if I did. After this happened a few times, I told her as nicely as possible that I didn't see this working out between us. She proceeds to call me a dick and tells me "ciao".


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 6:37 am 
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backIntheGame91 wrote:
I've read that it's important not to message a girl too often, unless you're looking for a relationship. Say, message a girl every day or two if you want a relationship, and maybe go 3-6 days between messages if you just want to hook up. Is this true?

No. It's not true. How often you message is irrelevant. What you message is relevant.

backIntheGame91 wrote:
I met her off Tinder, and we haven't had any kind of "what are we" talk. I've read it's best to avoid those kinds of talks when seeking FWB. She was on spring break this past week, so I haven't seen her in a bit more than week. During this time I intentionally didn't message her for 6 days, but when I did message her she starts saying how she can't wait to see me, she's got so much to tell me, she's been bored without me yada yada.... sounds like relationship talk to me. What do I do when she starts acting like that with me? I ended up saying "same" and "me too" but felt weird saying it. Once again I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to be a dick.


What are you reading? and where?
Anyway, if she's getting relationshippy on you, then simply sit her down and tell her you don't want anything serious, just casual fun.
You're telling me you don't want to lead her on but at the same time your replies to her are doing exactly that.


backIntheGame91 wrote:
For those interested in what NOT to do, after the fourth date, I moved to a different city (not because of her, just worked out that way) and ghosted her. She kept texting me over the course of two weeks, not every day, but every 3-5 days. I would respond sometimes or not, but I would always wait a couple days to respond if I did. After this happened a few times, I told her as nicely as possible that I didn't see this working out between us. She proceeds to call me a dick and tells me "ciao".


Yeah, you're gonna get a lot of people hating you if you purposely play stupid games like taking 2 days to reply to a damn message that otherwise requires 15 seconds.

Try going at it from a neutral stance. Let the relationship evolve naturally without forcing it one way or another. Women will be more relaxed around you if you don't behave in absolutes, as in "I'm looking for something serious" or "I'm not looking for something serious". You can't know what you want from a person prior to actually getting to know them.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2017 1:36 am 
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R.C wrote:
backIntheGame91 wrote:
I've read that it's important not to message a girl too often, unless you're looking for a relationship. Say, message a girl every day or two if you want a relationship, and maybe go 3-6 days between messages if you just want to hook up. Is this true?

No. It's not true. How often you message is irrelevant. What you message is relevant.

backIntheGame91 wrote:
I met her off Tinder, and we haven't had any kind of "what are we" talk. I've read it's best to avoid those kinds of talks when seeking FWB. She was on spring break this past week, so I haven't seen her in a bit more than week. During this time I intentionally didn't message her for 6 days, but when I did message her she starts saying how she can't wait to see me, she's got so much to tell me, she's been bored without me yada yada.... sounds like relationship talk to me. What do I do when she starts acting like that with me? I ended up saying "same" and "me too" but felt weird saying it. Once again I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to be a dick.


What are you reading? and where?
Anyway, if she's getting relationshippy on you, then simply sit her down and tell her you don't want anything serious, just casual fun.
You're telling me you don't want to lead her on but at the same time your replies to her are doing exactly that.


backIntheGame91 wrote:
For those interested in what NOT to do, after the fourth date, I moved to a different city (not because of her, just worked out that way) and ghosted her. She kept texting me over the course of two weeks, not every day, but every 3-5 days. I would respond sometimes or not, but I would always wait a couple days to respond if I did. After this happened a few times, I told her as nicely as possible that I didn't see this working out between us. She proceeds to call me a dick and tells me "ciao".


Yeah, you're gonna get a lot of people hating you if you purposely play stupid games like taking 2 days to reply to a damn message that otherwise requires 15 seconds.

Try going at it from a neutral stance. Let the relationship evolve naturally without forcing it one way or another. Women will be more relaxed around you if you don't behave in absolutes, as in "I'm looking for something serious" or "I'm not looking for something serious". You can't know what you want from a person prior to actually getting to know them.


Thanks man. As far as what I was reading, I believe it was some dating advice from David Deangelo. Something like "She will put you into the relationship category if you text her everyday, but she will put you in the hook up category if you text her less than that."


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2017 6:43 am 
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backIntheGame91 wrote:
R.C wrote:
backIntheGame91 wrote:
I've read that it's important not to message a girl too often, unless you're looking for a relationship. Say, message a girl every day or two if you want a relationship, and maybe go 3-6 days between messages if you just want to hook up. Is this true?

No. It's not true. How often you message is irrelevant. What you message is relevant.

backIntheGame91 wrote:
I met her off Tinder, and we haven't had any kind of "what are we" talk. I've read it's best to avoid those kinds of talks when seeking FWB. She was on spring break this past week, so I haven't seen her in a bit more than week. During this time I intentionally didn't message her for 6 days, but when I did message her she starts saying how she can't wait to see me, she's got so much to tell me, she's been bored without me yada yada.... sounds like relationship talk to me. What do I do when she starts acting like that with me? I ended up saying "same" and "me too" but felt weird saying it. Once again I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to be a dick.


What are you reading? and where?
Anyway, if she's getting relationshippy on you, then simply sit her down and tell her you don't want anything serious, just casual fun.
You're telling me you don't want to lead her on but at the same time your replies to her are doing exactly that.


backIntheGame91 wrote:
For those interested in what NOT to do, after the fourth date, I moved to a different city (not because of her, just worked out that way) and ghosted her. She kept texting me over the course of two weeks, not every day, but every 3-5 days. I would respond sometimes or not, but I would always wait a couple days to respond if I did. After this happened a few times, I told her as nicely as possible that I didn't see this working out between us. She proceeds to call me a dick and tells me "ciao".


Yeah, you're gonna get a lot of people hating you if you purposely play stupid games like taking 2 days to reply to a damn message that otherwise requires 15 seconds.

Try going at it from a neutral stance. Let the relationship evolve naturally without forcing it one way or another. Women will be more relaxed around you if you don't behave in absolutes, as in "I'm looking for something serious" or "I'm not looking for something serious". You can't know what you want from a person prior to actually getting to know them.


Thanks man. As far as what I was reading, I believe it was some dating advice from David Deangelo. Something like "She will put you into the relationship category if you text her everyday, but she will put you in the hook up category if you text her less than that."
Weak sauce.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:02 pm 
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backIntheGame91 wrote:
R.C wrote:
backIntheGame91 wrote:
I've read that it's important n
Thanks man. As far as what I was reading, I believe it was some dating advice from David Deangelo. Something like "She will put you into the relationship category if you text her everyday",


A 5 or 6 will do that, not a 9 or 10.

Over-texting, and emotional texts WILL kill attraction with 9's and 10's.

Lesser women will tolerate that much more.

Dominant men who are focused on their career goals don't have time to text a girl 24/7.

9's and 10's, who've had hundreds of lame ass nice guy pleasers blow up their phones constantly will find a man who texts in a dominant way a mystery, and will chase.

You always want women chasing.

Over-texting is a sign of an unambitious, needy man. And if you're including negative emotions in your texts, it's even worse.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:54 am 
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^^

Define "Over-texting".


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:57 am 
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There are stages.

For me, I would not hit up a girl every day I'd just fucked.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 2:22 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
There are stages.

For me, I would not hit up a girl every day I'd just fucked.



Hey arch....have you ever been with a woman who you felt they liked you? That's a genuine question. It sounds like they treat you like you're a bother? Haven't you met hot women who don't have hundreds of lame guys texting them ( why do so many lame guys have their numbers)?.. who you could text and they actually want to talk to you? I won't say hit up someone 24 7...but damn it sounds like these chicks won't want to talk to you unless it's push pull or some mystery. If even dozens of guys are hitting her up daily...that sounds more like an unambitious woman who just gives her number out or who is so low self esteem she has time for the attention. These women you describe sound more attention whores who can't communicate with a guy they like without withdrawing. I'm rushing this but hope you see what I'm saying. N2 hits on this a few times when he talks about attachment styles so maybe he can help. These chicks just sound like they can't date properly or can't just like a guy.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:24 am 
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Quote:
I won't say hit up someone 24 7...but damn it sounds like these chicks won't want to talk to you unless it's push pull or some mystery


It's the other way around.

I'm focused on my goals. I don't have time to text women all day. I use the phone to set meets, then go about my purpose. When I'm not going about my purpose, I have a wide array of "couch-free" activities such as photography, exercise, hiking, rafting, fly fishing, reading, writing, searching for new music, and other mind-expansion endeavors.

I move on from women who text me constantly.





Quote:
If even dozens of guys are hitting her up daily...that sounds more like an unambitious woman who just gives her number out or who is so low self esteem she has time for the attention. These women you describe sound more attention whores who can't communicate with a guy they like without withdrawing.


These are actual 9's and 10's, extremely fit, feminine women who get wet when a man is a challenge. This is common knowledge in the PUA community.

All attractive women not in LTR's have orbiters. This is reality. There are no "angels" or "perfect women". they can be rude, cold, and like to fuck a lot.


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These chicks just sound like they can't date properly or can't just like a guy.


Nope. They're just young, beautiful women raised on social media with a million distractions and options.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 5:29 am 
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Quote:
It's the other way around.

I'm focused on my goals. I don't have time to text women all day. I use the phone to set meets, then go about my purpose. When I'm not going about my purpose, I have a wide array of "couch-free" activities such as photography, exercise, hiking, rafting, fly fishing, reading, writing, searching for new music, and other mind-expansion endeavors.

I move on from women who text me constantly.


There's a difference between texting constantly, and texting every day. When you say I "wouldnt text a chick I fucked daily" can you see how that sounds moreso that you're doing it for HER, as opposed to being busy?

Quote:
These are actual 9's and 10's, extremely fit, feminine women who get wet when a man is a challenge. This is common knowledge in the PUA community.


But challenge doesnt mean how often you text.

Quote:
All attractive women not in LTR's have orbiters. This is reality. There are no "angels" or "perfect women". they can be rude, cold, and like to fuck a lot.


I'll take it that by orbiters you mean guys trying to have sex or date. Sure, a hot chick can have tons of guys who want her, but if dozens (I'll take hundreds a day as hyperbolic) of guys are texting her a day...why is her number out there like that to all these needy guys? Why is this hot girl giving out her number to so many needy guys that shes bombarded by dozens of guys per day? A chick having guys who want to fuck her is one thing, a chick who is giving her number like that to receive unwanted attention is an attention whore. Has nothing to with angels or perfect women. If they're rude and cold, how are their numbers out there this much. And if its because they like to fuck, is it now that hot chicks are fucking needy orbiters?

Quote:
Nope. They're just young, beautiful women raised on social media with a million distractions and options.


See, thats why I think its a type thing. They're a many many many hot chicks who dont use social media for the high level of attention that you're describing. A hot lawyer isnt having a dozen guys text her a day to get with her because that's distracting. She's busy. A chick who is laying around the house? Sure.

Have you found a lot of attractive women who werent "raised by social media" and wouldnt withdraw if you communicate with them? And no, not communicate constantly, like you can text them every day and they're not distracted by social media? Where "challenge" isnt how often you text, but what you communicate when you do? These are chicks sounding closer to teenagers than adults. And sure there are many attractive women like this, but definitely many who are perceptive enough to know who to give their numbers to and have grown out of the phase of chasing the guy who texts them just to meet up.

Its no big deal...its just sometimes I hear you talk abt attractive women and I agree with alot of it, but imo that applies to a subset of attractive women. Not even the younger ones, past 21 if a chick's phone is blowing up from unwanted guys 20 times a day, thats more her immaturity than her level of attractiveness. There are fat chicks with big boobs who do the same thing.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 6:48 am 
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neo87 wrote:
There's a difference between texting constantly, and texting every day.


If you're initiating contact with a girl every day that early, you're doing it wrong, and you're not busy.


Quote:
When you say I "wouldnt text a chick I fucked daily" can you see how that sounds moreso that you're doing it for HER, as opposed to being busy?


Who cares? Either way it works in the man's favor.



Quote:
But challenge doesnt mean how often you text.


Sure it does.



Quote:
I'll take it that by orbiters you mean guys trying to have sex or date. Sure, a hot chick can have tons of guys who want her, but if dozens (I'll take hundreds a day as hyperbolic) of guys are texting her a day...why is her number out there like that to all these needy guys?



Women give their numbers out to men. They do it to avoid face-to-face rejection, they do it because they are half-interested, they do it because they are very interested.



Quote:
a chick who is giving her number like that to receive unwanted attention is an attention whore.



Women give out their number looking for a dominant male and passion...a man to take them from the mundane. They aren't attention whores for doing so. And the less dominant the man (and emotionally needy, IE over-texting) the more it will feel like she's playing games or "seeking attention" when the reality is she's just on the fence.




Quote:
A hot lawyer isn't having a dozen guys text her a day to get with her because that's distracting. She's busy. A chick who is laying around the house? Sure.


The profession simply doesn't matter. A woman seeking the right man will give out her number to men...especially independent, strong women who aren't afraid of their sexuality.


Quote:
Have you found a lot of attractive women who werent "raised by social media" and wouldnt withdraw if you communicate with them? And no, not communicate constantly, like you can text them every day and they're not distracted by social media? Where "challenge" isnt how often you text, but what you communicate when you do? These are chicks sounding closer to teenagers than adults. And sure there are many attractive women like this, but definitely many who are perceptive enough to know who to give their numbers to and have grown out of the phase of chasing the guy who texts them just to meet up.


This forum, and everything about this forum is learning to control your emotions and to act in a dominant way in order to attract the most attractive women.

We are competing with other men to bed women consistently, and to perhaps have a relationship.

Regardless of age or profession, finding the right person is a number's game. And if you are attracted enough to a person, you will chase.


Quote:
Its no big deal...its just sometimes I hear you talk abt attractive women and I agree with alot of it, but imo that applies to a subset of attractive women. Not even the younger ones, past 21 if a chick's phone is blowing up from unwanted guys 20 times a day, thats more her immaturity than her level of attractiveness. There are fat chicks with big boobs who do the same thing.



I think 20 is a bit much. That truly would be attention-seeking behavior, or perhaps a girl who is just confused and unsure, but even more likely is she's surrounded by beta's and has not found a dominant man who is good in bed.

But I also think it's realistic to understand that a 9/10 will have guys in her contacts list, perhaps a guy she is interested in, a guy she's kissed, a guy she's fucked, an ex-boyfriend who she still has an emotional attachment, etc.

When she finds a truly dominant male, these people will slowly fade from her life, and her phone, organically. she's not bad, or wrong, or immature.

It's just science.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 10:08 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
Quote:
It's the other way around.

I'm focused on my goals. I don't have time to text women all day. I use the phone to set meets, then go about my purpose. When I'm not going about my purpose, I have a wide array of "couch-free" activities such as photography, exercise, hiking, rafting, fly fishing, reading, writing, searching for new music, and other mind-expansion endeavors.

I move on from women who text me constantly.


There's a difference between texting constantly, and texting every day. When you say I "wouldnt text a chick I fucked daily" can you see how that sounds moreso that you're doing it for HER, as opposed to being busy?

Quote:
These are actual 9's and 10's, extremely fit, feminine women who get wet when a man is a challenge. This is common knowledge in the PUA community.


But challenge doesnt mean how often you text.

Quote:
All attractive women not in LTR's have orbiters. This is reality. There are no "angels" or "perfect women". they can be rude, cold, and like to fuck a lot.


I'll take it that by orbiters you mean guys trying to have sex or date. Sure, a hot chick can have tons of guys who want her, but if dozens (I'll take hundreds a day as hyperbolic) of guys are texting her a day...why is her number out there like that to all these needy guys? Why is this hot girl giving out her number to so many needy guys that shes bombarded by dozens of guys per day? A chick having guys who want to fuck her is one thing, a chick who is giving her number like that to receive unwanted attention is an attention whore. Has nothing to with angels or perfect women. If they're rude and cold, how are their numbers out there this much. And if its because they like to fuck, is it now that hot chicks are fucking needy orbiters?

Quote:
Nope. They're just young, beautiful women raised on social media with a million distractions and options.


See, thats why I think its a type thing. They're a many many many hot chicks who dont use social media for the high level of attention that you're describing. A hot lawyer isnt having a dozen guys text her a day to get with her because that's distracting. She's busy. A chick who is laying around the house? Sure.

Have you found a lot of attractive women who werent "raised by social media" and wouldnt withdraw if you communicate with them? And no, not communicate constantly, like you can text them every day and they're not distracted by social media? Where "challenge" isnt how often you text, but what you communicate when you do? These are chicks sounding closer to teenagers than adults. And sure there are many attractive women like this, but definitely many who are perceptive enough to know who to give their numbers to and have grown out of the phase of chasing the guy who texts them just to meet up.

Its no big deal...its just sometimes I hear you talk abt attractive women and I agree with alot of it, but imo that applies to a subset of attractive women. Not even the younger ones, past 21 if a chick's phone is blowing up from unwanted guys 20 times a day, thats more her immaturity than her level of attractiveness. There are fat chicks with big boobs who do the same thing.


Neo makes a great point here.

Arch, I think the point Neo is trying to make is that you are (allegedly) targeting a subset of 'hot' women that are extremely insecure. The types that are tethered to social media for the dopamine rush they get from 24/7/365 validation.

An ex of mine was just such a person. The scantily clad and sexually provocative photos strewn across IG, Facebook etc. The countless douche-like looking dudes on her wall. The vibe she'd carried was not one of confidence, but more so one of "Hey look at me!! Don't you think I am hot?!".

To me there's nothing more repelling.

You're speaking of a subset of women. To me a HOT woman has her shit together (or is in the process of doing so) - in other words she has ambition (beyond tanning, nails, makeup and shoe shopping). To me the later type of woman is the equivalent of a male douchebag. If that's your thing, and you're honest about it then that's perfectly fine.


Now imagine if you hold the mindset that women are constantly being pulled by temptation. That you MUST do this or that, or be a certain way - what type of a precedent are you establishing for this relationship?


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 10:23 pm 
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n2thevoid wrote:
Arch, I think the point Neo is trying to make is that you are (allegedly) targeting a subset of 'hot' women that are extremely insecure.


That's an incredibly far-fetched assumption. But unfortunately, most women who actually keep in shape do have body image issues because of the media, etc.

Quote:
The types that are tethered to social media for the dopamine rush they get from 24/7/365 validation.


You mean most young women?

Quote:
An ex of mine was just such a person. The scantily clad and sexually provocative photos strewn across IG, Facebook etc. The countless douche-like looking dudes on her wall. The vibe she'd carried was not one of confidence, but more so one of "Hey look at me!! Don't you think I am hot?!".


Sounds fun, IMHO. I like showing my girl off, and I like it when she shows herself off. I'm kind of a freak though, lol.


Quote:
To me there's nothing more repelling.


A strong woman confident in her sexuality, with kinky desires is not repelling to me. Obese (or chunky) shopping mall women with wine glasses in their hand 24/7 and agendas (babies, money, etc) have me running for the hills, lol.


Quote:
You're speaking of a subset of women. To me a HOT woman has her shit together (or is in the process of doing so) - in other words she has ambition (beyond tanning, nails, makeup and shoe shopping). To me the later type of woman is the equivalent of a male douchebag. If that's your thing, and you're honest about it then that's perfectly fine.


A woman can be confident in her sexuality, enjoy posting risque photos of herself or amateur porn, and still have her shit together. The two are NOT mutually exclusive.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:20 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
n2thevoid wrote:
Arch, I think the point Neo is trying to make is that you are (allegedly) targeting a subset of 'hot' women that are extremely insecure.


That's an incredibly far-fetched assumption. But unfortunately, most women who actually keep in shape do have body image issues because of the media, etc.

Quote:
The types that are tethered to social media for the dopamine rush they get from 24/7/365 validation.


You mean most young women?

Quote:
An ex of mine was just such a person. The scantily clad and sexually provocative photos strewn across IG, Facebook etc. The countless douche-like looking dudes on her wall. The vibe she'd carried was not one of confidence, but more so one of "Hey look at me!! Don't you think I am hot?!".


Sounds fun, IMHO. I like showing my girl off, and I like it when she shows herself off. I'm kind of a freak though, lol.


Quote:
To me there's nothing more repelling.


A strong woman confident in her sexuality, with kinky desires is not repelling to me. Obese (or chunky) shopping mall women with wine glasses in their hand 24/7 and agendas (babies, money, etc) have me running for the hills, lol.


Quote:
You're speaking of a subset of women. To me a HOT woman has her shit together (or is in the process of doing so) - in other words she has ambition (beyond tanning, nails, makeup and shoe shopping). To me the later type of woman is the equivalent of a male douchebag. If that's your thing, and you're honest about it then that's perfectly fine.


A woman can be confident in her sexuality, enjoy posting risque photos of herself or amateur porn, and still have her shit together. The two are NOT mutually exclusive.


More about seeing the bigger picture/ a holism.

Posting risque photos in itself isn't really much to classify someone based on theri behavior. But when you look at the whole mosaic ie. risque photos, flirty with others, lacking ambition/any particular direction, keeping a dozen guys on the hook...ya that does paint a picture of a certain TYPE of woman you're going for.

One thing in and of itself of course isn't much but altogether it is quite telling. If it walks like a ho, and talks like a ho, chances are it is one.


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