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 Post subject: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:17 pm 
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Alright, so quick background -

Girl messages me on OKCupid, I follow up, quickly move to texting, secure a time to meet, and we end up going out. She's supposed to come for a drink, maybe 45 minutes, then head to a dinner with a friend. Girl arrives, super attractive, get to talking and she cancels her dinner and stays for like 3.5 hours. Everything seems to go great, kiss at the end of the night (leaning towards a LTR, so not trying to f-close or anything), says she had a great time, wants to see me again, and end scene.

Next day, wait until the afternoon to text her. Trying to be to the point and a bit bold, I say "When can I see you again? Tuesday?" She responds with something to the effect of "I'm pretty busy and don't know my schedule, can you check back with me? Also, I just checked my OKC and wow some crazy creepy messages!" (This had been a topic of conversation, but still a weird share...)

So at this point, I'm thinking this might be a shit test, but I wasn't sure how to respond so I just said "Can I check back? You sound like you're talking to one of your employees haha" Her response is basically "well you know, busy, busy!" So I just said "Tell you what, how about when you have a better idea what your schedule is, you let me know?"

And now I haven't heard from her since... she was awesome, and we seemed to hit it off well, so I'd like to try and salvage it if I can. That being said, I'm not going to be treated like her errand boy either.


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 Post subject: Re: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:41 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Quote:
Everything seems to go great, kiss at the end of the night (leaning towards a LTR, so not trying to f-close or anything), says she had a great time, wants to see me again, and end scene.
This is the worst part of the post. Could you have f-closed her? If the answer is yes, then you've disappointed her.

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 Post subject: Re: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 6:06 pm 
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Haha, alright well, call me a coward but here's where I'm at:

1.) I'm brand new to the community and have just barely scratched the surface of what it has to offer. I hadn't been on a date in two years and was nervous enough heading into it without trying to over utilize all these new techniques. I used some, but didn't want to overdue it and blow the whole thing.

2.) I can't f-close them on the first date if I'm looking for a LTR. This might be blasphemy to the rest of the community, but I can't date someone I don't respect, and I can't respect someone that I can easily game into bed within an hour of meeting - it just doesn't work for me. So if they're relationship material, I'd rather leave them wanting and drag it out, even if other guys are 100% convinced they have ways to get her to do otherwise.


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 Post subject: Re: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 6:27 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Quote:
2.) I can't f-close them on the first date if I'm looking for a LTR. This might be blasphemy to the rest of the community, but I can't date someone I don't respect, and I can't respect someone that I can easily game into bed within an hour of meeting - it just doesn't work for me. So if they're relationship material, I'd rather leave them wanting and drag it out, even if other guys are 100% convinced they have ways to get her to do otherwise.
I will not fault you for having your values, but what you say sort of contradicts itself. You can't respect a woman that you fuck right after meeting her, but at the same time how can you give her that respect if you don't try to fuck her? You have given yourself an illogical limitation which seems more like an excuse for not trying and maybe even avoiding rejection. If you're okay with that, that's fine with me. However, you will miss out on quality women, or what you called "awesome", because of a limited view.

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 Post subject: Re: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 9:15 pm 
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Okay, I think I get what you're saying now, so I'll attempt to clarify...

The whole not fucking on the first date thing is not some kind of test. I don't need to try and fuck her and then have the result determine whether or not I can respect her.

I'm simply saying that if I recognize that a girl is dating material, I prefer to keep the emotional and physical nature of the relationship on pace with each other. I'm not waiting 'til marriage or anything, but if she is someone I might actually want to commit to, I want to build on both sides gradually. I believe it makes for the healthiest relationship in the long term. Conversely, I think getting the two hyper out of sync can negate the opportunity to build a healthy relationship.

That's also not to say there aren't plenty of girls out there who I will meet and immediately think that the bedroom is as far as things will go. This girl just happens to fall into the "worth the time investment" category. Make sense?


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 Post subject: Re: WTF did I do wrong?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 10:07 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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I get what you're saying but it's your logic is the answer to the question "WTF did I do wrong?" She had a prearranged excuse to leave you, but she found you attractive in person so she stayed. The thing is that you need to make her feel sexually attractive and you didn't do that. It's the flaw of a being a perfect gentleman that spends hours with a woman and gives her a kiss at the end of the night.

I've been where you are and tried to play the gentleman card for years and if I've learned anything, it will get you friend zoned quickly. If you push for sex, as long as you're charming, even if she has LMR she'll still find you sexually attractive and the sex will come and you can still have a healthy relationship.

I wasn't implying it was a test. I was saying it isn't realistic when it comes to her having your respect, as you mentioned earlier. You are giving her a value based on absolutely nothing.

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