Hey SV7712,

Just to echo that last statement. I fully intend to. Remember it's nothing personal we are using this to grow and learn from. By the way welcome tot he forum and PUA.
Let's stop right here and look at a few things. "Who'da thunk..." Come on man let's try to use proper English and grammar. Believe it or not girls really do weed people out over this. If you've looked at a lot of profiles it gets old seeing stuff like this.

Speaking of which. One of my biggest pet peive's around online dating profiles is exactly what you did. You see so many times... "I never know what to write on these things..." or "I never thought I'd be on a dating site..." etc. I think people feel a need to justify why they are on a dating site at times. Keep in mind your audience that is reading your profile is on the same site. You don't need to explain yourself.

You want to start your profile off with something that is going to catch your readers attention. You want to be different not blend in with the other however many thousand guys in your local area. Just using something that was in your profile I might say as a shock opening line is.... "I like watching movies in the buff...I mean I'm a movie buff...okay maybe a bit of both!" This is definitely going to get the readers attention. They are going to want to read more. Then from there transition into who you are, and the things you like.
Don't write this like it's a script. Don't worry about saying a little about me. They will figure out the subject of your paragraph on their own, I promise. You really need to expand on this. You tell me you like music and one artist that you like I don't know anything more about your musical taste. Same with sports you didn't say what sports.... These are good but what other things do you like to do... do you volunteer, do you have any hobbies, any goals?

Listing things you like is okay but you really need to get across to your audience who you are and what you are all about. Are you easy going, laid back, go getter, strong personality, jokester what? Do you have goals for your life? Where have you been and where are you going? These are potential things you need to convey. Do you crave adventure? Do you like nightlife?

She doesn't just want to know what you are into for common interests she wants to know what personality she is meeting so she knows if she is going to mesh well with you.
Double check your spellings on some of this stuff. This isn't bad but again tell me more about who you are as a person what values you have, etc.
I definitely like you having a call to action for the reader to message you. Kudos! So many guys don't do this.

Looking back at what you wrote we forgot something super super important.... Can you figure it out? We didn't tell her what kind of girl we are looking for and the type of relationship we are wanting! You want a few sentences or a short paragraph describing the type of girl you are after, what is she into, what is her personality like, is she in shape physically to keep up with you, or anyone ok, etc.

Are you looking for sex, dating, a long term relationship? I don't know cause you didn't say. This is something that needs to be put early on in your profile. Whatever you are looking for it's cool but you need to be up front with your intentions. This helps "filter" girls that you want.

Also, doing these things gives women a small check list if you will. She can read your profile and if she likes you read that paragraph about what you are looking for. And say "Okay I'm bubbly, I'm adventurous, I'm in pretty good shape." He might just like me.

Make it easy for them. You have some good elements here but use some of the things I mentioned and make it shine.

http://vimeo.com/search/videos/search:j ... t/cb177447

I have more tips in my videos if you want to check them out!!!

JSmooth

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey dude, been a long time since I last did online game so just want a few tips on how to improve my profile description etc. I did just start a new thread with a slightly different one but have since read a bit more and revised my profile to this:

Headline: "Ready to Rock n Roll!!!"

Description:
"This isn't a CV so I won't go into every little detail of myself (what would we talk about on first meeting otherwise?). I'm king of the music geeks! Play guitar and studying music technology. Will listen to anything from classical to jazz to blues to rock and everything inbetween + beyond. (but mostly rock )
I love psychology/socialising, talking to random people and seeing what makes them tick. Fascinated by physics and everything that makes up the universe (the geek in me). And recently gone on a bit of a health kick, so exercising more, eat better drink less etc.


Generally just looking to meet up with anyone who fits the bill, not a fan of smokers/drug users in any way shape or form. As far as everything else goes, just be a fun person, people are way too serious these days so a spontaneous nature would be a nice quality to have.

Feel free to message me."

Interests: "Music, Guitar, Psychology, Physics, Partying, Socialising, Football"

Fist date: "Quite happy to do a casual meetup for a couple of drinks and a few laughs, or go all out and go skydiving haha."


Any advice greatly appreciated dude, I feel there's something not quite right with it but can't put my finger on it. Cheers

EDIT: probs shoulda said i'm after either dating or ltr, not interested in one night stands. not sure how to incorporate that in the profile though

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

Hello and thanks JSmooth. Definitely good feedback to work with fella. Now to get my head down and write something up.

EDIT

Here's my second attempt...time for critiques again!

I like watching movies in the buff...damn! I mean I'm a movie buff...okay okay maybe a bit of both! But hey it’d make that conversation afterwards most definitely interesting.
Hello there, I’m a kind of a laid back, funny (haha not hmm) and easy going guy looking for someone similar in nature. If you’re highly strung or generally got a stick up your derriere it just won’t work. You’ll get bonus points for being easy on the eye too!
I’ve currently got Michael Kiwanuka on loop with some David Guetta chucked in topped off with Coldplay, I’ll listen to anything that takes me in lyrically or musically. If I had long hair I’d no doubt try moshing too.
I enjoy sports but at the minute it’s more watching then participating, usually with a chilled beer in hand and football on the box on a Sunday afternoon. This needs to change this year, I really need to get more active and maybe someone here can be an activity partner…hey sporting and fitness wise I meant!
I'm hoping to get back to a bit of travelling too. It’s been a while since I saw the inside of a plane or a rather dodgy pub the wrong end of a new city. Of course, life wouldn’t be complete either without enjoying the odd night out with friends and family. You can't go wrong with a little socialising in one of those cool bars around town where I can display my full range of dance moves.
So if you've made it this far, what are you waiting for? Drop me a line already!

And PS I actually just don't make tea for a living, but the staff kitchen is where most people always seem to find me.

Ok, I was unsure on this Opener originally...
but thought what the heck, and tried it on a couple of profiles I know I'd usually not get any response from:

Me: Subject: Photo!!
Oh My.. Are you sure you should leave those photos up on your profile?
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HB9: Reply:
Hi Twenny,

I'm not sure what you mean?

A

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Me:
Ha ha.. Hi A

Sorry, hope you can take a joke.. I was only kidding...
Just wanted an excuse to say hi..
Thought you looked really cute, especially in the wedding picture..

Twenny
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HB9:
Ah right! It can be hard to judge the context of what somebody has written sometimes - I thought I had uploaded a photo that perhaps I shouldn't have - ha ha!

How was your weekend anyhow?

A

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So, I get a definite in to take the conversation on...

Just working on the reply to keep the interest.. am thinking something along the lines of
'so do you actually have pictures available that you shouldn't upload then?'

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Eventually came up with something half decent....
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Response:

Hi TwennyP,

I like your 'think outside of the box' tactic! - you did get my attention...albeit it did make me think that I had uploaded something embarrassing...or compromising! Ha ha only joking!

My weekend was good also thank you, I had a friend come round on Friday night but I had been in a meeting all day in Shrewsbury and was absolutely shattered so I was falling asleep on the couch at 10.30pm!
Saturday was spent cleaning and sorting all the bits you don't get chance to do in the week. I even passed on a Saturday night at the pub to go for a run! How Rock n' Roll. Not!

So how has your week been so far?

A
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So, any tips on progressing this onwards?

I'm thinking need to show status.. some DHV building? etc..

Don't want to turn this in to a 'how's you been' back and forth tennis match every other day or so...

Need to grow the attraction some how and build to the next level to get a date...

Advice??


Twenny


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OK, since the above, I managed to move on a few messages:

ME:
Hi A,
What you doing passing up on a Saturday night at the pub for..
Who goes running on a Saturday night... You're mad you are... ha ha..

Your Friday sounds like me yesterday.. Had been down to XXX for Meetings, so wasn't home till after 8.. and always have to be up early to avoid traffic when going down there.. so was pretty shattered when I got in.

Was due to be in XXX today, but managed to postpone that for another day..
Have an Event on at XXX tomorrow as well (not that I want to be spending 5 hours at that place!!) Ha ha..

Furtunately no compromising or embarrasing pics there, apart from the one with you're holding a pint glass!! Ha ha..
But nothing wrong with a girl who drinks from pints.. My type of girl..

So what's the Art and Culture connection about in your skills profile?

Right, I best go finish cooking me tea and dish up.

Chat later..

Twenny

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Please feel free to critique this response.... Could I of done different? was this selling DHV?

anyway.. since got another response:

HB Response:
Hi Twenny,

It's not so mad really (going for a run on a Saturday night!)- what had motivated me was that I had finished updating and downloading a load of music on to my ipod and it was so good that I just wanted to run and listen to it!

So who do you work for, and what do you do? And how dare they make you go to an event at XXX! Surely it doesn't specify in your contract that you are required to visit Hell?!

Had a busy couple of days too - XXX yesterday, had a sales meeting this morning and was then in XXX this afternoon. Looking forward to the weekend - especially as I'm off on Monday!

I don't usually drink pints! It was a one off in Prague and the occasion called for a nice cold pint, a half wouldn't have gone far at that moment in time!

The art and culture bit....suppose that stems from my studying to be a graphic designer originally so I've always enjoyed art. And I've lived in a few places across the world so have experienced a variety cultures.

What did you have for your tea?!

A

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So, in you guy's eyes, how is this going? There's a connection that she doesn't like somewhere I hate too.. (can't say where!! ha ha)
What's my next move?

I so want to get this to the next level.. Need that hook to get her really ready for moving it to meeting... Am I building DHV enough?

Please, any tips very much welcome...

Twenny

Twenny,

First of all, you are doing fine. You are asking questions to further the conversation and building rapport with her. The building of rapport with her is very important online because it allows her to get more comfortable with you, making it easier for her to say YES when you ask her on a date.

Next, RULE 1. Please do not post 20-30 minutes of Instant Messaging conversation. I will not read a page long of IM's back and forth. Please summarize your conversation, and if you must, then include a specific log of you two talking.

I can understand you are new to this and you are doubting yourself. BUT keep in mind that the way we learn as human beings is to make mistakes and move on from them. It's okay to screw up. Again, you are doing just fine. You are doing enough for DHV and that type of thing.

Is she attracted to you? Yes, she probably wouldn't have responded back to you if she didn't find your profile appealing on some level. You have a good dialogue of text flowing back and forth. Find out a little bit more information about her which should come in the next message based ont he questions you asked....

From there you need to ask her out. Things are flowing pretty well and we don't want this to just become a "Friend" online kind of thing that you just talk to. Once we have that comfort level established we need to push the interaction by asking her out.

You're on the right track man. Just keep doing what you're doing!

JSmooth

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Cheers JSmooth,
Sorry didn't mean to take up the whole page with an essay.. ha ha..

I had meant to just put the key info in but forgot to delete the rest out..

Cheers for the advise, I'll keep it going and see where it goes..

Twenny

No worries, best of luck!

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey J, Im considering switching my information about my ideal girl to one of these. I figured Id post them up here and get your critique. I think it will be a shocker to many girls too that i mention nothing about physical appearance too and that will score me a lot of points.

First:

My girl is one that is first and foremost emotionally sound. I dont tolerate unnecessary drama at all. She must respect my life and be able to handle me not being able to see her or talk to her for extended periods of time. I am not one who constantly will text on the phone. It has nothing to do with me not liking/loving my girl - It has to do with the busy schedule I constantly keep up. She must respect the fact that I have many friends and that she is not always my top priority. If we are attracted to each other, have a strong connection that is constantly growing, and you can respect how I live my life, you can be my girl.

Second

My requirements are very simple to date me: we must be attracted to each other, have a strong connection that is constantly growing, and you have to respect how I live my life. In the past all of my girls had have trouble with the third and therefore killed the first and second: otherwise I'd be married.



Appreciate it man!

Try one for a while on your profile and see how it works and then try the other. At least you are being honest about what you want. I like the first one but there is a lot to be said for the second. My thought is try one for a while see what results you get and then try the other. The results are the truth anyways.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Yeah thats not a bad idea. The only problem i have with these (the first more than the second too) is that the energy in it is negative. Its a little bitchy in a way I feel like. I could easily put off the same message of who I am and how my relationships go and package it in a positive way. More like "If you have these qualities I want to meet you. I have no doubt in my mind that we will hit it off." Basically spin it as positive as possible and try to get her envisioning and getting excited about hanging out with me.

I do feel like there is a little bit of a reverse psychology to one like the first that will start the woman on her toes when we interact.

Let me know if you think my heads in the right place here in terms of thinking.

Thanks again for the feedback though man I really appreciate it. I went out with Hank and LeDuke the other day and they were talking about all of yall sarging. We should all hit some bars sometime.

VarsityFresh

Hey J I have another question for you too if you dont mind. I have been talking to this married women that I met through pof and she has been taking a huge interest in me. I just played this game with her on facebook where we basically fantasized and wrote this story line about having sex with her and her friend. She initiated this game. At the end she told me about how she was touching herself to it and how much she liked it. To me, It was a pretty sure bet that i was "in" to get her number and escalate this more. I asked her for it though and she dodged the question. I said "too risky?". She says not yet. It has been clear that she wants to fuck me as she has basically outright said it. This threw me for a huge loop. What are your thoughts?

I'll be honest I don't advocate the game of married women. I don't care if she is up for cheating with you are not. If someone is married then I respect that relationship commitment they made, whether they do or not. There are enough women out there you don't have to resort into going after the married ones. Sorry but you are on your own...

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

I respect that.

Hey man, thanks for the awesome thread. I've sat here for hours and hours just soaking up as much as I can.
Now I got a question for you...
I recently set up a profile on OKcupid (using as much advice from this site as I could) and I obviously did a pretty good job on it because I get a lot of page views and a few girls have even messaged me (initiated contact). A little about myself/my situation: I am pretty good looking, somewhat in good shape and I'm 23. Still new to the game though. This girl, HB8, messaged me and I played the cocky/funny card. She was basically doing all the work for me. It was too easy. She IMed me and we got to talking. She told me that she is really interested in me, and blah blah blah, loves giving head, swallowing and anal. But shes not a skank (ya right) and wont screw w/o dating. Obviously I want this chick in a bad kinda way, but I'm in the US Army, in Afghanistan and wont be home for about 30 more days.
I got a number close and I can call her from here (free call centers on base) and she cant call me(which is good, I'm afraid she seems kinda needy/seeks validation). But I want to put it in her butt soooo bad. She knows I wont be home for a month, but my question to you is, how can I keep this girl interested and wrapped around my finger for a month with only talking to her online/a few phone convos here and there?

Me: hey I would remove that picture on your profile

Her:Why?

Me: lol I hope you can take a joke, I thought you were adorable , I just had to say hi .

Her: I had hoped you would take an unexpected turn, but all I get is a simple "it was a joke". Now I'm disappointed!

Me: Must say you're a demanding girl. I thought YOU were supposed to entertain ME, not the other way around.

Her: I think you are the demanding one here. You expect to throw around feigned irony without a punchline. And who said I was here to entertain you? You have got into this mess all by yourself, now it's time you clean up



What would you answer here?