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PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2017 7:05 pm 
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King Among Mortals
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When I was young I thought it was cool when cities got destroyed in action movies. Now I'm fixated on the potential cost of the destruction.

I’m forced to park like an asshole when other assholes park like assholes

Wearing someone else underwear seemed gross even after laundering it, but using fork and spoon in restaurant that has been placed into hundreds of different strangers mouth doesn't bother most people.

How is Columbia not a super power yet? Their two biggest crops are cocaine and coffee.


Next year, those born in 2000 will turn 18. In 2018 I can have sex with someone from a different millennium.

Either adults are getting less mature, or no one I looked up to as a kid had any idea what they were doing
When you say, "I don't get paid enough to do this" that task usually goes to someone who gets paid less.

A sign of a good relationship is how often you touch one another's butts.

Nursing homes in 50-60 years will probably be filled with a bunch of old people playing video games.

Did you notice that if we want to sleep we have to pretend to sleep before actually sleeping?

You don't really notice how many songs are about love until you've been heartbroken.

You know traffic is bad when the license plate in front of you is accidentally saved to your long-term memory.

I hate it when I open the lid of my shampoo and get splashed with cold water.

It’s stupid most baths aren't big enough to fit a grown man...

Expecting to be happy all the time is like trying to keep your dick hard all the time.

When I walk into a bathroom with no urinals I freak out inside at the possibility it's a women’s bathroom.

The best thing we can do for the environment is to kill ourselves.

People refer to the extinction of humanity as the end of the world. But in reality, life on Earth will probably continue for millions of years after we die out.

New houses with phone lines will be rare very soon.

Iron Man would survive the shit out of a zombie apocalypse.

People are giving Lady Gaga a lot of credit for not lip-syncing, even though actually singing seems to me like it should be the bare-minimum expected of a performer...

I have no idea who won the Super bowl last night... and I'm okay with that.

Actually making eye contact would be really gross.

Saying you bought a 60 inch TV sounds legit. Saying you bought a 5 foot TV sounds ridiculous.

A true test of a relationship is when it's bedtime, you're both exhausted, and you have to put sheets on the bed because today was wash day.

Every "Fat girls are beautiful" meme is still measuring women's value by their looks. You never see "Fat guys are hot" memes.

Do you change what your next kid would have looked like every time you masturbate?

Questions like "Who is the tallest midget ever?" are the ones that keep me awake at night.

I just realized that I subconsciously cook food based on how much cleanup I will need to do after, not on what I actually want to eat.

If Harry Potter was real, wouldn't love potions be banned as some kind of date rape drug?

A little alcohol makes me happy; a lot of alcohol makes me sad.

People are going to have so much sex in self-driving cars.

We are still posting pictures on our walls just like the cavemen did.

Now that everyone carries a smartphone, front pockets should be redesigned.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2017 4:52 pm 
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King Among Mortals
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
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Location: United States
The Basics of a conversation is to be a more interesting person to have more to say
Visit places. Read books. Say "yes" to experiences you would normally avoid.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


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