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PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 7:12 pm 
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I have been talking to my neighbor for a few days now and I was unable to progress at all at first but after getting a few indications of interest all of the sudden I got the nerve to try to kiss her. She said no and backed away, but there is more to it.

First, let me talk about where she is relative to where I am to give some background on the situation.


She is ten years older than me, a very smart PHD student, has a wonderful personality and a very attractive appearance. Unfortunately, her "biological clock" is working against her in a major way. Menopause looms around the corner for her and she wants a family. I really feel sorry for the female species. Aside from how good they taste, female sex organs are a damned menace. Now, she has plenty of time to accomplish this, but she is definitely feeling as if she needs to accomplish it soon, which I sympathize with.

I am still in undergraduate school, and as I have recently become single I rather enjoy playing the field and seeing what is out there. I usually go for the extremes, and I like to try everything. I like weird girls, or girls that stand out. I can cross off the ethnic and cultural barrier, the girl that just became legal, the girl that wants to be hit during sex, the hippie girl, the proper southern belle, the nerdy gamer girl, and I even tried a fat girl for the first time recently (can't knock it til' you've tried it!.) The thing is, I REALLY like this woman that I have met, my neighbor, and that is partly why it took me so long to escalate with her physically. I just felt like I could actually connect with her, I didn't feel smarter, better looking, worse looking, dumber, or just flat out different. Sometimes you share the same views with someone, and that is exciting for a brief moment, but with this girl I felt as if I truly felt what she was feeling. I got so lost in all our conversations that I completely forgot to actually do any of the things that I normally do to get a girl into my bedroom as fast as possible.

This was until two days ago. I hadn't dipped my wick in about a week and I have needs, so I told myself that I would pursue my interest and I did. I got her number (it wasn't relevant before when I was seeing her every day anyways) and looked for some interest via text messages, and I got what I was looking for, so I dropped some hints to turn her on to the idea of me and the next day attempted to escalate physically. She denied me when I tried to kiss her. What is interesting is that I have never been turned down when going for the kiss before (though many girls have wanted to "wait" for sex, though I can often make them want it enough to stop waiting and actually make the first move very quickly.) This was new to me. Physical escalation continued regardless and she later came over to my place at around midnight. Still no kiss after three attempts, but continued rising interest from her.

Long story short, I took away from our time together that she is into me but due to her age she feels pressure to avoid anything casual and find a serious relationship as fast as possible. She denied me the kiss because she was uncertain of my intentions and did not want me to see her as a "casual" fling. I would bet a hell of a lot on the accuracy of this assessment. She has expressed great interest in spending more time with me, even immediately after I tried to kiss her she texted me and asked to come over. My problem is that I am not certain if I want to move that fast (emotionally, physically I want to rock her world right now), but I am not otherwise opposed to the idea because thus far I have felt a strong connection with her. I just can't make the promises that she likely wants to hear. I respect her, I care about her, and I am interested in her now and all of that makes it harder to get involved with her if I feel as if I am a "risk" of "wasting her time" which at this point is undoubtedly precious to her.



Ultimately I have made myself out to be "boyfriend material" for her rather than a good time. It is hard to go from boyfriend material back to a good time, but easy to go from a good time to boyfriend material. I like her too much to waste her time if I am unsure of what I will want in the future, so this presents a problem if I can't go back to being a good time and decide where I want to go from there.

This leads to two questions:

1) If I continue to pursue this woman, how can I do so in a way that she will enjoy it but not feel like she has had her time "wasted" if it later turns out that we are at two very different stages in our lives?

2) Am I playing with fire in that our age difference (age not the factor, the difference in what we still want to do with our lives before "settling" probably will be) will ultimately lead to separation and this separation may be difficult as we live next to each other (she would then have to witness the girls that I bring over, a few of which she has already seen before I became interested)?


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 7:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:50 pm
Posts: 587
Quote:
I have been talking to my neighbor for a few days now and I was unable to progress at all at first but after getting a few indications of interest all of the sudden I got the nerve to try to kiss her. She said no and backed away, but there is more to it.

First, let me talk about where she is relative to where I am to give some background on the situation.


She is ten years older than me, a very smart PHD student, has a wonderful personality and a very attractive appearance. Unfortunately, her "biological clock" is working against her in a major way. Menopause looms around the corner for her and she wants a family. I really feel sorry for the female species. Aside from how good they taste, female sex organs are a damned menace. Now, she has plenty of time to accomplish this, but she is definitely feeling as if she needs to accomplish it soon, which I sympathize with.

I am still in undergraduate school, and as I have recently become single I rather enjoy playing the field and seeing what is out there. I usually go for the extremes, and I like to try everything. I like weird girls, or girls that stand out. I can cross off the ethnic and cultural barrier, the girl that just became legal, the girl that wants to be hit during sex, the hippie girl, the proper southern belle, the nerdy gamer girl, and I even tried a fat girl for the first time recently (can't knock it til' you've tried it!.) The thing is, I REALLY like this woman that I have met, my neighbor, and that is partly why it took me so long to escalate with her physically. I just felt like I could actually connect with her, I didn't feel smarter, better looking, worse looking, dumber, or just flat out different. Sometimes you share the same views with someone, and that is exciting for a brief moment, but with this girl I felt as if I truly felt what she was feeling. I got so lost in all our conversations that I completely forgot to actually do any of the things that I normally do to get a girl into my bedroom as fast as possible.

This was until two days ago. I hadn't dipped my wick in about a week and I have needs, so I told myself that I would pursue my interest and I did. I got her number (it wasn't relevant before when I was seeing her every day anyways) and looked for some interest via text messages, and I got what I was looking for, so I dropped some hints to turn her on to the idea of me and the next day attempted to escalate physically. She denied me when I tried to kiss her. What is interesting is that I have never been turned down when going for the kiss before (though many girls have wanted to "wait" for sex, though I can often make them want it enough to stop waiting and actually make the first move very quickly.) This was new to me. Physical escalation continued regardless and she later came over to my place at around midnight. Still no kiss after three attempts, but continued rising interest from her.

Long story short, I took away from our time together that she is into me but due to her age she feels pressure to avoid anything casual and find a serious relationship as fast as possible. She denied me the kiss because she was uncertain of my intentions and did not want me to see her as a "casual" fling. I would bet a hell of a lot on the accuracy of this assessment. She has expressed great interest in spending more time with me, even immediately after I tried to kiss her she texted me and asked to come over. My problem is that I am not certain if I want to move that fast (emotionally, physically I want to rock her world right now), but I am not otherwise opposed to the idea because thus far I have felt a strong connection with her. I just can't make the promises that she likely wants to hear. I respect her, I care about her, and I am interested in her now and all of that makes it harder to get involved with her if I feel as if I am a "risk" of "wasting her time" which at this point is undoubtedly precious to her.



Ultimately I have made myself out to be "boyfriend material" for her rather than a good time. It is hard to go from boyfriend material back to a good time, but easy to go from a good time to boyfriend material. I like her too much to waste her time if I am unsure of what I will want in the future, so this presents a problem if I can't go back to being a good time and decide where I want to go from there.

This leads to two questions:

1) If I continue to pursue this woman, how can I do so in a way that she will enjoy it but not feel like she has had her time "wasted" if it later turns out that we are at two very different stages in our lives?

2) Am I playing with fire in that our age difference (age not the factor, the difference in what we still want to do with our lives before "settling" probably will be) will ultimately lead to separation and this separation may be difficult as we live next to each other (she would then have to witness the girls that I bring over, a few of which she has already seen before I became interested)?
My advice is to accept that she feels like she doesn't want you to view her as a fling. You don't want to be seen as a viable bf option. Stalemate. One of you will not get what you want unless she decides she wants you to be her fling until something closer to what she wants comes along. Depending on her personality, cat string and direct might work best here. Get her alone, and then be straight with her. Tell her you are into her, and you can understand what she really wants, that you don't blame her for wanting that. Explain to her that isn't where you are at in life yet, you have the age difference to cite. More or less give her some push pull, tension. Build her up, tell her you like her, etc, then explain why she can't just have you on her own terms. Then, I would go cold for a couple days. Her response will tell you what to do. Either she will think about you making her feel good and decide that she would rather take what she can get until her next boyfriend comes around, or she will really not be interested, in which case you had more work cut out than it is worth and your time is better invested elsewhere.


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