Confusing last minute flake. Stumped at how to respond...



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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:14 am 
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Hey guys, I need some help responding to this exchange.

So I met this girl on the street, got her number for a date and she seemed very keen.

I called to make a solid date this evening. Around mid afternoon she sends me this text:~

"I can't meet you tonight, I have some problems to deal with and don't feel like going out. Need to sort this out, I'm sorry"

I responded with:

"When I make plans with someone, I do my best to keep them. Hope you sort out whatever you need to do, but I can't waste time making another plan with someone who can't commit to it"

Then I get this back form her:

"I'm really sorry, honestly. I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me with another girl so I'm not just making up excuses. I need some time for me that's all. Would have been so nice to see you again, it's just not the right time for me."

What the hell! I'm hearing her say she want's to see me yet she isn't organizing another time, and I don't want to fall into being her shoulder to cry on. This message had me totally stumped and I have not replied to her, I need a level headed judgement and advice! Thanks in Advance.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:30 pm 
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Quote:
So I met this girl on the street, got her number


Replicate

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:38 pm 
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Did you already know about or did she mention she has a boyfriend when you closed her? If not then maybe another approach is needed.

But if she did say she has a bf and assuming her reason is genuine, I think that her going out on your date would make her just as bad as him and she’ll want to take the moral high ground right now. Then again I can’t say with certainty that this isn’t just another flake and she is trying to let you down gently. She’s putting a lot of the focus on herself and not on you.

I'd just play it cool and leave it open ended for her to contact you, you’ve laid down your principal that you do your best to keep to your plans and she'll probably respect that, but I don’t think any amount of reasoning will change her mind. I’d just be prepared to move onto the next one.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:47 pm 
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I didn't know about the borefriend until her text, and made it very clear through kino that I was interested in her more than just her buddy before she gave her number to me.

I don't have an issue nexting her, but don't want to let go of a live one if there is a way to work it out.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:40 am 
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Partez wrote:
I don't have an issue nexting her, but don't want to let go


See the contradiction there?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 12:20 pm 
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R.C wrote:
Partez wrote:
I don't have an issue nexting her, but don't want to let go


See the contradiction there?


What I mean is I don't feel emotionally attached to her as an AFC would. In fact till now I completely forgot about her.

What I mean is IF she is a live one, why let the opportunity go? Maybe there is a skill here I need to learn.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 12:39 pm 
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Here's what a "live one" looks like:

Partez wrote:
I called to make a solid date this evening. Around mid afternoon she sends me this text:~

"I can't meet you tonight, I'm so sorry. Can we do tomorrow? I'll make it up to you, promise."


Here's a dead one:

Partez wrote:
"I'm really sorry, honestly. I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me with another girl so I'm not just making up excuses. I need some time for me that's all. Would have been so nice to see you again, it's just not the right time for me."


She literally told you that this is not the right time for her, which for all intents and purposes translates to "I'm not interested".

You're right however, there is a skill to learn here. It's the skill of letting go of something you didn't have to begin with, and instead of wasting your time on obvious dead ends, invest it into someone who deserves it.

If you're confused about the call, people tend to comply when you put them on the spot. Ofcourse it's easier to say no over text than over the phone.

Some people will hold on to dying businesses and hemorrhage money because they simply can't cut their losses and move on. It doesn't always have to be a classical case of "madly in love" or any kind of emotional attachment even. Not having other options is sufficient enough reason.

Either way, learn to easily walk away and remove wishful thinking from your vocabulary. It'll take you a long way,

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 9:23 pm 
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Partez wrote:
"I can't meet you tonight, I have some problems to deal with and don't feel like going out. Need to sort this out, I'm sorry"

I responded with:

"When I make plans with someone, I do my best to keep them. Hope you sort out whatever you need to do, but I can't waste time making another plan with someone who can't commit to it"


A classic 100% All Star AFC reply. This makes you look like you never get laid. Learn to stay emotionally-centered.

Never show this much investment with women early on. Act like a man who has options.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 4:59 pm 
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She has a boyfriend, She's not interested, and was probably going out with you only because she had a feeling he was cheating on her and wanted to do it back to him.

Move on.

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