So if I go out with a girl and I like them, I usually send them a email/text the next day saying something like...

I just wanted to write you a quick note to say that I very much enjoyed your company last night. The conversation was excellent and you are (insert specific compliment here). Thanks for being brave enough to meet me. Let's hang out again soon.


So there seems to be a two schools of thought.

First, (W. Anton - The Manual, What women want and..) seems to advocate for being direct, giving women compliments and being honest with your intentions. He describes being charming as making the woman feel attractive.

Second, there is the David DeAngelo method in which he teaches that telling a woman that you want her kills attraction. Thus he would probably frown on the above message.

What has been your experience? Who much do you give direct compliments? During or after the first date.

I'm with the second school of thought on this one. If you did it right she should be the one writing you that text. You show your attracted to her by setting up another meet up.

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I can guarantee the second school of thought is accurate.

Every single guy here has lost a woman or 5 by saying they like her.

Now with that said, your message doesn't say you like her... it says you had a good time. I think it's fine to send (though it's a little stuffy...)

this.

the theory is you want her to be wondering what you think of her thus building attraction and intrigue.



now as for your note:

I just wanted to write you a quick note to say that I very much enjoyed your company last night. The conversation was excellent and you are (insert specific compliment here). Thanks for being brave enough to meet me. Let's hang out again soon.

too generic and far too nice-guy. i very much enjoyed your company tonight? too much praise too early. thanks for being brave enough to meet me? i get it's humor but you're reducing your value and a woman wants a man of high value, a man who is thinking (to himself) she's lucky to be with me tonight. i'd instead reference a specific funny event that happened and then say let's hang again soon. you want to keep it brief, as you have, but way less complimentary, as though you're still not quite sure about her. i lost many a woman's interest with those kind of flowery compliments too early on. and i lost their interest to lesser men who just didn't give a fuck. that's what women are after in those beginning stages, unfortunately.

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First school, second school... depends on the girl, I guess. But your text definitely needs some work. Especially your first line:
DON'T write that you just wanted to write a quick note.
Instead, simply write a quick note. Your first 12 words are utterly redundant.

You have misunderstood the meaning in W.Anton's book. A text message / email is not classed as direct. When Anton says "direct", he means "in person".

This is just so formal and odd.

If the date went well, she already knows it.

Just send her a normal text.

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RSDTyler

That all makes a lot sense. Thanks for feedback guys.

This is a very touchy subject. The reason a lot of pick up artists teach being direct is because it actually does work, women love honesty.

BUT, this usually works for intermediate to advanced pick up artists because in order for this method to be effective, you have to have the unshakable confidence that women love.

If you don’t have this, then you are going to come across needy and women will figure that you haven’t been around a lot of women because you are expressing your feelings so early.

You can see why this would be so confusing for the dating world. So my suggestion is this:
Wait until you get into deeper conversation with a woman before you start telling her your intentions and feelings. This is a no brainer because without the attraction and emotional connection, you expressing your intentions will get you nowhere. However, you can never let her think that she completely won you over. You can tell her things like “you have a really sexy smile” or “I really like your eyes.” But you should be thinking at the same time, “yea she’s gorgeous, but what else does she have going on.” If you can hammer in this belief the woman will constantly be saying to herself, “This guy is so awesome, and he definitely wants to sleep with me. I think.....” This will cause lingering sexual tension and that is muy bueno.

We call this the “Cat and the String Theory.”

If you want to learn more about this come to our website and join our free newsletter.

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Hey mate
you've stumbled across one of the oldest arguments in the community.

The point however is to not find an answer, but to transcend the question in it's entirety. Direct versus indirect are dualities that most people are stuck in and as long as they are stuck there, they will never be truly great.

What I mean is to unplug, disconnect and stop reading other people's opinions on things. I've met most of the guys you read about and none of them are God - remember that. There is no reason their opinions should be more valuable than your own. Trust in your self.

Essentially, think of it like this: How do you feel? What do you think? Say it. That's it, that's all. Playing games and figuring out tactics and angles just means you think women are stupid and that they can't see through you. Who you are is always shining through. Remember that.

Good luck brother
Give. Love. Serve.
Mack

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"emotional and direct" vs "being distant and intriguing”

This is not such a complicated question when you learn to calibrate. Here is an equation to simplify it all:

Your value - Her Value = ??

This value is positive when she put in a lot of effort for you and/or told you sweet things, thereby boosting your position in the relationship. In this case, she has earned your affection and you can show her some in return.

This value is negative when you’ve made a lot of effort and put her on a pedestal. In this case, the ball is in her court to give YOU some sweetness. If she is not doing this, you should tone it down until she craves it and starts giving you more attention.

From your example, im guessing she has higher value because you’re thanking her for being “brave enough to meet you” and your addressing her like she’s your physics professor. Maybe you’re grateful she took the time, but showing this implies she is too good for you. Play cool and give her affection once she has actually done things that deserve it . I’m talking real good deeds, not just taking the time to meet you.

Good luck!

White Panda
Tinder Advisor blog

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