What's made me write this post are two things:
a) my quest to learn the truth about where my sudden, severe
approach anxiety around women that I'd never had before was
coming from, and
b) my good intention to warn you of the risk of losing your mental
health if you don't seriously think twice about all the negative effects
of having your anxiety force you to either go out to just stay paralyzed
and not really enjoy yourself around women or boldly and frantically
approach every good looking woman you see.
So, what's being neurotic around women all about? And, why you should
Being neurotic is an irrational and excessive anxiety that makes you
have strong feelings of fear or worry to the extent that you start
feeling forced to desperately want to fix it often by engaging in
different sorts of self-destructive, out-of-control, compulsive
behaviors in high-risk social situations just to feel great about
At some online dictionaries, neurosis is also called an obsession and
emotional or mental illness.
And, some define it as a relatively mild personality disorder typified by
excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal
The reason I'm telling you all this is simply because I'd like to help you
realize that the roots of your approach or social anxiety around women
are not really in not knowing how to approach a woman or what to say
to her but in your self esteem that somebody badly hurt earlier in your
life before you even knew about the pickup arts community.
That said, what's most likely brought you here is your anxiety-driven,
irrational belief that knowing how to pick up and lay down countless
beautiful women is your true passion, while the truth of the matter is
that it's a pure obsession that's now got you on the verge of having
a personality disorder.
Speaking of personality disorders, this brings me to the title of this
The 2 reasons you should now stop the bad habit of feeling neurotic
around meeting women come down to understanding the warning signs
of having two types of personality disorders common among men whose
hurt self esteem and lack of identity are actually what initially made them
These two disorders are:
1) borderline personality disorder, and
2) narcissistic personality disorder.
Men who suffer from borderline personality disorder are known as emotionally
unstable persons. What makes them emotionally unstable is mainly their fear
of abandonment that often comes from bad experiences in their relationships
with either their family members or their peers back in their early adolescence.
Either a parent or a peer hurt their self esteem so badly that while growing up
and further cruising through their life, they started massively losing self-belief
and self-confidence all up to the point of losing track of who they really are
and what their purpose on earth is. Hence I've earlier told you that their lack
of identity is what initially made them feel neurotic.
They feel so abandoned, empty and emotionally unstable that their neurotic
or anxiety-fuelled drive makes them desperately search for a quick fix just
to fill up their emptiness and insecurity as soon as possible.
So, this is exactly how I ended up getting stuck in borderline personality
disorder while going out to meet and pick up random women just to feel
great about myself again.
And, it's not just that.
When you've got borderline personality disorder, your severe anxiety starts
to even force you to challenge yourself by engaging in high-risk social
situations where you can easily get hurt by somebody or something in a very
This is how you basically end up making a fool of yourself by unnecessarily
exposing yourself to the dangers of many different forms of out of control,
self destructive, compulsive sexual behaviors around meeting women.
For example, while queuing up at the check-out of your local supermarket, as
soon as you see a very beautiful woman in front of you, you get the urge
to boldly approach her no matter what kind of situation she's in or who she
might be with at the time.
This is how you get stuck in boldly and stupidly approaching unavailable
women when suffering from this type of personality disorder.
The above kinds of behaviors are the ones that you would go for purely as
the result of your frantic efforts to avoid your imagined abandonment.
Just a couple of more things about this type of personality disorder that
I recommend you take note of.
The men who're stuck in borderline personality disorder often go through sudden
and dramatic shifts in their self-image, shifting goals, values and vocational
aspirations. There may be sudden changes in their opinions and plans about their
career, their sexual identity, their values and types of their friends. They may
suddenly change from the role of a needy supplicant for help to a righteous
avenger of past mistreatment.
By the way, this is how I got seduced into believing for years that my true
passion was all about living like a porn star. So, I even got to the point of
learning how to shoot home-based porn movies and buying POV (point of view)
digital camera with a tripod for that purpose about 3 years ago.
The last thing about the borderline personality disorder sufferers that I'd like
to share with you are their sudden outbursts of an uncontrollable anger or rage.
Their intense and inappropriate anger comes from believing that others don't
care about them, are not listening to them, or are not meeting their core needs.
Their pain is like your punishment. It's like they're being completely paranoid in
these kinds of situations.
Referring to the anger issue, this is how I ended up almost violently pushing
away the Brazilian girl that I was dating and meeting at a London pub immediately
after I noticed that she got half drunk and started suddenly snuggling up to my
left arm. Since I don't drink alcohol, my inner "borderline persona" got into a sudden
outburst of silly anger and embarrassed me in front of so many people, because I
simply found her move of snuggling firmly close to me so irritating and insincere
that I thought she was doing it just to insult me or piss me off.
Okay, here's what kind of neurotic behaviors you get stuck in when having
narcissistic personality disorder.
Compared to the fear of abandonment characteristic of the persons with
the former type of mental disorder, those with narcissistic personality disorder
also have a fear of abandonment but in the sense of fearing the loss of their
narcissistic supply and their sense of entitlement.
In short, the narcissistic supply relates to the show-off things that a narcissist
likes to use just to boost his ego and draw attention or admiration from others.
These are things like money, compliments, a favourable critique, an appearance
in the media or a sexual conquest. And, he shows them off with grandeur.
It's important that you understand that he does it for the same reason of lacking
a stable identity as I've earlier discussed with the borderline personality disorder
As for the narcissist's sense of entitlement, he's so abnormally convinced that
he's entitled to get whatever he sets his eyes on that you could easily get him
into a sudden outburst of his narcissistic rage if you don't let him have what he
wants. This is primarily where his fear and anxiety usually come from.
So, in terms of the seduction game, this type of abnormal, over-the-top behavior
goes hand in hand with the out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior of the guys
with borderline personality disorder in the way that the narcissistic guy might expose
himself to even a greater risk and danger.
So, for example, his neurotic urge could take him as far as boldly approaching a
random woman checking up shelves at a supermarket and going for any kind of
sexual contact with her in a matter of seconds.
If you wonder how he could do the latter stuff, the answer lies in his strict
emotional unavailability that comes from his other fear - fear of intimacy.
That's basically the narcissist's worst enemy that keeps him well away from
building healthy relationships and pushes him into devastating and traumatic
intervals of depression and loneliness.
Now, have you wondered why both the borderline guy and the narcissistic
guy lack a stable identity?
The answer to this question actually holds the key to either helping you stay
well away from any one of these two personality disorders if you're still lucky
not to be in this trouble or getting yourself out of such trouble if you're already
stuck in it.
Based on my personal experience, I've come up to the following epiphany that
answers the above question:
“If I had been firmly focused on pursuing my true passions in the first place, I
probably would have never got seduced into practising the pick-up arts and
ended up as a mentally disordered sexual addict for years, because once you're
fully focused on your true passions and dreams, you’re so happy and fulfilled that
no distractions and no negative external factors can prevent you from enjoying
a healthy and empowering lifestyle.”
So, this is the bottom line: If you're lazy or unwilling to invest some time, thought
and effort in identifying your true passions and then wholeheartedly committing to
fulfilling them, you're very likely to end up wasting your whole life searching for your
true passions at all the wrong places, because like many people, you might get seduced
into believing that somebody else should do the job of pinpointing your true passions for
you. By the way, this is exactly the reason why people get stuck in obsessions and
addictions of all kinds and why I like to call these "false passions."
Hope you find this post helpful and enlightening.