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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 4:12 am 
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Hey guys, im new to the forums and wanted to talk to a few of you guys about a major issue im having with dealing with women in my life.

32 Year Old brainy type(over analysis everything) guy having a big problem getting over major issues with women due to my past experiences with them. Ive realized I have a very toxic mindset when going into interactions with women that seem to spill into my work place, school, and social life as a whole. For the past few years i have had nothing but just negative experiences that were not necessary in conjunction with dating but just basic interactions from working on social projects, or general work place drama that i basically perceive to be the fault of women as a whole. If one could look into my past dealing with them, one would probably trace all this back to 4 major relationships that i have had in the past that started me on this life course to just avoid them altogether but i would argue that is not the case.

Whenever i go into a new environment when women are there, there is always the possibility that i shut off and in most cases, "go into my shell" as one female once said under breathe in regards to a situation that happened between us. i started noticing this a year or so ago but had ignored it until now. I figure this gives off the impression that im super anti social and a whole mess of interpretations of my character i try not to portray.

My over all impressions of women is that they are solipsistic, Narcissistic, and culturally psychopathic in nature but i really do try to over compensate how i express or keep in check that opinion of them that i have when i interact with them on a daily basis with being passive, reserved, stoic, and over all cold. This has been my default attitude in certain environments to help repel them in a certain fashion as to avoid unnecessary conflict but as things have changed in my life due to me being in the military and my physical appearance has changed, this is not working or helping any more.

My style and look have changed and im fit for the first time in my life. Given this i have moved from my state of origin to a new state and the dating culture is different. The thing is all of these changes i cant seem to resolve with my anger, anxiety, and rage at the fact that i went through all that shit years ago and how i still perceive people to be now. Im tryng to get past that anger that builds up every time im in a lounge and do all sorts of things to repel chicks but they always find ways to try to start some shit with me and im like wtf? i don't get it. I was all cool and outgoing when i was younger and you didn't want anything to do with me and now everyone is up in my face like really?

I don't know if i have to come to terms with the possibility that i have a hatred for women that i am not coming to terms with that i might need to move forward or if there is another issue in play. Any suggestions on what steps to take forward on this would be helpful.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:19 pm 
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You do not love women. Pure and simple.

Let me ask you this; what are you looking for?

Mack

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 2:34 pm 
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Quote:
You do not love women. Pure and simple.

Let me ask you this; what are you looking for?

Mack
Honestly, to get over this irritation i have with them in regards to how they do things in my working life. I generally have full control of most factors in my personal life to the point where there are no direct conflicts with women due in part to me just avoiding them but its my working environment and my academic life that suffers more so because it feels(i might be percieving this to be wrong) as if no matter what persona i put on whether its the nice cool guy bit or the cold stoic type, they dont seem to understand i wish to be left alone.

In other words, to construct a consistant internal frame that is able to express, project, and communicate my inner frame of stability and non-conflict to women so they know not to bring their issues and chaos in my sphere of influence.

Im done with dating, i now just want to be left in peace in the few areas of my life that is about just about work and reward.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 3:14 pm 
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Its funny cause this has been a major part of my life that has somewhat shapped how i deal with other issues as well. Part of my persona or perceptual paradigm in regards to how i deal with conflicts, Logic and reason, My career, Working out, ect have benefitted somewhat because of all this but all of this is starting to get annoy.

the best way i can explain it is that when i am put into certain situations that involve conflict, a switch flips on and im all alpha in almost every aspect. On the outside i guess people generally pick up this overtly threat pressense mixed with detachment, violent intent, stoicism, objectivity, and something i call the "void". The void itself is generally the lack of emotion or any sort of communication via micro-expressions, manuerisms, or body language. It is basically the robot. In every, and i do mean EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE where this switch has been triggered, i have successfully resolved or dominated the situation to the point of outright intimidation because of this.

The main problem with this is that over a long enough time in the same environment, my base perception of women kicks in and my alternate mindset triggers automatically and it becames my main persona. To say the least i figure i come off as extremely threatening in most respects to women. The over all i figure the issue is that That mindset and my more common one of just shutting off and being to myself is detrimental to me progressing forward as a person and im trying to shift the other one or more or less the structural aspects of that mindset to build a better internal frame.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 5:17 pm 
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If you've found yourself in 4 major relationship, you're problem isn't that you "don't love women". I completely disagree with the poster on that. We could all love women a little more, but that isn't the root of your issue.

One of your issues is that you're feeling sorry for yourself, you're beating yourself up, and talking yourself down. If you're doing it on the forum and I also guarantee that you do this in your own head and thats what killing. Our thoughts slowly shape our reality so if we're not controlling our thoughts, or "Choosing" our thoughts they will be chosen for us. And being that there is the effeminate agenda going on today that is not something you want.

Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our character, and our character becomes our destiny.

Just as if a man who has gained weight, gains the weight so gradually that he can't track his progress unless he using a scale. One day he just wakes up and realizes " Whoa, I'm fat" or "Oh shit, I've lost a lot of weight". You won't be able to track your mental progress. It will feel like nothing is changing when things actually are changing. A watched flower doesn't grow.

So as a start i think you have to begin to work on what it is you are thinking in a daily basis. You want to practice auto suggestion into your subconscious with mental repetition. Repeating phrases like " I am poise, strong, and confident" " I am adored and loved by the opposite sex" over and over throughout the day. Hundreds of thousands of times and slowly but gradually you will begin adopting the mindset and attracting the situations to you that will elevate your status mentally, emotionally, and socially.

And more importantly, you have to get out and push yourself to talk to women man. Pushing yourself to talk to 10 women a day for 10 months and you'll also elevate on all levels. But if you're not quite ready emotionally to make the approaches start with the auto suggestion.

Lets say you talk to 10 women a day.. Out of that 10 you get 3 phone numbers. Out of those three phone numbers you get one date. So thats 70 women a week, 21 potential dates. And lets say out of those 21 dates you sleep with 3 of the women. You'll be able to "potentially" sleep with 3 women a week, for 40 weeks (ten months). That will be 120 women in ten months. Now of course you may not have the time for this, but that just goes to show you the potential.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:33 pm 
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Hey man, thanks for responding. Ive read a bit about self affirmations and didn't really pay to much attention to them at first since I never had contact with people who ever went through the process of using them in such a manner(most of my friends and fellow soldiers are a bit younger).

In any event, I don't know what to tell you in regards to my internal dialogue whenever a situation might pop up like the ones I explained before. I guess when I take full inventory of my thoughts on the matter or when im in the moment, It does not feel like some sort of negative or self-limiting belief but more of an active objective response to some sort of perceived social threat or "miss move/communication" on my part. I mean I can understand to some extent when I look back on a more recent scenario that happened how that would apply........

What had happened is that while I was at work one day, the other soldiers were talking about dating and how age plays a part in people connecting and also using online dating services to make the process easier and that sort of thing. Given im almost 8 years older than everyone, my issue as the convo went on was how the dating pool where I am at is a bit more difficult given how stifled the dating scene is in regards to older dudes dating females/soldiers who are a lot younger. Is it taboo? is it a new trend? Do the older guys have a leg up on younger dudes closer to the chicks age? Is age a thing on a chicks mind as part of her dating Strategy,etc? The thing is im seen as the wise older dude who keeps to himself and what not and one of the chicks 20 Y/O white girl(im black) mentioned, descriptively that I was like the old wise grampa of the group. This was said, in my opinion, warm heartedly. The other females in the group, all young, said in not so direct words that they will find me a women. Some of them jokingly and others caringly. Meh, I just shrugged and moved on from the convo. Then the very next day, the same girl who made the original comment, who as a matter of pattern, was constantly "in my space" or who as I call it "imprints" on to me talked about getting breakfast and as I was finishing up the morning rush hour work, was like come walk with me to get some breakfast.

*Fun Fact: the military is THE NUMBER 1# incubator of gender dynamic imbalance and rape culture hysteria bar NONE. We have specifically designed rules that govern how we interact with female soldiers, what we do when we are in the same work, personal, public space with them and so on. in literally 80% of military investigated cases of this have been found out to be false claims of the such and the female soldier found out to be doing this gets a slap on the wrist for it. It is so bad that it has created an environment of mistrust between male and female soldier due to the fact that the female soldiers know this and use this imbalance and programs like S.H.A.R.P. as tools and weapons against male soldiers they do not like or to get a head career wise. Remember my original paradigm assessment of women in the first post? This is apart of it.

Now moving along with the story, I have been privy to stories were male soldiers were blamed for some crazy shit they did not do just because they were left alone with a female soldier or went for a walk with them to some place or another. This is one of those things that is the forefront of my mind when I am alone with or walking with a female soldier. When this girl asked me to go walk with her to the defac/breakfast, my natural objective response was to say no and I did just that because of the possibility of such an event from happening. I have never been asked to come somewhere with a female for any specific purpose whether before joining the military or after joining.

Now I know some people, after reading this might say, hey she likes you and you should make a move on her but I have not had any intentions of making a move on her at all. She is nice and all but I never had any urge to do anything. She is a mix chick, Germany and native American and she is very connected to her native American side culturally. when asked if she had a boyfriend by the older ladies that work in the clinic while in my presence, she gave this statement that she has a spiritual connection with another person who isn't but is her boyfriend or some such mess.

So in that respect, I get the whole internal dialogue thing messing up a possible positive situation up but for the most part, I had no designs on the girl at all and all this happened after we all had that massive convo about dating and online dating websites and age and whatnot.

Its situations like this that are an irritant to me. It will be shit like this were I don't get the aspects of attraction in any given situation that would cause something like this to happen if a girl like that was into me or if chicks just don't get indirectly that I don't trust them or want them to leave me alone or when I actually do have a design on a girl, she will generally do something that was just so abrasive or passive aggressive that I figure she just doenst know what she is doing or she isn't aware of the "give and take" of courtship when two people are doing the dance if you get my drift.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 7:14 pm 
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Wanted to fill you guys in on the other chick that I WAS trying to talk to and build on in phases. After "spitting game" or what its called and talking about working out and shopping and shit, this chick offers to give me her number and take me out to the grocery store to pick up some groceries. I say sure, get her number and we plan a day to go. So in that span of days before we go, she offers another one of the my friends to take him as well and he is down to go. So the day comes, we go, almost before the time to go, he offers to drop out thinking this was just me trying put the moves on her and im like nah, I really do need to go shopping for stuff.

So I talk him back into going and we go(as insurance of a third party if you get my drift). So throughout the whole experience, as i'm shopping the two of them are getting along great which is cool but she isn't his type of girl( Brick house massive chest type of chick). I get my stuff which includes mail and a book I had ordered a while back and she made some sort of shit test comment about it I just brushed off an then she hijacks us to go to a barnes and nobles. I thought that was odd since this was just us doing choirs but it felt like it was turning into an evening out. So we go and same thing, they are walking around together and I originally was like meh, I didn't know why I was there but after a few minutes I was like whatever and actually started looking around for a book to get. She and my friend on the other hand are just walking around talking and appearing as if they were both looking for a book. I buy my book and as I walk away with it, she tries to sound all smart and goes "ah, the authors name seems to greek in nature....." im like.....its Voltaire and the books is called candide. She looked super stupid at that moment but we walked on. We leave the BandN and as we are getting into her car, I mention we should get something to eat and she was like Damn, really, we just ate.(we ate suishi 3 hours ago and I body build) So as we get into the car and we are agreeing to get food, I put my hoodie on and she dead ass out of nowhere goes, "why the hell do you do that?" im looking around confused and what not and then she continues, " why do you keep putting your hoodie on, that is so freaking odd. You are so from the city!" I was so disturbed by this because her tone of voice and everything was so direct and accusatory I had no idea what was going on. even her look was like wtf is wrong with you. I am generally aware of what I say and do as being offensive to people and if I get a neg reaction to something, I understand it. That shit was like WTF? You caught an attitude from me putting on my hoodie?

I don't know if it was some sort of subconscious dislike she had for me or if it was some sort of passive aggressive poke at me but after that day I stood away from her and then I began to notice she would do that shit every other day like just straight out come out her face at a comment that wasn't particular bad but just straight up abrasive for some reason and I never knew why.

All this was weird because I remembered the first time I met her and we were all joking around and we were talking about some crazy metaphysical bullshit and then was just defensive and passive on it like we were all stupid or something and I took that as her just not liking us or whatever and then after I told my friend that i wouldn't mind fucking her, the next day, and i do mean the VERY next day, when i came into work, she was grilling me super hard and giving me that " i want to fuck you" look that just confused the hell out of me. I have a crap load of stories like this i never could understand because the logic behind the actions never made sense to me. This was even before i joined the military and i was over weight. Even with those chicks that were into big dudes i just didn't get. Now that im in, females still act as chaotic as fuck but now its indirect attraction but now im older and don't want to be bothered but now since i look better, its still chaos.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:11 am 
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Wow, you were right when you said you were left-brained and analytical.

The thing is my man, you can do "Thinking" in two ways.

1. You can think with your BRAIN

And this is what you're doing so far. You're only using your brain to try to understand the
world and women.

But there is another way, that is probably totally unfamiliar to you. But it's also the way
that would get you to "solve" your problem the quickest.

2. Thinking with your HEART

Look at how you've described women in your first post. Psychopaths. Narcissistic.

One would argue that that description could be right for some. However, what about if you
think with your heart?

Your mom is a woman. She gave birth to you. She gave you life. Hell of a struggle to give life.

Women's "psychopaths-ism" actually makes sense if she needs to defend her offspring. The
amount of love they give to their baby is incredible.

My suggestion to you my man, is to shut of your brain for just a second, and allow yourself
to FEEL.


Close your eyes, and allow the emotions to come up. What do you FEEL?

Anger? Sadness? Resentment? Desire?

Feel it, and then go and DANCE.

I know, you're probably not used to it. But dance is a way of expressing your FEELINGS.

You don't have to dance in a club. Dance alone, at your place.

Shake your body according to the emotions that you feel. As you dance, allow your mind
to shut more and more off, and get into your body.

I encourage you to do this at least couple of times a week. Like 3x. Do it for 20 min, and then
stop. You can go and be analytical after 20 min, but for 20min allow yourself to be
a HUMAN.

Try it, I promise it will deliver awesome results.

And also, if you are really having challenges with anxiety, I may be able to give you a hand
in your journey of freeing yourself from it.

You can check the details in my signature.

And one final piece of advice is this:

Go and find a female FRIEND.

Just try talking with her, and UNDERSTANDING her world.

Be quiet and listen to her. Allow her to speak. But listen not with your analytical brain and judge what
she's saying, but listen with an open heart.

Try to FEEL what she's trying to tell you. Try to feel the FEELING she's communicating behind her words.

This will enable you to step to the other side, get to know women and learn to come at piece with
them.

Good luck my man,

_________________
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:22 pm 
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i don't know if its general anxiety that you are speaking about that im going through but its more of this aggressive distain for a lot of give and take of interacting with women. it is just freaking exhausting.

In any event ill really look into just being in the moment and not over thinking stuff. It has just been a very useful habit I formed given how bad my life has been until now. I had a very bad upbringing and my first times on my own I was exposed to the worst people who were just straight up psychopaths unopened to reason in whatever it was they were after(men AND women). It has allowed me to see certain eventualities that might come about do to peoples actions, mannerisms, micro-expressions, etc. Sort of hard to turn it off.

1.) Thinking with my heart.....meh....yeah, to many situations that I have been privy too with my friends and immediate family have taught me not to do that at ALL!!!......No matter what the circumstances. I use to be all up in this MGTOW way of thinking and part of me is like that advice is straight up blue pill. Ive seen to much destruction with that sort of approach to it that it is too counter intuitive to protocals I set up to protect myself from shit from women.

In this I will put into effect the idea of actually being IN THE MOMENT and not letting the past experience of a particular interaction affect the flow of interactions with these said people over an extended period of time. I guess that is a big problem since approach that shit like a robot and act off of those protocals from the last encounter with some of these chicks.

2.) Dancing and Mantras....ill try that. I can do that when I go to a club or whatever so it will be interesting practice to loosen me up instead of just siting around and sipping on my drink.

3.) Female friends......Meh, in the military female friends are sort of meh. In the sense that its not particularly frowned upon but more or less the gender dynamics is sort of dangerous for men and they don't even realize it. Say one wrong(not bad) thing on some day she just isn't feeling it and your ass is grass. S.H.A.R.P/E.O. complaint or a straight up rape accusation and you are done regardless of if they find out all of that was false(which most of them are). ill find a way to frequent the base to do this but there is also that extra danger of civis running game on soldiers so that is something I have to be aware of as well.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2015 1:33 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 17, 2013 1:00 pm
Posts: 461
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Quote:
Wow, you were right when you said you were left-brained and analytical.

The thing is my man, you can do "Thinking" in two ways.

1. You can think with your BRAIN

And this is what you're doing so far. You're only using your brain to try to understand the
world and women.

But there is another way, that is probably totally unfamiliar to you. But it's also the way
that would get you to "solve" your problem the quickest.

2. Thinking with your HEART

Look at how you've described women in your first post. Psychopaths. Narcissistic.

One would argue that that description could be right for some. However, what about if you
think with your heart?

Your mom is a woman. She gave birth to you. She gave you life. Hell of a struggle to give life.

Women's "psychopaths-ism" actually makes sense if she needs to defend her offspring. The
amount of love they give to their baby is incredible.

My suggestion to you my man, is to shut of your brain for just a second, and allow yourself
to FEEL.


Close your eyes, and allow the emotions to come up. What do you FEEL?

Anger? Sadness? Resentment? Desire?

Feel it, and then go and DANCE.

I know, you're probably not used to it. But dance is a way of expressing your FEELINGS.

You don't have to dance in a club. Dance alone, at your place.

Shake your body according to the emotions that you feel. As you dance, allow your mind
to shut more and more off, and get into your body.

I encourage you to do this at least couple of times a week. Like 3x. Do it for 20 min, and then
stop. You can go and be analytical after 20 min, but for 20min allow yourself to be
a HUMAN.

Try it, I promise it will deliver awesome results.

And also, if you are really having challenges with anxiety, I may be able to give you a hand
in your journey of freeing yourself from it.

You can check the details in my signature.

And one final piece of advice is this:

Go and find a female FRIEND.

Just try talking with her, and UNDERSTANDING her world.

Be quiet and listen to her. Allow her to speak. But listen not with your analytical brain and judge what
she's saying, but listen with an open heart.

Try to FEEL what she's trying to tell you. Try to feel the FEELING she's communicating behind her words.

This will enable you to step to the other side, get to know women and learn to come at piece with
them.

Good luck my man,
I second all of this. Your brain should have no part in the initial interaction and creating attraction. Those thoughts should only come into play when you two are involved. The OP also referred in one of his earlier posts that he wants to exude his inner stability. The issue is that you do not seem to have much when it comes to the topic of women. You are forcing something that isn't there. You need to expose yourself to more situations in which you respect women and have fun with them, all inhibitions aside.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:01 am 
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agreed in regards to needing to expose myself more to situations where I can trust women but, and I say this with all do respect, that given those new experiences where I get into situations where its possible to see their character outside of my own preconceptions, they always tend to fall short and prove my opinions of them.

I guess its a matter of your thoughts becoming reality but its just how it is. I figured it was a matter of class behavior and cultural cues which were the problem but being around this many white/non African americans have as yet not proven to be any different from being around the same ratchet type of people I left joining the military. The only difference is that its just a lot more dangerous given my status right now.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:02 pm 
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wow, just got back from the field(Mojave desert) and feeling energized. Thought I would go nutty out there but I guess I like being in the field and doing stuff like shooting guns and breaking stuff, lol.

I found it interesting that as the month went by a few of my battle buddies would talk about how they would notice the females acting strange. They brought it to my attention which was surprising until I started noticing it myself that they saw the females were extra horny while in the field. I didn't notice it myself because I was more focused on not notionally dying and shit but after we got out of the field and went back to the prepping station, I began to notice the stares and looks I got, the way they walked different as apposed to being on base, etc. I attributed it mostly because I do look handsome to a certain extent after I shave and get a hair cut but I figured because they were in such a rugged environment which gave them dessert goggles.

This is mostly a new phenomenon to me given how erratic(to me) a females sexual desires and mating strategy is. We are in an rugged, dirty, loud, and possibly dangerous environment and they are now more open, flirtatious, and sexually aggressive than usual. What is even more interesting is that some of these chicks are married or another which makes it even funnier considering they started pushing up on other dudes that were married as well.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:52 pm 
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Quote:
Hey guys, im new to the forums and wanted to talk to a few of you guys about a major issue im having with dealing with women in my life.

32 Year Old brainy type(over analysis everything) guy having a big problem getting over major issues with women due to my past experiences with them. Ive realized I have a very toxic mindset when going into interactions with women that seem to spill into my work place, school, and social life as a whole. For the past few years i have had nothing but just negative experiences that were not necessary in conjunction with dating but just basic interactions from working on social projects, or general work place drama that i basically perceive to be the fault of women as a whole. If one could look into my past dealing with them, one would probably trace all this back to 4 major relationships that i have had in the past that started me on this life course to just avoid them altogether but i would argue that is not the case.

Whenever i go into a new environment when women are there, there is always the possibility that i shut off and in most cases, "go into my shell" as one female once said under breathe in regards to a situation that happened between us. i started noticing this a year or so ago but had ignored it until now. I figure this gives off the impression that im super anti social and a whole mess of interpretations of my character i try not to portray.

My over all impressions of women is that they are solipsistic, Narcissistic, and culturally psychopathic in nature but i really do try to over compensate how i express or keep in check that opinion of them that i have when i interact with them on a daily basis with being passive, reserved, stoic, and over all cold. This has been my default attitude in certain environments to help repel them in a certain fashion as to avoid unnecessary conflict but as things have changed in my life due to me being in the military and my physical appearance has changed, this is not working or helping any more.

My style and look have changed and im fit for the first time in my life. Given this i have moved from my state of origin to a new state and the dating culture is different. The thing is all of these changes i cant seem to resolve with my anger, anxiety, and rage at the fact that i went through all that shit years ago and how i still perceive people to be now. Im tryng to get past that anger that builds up every time im in a lounge and do all sorts of things to repel chicks but they always find ways to try to start some shit with me and im like wtf? i don't get it. I was all cool and outgoing when i was younger and you didn't want anything to do with me and now everyone is up in my face like really?

I don't know if i have to come to terms with the possibility that i have a hatred for women that i am not coming to terms with that i might need to move forward or if there is another issue in play. Any suggestions on what steps to take forward on this would be helpful.
Hi Thevisionary!

Based on how you've described your behavior in your post and based on my own experience with similar situations, you might be suffering from the symptoms of borderline personality disorder.

As for my personal experience with being aggressive and repulsive toward women during my late teen years (now I'm a 42 year old guy) in combo with later suffering from both borderline and narcissistic personality disorders that are also characterized with occasional outbursts of uncontrollable anger and rage, I can explain my angry behavior towards women by mainly relating it to the fact that I was brought up by very untrusting parents who also suffer from the symptoms of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.

Since I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist but just a guy who now has a solid knowledge about borderline and narcissistic personality disorders that I got stuck in and later learned about in relation to my past seduction and sexual addictions, I warmly recommend that you check out Shari Schreiber who's one of the most well-known experts on borderline personality disorder that I've ever come across.

By the way, Shari's a very friendly woman who's got her own website and the forum where you can post any question in a form of a short story (limited to 150 characters) that she personally replies to. The link to her forum where you can directly (with no need to register) send her your question is here: Shari Schreiber's Forum.

Finally, if you'd like to learn more about my own experience with borderline personality disorder, feel free to ask me anything you like or simply check out some of my latest posts on these forums.

Bruno

_________________
FREE Report: "From False Passion For Picking Up Women Through Sexual Addiction To Redemption"


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