Backstory: Very cute girl; interested in me quiet clearly. After some banter I asked for her number (she has previously asked me if i was on Facebook but i said i prefer to have the phone number). She sends me the first text after a few days. I role play (husband and wife) and it goes superb.
She asks me out for a drink and we meet up in a bar. Lots of IOIs, kino (hand holding, talking closely, talking about relationships, quirky things we do). I think I did very well in getting to know her and emotionally connecting. She is leaving the country in 3 weeks (I knew that from the first meet) to travel. We have a 12 year difference but it does not seem to matter at all.
Talking about relationships we talk about how we are when we date and things like that. She said she had gone out on a date with a couple of guys before in my city (she is here 3 months and leaving soon) but nothing went any further. She said she loves my company and likes to be with me. I reciprocated her response. Then somehow we started talking about serious and casual relationships. Both agreed it was right to be fair and open about what you are looking for. I asked her what she was looking for. She said she was looking for someone to travel with (so basically quiet a serious relationship). I made it clear I was not looking for a relationship especially when she was going to go away. I added that to me it was more important to enjoy her company than anything else right now to which she agreed but said she would feel bad if she got involved and had to leave in 3 weeks. When we finally departed, she said she wanted to see me again maybe just to get a casual drink (came across as two friends hanging out). I turned it down and said we decided to go our own ways as we want different things. She seemed disappointment and said I was being cold. I am not sure where we stand now as I will see her again at social gatherings.
Did I mess it up by saying clearly I was not looking for something serious ? Or did I mess it up by not saying I could meet her again later on and see if i could then escalate? What would be the best thing to do next ?
The other guys already directed you that you went wrong by clearly stating that you didn't want anything serious, so that's NOT what I am going to talk to you about.
Calibration is CRITICAL. But obviously not in the way you think.
Don't read a woman's words, look at her ACTIONS.
You got so caught up with the words that she was saying, you were clearly not looking at her actions.
Every girl believes on a conscious level that they want a nice, romantic relationship. But every girl does not SUBCONCIOUSLY want this.
You should have gone with the flow of the conversation, escalated, and pulled. She was basically begging for it.
The fact that nothing happened was only because YOU didn't let anything happen. It's going to be a lot harder to restart things now because you have broken the rapport.
Next time, don't focus on her words: continue to keep the kino going and continue to escalate.