Many discussions with colleagues on the SWITCHES that must be flipped in a woman in order for her to feel attraction resulted in a really long list. From it, I boiled it down to just a few main switches. There is no order to them. They should just each be consciously flipped at some point. I'd love to hear thoughts and contributions:
1. You must show her that you're safe. Trust is
an important issue for most women. This must be
demonstrated. So switch #1: in order to proceed,
you need SAFETY and TRUST.
2. You must show her that you have either job
security, motivation, or ambition. In other
words, you must have a life and goals. So switch
#2 is demonstrating to her that you have STABILITY
and AMBITION. You don't have to be successful, you
just have to show the potential to be successful.
3. You must show her that you're different than
the other guys, that you are not generic or boring,
that she can learn something from you or grow with
you, that you have a sense of adventure or
creativity or spirituality. So switch #3 is showing
her that you have something to offer, even if you
don't give it to her in the moment. This is where
DHVs are useful.
4. You must be the prize of the room. She wants
a guy others will envy her for, that she can brag
about to her friends.
This is where social proof comes in, where story-
telling comes in. It's also where alpha qualities
come in, and not supplicating. So switch #4 is
demonstrating all of the many qualities of:
CONFIDENCE, LEADERSHIP, AUTHORITY, and POPULARITY
5. It's a big world and we all feel alone in it,
so if you can demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND
her and where she comes from, she will feel
This can largely be done through demonstrating
either cultural, mental, emotional, world view,
humor, or life/background commonalities. The
more obscure and rare a trait that you connect
on,the more chemistry you create. So Switch #5
is demonstrating COMMONALITIES in order to
6. You need an aura of depth and mystery. You
must maybe show a vulnerable or wounded side of
yourself, you must not give away everything for
free, you must be a puzzle she wants to figure
out and maybe even have a wound she can heal.
Switch #6 then is hooking her with your DEPTH
7. You must show her that you are NOT horny, but
sexual. This is where social proof comes in too,
also demonstrating an understanding of her world
(liking her for who SHE is). So switch #7 is
demonstrating your own LACK OF DESPERATION
while showing her that you recognize something
SPECIAL in her that attracts you to her. This is
where QUALIFYING is useful, in other words
demonstrating that you like her for who she is--
even if you are a player.
Be careful with such power. If you can flip
these, she's going to be really into you.
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