I would consider myself a guy that's hit rock bottom. I'm 44 now. I've always been clueless with women and had opportunities to get with some stunners in the past but fucked it up by being too nervous/scared. It was a running joke with my friends that we went into 'little boy mode' (LBM) when faced with the chance of banging a hot chick. So I've basically banged 4's and 5's who were just happy to have attention from a man. Any man. And I've had 2 relationships, one lasting 7 years and the other 10. So for 17 years I've had my head down in relationships hiding from that fact I'm hopeless with women.
So 2 months ago I left my girlfriend and moved out of our house. We hadn't had sex for over a year and I didn't even have the balls to own my sexual needs with her. She wanted it but was scared to initiate out of fear of rejection. And I was basically the same until I got to the point where I lost attraction for her and didn't want sex anyway. It's a sad/ridiculous story I know, and if you met me you would never guess. I'm so good at hiding my feelings and pretending I have life figured out, that this kind of stuff I would never speak about to anyone. Not my partner, my best friend or even family. I keep it all hidden, completely to myself and just act cool, calm and collected.
I think it all goes back to childhood with all of us guys. School can be a really cruel place and taunts, especially from girls can cut deep and we learn to build a wall to protect ourselves. I had crazy crooked teeth at school and girls called me ugly. So I've always felt ugly and disgusting. It's true I'm not the best looking guy, I would say I'm maybe a 4 or a 5 on a good day. But I've had chances with some hot chicks down the years, 8s and 9s, so they must have seen something in me. But I played it cool and blew them off preferring a nice comfortable 4 or 5.
But the truth is, despite the deep rooted feeling that i'm ugly and disgusting, that's not been the biggest issue. I have literally been clueless about what to do with a girl. I was never taught by anyone, and never asked for advice as I was too busy acting like I knew it all. It's only been in the last 2 months where I've Googled what to do with women that I've discovered all this stuff about attraction. It's literally blown my brain to pieces and now I see with clarity. I thought you could win a girl over by being 'nice'. I thought you had to be good looking.
The first advice I found was from Dan Bacon, The Flow and I was like, holy crap, so that's what it's all about, now it makes sense! Jesus fucking Christ!
Then I discovered David Deangelo and was like yeah he's so right, cocky funny.
I've watched virtually every video on YouTube by David Snyder, RSD, Corey Wayne, Ross Jeffries, David Deangelo and countless others. I've read The Game and multiple other books. My brain is like a sponge and my eyes are now wide open to what women want/need in a man.
My problem now is APPLYING it. After 44 years of darkness and crawling on my knees it's hard to stand up and face the light. I need to get a handle on it which is why I left my girlfriend of 10 years and why I'm typing this on a PUA forum, alone in an empty flat on a Friday night, in a town where I don't know anyone and haven't got a friend to turn to.
I know this post is huge but I wanted to give some perspective on how a guy can get into the position of being someone that you guys baffle over. I would like to think I can find the balls to apply the advice you guys give. It's not easy letting go of a lifetime of fear. My head tells me I should, my heart tells me I should, but it's as if my biology/physiology/nervous system is working against me and wanting me to fail.
I really hope I can do some field reports and show you guys who have been so helpful in dispensing excellent advice, that a guy like me can turn it around.