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PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:37 pm 
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Hey guys,

My situation is the following: I approached a girl at a bus stop one day who seemed hot with her sunglasses and the way she was dressed and made up. I ended up not finding her attractive, so I made her a friend, but she's obviously attracted to me to this day. She eventually introduced me to her whole social circle, which is mixed guys and girls, mostly Mexican or other latin (I speak fluent Spanish and am part Chilean, and find it easier to relate to latins than most Americans on average). The guys are somewhat AFC but seem like good people, and don't express the "frustrated" part of AFC. In other words, it's low drama and enjoyable going out with them. The girls are also fun and low drama, and some of them are quite cute. I was invited to celebrate two of the girls' birthdays on a party bus and in a club recently, and it was an amazing night. Everyone was dancing with everyone else by the end of the night, there was a lot of love in the air, even this guy who looked like a total kid in a candy shop around these women had one in his arms by the end of the night, and I was proud of him. I got a real cutie myself who was part of the group, and she's very engaged over text. The prospect of a date actually happening looks very good. She originally wanted to make it a double date with her hot friend and another guy from the group, but when I asked if she thought we could round up the other two for this Friday, she suggested we just go out the two of us. I'm trying not to be too excited, because she'll be the cutest girl I've dated since my totally clueless days in middle/high school where I dated a couple cuties but got way too needy and pushed them away.

Although I've been doing a good job of not letting my happiness depend on any one girl I'm pursuing, I'll be honest in saying that I might be a little too invested in the outcome of my standing in this social circle, because it's the most auspicious one I've had in terms of social proof going out, as well as being introduced to HBs they know. So here's how I behaved AFC:

One of the birthday girls (kinda cute, but I want to keep her as a friend, and not look too greedy within the circle you know?) a couple days after the party, asked me to pay $25 for my share for the party bus. This was today, about 4 hours ago. This was the first I'd heard that the hostess hadn't covered it all herself, which is what I think is generally assumed unless stated otherwise for a party (correct me if I'm wrong). I think I made a mistake in being too nice and accomodating, and in paying her right after she demonstrated disrespect and a lack of thoughtfulness for me (encouraging bad behavior). It was also concerning to me, though I'd like to attribute it solely to how I came off and how much trust I encourage in people quickly these days, that she gave me her bank account number and told me to deposit it directly to her account. I feel like, regardless of how well I inspired trust, nobody should give their bank account number to someone they've actually only met twice ever, over a period of a few months. I'd like to help her be slightly less trusting when it comes to personal information that others could exploit, without exploiting her myself of course. But this is a secondary issue now compared to regaining respect from her. Here is our relevant Facebook messenger exchange, translated to English:

B-day girl: [My name]! I'm missing your part from the party bus. It's $25, I don't know if you could deposit it in my account?

Me: Of course.

B-day girl: Ok, I'll pass you my account number [her account number and other necessary info]

Me: And for next time, it would be better if you could indicate how much everyone has to pay, on the Facebook event page. I don't have any problem with $25, it's a matter of setting clear expectations.

B-day girl: Everyone knew but you I guess. Also, everyone was good enough to ask me how much it would be, without need for me to tell them.

Me: How did they know? I'm not mad, I'm just curious.

B-day girl: Courtesy.

<This is when I payed her, right after I felt disrespected by her. In hindsight, I would have made sure to stand my ground first, and made sure I had respect and understanding from her before paying her. I didn't know quite how to do this without coming off as an ungracious jerk, and I let the need I felt in keeping access to her social circle drive me to feel pressured to pay her ASAP.>

B-day girl: Thank you!!!

Me: You're very welcome :)

I then tried calling her to clarify that, while I was grateful to her for hosting such a fun party, at every other party I've attended, it's assumed that everything is provided by the host unless specifically stated otherwise, so I would have brought money and paid on the spot had I known in advance. Essentially, I wanted to make sure she viewed me as a gentleMAN: a good person, but one who requires respect in order to keep up a relationship of any kind. This is still what I seek to accomplish. Anyway, she didn't answer my call, nor my text simply stating "Hey it's [my name], just called."

So, guys, is there any way for me to turn around her impression of me at this point, such that I'm invited back to her parties and respected? Does the best method even involve saying anything more to her, or should I just ignore her for now and focus on dating her friend, hoping that she won't talk shit about me in her circle between now and my dating her friend? I suppose if I date her friend, and her friend gets to know that I'm a good guy (after showing her the proper mix of bad boy traits of course, which I am doing, and she's digging), word can spread back to the b-day girl. My perception is that all the other friends have a good impression of me. The pic posted on Facebook of me with an HB on either side has also granted me attention: another cute girl (Facebook friends of them, not me) posted a comment on the pic saying (translated) "Ooooh who is that hunky man? Introduce please hahaha" Anyway, that's a subject for a separate post. This thread I want to keep focused on how to best handle this social circle, particularly the b-day girl, given the mistakes I made.


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PostPosted: Wed May 01, 2013 3:20 pm 
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This really isn't that big of a deal. You should have asked if you owe any money though, since that's common courtesy. Just let it pass and stop dwelling on it. Something so small won't hurt your chances with that group of people. Think about it: you're probably the only one who is even thinking about what happened right now.


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PostPosted: Wed May 01, 2013 7:57 pm 
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Oh! Shit man, that is good to hear. I have historically had a problem with being too obsessive, and pickup has really helped me in that, but it still rears its ugly head now and then. Just massaged my shoulders and did a quick breathing exercise to center myself haha, ok on to the next thang, thanks!


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PostPosted: Wed May 08, 2013 3:02 am 
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Don't ever let money be a big deal. It's so easy to make, if you owe money, then you owe money. I would have just paid it without even making an issue of it. Its like 3 combos at wendy's :)


I agree, I think you're fine. They wont remember it, keep doing your thing!

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