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Just got a friendzoning email from a girl. Wondering how to respond, and whether via email, or in person (we're still scheduled to hang out again). What I want to do, of course, is turn it around and (re)build her attraction, ideally leading to a sexual LTR.
Previously, we met on OKCcupid and have had 8 dates with very low kino. Weak, I know. I've wanted to escalate faster (I want a LTR but know if you go too slow you tend to get friendzoned) but she's a very resistant/hesitant/frigid kisser, trying to push through / caveman makes it worse. I haven't known how to blow through that or raise her buying temp etc.
On the 6th date she was cold and give me crap (shit tests?) for not spending more money on dates, expecting her to pay half, etc. (I have plenty of $ but I've always suspected paying for a girl is a DLV, especially if you start paying for her in response to a shit test from her.) I happen to know she's kinda golddiggery (she doesn't know I know she had a citysex.com profile basically saying she wanted to be someone's sex partner in exchange for gifts, etc.) but until that 6th date I'd thought she was cool with paying half etc. (Advice on this issue would be awesome.)
On the 8th date she told me that she nearly didn't accept my 6th date invite b/c of the $ issue. She also brought up the question of 'so in general, do you assuming exclusivity at a certain point, or only after having The Talk?'
I figured she was hinting she wanted exclusivity (usually when girls bring it up that's what it means), and I've dropped a number of references to my seeing other people (as preselection / DHV). The end of the 8th date (Tues night) seemed good, she was talking excitedly about her picnic date Friday, volunteering to bring the food, etc. But Weds morning, I got the email below...
"Hey [Myname],
I need to be honest with you about something, I tried to tell you last night, and although I implied it, I need to make sure to tell you explicitly. I am dating other people. Given that you have an active OKCupid account leads me to be hopeful that this is also the case with you. Its getting to the point where I need to start making some decisions, because I don't think that its fair to anybody to do the hokey cokey one foot in and one foot out thing.
I have an awesome time with you, and I feel that we have a lot to talk about. I love joking with you and enjoy your company, however I don't feel that there is a romantic future for us. Your picnic idea sounds like a really fun afternoon, however picnics have a reputation for having a romantic underlying intentions, and I just wanted to set the record straight that I am not really interested in going down that route. If you want to go for a walk and have some food together with this in mind, I would be totally down to do so.
I would like to continue to spend time with you, but with the understanding that its platonic and its not going to turn into something more. If you are okay with this, thats great. If not, let me know a good time to get your books back.
[HerName]"
So my guess is she's about to fuck another guy or recently has, and with most girls, that shuts out other guys (i.e. me). Needless to say I'm pissed. I need a good 'make or break' strategy for when we see each other.
Yeah.. you should have given up on this one after the 3rd date. 4th tops. After that, you're just wasting your time. There's really no reason you should even be thinking about this girl at this point. Move on, because this is a lost cause. Even if you could turn it around, why would you want to? This girl does not sound like relationship material to me.
-Wolf
CHAT