| First, a little background is needed. I started dating this woman who is sperated, we started about 4 months ago. I am divorced myself, so I know how this goes. This marriage is so done, I don't see how either of them see it; perhaps it's midwest, Irish-Catholic guilt. They don't have sex, they hadn't had in 3 1/2 months, this was back when I met her; however, I find out that she is not "legally" separated and this was an agreement they made through therapy, they don't even really have separate residences, but he is rarely there. I have been banging this girl from date #1. She does not have sex with him, I don't know how he even puts up with this, he knows what's going on. If my ex was doing this when we were separated, I couldn't get the divorce papers to her quick enough.
Needless to say, the sistuation is dicey. I do sometimes resent having to pretend to be just "friends" in front of certain people, it even hurts me a little bit. She tells me I'm hers, our sex is intense and off the hook! And I do love her and she loves me. However, it is always in the back of my head she can go back. She tells me October is do or die day, whether they decide to remain separated, I don't see how they can get back together....I mean I wouldn't take her back if I was him...anyway, I screwed up last night.
We had too much to drink, and I guess the stress got to me and I apparently said some thing I didn't mean...thank god I said them and didn't text them. She told me I said that I thought she was using her and that I even called her a slut (oooo, I know bad, but denied it, because I don't remember). We had a little blow up like this awhile back, this consisted of dumb, stupid and idiotic text message from me, we got past it.
I'm not trying to excuse my actions, but she does like to pound booze, takes me to places where they fill the wine up to the brim (I should drink wine, unless with a meal, that I know was my first mistake), and I've had to take care of her quite a few times when she got way too drunk. I should add, when we go out, we usually, always, really are fine...these are two indicidents in who knows how many positive ones.
I did make a comment that she was like having her cake and eating it to, which I will not apologize for, because she is, but that seemed to piss her off...the slut comment and using comment I feel terrible about!
This morning I tried to make light of it saying, leave work early? you pick out the jewlery, which I realized right away was dumb, so I quickly sent something sincere, and quite honest. I said....I love you, I'm sorry. I need to watch dink when I'm stressed, I'm seeing it now." She responded first to the jewlery comment, saying how little I thought of her that she can be bought and to leave her alone. I responded stating it was a bad joke, but I would leave ger alone, she quickly responded thank you. I did ask if she saw my sincere response and she responded quickly, yes. I left it at that.
So, any advice getting out this doghouse? right now I think I've done what I can do, and I know, from my own experience, I should give her time. last time something like this happened, the next day or so, she got completeley smashed and came over to my place late at night for some REALLY, ANGRY, almost violent even intense sex...and all was forgiven. I'm not banking on this this time. She does know I was smashed and not myself.
We were supposed to go out to tinner tonight.
She's been honest with me from the start about the situation, I give her that, however, she's got to realize it's hard for me sometimes. And this is the ONLY thing we ever get into any sort of heated arguments about....and even those are rare.
let me know your thoughts, thank you in advance.
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CHAT