Therapy – Session Number Four
Today’s therapy session was a good talk. I would love to say that we spoke about me and my future plans and so forth in detail, but the chat started out with me stating that I received an email from her father two days ago. He emailed me in a friendly manner talking about soccer and asking me about my predictions for my team who played in the middle of the week and my predictions on the next soccer season and who I think will win. I didn’t reply yet as I wanted to talk to my therapist about what I should reply (if I should reply at all) and see what he would advise. He advised me to reply to his email very amicably and just mention soccer and nothing else (which I will do after this).
We then moved on to talk about my new hobbies as I received my new camera and I went out taking pictures with my dad. I also bought a very highly recommended beginners book to photography to teach me all about how to use the gadget. I also spoke to my dad about my therapy sessions and what has been going on through my head in the middle of the week. It was a good talk because I mostly saw how supportive he is and how he thinks and believes I am a very smart guy who is just clouded by inappropriate and unnecessary things in life like girls and an “immature relationship” in his words. He said to me, “I can understand how someone can be so distraught over a relationship, but you have to respect my opinion, I don’t understand how someone can be so hurt over a relationship and can’t just move on”. We discussed things about business, family, and other sorts of ventures that he has in mind. He wants to move to Portugal as there is zero tax there and he receives his pension soon. So he offered me to come with him in a week or two to Portugal and look around the neighborhoods and houses there but I am undecided if I will go or not. Anyways, my therapist and I got onto the topic of her and actually discussed abusive relationships as a whole. He discussed that in these circumstances he can relate the grief to another patient he has currently who is working towards getting over a death, but in comparison, heartbreak can be worse than a death because heartbreak can lead to one having hope and decisions to make as in; “should I call them or not?”, “will they come back?”, “are they thinking of me?”, “what are they up to?”, as with death it’s just a straight forward process to moving on and knowing they aren’t coming back. I asked the following question a lot in the past to myself and so I asked him saying, “I know it’s not the reason why we broke up, but I feel like it is my fault because me texting her friends was the final straw, that’s why I feel it was my fault the relationship ended”. He replied, “it was not your fault, it takes two in the relationship, a deer is hunted by a bear, if a deer makes a wrong turn or steps on a twig and makes a noise is it it’s fault? She could not break up with you because it is hard to break up with someone even if that’s what she wanted to do. She abused you and she was no longer getting the reaction she wanted out of you. She did not use non-violent communication (there you go N2Void), she blamed you for things instead of saying how she feels. Furthermore, in her next relationship, she might not be a bear, she might be some other animal on the food chain but she is not looking for a new guy right now, she is looking for her next victim to control in a slave like relationship as that is all she seems to know”. I don’t know why but this did bring me a bit of comfort hearing a therapist who see’s people on a daily basis in these situations confide in me saying that it wasn’t my fault and that she was also to blame and won’t change. However, he did say that I need to work on my attention seeking and self-esteem, which will be fixed by me doing interesting things in my life and striving towards something that excites and fulfills me. That is the next thing I am working towards. I have looked up sports agencies to apply to and configured a training plan to stick to for myself so I return to pre-season quite strong. I am also going to the Euro-2016 Cup Final in Paris France so I guess that is something to look forward to.
Achievements:
-Made deans list this academic term.
-Can go into the shower now fully blasting on the coldest temperature.
Chiefs Blow Out mission:
I went to the casino the other day because I was bored and no one is around really to go out with me downtown to clubs, and trust me, it's the last time I will ever go to the casino. Mainly because I looked around and although there were some hot girls the vibe there is that of old people literally throwing their money away and touching machines and it's pretty gross. Anyways, the idea of the blow out mission is to actually get rejected by girls. This builds no fear in the rejection and allows me to believe I have nothing to lose when approaching any girl from here on out. After having two vodka coke's and the courage enough to do this. I went to the first girl, brunette, slim, but had massive titties playing roulette.
Me: You winning?
Her: No, my luck today sucks.
Me: You need some change of luck then, can I blow on them?
Her: Excuse me? (Definitely think a guy over heard me as well and started listening in on the chat who couldn't believe what I said).
Me: Well, they are pretty big...
Her: Are you being serious right now?
Me: What? Your eyes are massive, whats wrong with you...
Her: Okay, sure, because that's what you meant. Rolling her eyes.
...I walked away.
Went to another roulette table. Approached a skinny, small, half asian, wearing a tight dress with black hair.
Me: How's the table, it any hot? Well I know.. it's hot now, i'm here, but how was it before?
Her: Laughed with her friends. They walked away, laughing.
Went to the black jack table where I saw another Asian/half American girl not playing but intensely watching on the side (I'm not even really into asians I did this for the post and the mission). Literally went up to her and said:
Me: I have to tell you something, it will kill me if I don't say it.
Her: Haha, oh yeah, what's that?
Me: Chinese Japanese dirty knees look at these (holding two black 100 chips)
Her: (laughing) haha, you're funny, i'm going to get a refill. Hopefully you get more of those.