The Sharpest Edge


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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 2:08 am 
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Thanks Mr. A.

Another date until the night with Cassy, we're in bed and I'm heating her up but keep bumping into LMR. I freeze, then escalate again. But it looks like she's not putting out soon.
She tells me about a bad experience a few months ago, I'm ok with that and compassionate about it, but I promised myself I wouldn't deal any more with the previous guy's shit. So I keep going. She moans, she's enjoying it, but the V is hands off (though I manage to get an unfinished handjob from her).
I tell her that I'm poly, she says she's ok with me fucking other girls but not falling in love, I say it's not what poly is about. She pulls the usual shitty misconceptions about poly, gradually losing my respect, so I tell her it's not gonna work, I get dressed, she says "That sucks, but I understand. But don't you want to spend the night here anyway?" Holy WTF. With that line the little respect left is gone, and so am I.

Night of the 24th, shitty outing with a PU rookie. There's a couple of sets in the bar, I open one creepily and I'm done for the night. Sets me up with an AA that follows me for a few days. Which leads to:

How to deal with AA: here's my 2¢ on it. I decide to go to a social Meetup with this in mind: "You're not here to score, you're just here to put into practice everything you learned, minus the sexual part. No objective whatsoever, so NOTHING can go wrong. And you don't care with who you talk, girl, guy, young or old."
Meaning: I enter with a smile on my face, I approach the first group I notice, interrupt the person who's speaking to introduce myself (without the fear of rejection, because these Meetups are made precisely for strangers to meet each others), work on posture, eye contact, speak loud and with emotions (à la Tony Robbins), kino everybody, and make sure that I make up the majority of the conversation. And if I fail to keep that in any way, that's still ok, because there's no objective whatsoever.

And it works. I talk to an 40-something couple for an hour or so, then a girl (Dawna) comes to the group to say that the Meetup is bouncing to another place.
There I feel that AA is gone, and I transition to game mode. I joke with Dawna, at the other place the group leader has one moment of hesitation ("where should we sit?") so I point one space of the bar and say "let's go over there", walking without waiting for anybody to agree and ushering Dawna to follow me. I sit up with her, build comfort for an hour or so, she tells me she likes wine but that place doesn't have good one, I ask her which place in town has and tell her "let's go there then!" Beautiful insta-date, the place is quieter and more intimate. I escalate the kino (I didn't start at the first place, should have), she's shy but she lets me do and she bites back when I gently sass her. #-close is as far as I go because she tells me her mom is visiting the next day (and shy as she is she's clearly not the sex-then-let's-welcome-mom type). We make up vague plans for the future, then a good-bye hug and that's it.

Finally started apps and OkC, so far two conversations started on Coffe Meets Bagel and WOOT WOOT just got a date for tomorrow with a girl (Elena). Thanks Eddie Fews for his lesson of how to start a convo with a personally-tailored compliment (she had a straw hat and a tight dress, I asked if she was waitressing in Copacabana). I set up the date for something that felt incredibly early in the convo (6th message), not sure if that's good or bad but I feel like she was inviting me to. Probably wrote too much (my texts are twice the size of hers, and setting the date I sent three messages in a row, which felt awkward on my side). Told her a tentative hour and that I'll confirm tomorrow (flake insurance).
Nothing to report from Bumble, OkC or Tinder.

From now on, will keep going out three nights a week, to low-pressure Meetups if AA is there, to bars alone if I feel the courage. Will work on approaching, kino and building comfort.
And work on my text game: personal compliments and sending texts of size similar to hers.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:37 am 
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One date with Elena, at a tapas bar then bouncing to a wine bar. She was a bit on the defensive, crossed her arms often, which led me to doubt how comfortable she would be with my kino, leading to awkward kino (lame taps on the shoulder, etc.). I kept jumping between serious answers to her questions (not boasting here, but the humble story of my life is full of DHVs) and joking.
At the wine bar, as the conversation goes on and we establish comfort, I slowly turn to face her (we're at the counter), my leg touches hers, I keep it active (forgot where I read that, but golden advice) by slowly pulling my leg up and down, just a bit, telling myself she'll pull off if she doesn't like it. We slowly face each other, conversation still running, and somehow her knees find their way between my legs. I got my hand on my thigh, stroking hers with the thumb. When I notice she's comfortable with it I pass my hand on her thigh, keeping it active (hand steady, thumb stroking her jeans). By this time I know the k-door is open. When she stops talking I look at her without saying anything, she holds my look for a few seconds, and I go for the kiss.
No make-out because it's not the right place, and she tells me that she gotta go home early because of a visit at the doctor the next day. I let it be there.

That apart, matching a fair amount of time on Tinder, some on Bumble and CoffeMeetsBagel. OkCupid is freaking dead. My text game is too slow and mostly just joking from now. No idea how to transition to real-life meeting, apart from brutally say "let's meet". I'll be looking up some reference on text game.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:00 pm 
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Second date with Elena goes super awkward. Both of us are tired. I'm having a hard time re-escalating and getting back to the previous date's level of comfort. A few drinks later, we exchange kisses at a bar, I hint at going back to my place AFC-style ("I have some Korean wine back home, you wanna try?"), she says she's tired. She goes home on her own.

I feel I've fucked up for good, but still I send her a follow-up message the next day, positive, smiley and all. Her response: "I had a great time, sorry if I faded in the end, still recuperating"

Moral of the story: even if you fuck up, proceed as if you haven't. Don't mention anything negative that happened.

Few days later I invite her for dinner at my place, we end up making out in my room. Lots of LMR, she pulls my hand out each time it goes for the crotch, and I must work her up for an hour or so before she lets me kiss her breasts. I sexualize our conversations, less than I should have though. No sex in the end, no idea if the LMR is because she wants me as a boyfriend or because of periods or anything. The only hint I get is, when I kiss her stomach, her saying "You make it hard for me to keep my resolve" "What resolve?" "You know what I'm talking about"

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One boring date with Dawna, she pulls a long face all along. Still laughs to my jokes and allows for some kino, but that's it. Hardly initiate the conversation or anything. At least the venue (winery) is interesting on its own. I'm letting her be from now on, my time is too valuable to be with boring people.

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Almost forgot (damn me if I start forgetting my successes): #-closed that girl at an event at the university. We texted a bit then I forgot about her. Will resume the convo today and suggest a date within 2-3 texts.

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At a poly gathering, I bump into this girl (Fiona). I had met her at the same gathering one month ago, texted her, and had a drink with her and her boyfriend. I neg her involuntarily: walking toward her for a hug, she thinks the hug is for her, open her arms, and meets the empty space as I hug my friend sitting right next to her. I notice that though, and I'm quick to include her into a threesome hug (as a routine that neg-then-qualification would be priceless, but it requires so much timing it's too unpractical).

I ask her about her boyfriend, she says he's sick and at home, I show empathy. I get back to my seat, she follows me up there a few minutes later (IOI). No chairs around so I usher her to sit on my laps, which she does (compliance test). I feel my fucking face flush but I keep the discussion going on as if nothing. I got one hand on the small of her back, one hand on her thigh, both lightly stroking. I also notice the power of pre-selection: other girls give me the eye as in "most guys here are dorks, but that girl is sitting on this guy's laps, he must be cool." Our faces are super close which allows for great eye gazing as we speak.

When we bounce to another place I look at her and ask her if I can kiss her (sounds AFC to you? if works GREAT if you ask without apologizing). She says she only mouthkisses her boyfriend, but I can kiss her cheek. I go for the neck, three tender kisses. We walk with the crew, then she tells me biting is ok too, so there I go :D

At the next venue she says she's too tired and worried about her BF, and is going home. I send her off with a hug (no kissing because I want to keep the tension in her). One hour later she texts me "I've been thinking about you the whole drive home" :mrgreen:

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That apart, will find some time to start messaging back those +10 matches I got on Tinder. Started getting some replies on OkC (including one #), my understanding is you should tone down the flirting and go for honesty and bluntness (credit for the advice goes to JSmooth).

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