Should I apologise for inappropriate escalation?



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:57 am 
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i know i should never apologise for desiring a woman, but here's the context:

i met with a female friend, a female coworker of her and some random dude in a bar yesterday. the second girl has a boyfriend who lives in a neighbour city. she would frequently hold eye contact with me and smile for no reason, i don't know if she was really attracted or just being friendly but oh well, i assumed the former and went for it.

the problem is i was already drunk and high when i started gaming her harder, so although i was interacting confident and outgoingly, my calibration was off, i was very direct and my advances probably creeped her out. when we were bouncing, my friend yelled me to stop, because i was making her friend uncomfortable. i asked the girl if that was true, she said "yes, you are. stop it!" and i was like "ok".

but as soon as we arrived at the next venue, the girl started to throw ioi's again and it was game on, bitches. my friend always looking at the interaction with the craziest angry face ever, i don't know, perhaps she was jealous, lol.

i wasn't the smoothest, quite the opposite tbh. the girl was smiling and seemed comfortable with touching and hugging (no tension), but she told me again to please stop (meaning it). i said alright, i'm going home, bye bye, then i went to the stage and asked the solo artist who was playing there to borrow me the guitar and let me play a couple of songs. fortunately, i'm awesome at this and i rocked the place. she was waiting for me close to the stage when i finished, smiling and reaching for a hug. lol, learn the guitar, guys. that's huge. i think this was my golden opportunity to k-close, but i pussied out and let that emotion fade. i hate myself.

anyway, i continued teasing teasing teasing, went for the kiss twice, she gave me the cheek twice and, meh, i kissed her neck because why not. smoke was coming through my friend's vents at that point, she was now in a personal mission of cockblocking me.

no kiss, no sex, no phone (i was so drunk i forgot to ask). booooo!

sorry for the long story. i want to keep gaming this girl. huge chance of rejection imo, but oh well, at least i can try. i found her facebook (creepy?). i'm thinking about friending her and sending a message apologising for going too strong on her in a public venue. this is a small city so people talk a lot and i should definitely be more discrete when gaming committed girls around here, i just want a way to let her know i acknowledge that without sounding weak so i can hold at least a slight chance of her ever wanting to meet me again. i'm all ears for general advice about how i could try to reopen her via text, please. thank you, guys!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 7:33 am 
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Why was your friend so adamant towards getting between you two?

Anyway, as far as I've understood the girl you're hitting on has a bf? If that's the case ofcourse she's not going to say "Oh no, please, keep going. What? What bf? Oh, fuck that guy".

Go by a womans actions, not words, especially when she's under social pressure.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 8:09 am 
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R.C wrote:
Why was your friend so adamant towards getting between you two?

idk, i'm new to game (joined in 2011, i know, but i got in a ltr right after, shitty times) and my friend always knew me as very afc, so she was seeing my behaviour throughout the night as out of my character. she even pointed that verbally early on the night. and it's possible her friend was genuinely uncomfortable and complained to her when i started hitting on her before we switched venues, but i think i won her on the next venue because of massive dhv's and unapologetic behaviour. my friend didn't seem to catch that and kept seeing me as "the annoyance".

R.C wrote:
Anyway, as far as I've understood the girl you're hitting on has a bf? If that's the case ofcourse she's not going to say "Oh no, please, keep going. What? What bf? Oh, fuck that guy".

Go by a womans actions, not words, especially when she's under social pressure.

agreed.

so do you think i should just reopen her normally and flirty and go from there? i'm afraid asd might kick me in the nuts with this one.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 8:24 am 
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Gonas wrote:
so do you think i should just reopen her normally and flirty and go from there? i'm afraid asd might kick me in the nuts with this one.


Yes. If she's open to the idea it doesn't matter.
Being in a relationship doesn't imply you're in a happy relationship.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:10 am 
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i usually like to text open with something that relates to our previous interactions, and this was when i realized this was fucked up. i skipped comfort entirely because i couldn't find anything semi-interesting/open-ended in my mind to talk about and that she could relate to.

i messaged this like 12 hours ago:
"hey, rich woman!! have you got other innocent guys drunk this weekend?"

she's not really rich at all, but i teased her a bit about her totally being, right after we were introduced and she told about her job with my friend. anyway, i'm just hitting keys randomly, no idea if this opener is half-fine. but if she was in, she would bite it anyway, i guess?

no response. she might not even read it because facebook kinda hides messages of whom you're not friended to. but i sent an invitation and didn't get a response either, so i think this is a next.

enlightening experience anyway. i always judged myself as very shy and i never had the balls to try and escalate fast, which many times led me to hours of my life being wasted in interactions that would lead me nowhere.

lessons learned:

1. being direct/escalating fast is fun as hell. nothing like failing but still feeling like a badass.
2. build comfort at some point anyway, make her feel like a human being a bit, otherwise it gets awkward.
3. pay attention to her signals all the time. calibrate. be smart.
4. don't get drunk. water is cheap, water is healthy.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2016 1:35 pm 
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Gonas wrote:
i usually like to text open with something that relates to our previous interactions, and this was when i realized this was fucked up. i skipped comfort entirely because i couldn't find anything semi-interesting/open-ended in my mind to talk about and that she could relate to.

i messaged this like 12 hours ago:
"hey, rich woman!! have you got other innocent guys drunk this weekend?"

she's not really rich at all, but i teased her a bit about her totally being, right after we were introduced and she told about her job with my friend. anyway, i'm just hitting keys randomly, no idea if this opener is half-fine. but if she was in, she would bite it anyway, i guess?

no response. she might not even read it because facebook kinda hides messages of whom you're not friended to. but i sent an invitation and didn't get a response either, so i think this is a next.

enlightening experience anyway. i always judged myself as very shy and i never had the balls to try and escalate fast, which many times led me to hours of my life being wasted in interactions that would lead me nowhere.

lessons learned:

1. being direct/escalating fast is fun as hell. nothing like failing but still feeling like a badass.
2. build comfort at some point anyway, make her feel like a human being a bit, otherwise it gets awkward.
3. pay attention to her signals all the time. calibrate. be smart.
4. don't get drunk. water is cheap, water is healthy.


Some women respond well on Facebook but are cold in person. Some women respond well in person but are cold in Facebook. Of course, be unapologetic especially when the girl is having fun.

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