Girl I have seen for couple times is in process of Break up



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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:25 pm 
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I like this forum and I received a great advice here, so I’m here for another. Thank you in advance.

I’ve met a girl, we’ve been on 6 dates, she has an ex-boyfriend of 4 years, she broke up with him after our third date, but still she is not able to move on emotionally (most likely). At 6th date she was sad and wanted to go home, I let her go and ever since she was distant but she did say she wants to meet me but later after some time, she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”. After couple days she had big argument with her ex-boyfriend and called me after it. In it she said she felt weak and unable to resist him but the interaction between them made her scream at him and avoid him.

Note: They fell apart because her ex is not loving her as she needs and is constantly distant, and something horrible happened with other people involved and she felt this is toxic relationship. Her ex offered 1 month no contact period during which he went out with other girls and said to her to wait for him until he figures out himself.

Now I haven’t seen her for 8 days, I tried to keep contact and ever since she went distant from me I suggested twice to meet up but she refused. Last time she said she has no time for next three days but said “lets text and see when”. Personally I had feeling she wanted to see me. At first she said lets be together on (specific time) but right away she had to cancel because of schedule issues.

After this schedule problem I went down to see her for just brief moment, she was surprised I came so she was hesitant, but I told her in excited voice to come down, I hugged her and kissed her and said I just needed to see her, she kept saying she is a mess and she needs time as she is not able to reciprocate in kind, I said I am not going to her place I just wanted to see her. Then we said good bye and I send her message: “If I destroyed any chances to see you again so be it, I needed to see you and I did it, I am not sorry, good night” to which she replayed : “don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.

I know there is no way anybody can analyze this situation since I omitted many details and it would be too long. So I am grateful for your input on abstract level. If you have any questions I will provide answer to them.

My thoughts :
I guess she is trying to find out if her past relationship is gonna survive, she is waiting for her ex-boyfriend to give up on her. How should I behave during this time? wait with no contact ? be friend? not be friend? tell her to make that step to break up?
I am confused now.

My questions are :

1. after twice being refused to meet (because she needed time and is not feeling it) should I ask her out again? (personally I'd like to ask her out but I feel now little hesitant as I feel I will be rejected again)
2. Is it better to not do anything and wait for her to ask me out?
3. should I wait couple more days?
4. should I give up?
5. should I tell her I feel confused and ask her what is happening?

I am asking because I would like to know what a smart guy would do, I am not able to know which way to go as I am very deeply involved and I know it is bad. Now feel that maybe I was too nice and should think of myself more, but that would mean to give up on her.

Personally I think I should take step back and focus on my life, but then again every time I think of her it stings, because she is truly amazing match for me.

I feel confused and hopeless.

I know about oneitis, and maybe I have it. But I do think I won’t be able to find so sexy girl again.

Does anyone have experience with girls during their breakups. Maybe is there some way how to figure out what is happening ?


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:29 pm 
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Quote:
I know there is no way anybody can analyze this situation


Yes we can. You are fucked.

On what date did you finally have sex? (trap).

Quote:
for 8 days, I tried to keep contact and ever since she went distant from me


Got needy.

Quote:
she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”.


Polite way of saying, "Please stop stalking me."

Quote:
“don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.


She's saying "I'm banging my ex to try to win him back because I love assholes." You're saying "Okay that's cool."

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 4:08 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Quote:
I know there is no way anybody can analyze this situation


Yes we can. You are fucked.

On what date did you finally have sex? (trap).

Quote:
for 8 days, I tried to keep contact and ever since she went distant from me


Got needy.

Quote:
she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”.


Polite way of saying, "Please stop stalking me."

Quote:
“don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.


She's saying "I'm banging my ex to try to win him back because I love assholes." You're saying "Okay that's cool."


1. on second date, fyi

2. ofc I got needy, That's what I know... I am not needy with girls that I dont care about, and I am not able to not care about this one right away... over time it gets easier.

3. Yeah I am aware it sounds that way, and slightly I was needy, but I think that is understandable considering that 180 degree switch from one day. Yes I messed up with being pushy, I totally misrepresented her words, then again when girls says lets meet later ... sometimes it does mean lets meet later, sometimes it doesn't. At the moment I was not sure which it is.

4. I resent saying it now ("nah you are not") but then again, what else to say.... I don't want to pick a losing fight.

5. Sure maybe she is trying her chances wit hher exboyfriend... but there is nothing I can do with that, and I think there is chance she will realise its not working, since I know from her saying the problems ... and she stressed out that she really wants to break away from him.

Thank you for your advice, I expected that smirk attitude :) and yeah I need to man up! ... FUCK I WILL ! >> AARGH !!. then again , lets be constructive and not "know-it-all" and help me to realise your conclusions if you disagree with me.. I need to know how you got there so next time I can draw the same conclusion.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 4:29 pm 
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Quote:
I need to know how you got there


Seems like you learn more from your mistakes than you do from your success, and trust me, I've fucked up plenty.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:03 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Yes we can. You are fucked.


Ha, this cracked me up.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:26 pm 
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Gally wrote:
I’ve met a girl, we’ve been on 6 dates, she has an ex-boyfriend of 4 years, she broke up with him after our third date, but still she is not able to move on emotionally (most likely). At 6th date she was sad and wanted to go home, I let her go and ever since she was distant but she did say she wants to meet me but later after some time, she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”. After couple days she had big argument with her ex-boyfriend and called me after it.


This is a red flag for me. I've slept with girls who were taken, and in some instances their emotional connections with their bf is very strong, like years strong. If a girl is only hitting me up when she and her bf fight, I simply won't let her fuck me, and I'll tell her exactly why: "I like strong, independent women, and your behavior right now is turning me off. Hit me up when you can stand on your own two feet." Sure, I won't get laid that night, but I'm setting a boundary and planting seeds for months down the road. And I'm conveying value.


Note: I live in a smaller mountain town, with a very bad ratio of men to women. Almost all the hot women are relationships. So sometimes a man has to pry a few away, lol.

Quote:
In it she said she felt weak and unable to resist him but the interaction between them made her scream at him and avoid him.


Translation: "My bf is really good in bed, but he's an asshole".

That my friend, is a battle you will have a hard time winning.


Quote:
Last time she said she has no time for next three days but said “lets text and see when”. Personally I had feeling she wanted to see me.



Translation: "You aren't my first choice, and I'm probably banging another guy while my bf goes on his one month fuck-fest".



Quote:
After this schedule problem I went down to see her for just brief moment, she was surprised I came so she was hesitant, but I told her in excited voice to come down


Ugh. You became emotionally-uncentered, man. Why would you do this? I get that the girl is hot, but come on. Don't show up at her place unannounced unless you're in an exclusive relationship.


Quote:
“If I destroyed any chances to see you again so be it, I needed to see you and I did it, I am not sorry, good night”



Why do guys do this?

You've known this woman for a couple weeks, and had sex ONE TIME. Why are you sending her Debbie Downer texts? Stop with the meta-relationship texts.

Women want fun, passion, and great sex. They want to live in the moment with their man and be freed from the mundane.

Quote:
don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.


She's acting like the man. Look at the words I bolded. She's talking to you like a father talks to a child.





Quote:
My thoughts :
I guess she is trying to find out if her past relationship is gonna survive, she is waiting for her ex-boyfriend to give up on her. How should I behave during this time? wait with no contact ? be friend? not be friend? tell her to make that step to break up?
I am confused now.


Pull away.



Quote:
1. after twice being refused to meet (because she needed time and is not feeling it) should I ask her out again? (personally I'd like to ask her out but I feel now little hesitant as I feel I will be rejected again)


No, don't ask her out again. Wait for her to contact you.

Quote:
5. should I tell her I feel confused and ask her what is happening?


Definitely NOT this beta shit. Women will pull back on purpose or subconsciously to test a man's emotional stability. 95% of men wil text back "what's wrong?" "Are you mad?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Let's talk".

These are emotionally-uncentered men with no options conveying low value. It's TOO EARLY in the courtship to send negative emotional texts like that. This should be EASY and FUN. That is seduction. If there are negative emotions early, imagine what it would be like 6 months down the road. Hot women intuitively feel this out, and will simply blow guys off in a second if they get that vibe.

Quote:
I am asking because I would like to know what a smart guy would do, I am not able to know which way to go as I am very deeply involved and I know it is bad.




Look my friend, I have been here. All of us more advanced posters have fucked up many times. It's how you learn and you grow.

This woman is disrespecting you, and making you her bitch. Literally. She loves the attention you give her.

Your biggest problem isn't the boyfriend. In fact, you glossed over what the problem is. You had sex with her one time, and she apparently does not want more.

You weren't dominant/good enough in the sack.

If you were, she'd be blowing up your phone to see you.

You have to pull away. Just disappear. Go out and sleep with a few 5's and 6's and practice your bedroom game. Show passion, lead, be rough, and make girls orgasm. When you do this, they will want to spend time with you.

Right now, this woman can feel your weakness like a wet blanket all over her. Pull back.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 1:35 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:14 pm
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Gally wrote:
I like this forum and I received a great advice here, so I’m here for another. Thank you in advance.

I’ve met a girl, we’ve been on 6 dates, she has an ex-boyfriend of 4 years, she broke up with him after our third date, but still she is not able to move on emotionally (most likely). At 6th date she was sad and wanted to go home, I let her go and ever since she was distant but she did say she wants to meet me but later after some time, she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”. After couple days she had big argument with her ex-boyfriend and called me after it. In it she said she felt weak and unable to resist him but the interaction between them made her scream at him and avoid him.

Note: They fell apart because her ex is not loving her as she needs and is constantly distant, and something horrible happened with other people involved and she felt this is toxic relationship. Her ex offered 1 month no contact period during which he went out with other girls and said to her to wait for him until he figures out himself.

Now I haven’t seen her for 8 days, I tried to keep contact and ever since she went distant from me I suggested twice to meet up but she refused. Last time she said she has no time for next three days but said “lets text and see when”. Personally I had feeling she wanted to see me. At first she said lets be together on (specific time) but right away she had to cancel because of schedule issues.

After this schedule problem I went down to see her for just brief moment, she was surprised I came so she was hesitant, but I told her in excited voice to come down, I hugged her and kissed her and said I just needed to see her, she kept saying she is a mess and she needs time as she is not able to reciprocate in kind, I said I am not going to her place I just wanted to see her. Then we said good bye and I send her message: “If I destroyed any chances to see you again so be it, I needed to see you and I did it, I am not sorry, good night” to which she replayed : “don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.

I know there is no way anybody can analyze this situation since I omitted many details and it would be too long. So I am grateful for your input on abstract level. If you have any questions I will provide answer to them.

My thoughts :
I guess she is trying to find out if her past relationship is gonna survive, she is waiting for her ex-boyfriend to give up on her. How should I behave during this time? wait with no contact ? be friend? not be friend? tell her to make that step to break up?
I am confused now.

My questions are :

1. after twice being refused to meet (because she needed time and is not feeling it) should I ask her out again? (personally I'd like to ask her out but I feel now little hesitant as I feel I will be rejected again)
2. Is it better to not do anything and wait for her to ask me out?
3. should I wait couple more days?
4. should I give up?
5. should I tell her I feel confused and ask her what is happening?

I am asking because I would like to know what a smart guy would do, I am not able to know which way to go as I am very deeply involved and I know it is bad. Now feel that maybe I was too nice and should think of myself more, but that would mean to give up on her.

Personally I think I should take step back and focus on my life, but then again every time I think of her it stings, because she is truly amazing match for me.

I feel confused and hopeless.

I know about oneitis, and maybe I have it. But I do think I won’t be able to find so sexy girl again.

Does anyone have experience with girls during their breakups. Maybe is there some way how to figure out what is happening ?


Right now you're only an option for her, while for you she's your only choice.

She will come to you when she's upset with her "ex" boyfriend because you're convenient, rather than there being much attraction.

Your best choice is to LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE. GO talk to, and date, other women, preferably those who are not still banging their ex boyfriends. Be so busy with other women that SHE comes to YOU, and not the other way around.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 6:14 pm 
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ChocolatePUA wrote:
Gally wrote:
I like this forum and I received a great advice here, so I’m here for another. Thank you in advance.

I’ve met a girl, we’ve been on 6 dates, she has an ex-boyfriend of 4 years, she broke up with him after our third date, but still she is not able to move on emotionally (most likely). At 6th date she was sad and wanted to go home, I let her go and ever since she was distant but she did say she wants to meet me but later after some time, she kept saying “I am not feeling it now, I need time”. After couple days she had big argument with her ex-boyfriend and called me after it. In it she said she felt weak and unable to resist him but the interaction between them made her scream at him and avoid him.

Note: They fell apart because her ex is not loving her as she needs and is constantly distant, and something horrible happened with other people involved and she felt this is toxic relationship. Her ex offered 1 month no contact period during which he went out with other girls and said to her to wait for him until he figures out himself.

Now I haven’t seen her for 8 days, I tried to keep contact and ever since she went distant from me I suggested twice to meet up but she refused. Last time she said she has no time for next three days but said “lets text and see when”. Personally I had feeling she wanted to see me. At first she said lets be together on (specific time) but right away she had to cancel because of schedule issues.

After this schedule problem I went down to see her for just brief moment, she was surprised I came so she was hesitant, but I told her in excited voice to come down, I hugged her and kissed her and said I just needed to see her, she kept saying she is a mess and she needs time as she is not able to reciprocate in kind, I said I am not going to her place I just wanted to see her. Then we said good bye and I send her message: “If I destroyed any chances to see you again so be it, I needed to see you and I did it, I am not sorry, good night” to which she replayed : “don’t worry, I just hate hurting you as you could see how I was behaving” I replayed “nah you are not”.

I know there is no way anybody can analyze this situation since I omitted many details and it would be too long. So I am grateful for your input on abstract level. If you have any questions I will provide answer to them.

My thoughts :
I guess she is trying to find out if her past relationship is gonna survive, she is waiting for her ex-boyfriend to give up on her. How should I behave during this time? wait with no contact ? be friend? not be friend? tell her to make that step to break up?
I am confused now.

My questions are :

1. after twice being refused to meet (because she needed time and is not feeling it) should I ask her out again? (personally I'd like to ask her out but I feel now little hesitant as I feel I will be rejected again)
2. Is it better to not do anything and wait for her to ask me out?
3. should I wait couple more days?
4. should I give up?
5. should I tell her I feel confused and ask her what is happening?

I am asking because I would like to know what a smart guy would do, I am not able to know which way to go as I am very deeply involved and I know it is bad. Now feel that maybe I was too nice and should think of myself more, but that would mean to give up on her.

Personally I think I should take step back and focus on my life, but then again every time I think of her it stings, because she is truly amazing match for me.

I feel confused and hopeless.

I know about oneitis, and maybe I have it. But I do think I won’t be able to find so sexy girl again.

Does anyone have experience with girls during their breakups. Maybe is there some way how to figure out what is happening ?


Right now you're only an option for her, while for you she's your only choice.

She will come to you when she's upset with her "ex" boyfriend because you're convenient, rather than there being much attraction.

Your best choice is to LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE. GO talk to, and date, other women, preferably those who are not still banging their ex boyfriends. Be so busy with other women that SHE comes to YOU, and not the other way around.


Spot on.

But if only it were this simple for guys who have yet to develop the confidence of the leaders of this forum, and that have been through the hurt, pain, ups and downs, and life lessons that we have in which we actually "get it". It's one thing to know somethings right and another to experience it for yourself. Some times these guys have to actually go through it and hope they make it out on the other side.

The point here is; everyone is not going to be a winner. So guys will curl up and be nobodies, another will rise above circumstance and become somebody. And the beginning to becoming a somebody is to develop the core strength to walk away from situations that still present a "glimmer of hope" with that faith that you can create and even better circumstance in the future.

90% of forum posters are looking for someone to "complete them" to make them whole; and give them something that they've yet to give themselves. Its like working for a job that pays amazing for a boss that treats you like utter garbage. But you stay and tolerate it because you don't want to give up the lifestyle the job affords. You have to have dignity and a true since of self worth to have the strength to walk. And some just won't make it there. And those guys will be the guys who are the followers; wishing they could dig out the strength within them to be more like us.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:54 pm 
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Gally wrote:
should I wait couple more days?

I think you should wait a little and don't give up.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:13 am 
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Khatib_Imron wrote:
I think you should wait a little and don't give up.


You give the worst advice on this forum.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 1:07 am 
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If she is indeed seeking out another dude at this point, why continue to try? Even if you do manage to sleep with her again she will be thinking of him.


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