What is it about girls and assholes? Please help...

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:14 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
Posts: 4004
Billydee1995 wrote:
n2thevoid wrote:
Signals that a relationship is turning toxic:

-tit-for-tat and it's lead-up to playing Moral Exemplar/Judge of what's right/wrong (and subsequently the one doling-out the punishment)
-relationship threats (real or implied)
-looking outward to have needs met
-constantly speaking to friends and others rather than turning towards your partner to resolve matters (which is partially the glue to a strong relationship)

I can go on but for the sake of keeping this on track...

Think of a relationship as a raft in a river.

The two of you get into this raft. What's the sequence of events that follows? Here I'll help.

-get into the raft together
-each take hold of a paddle
-stir cooperatively forward
-probably going to encounter the occasional eddy and current, rock etc u'll have to navigate through together
-probably get stuck along the way (or as in the case of Codependency a paddle is lost and the two of you soon are wrestling over the remaining one)
-continue on down the waterway
-pull over to a rock so one of you can get out to take a piss and the other have an energy bar and rehydrate (here's where either one of you steps out the relationship to meet your own needs/care for yourself <---a crucial piece and reminder to staying invested in one's self)

continue on the sequence if you like...

So in the tit-for-tat case using the raft metaphor you're basically keeping track of her strokes of the paddle. Rather than cooperating together to keep on with your journey. Keep this up and you don't have to be a fortune teller to figure out that this raft will either head off a waterfall or one of you will abandon it altogether.

I see...with that being said, what is the proper way to use push/pull? And would my example above be the proper way to handle her being distant by communicating in constructive manner?

You're not ready for help/to change.

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