saturday, july 19, 2014
i hadn't eaten all day because whatever stupid reason and because it's been like a fucking alcohol binge the entire goddamn week. i can't remember everything that happened, but i'll try to piece it together as much as i can.
i woke up pretty early because i couldn't sleep. i cut my hair and looked right as fuck. the booze hit hard after like four beers. nothing else in the system, brahs. not good. enso and guru were hitting up the upscale part of town, and i was down to mob with them. consistency and smith were hitting my more preferred area, and i was also down to mob with them. i hit up pfac to get right before bouncing.
she dropped by around 8 or 9. i was planning on using her for a ride. i debated really going with our plans though because i wanted to go out and (at least) pretend to game. but then i was too drunk and didn't give a fuck. she drank two beers at my place, and i downed a few. then we tapped, me drunk as dick. we posted up afterward, and i turned a little afc, confessing i wasn't too down on homeboy being best friend. gahhhhhhhhh. fucking bitchmade. she talked shit about the squad, saying she pretty much hates them. i told her i didn't want to fight anymore. she insisted on continuing it. i started making fun of her for everything in a somewhat playful manner, but more so in an irritated manner. i blatantly made fun of her height, kept saying her sister was hotter than her, and told her that i'm much prettier than her. i think i even dragged her to my bathroom at one point and told her to look at the two of us in my mirror, then cracked the fuck up and said, "come on, look at this fucking shit!" pointing at us. i know, mean, but i was tired of her bringing up the same shit again. (i should mention i wasn't tripping about friendship with homeboy at this point, and that i had been trying to diffuse the situation and go back to hanging out with her.)
she ended up giving me a ride at the end of the night. i was headed to the more upscale part of town because splits had been texting me and i was gonna meet up with her and cab it back to my pad. i was down to cheat on pfac at this point. i was annoyed as fuck. pfac says some pretty fucked up shit when she's mad: "you and your friends are pathetic. where do you think this is going to get you in the end? you're losers." whoa. i lighted up a cigarette in her truck (which she was borrowing from her stepdad) just to piss her off. she pulled over, got out of the truck, came over to my side, opened the door, slammed the beer i was drinking out of my hand, and slapped my cigarette so that it ripped in half. jesus. violence, bruh. not cool. she refused to take me the rest of the way to the bar where splits was even though we were less than a mile away. she also refused to pull over so that i could get out and call a cab. i wonder if she actually worried i was on my way to meet to meet up with another girl. splits had called a few times while we were on our way, and, even though i turned my phone's volume down all the way and talked to splits as if she were one of the squad members, i still think pfac may have been skeptical.
pfac drove us all the way back to her house on the edge of town. we talked for a while on her porch. her mom came outside at one point and asked if i needed a place to stay. pfac said, in english, "no, [vp] is fine. he can manage." i called my mom at 3 in the morning to come pick me up. my mom who just had surgery three weeks ago and who was at home in bed. i don't know why i would even allow myself to call her at that time to bail me out. i'm honestly kinda disgusted i would have been that stupid. this drinking has got to slow down. i also don't know why pfac, who was sober, would allow herself to behave in such a disgusting manner. that's some selfish shit. (she refused to let me crash at her pad or drive me to my parents', which is less than 15 minutes away. i know it's not her responsibility, but still, that's fucked up.)
i talked to her before my mom got there, and we made up somewhat. i know the drinking has been starting a lot of this fighting shit, as i'm not my best when i'm tossed to write the least. and i did start shit tonight, but still. do i care that we were fighting, that she was being fucked up, at the end of everything? honestly no. i've said this so many times, but i don't take that shit personally at all. i understand that people say things when they're mad, and i've always been the type of person to seriously forgive those i care about less than an hour after all that shit clears up. it's one of my biggest things in game if you haven't been able to pick up. COMMUNICATION, brahs. you know how short life is? you know what it looks like to see girls your age lying on a table in a medical examiner's office? nothing matters, brah. but nothing counts either. you shouldn't ever allow yourself to get so upset with another person that you care about or anything in general in life that you forget this. but if you do, yegh, no worries, just chill, cuz, you're never gonna stop making mistakes. try your hardest to find the artistry in literally everything, good or bad.
i introduced pfac to my mom, then kissed mama goodbye. my mom took me back to my apartment, and we talked about everything on the way there. (she's put this shit together about the marriage. i've gotten several letters in the mail regarding it. my mom isn't the slightest bit happy to write the least, but i have continued to deny it.) she asked me why i've been seeming different this week, and i told her it was because the trip had ended. i haven't been fucking around when i've been writing that that shit really did hit me while on the road. it's been different since being back, and obviously something as serious as a marriage on a drunken night out isn't exactly the most undramatic event. shit can tap into you a little bit.
i got back home and couldn't sleep because i was tripping and kept having the feeling that someone was gonna break into my room.
splits called again a few times, but i didn't answer or reply to her texts. i've decided (for now at least) that i'm not gonna cheat on pfac. not some afc shit but, as i've written before, that's something i don't want to ever be able to say i've done: cheat on my wife, even if it's just a pretend marriage. i am a loyal dude under certain circumstances and if i actually like a person.
i fell asleep finally around 6. the past two nights haven't been the hottest, but fuxx it. g is g. this shit'll ALWAYS pick you back up. don't ever stray from that. at least i murdered that pussy tonight, as i always do. chick nutted two times.
overall day: chilled with pfac, was down to cheat but never did, never met up with any of the homies, banged pfac, had a "fight" (if you wanna consider that lame-ass shit a fight), decided (for now at least, again as i stated) that i'm not gonna cheat on pfac. she is a good girl even though her best friend is a dude with no game and she says fucked up shit when she's mad. you want a lesson to learn from this. okay, then get this, as i've mentioned before. unless, under extreme circumstances, do not EVER burn a bridge with a girl. i don't care if she broke your dumbass little afc heart. i don't care if she sucked off two dudes who are way better-looking than you and who will forever have more game, cooler friends, and better lives than you. i don't care if she shredded the fuck out of your car's interior. i don't care if she broke into your apartment in the middle of the night and hacked off your hairy nuts in an act of rage (you can still bust it with no nuts. probably be more sensual and up your fucking game). (actually, maybe the last one would be a deal breaker.) whatever. this some afc shit, bruh? settling for "disrespect", bruh? get the motherfuck out of my face, bruh. game harder than i have this year and i STILL won't even come close to accepting your goddamn opinion. to quote marsellus wallace: "Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps." take care of your girls, homie. you wanna be a man? you wanna experience what it's like to be "alpha"? then give up "pride" and take care of your girls. all i got to say.
g is g, players. (i'm
not being facetious when i say this.)