Field report

Yesterday evening I went out. Which by itself is a notable event. I decided that if I was going to pass the rest of my life alone, I would do it walking the streets and having fun and not remaining miserable at home. I knew monday evening there was a Dance course, so I also was heading there. I even shaved and dressed well.

A bit of background. I am for 1 month in the place where I use to study. Most of my friends (and the girls I use to meet) have moved on. Some are married with kids. So I know the place, I will stay here for only few days. And I don't know the people.

The dance was folks dancing. Which is done in couples with someone you meet there or in circles all holding hands. I know maybe is not your style, but it is mine. And I honestly have fun. While there I met this girl and we immediately clicked. I entered the circle next to her. She was obviously attracted to me. I was so attracted to her it was embarrassing. She also seemed to be a bit embarrassed (gosh I am not the only person having physiological responses!). SO let's see how I screw it up. We spoke and dance the whole time I was there. I only spoke with another girl in the meantime. Partially to show I was not too dependent on her. I asked her what was she studying. And it was something I could hardly relate to. So I asked her what else she liked to do in her life. I was desperately trying to look for a hook. Something could help me give ma hint to meet her again. She said she liked travelling and spoke other languages. We switched to french and I could have married her there. Just give me the documents, I'll handle the rest .

As we kept on dancing I realised I had real difficulties in the push part of the push pull. Basically I am unable to make a realistic push. I just pull. Which of course is a nono. Usually in my life I achieve well with girls when there are no time pressure. Then I just can use time as a pull, Stop speaking for a bit. Then start again casually. On trains and in planes works fine. Had two long term girlfriends just started like that. But here the time pressure was mounting.

At some point I blurted: "gosh I am so hungry. I should have had dinner because coming here".
she answered: " I also haven't had dinner".

Now I know this is the second fuck up. The first is the failed push pull that fails to build enough attraction. The second: here I should have said something but what?

I said: I am going to the ... after.
She: Oh, yes, this is a good place.

I wanted to say: would you want to come, but I KNEW she would have said no. It was pushing too much. Basically I expect her to suggest something.

Then we kept on dancing. The next dance was quite complex. We both had to concentrate, and I used that to have fun with her. Trying moves out. Teasing others. Congratulating us for being able to do it. In short we were having fun.

Then she said she was going home. The lesson was not ended, but she was actually going to the previous lesson and only remained because ... (maybe because I turned up? quite possible). I should have suggested I could have left as well. Fear, insecurity prevented me. I asked her name. She said. I asked her if she want to dance Salsa during the week. Not any more, now I do Swing (uh? where is that happening?). I fell silent. We parted with a "see you next time".

Now why I say I screwed up? Because I only stay here few days. Also now there is attraction. If I were to stay here longer and start meeting her at the dance class the fire would cool down easily. In my experience things happen if on the first meeting you two decide to make up a meeting situation to meet up. The long game is not that effective. It also feel bad because we both were attracted to each other. It was obvious. I was free, she seemed free (of course I do not know) So those are the situations were if it does not happen, I want to know why.

In any case few minutes later I also left. Went to a pub. met some of my older friends which were still there. Eat there. Had fun with them. And went back home at midnight. Honestly, I had fun. And in any case it was good to build rapport for as much as I could. But I am still not satisfied.

Any suggestions are appreciated.

If she really liked you and logistics were right, she would go to eat dinner with you. You could have invited her to eat with you or go with her to wherever she was eating. If not, then just number closer on an activity to see her again in the future.

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Thanks. I met her again a couple of days later and we exchanged email. The post is here:
post895794.html

I invited her to meet up, and she was "busy". Then I let her go and met her again just this evening at the dance class. She was with some friends. I danced with all of them. We flirted a bit, but basically she said no to every advance, but then would still give me some IOI. Eventually she kept on asking me about my calendar in the next week, even if I would tell her (this week I am here, then I go to, then I come back for so long...)
Finally just before departing in front of her friends she asked me again. At which point I just said: "look, you have asked me my calendar 5 times, so either you are really interested, or you just can't remember. To which all her friends laughed. She defended that it was me having a complex life (true).
Sure, I will just send you the calendar.

So basically, she likes to flirt. She gives me some IOI (like coming to fetch me in dances where the woman is supposed to look for a man), but then she is always busy, and never suggests any alternative time to meet up. So it's definitely on, but it's also probably not going to happen. I think I will just play it as a flirting training partner. With absolutely no attachment to the result.