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Fast forward to somewhere in the middle of our relationship and I can't remember how we even got on the subject but she asks me if I would like to meet this guy and holy shit I got pissed, my blood started to boil. My reaction to her question was "Did you fuck this guy?" She looked down and this worried look came over her face and she said "I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that, but yeah, we slept together". Goddamn I was heated, I said "Why would you ever think I would want to meet this fuckin guy, hell fuck no I don't want to meet him, I don't ever wanna be in the same room as him unless it's to fuck him up and don't ever ask me anything like that again.
Back to the present, she is asking me if I want her to stop talking to this guy friend because if I do she will. But here's the thing, I feel like this is a no win situation for me. She knows I don't want her talking to him so why even ask? If I say yes then I'm the controlling jealous boyfriend that won't allow her to have a "guy friend" and that would be so mean of me cause he's such a swell guy(sarcasm), I mean all he ever did was put his penis in my girlfriend, it shouldn't bother me that she considers him a best friend although I should really be her best friend. If I say no, then this orbiting motherfucker, this dick in a jar, keeps hanging around the fringe just waiting to fuck her again when shit goes south. What also bothers me is that I shouldn't have to make this ultimatum, it should come from within her to realize that this isn't appropriate and have consideration for me because as I have already expressed to her I don't have any female best friends, just female friends and bitches I've fucked and if I did have any female bff's hanging around I would cut all ties with them out of respect and consideration for her without her having to ask and she knows this. Holy shit I wanna cut somebodys head off right now!!! Not to mention that she told me she stopped talking to him and hasn't, but now she doesn't recall that and honestly I can't tell her she lied because I have a bad memory and I can't recall her exact words but I remember that being the jist of it. So what do I do?
I really just feel like telling her to keep talking to him if she wants(because obviously she wants to), but that we need to make the relationship a bit more casual, like going back to dating and not being so serious, maybe even see other people because I refuse to continue investing in a situation like this and obviously we aren't at the point in our relationship where I thought we were even though we have talked about marriage(we're older and in our 40's).
She's a great girl, she cooks, cleans, supports me in everything I do and spends money on me, she's very giving, she is always with me and I know she loves me and I love her, but this just doesn't feel right to me. Am I over reacting here or what?
You can not tell your partner to do or not do a certain thing or behave in a certain way. This is what you should communicate to her. It is up to her to determine what course of action of behaviour feels right for her and if that behaviour would be fine with you. If there is a clash of ideologies and principles between the two of you, then it is not going to work out very well.
If she considers that what has happened in the past with that guy was not serious, it was long time ago and now they are completely over and done with it, and that they can remain friends, then you have nothing to worry about. And there is no need to get mad over the thought of meeting the guy; if you didn't like the idea then just communicate that in a civilized manner. It might be hard not to express your frustration if you are an emotional person and you feel like you are being disrespected just by the suggestion of the idea. But your frustration arises from your completely different point of view, which is that you find completely unacceptable to meet a guy that she fucked in the past and she keeps in contact while your partner believes that this is ok.
Now, if hypothetically we say that after the above mentioned situation, the same thing happened but with reversed roles and your partner is getting mad and furious at the idea of her meeting a girl you fucked in the past, then she has double standards and "wants to have the whole cake full and eat it too". Is there any indication she is like this? This is a huge red flag.
Having read numerous threads on this forum, Neo's posts are always right on spot, including on this one. And very thorough too. I don't have much more to say that it was not covered there.
Why would you be mad at any guy who she fucked before? Are you suffering from extreme jealousy issues? Is it that your gut feeling is telling you something and maybe deep down you don't trust her? Did she give reasons in the past to justify this? The guy might want to fuck her and it is up to her to let it or not let it happen. A person who wants to cheat will find a way to do it and you CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I know for a fact that I would not see the relationship in the same way when my partner demands from me to stop being in contact with someone, whoever that is. Why do you find it ok for her to tell you stop talking to someone, as you have mentioned?
What ever you do, don't take any emotional decision with a clouded mind.