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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 9:44 am 
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Hello guys, so i found this forum be very good, and i want to tell a bit about my self first a bit, and then my problem. I hope you find time to read this long post, thank you.

About my self (shortest as possible):
So im a guy, that comes from an alcoholic familly, there was much alcoholism in my childhood. There were episodes in my life, where i was a small boy, where i could only count on my self. And as specialists saying, are that, that the children from alcoholic families, are very insecure, and has low self confidence later in life. That´s true with me tough. I had no problems with male-friends in primary school. On the other hand, i was totally AFC, i was a quiet guy. Never talked to the girls. So when i went to highschool i meet new people, it was really hard to socialize with them, because of the anxiety, of low self confidence. But i pushed my self. I met a new special buddy from my class, which is my best friend now. almost like a brother. He´s a natural and has plenty of confidence, he is good with women. He always compliments me, i exercisning muscels etc, he always compliment my new clothes, muscels etc in class, that´s nice of him. Since i meet him, it gone up for me, that im something worth. So i started to search many pua sites. And i started to read Richard La Ruina book, that tells how to not be AFC and how to be good with women, but the book did not helped me to actually, how to have the balls to use these techniques. In the last few months, i heard of this EFT technique where i tapp my self and tried it, i was suprised how it helped me gaining my self confidene.

So today:
Im much more confident, i talk to random people at my street etc, and my work, i work at a big store, i smile to all people and talk to them. EFT helped with this. But, i still struggle with women. Im 18 now and still virgin. There was a high shcool party, few months ago. Where i writed on paper, that i set a rule to approach minmum 5 women, i wrote it and readed it, in my head. And before i went out to party, i tapped my self (EFT), to not fear retjection and to gain confidence. I had memorized all Richard la ruina´s techniques from his book. So i went to that party, i felt pretty good and comfortable, if i did not tapped my self, i would have butterflies in stomach, and would act insecure. I sitted with my best buddies from class, and we played cards and had the best time. But i raised from my chair, and wanted to meet new people, i shaked hans with guys, and talked to them, i went to the dance scene without problems and anxiety, and joined male groups. But there was one thing, i could not approach women, i saw group of women, some standing alone, but i just could not. It´s here where EFT losses it´s promises. Maybe i do not tell my self the right thing, when im tapping dunno. Anyways because of my alcoholic childhood im filled with these beliefs that, im not a good enough guy for such a girl because im from alcoholic familly, or how can i be a boyfriend that comes from an alcoholic familly etc. In the last end, i approached two girls setting to together, but because my low confidence i go totally AFC, and forget all Richard la Ruina approach rules, and making the worst approach ever, and i get a retjection, they ignore me. I feeling bad. Here is where EFT comes to be handy, i go to toilet and tapping out the retjection, and im feeling good again, i forget about the retjection. But when i tapped my self, then strange things happening, for 10 mins or so, i felt very confident, i walked like i owned the building and was comfortable to hold eye contact to all girls i passed by, i saw that some girls noticed me, but i had not enough confidence to open them, but after the 10 mins the confidence stopped, i could not look people at the eyes, i do not walk like a lion. This EFT works strange for me. It works in a short amout of time. It seems the EFT is not strong enough to me, or i not saying the right things to tapp the approach anxiety out. Im sitting here home alone, with no women, and it´s pissing me off. There is no alcoholism in my familly anymore in one year now, they stopped drinking, so that´s good.

So im here to ask, where can i get some more of these NLP techiniques, to change my beliefs. I would like to heal my self confidenec on my own. And i can not just man up and approach, i tried everything. Im so insecure from my childhood, that i just not have the balls to do these approaches without som exercises, and mind changes. It could by hypnosis, NLP whatever, i don´t care about the price, i have the money. I want some good product that can make me confident with the shortest amout of time. I know i will not get confident in a week, but a product that can change my find, i heard some here got help from hypnosis. I need something that can help me change my beliefs.

I hope you can help me guys, have a nice day :)


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 5:16 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2011 5:53 pm
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA
I'm going to deviate slightly from your question, but hopefully you can take it to heart.

There are two types of confidence: external and internal. External confidence is when other people tell you that you're worth something, you're cool, you're a good person, etc. Pickup, because you're dealing with women who have their own free will, is a hobby where it is really easy to just focus on this. Problem is, if you have a bad run or are just starting out you can get crushed. Nobody validating you means no confidence is building.

I want to talk to you about genuine internal confidence though. That's where you know you're a badass without anybody telling you as much. This isn't an NLP thing either. Legitimate confidence without someone else's validation comes from setting goals and accomplishing them. You set a goal, something tangible where you don't need a third party to confirm that you did it, you work at it, and you reach the goal. These don't have to be lofty like "I wanna run a marathon" things. Sure you can set those goals, too, but you can also just tell yourself you're gonna approach ten women in a day, just say hello to them, and do that really quick and without issue. And when you accomplish one goal, then two, then three and so on and so forth, you start to realize that you have momentum. That momentum is carrying you closer to where you want to be than where you used to be. And with that momentum comes enthusiasm that will make the loftier goals a bit easier.

NLP is a marketing thing. It has its place in seduction, but ultimately you're best bet at long term confidence, in my opinion, is to work your ass off and set some goals. Among other things, I want to read twenty books in the next six months, so I'm going to work on that now by going to the library.

Good luck man.

_________________
These hos ain't loyal


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:00 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:27 am
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Quote:
I'm going to deviate slightly from your question, but hopefully you can take it to heart.

There are two types of confidence: external and internal. External confidence is when other people tell you that you're worth something, you're cool, you're a good person, etc. Pickup, because you're dealing with women who have their own free will, is a hobby where it is really easy to just focus on this. Problem is, if you have a bad run or are just starting out you can get crushed. Nobody validating you means no confidence is building.

I want to talk to you about genuine internal confidence though. That's where you know you're a badass without anybody telling you as much. This isn't an NLP thing either. Legitimate confidence without someone else's validation comes from setting goals and accomplishing them. You set a goal, something tangible where you don't need a third party to confirm that you did it, you work at it, and you reach the goal. These don't have to be lofty like "I wanna run a marathon" things. Sure you can set those goals, too, but you can also just tell yourself you're gonna approach ten women in a day, just say hello to them, and do that really quick and without issue. And when you accomplish one goal, then two, then three and so on and so forth, you start to realize that you have momentum. That momentum is carrying you closer to where you want to be than where you used to be. And with that momentum comes enthusiasm that will make the loftier goals a bit easier.

NLP is a marketing thing. It has its place in seduction, but ultimately you're best bet at long term confidence, in my opinion, is to work your ass off and set some goals. Among other things, I want to read twenty books in the next six months, so I'm going to work on that now by going to the library.

Good luck man.

Many thanks for the post. But here is my problem. Im setting goals everyday and failing them, every morning im saying im gonna approach 1 random woman in my bus to school, they are there always, but i can not start talk to them i simply cant. After doing EFT technique i can hold eyecontact with women, smile. But i just can´t approach them. EFT seems to work some way, that´s why im intterested trying a hypnosis product or these NLP products where i can change my mind. So if you know any book, audiobook where you heard it helped many people, you can please tell me which one.

Thanks for taking time to write to me.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:52 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:46 pm
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EFT is working for you as it's a quick route to the emotional brain where your beliefs are held. Any unconscious process is a two way street as when the emotion is extant you can feed changes into the emotional brain and change your beliefs (EFT works by triggering saccades which are normally an entirely unconscious process).

Most guys get rid of their approach anxiety by becoming so pissed off and angry with themselves that the anger emotion resets their belief system and the mind prefers the anxiety to the rage of not being able to meet girls and fulfill their biological duty.

You say you "can't" approach..well you would with a gun to your head or a million dollars if you did so you CAN actually.

The trick Mrniceguy is in not minding that you're scared.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:28 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:27 am
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Quote:
EFT is working for you as it's a quick route to the emotional brain where your beliefs are held. Any unconscious process is a two way street as when the emotion is extant you can feed changes into the emotional brain and change your beliefs (EFT works by triggering saccades which are normally an entirely unconscious process).

Most guys get rid of their approach anxiety by becoming so pissed off and angry with themselves that the anger emotion resets their belief system and the mind prefers the anxiety to the rage of not being able to meet girls and fulfill their biological duty.

You say you "can't" approach..well you would with a gun to your head or a million dollars if you did so you CAN actually.

The trick Mrniceguy is in not minding that you're scared.
Many thanks for answer :)
Yes i will of course keep doing the EFT, it helped me much. I can smile to people walk confident etc in the bus etc, i could never do such things before. So as you know about the EFT, maybe you know any Hypnosis, CBT or NLP products/methods/techniques that helped any guys you know. I would be very glad if you could recomend me some, i really want to try one of them.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 9:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:46 pm
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The quickest way is the epiphany that approach anxiety is a con. Your reptilian brain and your higher cortex both agree that you want to have sex with the girl but your reptilian brain also has a survival remit which creates the anxiety as it thinks that you may have a danger to your own survival if you approach the girl (this was true for most of prehistory as doing so could get you killed from other guys if you approached the wrong prehistoric babe).

It's not prehistory anymore and the worst you're going to get is a "no thanks". Approach anxiety is actually your reptilian brain trying to protect you. The only power it has is the power you give it.

Remember: it's an invitation to not approach, you don't have to accept it.

Quickest way to reset the balance is everytime you feel AA just repeat to yourself in your head.

"You Have No Power Over Me"


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