While responses are welcome...don't give me shit about writing this. The game that we play is harder on the heart the longer you play it, especially when you're in it for something worthwhile.

We all have to cope with the pain of loss one way or another, and this is my way.
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By the dozens at first and then into the hundreds, what does it say about me that I'm not enough to have your love? I'd like to say it says nothing, but in my heart I know the truth. For you, the dozens and the hundreds, I can only say the two most dreaded words in any language--

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I was too aggressive, too soft
That I held back or moved too fast
That I wasn't responsive or too clingy
Too fat or too skinny
That I had brown eyes instead of green
That I was black instead of white, asian, or whatever
That I wasn't black enough to too thug-looking
That I was so clean that I looked gay or filthy
That my cologne wasn't the right scent, or that I didn't wear any
That I was too tall or too short
Too dominant or too permissive
Too smart or too dumb
That I wanted a relationship or a one-night stand
That I talked too much or not enough
That I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear, needed to hear, or didn't talk enough
That I didn't make enough money or made too much
That your parents didn't like me
That your friends didn't like me

If I had a second chance, I'd make things right, but a second chance is something I know I'll never get from you. You'll never see this, but know you hundreds know that you have punished me through the humiliation and ache of sleeping and waking alone into my third decade, and as any friend I've ever had has moved onto the next stage of their romantic life, I am all the more alone.

I'm sorry for not being whatever a man needs to be to have the right woman, I'm sorry I haven't persisted in the task to find that 'whatever', and most of all, I'm sorry for myself, as I must live this way in utter privacy and silence because you can't see me as being weak.

If you did, I'd have just one more thing to be sorry for.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan