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 Post subject: A Sailors Adventure
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 6:33 pm 
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Posts: 6
Ok,

Second ever field report, following a nights sarging, again in Scotland (where the blokes and bitches both wear skirts, super confusing)
First, I'll give you the stats; 1 number close and 2 kiss closes.

The first was pretty shameful, I got beaten up a girl! An annoying little shit of a girl. She was next to our group (I was on a works night out, 6 of us including my brother/wingman) She wasn't especially good looking, but through the theory of relativity compared to her middle aged, plump and boring companion, she looked relatively hot.
She was an absolute social hand grenade and obviously bored to the point of spontaneity by her friend, she jumped into the middle of our group and started dancing. She kept trying to chat to me, just general crazy-girl talk and I negged her, that she danced like a pensioner. She punched me in the arm!! I figured it was just an excuse to touch me so I pressed on with a jokey threat "better be careful with that hand, I'll take it next time" at which point she squared up to me, in a flirty way. I could feel her breath on my face, so I grabbed her sides and she kissed me. People were staring, especially the guys in my group! Haha After, I immediately turned my back and carried on talking to my friends.
The mistake I had made, was that, similar to training a puppy when you associate good behaviour with treats; I had assimilated violence, with reward in her head.
About half an hour later, I felt her punch me lightly in the back, upon turning around, she grabbed my hands and shook them, spilling my drink on floor. Being both half-serious and still jokey-flirty I said "Dude, what the hell, are you autistic?" She laughed, squealed "Nooo you didn't say that" and full on kicked me between the legs.
Having played rugby for a few years (Its like American Football, but played by men - J.Clarkson 2013) I took the crotch kick like a pro, until she turned away and spoke to her friend, when I had to lean on the bar and could have sworn I tasted my own testicles; they had retreated so far up.

Needless to say, I didn't pursue this girl further for fear of waking up in the morning to find her wearing my skin.
A living embodiment of the phrase - Bitches Be Crazy!

End of Part 1

Cap


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 Post subject: Re: A Sailors Adventure
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 7:29 pm 
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Part 2...

So, after crazy girl, we left the bar and moved on.
To a vodka bar. It was fairly quiet when we walked in and ordered, we all made our way to the back of the bar where there was a kind of chilled sitting area.
I don't know if I've picked it up from watching 'How I met your mother' or a PUA book, or whether its just common knowledge. But I think that sitting down when you're sarging makes you look like you aren't interested. Which, while I know some guys say is the key to getting a girl, I think it works against you. I believe the perfect PUA should be on his feet (obviously not if the girl is sitting down - no looming, its creepy)
There were two girls being chatted up by a couple of AFC's. The were trying to sarge across a high table, both standing up while the girls sat. I was close enough to hear some mind-bendingly bad lines - just super boring stuff.
I was also close enough for the blonde out of the pair to catch my glance and eye fuck me! Without even thinking about it, I grabbed my brother and we headed over.

Cap: "Ok, so i need your help! My friend has been asked to go on a new tv show being brought out by E4, its about trying to find your true love, but theres gotta be a twist right? I mean, its E4. Its gotta be his cousin or ex or something"
HB: "What? Thats bullshit, here, tell my friend so she can hear. Thats got to be absolute bullshit"

I was concerned at this point, 'what if they both just told me it was shit and to go away?'
Luckily her friend was more easy to convince and with some bare-faced bluffing from both me and my wing, we were soon hitting it off.

Cap: "So, would you go on the show?"
HB2: "Yeah definitely!"
Cap: "What? Even if theres a chance your one true love could be your cousin?"
HB2: "Have you seriously just said that? You're into cousin fucking?"
Cap: "What?? NO!! I just said it because you said you'd go on the show"

I'm floundering here, quickly realising that she's got me running round, my brother takes over and changes the subject from incest, thank god he was there. We chatted a bit of filler about what they were doing, there were a few laughs banding about. I hadn't even realised but the two AFC's had long since slunk away sulking.
They mentioned they were off to a strip club, because the blonde had never been. We joked about it for a while then I said "hey, well we'll tag along with you guys if thats cool?" My brother shot me a look that you give a messy toddler. "Nah Cap, we need to meet the rest of the lads remember?" I immediately realised my mistake, I had almost given them the upper social hand. We exchanged numbers and bailed while we were still ahead.
Having told them where we were going, it didn't really come as much of a surprise when 3 or 4 hours later I turned round in the club to see them standing there. I jokily acted embarrassed of them and pretending to avoid them with my eyes. They went onto the dance floor and started throwing shapes. There was a lot of male attention over them, one guy did an approach. The worst of all the approaches, I ALWAYS see guys do this and it makes me sick. He just went up, slipped an arm round her waist and started grinding on her. She turned round, caught my gaze and lightly pushed him away. This didn't deter him, and she performed the same manoeuvre another 4 times, each time with more prolonged eye contact towards me. I was in.
Beckoning her over, she came immediately. I couldn't really talk to her because it was so loud, so instead used some of Gamblers stealth techniques and let my body language do the talking. As soon as I had my cheek against hers, she went for the kiss, again and again. She was starting to slide her hands under my shirt and stuff, she was unbelievably into it.

Then.... it happened

We broke apart for a split second, maybe a foot apart and a guy, from nowhere swooped in. They knew each other, maybe an ex, maybe a fuck buddy, maybe her fucking cousin, I didn't know, but he stepped between us and hugged her, she got excited and hugged him back. I was standing there like a spare part. I quickly got myself together and decided to punish her by not giving her my attention, I turned and started chatting to a girl who was dancing with her friend and my brother.
The blonde didn't give a shit. She was with this new guy now and was already kissing him.
I really don't know what I could have done, I thought I'd played it perfectly.

Back to the drawing board I guess

Cap


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