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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:51 am 
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Hey guys I've been having a question lately.

There's a girl I've been talking to this past week and she doesn't seem to reject me or mind my kino. By this I mean holding her hand, giving her long hugs, smelling her hair, running my hands through her hair, holding my arm around her and etc...

The problem is that she never initiates it back. She'll never try to do the same to me and it makes me feel like she isn't attracted to me. It makes me feel like I'm chasing her and she isn't chasing me back. Like I'm doing all the work and she isn't doing her share...

How should I perceive this? Is it AFC to think this way? Is it AFC to feel as if a girl doesn't want you because you're the only one initiating kino and saying sweet things but she isn't showing it in return? If so how should I view this from a more alpha perspective?

The other thing that bothers me is that even though Ill call her beautiful or gorgeous she never really does anything back in return to show me as if she feels the same way about me. She'll accept my advances but she won't give me any back really.

What does this all mean? Am I just being AFC here and trying to hard?


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 7:16 am 
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You're doing fine. It takes some girls a while to break down those barriers. Once you've had more experiences with a particular girl, all the other barriers usually topple and they become very comfortable initiating kino etc. themselves but as with anything this is not always the case.

One thing you can do to test her level of reciprocation is while holding your hand, give it a little squeeze. If she squeezes your hand back, you're in.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 7:51 am 
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Quote:
You're doing fine. It takes some girls a while to break down those barriers. Once you've had more experiences with a particular girl, all the other barriers usually topple and they become very comfortable initiating kino etc. themselves but as with anything this is not always the case.

One thing you can do to test her level of reciprocation is while holding your hand, give it a little squeeze. If she squeezes your hand back, you're in.
Thanks a lot for your input on this.

I do feel like she is getting pretty comfortable with me holding her and touching her. The only thing we aren't yet comfortable doing is holding hands because we've only done it once since its happened.

I believe she may have squeezed my hand that first time but I would like to try again just to make sure...

Honetly, do you think I'm making to big of a deal about her not trying to initiate kino back? I'm thinking about this and I'm starting to wonder whether this is natural considering its usually the mans role to take the risk.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 7:59 am 
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With the 'hand squeezing' thing, it's just, the two of you are holding hands as normal; then you squeeze her hand for like three quarters of a second and immediately relax your grip so as to resume holding her hand normally; see if she then squeezes back.
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Honetly, do you think I'm making to big of a deal about her not trying to initiate kino back?

Yes, most especially since you've only been around her for a week. Quite frankly anything else by her would be unexpected, especially considering you've only held hands one time for example.

You would know if your hugging etc. was unwanted by the girl.

Why?

Because she wouldn't let you do it.
Quote:
I'm thinking about this and I'm starting to wonder whether this is natural considering its usually the mans role to take the risk.
It's the man's role to lead and it is natural.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:03 pm 
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With the 'hand squeezing' thing, it's just, the two of you are holding hands as normal; then you squeeze her hand for like three quarters of a second and immediately relax your grip so as to resume holding her hand normally; see if she then squeezes back.
Quote:
Honetly, do you think I'm making to big of a deal about her not trying to initiate kino back?

Yes, most especially since you've only been around her for a week. Quite frankly anything else by her would be unexpected, especially considering you've only held hands one time for example.

You would know if your hugging etc. was unwanted by the girl.

Why?

Because she wouldn't let you do it.
Quote:
I'm thinking about this and I'm starting to wonder whether this is natural considering its usually the mans role to take the risk.
It's the man's role to lead and it is natural.
Thanks a lot for replying again. What you said about her not letting me do it if she didn't want me to made sense. I'm just not sure whether she's only letting me do it out of kindness versus wanting. I know that there are a lot of people who have trouble saying no and I thought that the same thing may apply to dating. That maybe there was a chance she was only accepting my escalations because she didn't want to say no.

I'll try out the hand thing whenever I get a chance and see how it goes.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:10 pm 
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Keep in mind that you shouldn't only be escalating. You should be breaking report too. If this girl is cute, you are doing exactly what every other guy does. Tries to get as far as possible without being creepy.

You should be different. You should be fun and flirty, and should escalate but you should also show her that she has to impress you. When you're holding her hand ask her a question. If she gives you an answer you don't like, playfully throw her hand away and say "oh wow, I thought I knew you, you're losing me now" It's an old school move but it works. She will go from "letting you" hold her hand to feeling wierd that you aren't letting her hold your hand. It turns the balance of power so slightly. If she was really into you, she will reach back out for your hand later on, because she will be thinking "damn did I really screw this up, why doesn't he want to hold my hand". Later on when you go to grab her hand again she'll be thinking "oh awesome, he still wants to grab my hand.".

Always keep her on her toes. And never underestimate the fact that girls like to be challenged sometimes. If you break report it can create attraction and can make her feel like she has to chase you, because she's not used to a guy not chasing her.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:37 pm 
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Keep in mind that you shouldn't only be escalating. You should be breaking report too. If this girl is cute, you are doing exactly what every other guy does. Tries to get as far as possible without being creepy.

You should be different. You should be fun and flirty, and should escalate but you should also show her that she has to impress you. When you're holding her hand ask her a question. If she gives you an answer you don't like, playfully throw her hand away and say "oh wow, I thought I knew you, you're losing me now" It's an old school move but it works. She will go from "letting you" hold her hand to feeling wierd that you aren't letting her hold your hand. It turns the balance of power so slightly. If she was really into you, she will reach back out for your hand later on, because she will be thinking "damn did I really screw this up, why doesn't he want to hold my hand". Later on when you go to grab her hand again she'll be thinking "oh awesome, he still wants to grab my hand.".

Always keep her on her toes. And never underestimate the fact that girls like to be challenged sometimes. If you break report it can create attraction and can make her feel like she has to chase you, because she's not used to a guy not chasing her.
Admittingly, breaking rapport is something that I'm not very familiar with.

Could you go a little more in depth on what rapport is, how it is built and how it can be broken? I'm mostly concerned with WHY it works in the first place really.

I feel like what you're describing is when you behave in a way that makes the girl question her own actions. Almost like you're showing her your disapproval which makes her second guess whether what she did was right or wrong.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:42 am 
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Thanks a lot for replying again. What you said about her not letting me do it if she didn't want me to made sense. I'm just not sure whether she's only letting me do it out of kindness versus wanting.
Let me ask you this: Would you let some dude smell your hair and hold your hand and touch the small of your back? There's your answer as to whether she's doing it out of kindness vs. wanting.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2014 7:27 am 
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Thanks a lot for replying again. What you said about her not letting me do it if she didn't want me to made sense. I'm just not sure whether she's only letting me do it out of kindness versus wanting.
Let me ask you this: Would you let some dude smell your hair and hold your hand and touch the small of your back? There's your answer as to whether she's doing it out of kindness vs. wanting.
What you say makes sense and I see your point. Although, to an extensive degree.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2014 8:01 am 
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Quote:
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Thanks a lot for replying again. What you said about her not letting me do it if she didn't want me to made sense. I'm just not sure whether she's only letting me do it out of kindness versus wanting.
Let me ask you this: Would you let some dude smell your hair and hold your hand and touch the small of your back? There's your answer as to whether she's doing it out of kindness vs. wanting.
What you say makes sense and I see your point. Although, to an extensive degree.
Point is at least 99% of the time a girl is NOT going to put up with a guy touching her if she isn't into it.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 4:02 pm 
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Point is at least 99% of the time a girl is NOT going to put up with a guy touching her if she isn't into it.
That.

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