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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:26 pm 
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Here's one from another forum that blew me away. What could you say to a guy like that!?! I have no freaking clue. Not a single idea.

So for all the guys who've ever felt presured into marriage/realtionships that you where not into. For the fellas who forget to maintain what they got and keep it alive, read on cause this could be you one day.

Hopefully not. So keep that game on brothers, at all times.

This sort of goes on forever... The Abyss

"""""Just one month ago, back in early January, I was in bed with my wife, spooning her, as I did almost every night. We were best friends, companions, parents to our 2 1/2 year old son. I was a loving husband, and she was a loving wife. We married at 19 -- did the Vegas drive-thru wedding. For the most part, we spent every free moment together in some capacity or another for our entire 10 years. Until the couple of months leading up to the day I left, everything was hunky-dory.

In August 2008, my wife of 10 years began a new job. She hadn't worked in 7 years, and on the first day of work, she tells me about a guy at her job she sort-of has a crush on.

Over the course of the next few months, through December and the beginning of the new year, she began losing weight, bought some new clothes, and her feelings begin to grow stronger for this guy, even though they'd never really spent any time together, at work or otherwise. From the beginning, it seemed her feelings for him were unreasonably strong. She is always very honest, so I trust that everything occured as she said, however, her feelings for this guy seemed to be so strong that it bothered me to the point that I had to just leave for a little bit while we sort things out. I figured 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' That was early January.

The very next day, she works side-by-side with him for four hours. During that shift, they talk a lot. She tells him that I left, and that she has not been in love with me for years.

Every day since then, everything began to go downhill. They began talking more; started exchanging e-mails once in a while, then exchanging e-mails daily, planning a date for Valentine's Day, then scheduling two dates prior to Valentine's day; the second of which was at his house on Feb. 11, before work.

Needless to say, it broke my heart that this was happening, and she was asking me to just accept it and watch our son... regardless of my mental state throughout all of this, and particularly on days when she was out with him. I was crumbling, and trying my best to accept her need for space and a relationship on some level with this guy.

I knew beforehand that she had plans to go to his house. I told her that I knew what that meant. She insisted that they decided to just be 'friends,' at least for now. But I knew they both wanted more, and I knew what the most likely outcome would be if she went to his house alone with him. Still... I respected her need for freedom and space, and I tried to believe her, but at the end of that conversation, I told her this was probably the last moment we would talk before she passed the point of no return, and I said goodbye.

She called me after her 'date' the next day. She said it went well, and nothing happened. "All we did was talk."

Later that night, when my wife... my best friend and companion for ten years, came to pick up our son, she said she had something she wanted to tell me.

First, she told me that she had some reservations about continuing to see him. She said he had mental health issues, including severe depression, and hallucinations that he was taking antipsychotic medication for. She even said she was confused and that she thinks she made a mistake by leaving me. In hindsite, it's obvious that wasn't what was really bothering her.
Turns out, she still had more to tell me. "We did a little more than talk," she admits.
I said, "well, I figured that would be the case--"
"We had sex," she blurted out.

My world crumbled right at that moment. I kept my composure; perhaps a slight smile, but I said nothing. I knew it would happen, but at the same time, I didn't really expect to hear those words. My mind and heart was just flooded with so much emotion, memories, and questions that I couldn't speak. I remember looking at the hair on my son's head as he continued to play, oblivious to it all.

She had slept with her co-worker on their second date. I just wasn't ready for that. I'm still very much in love with my wife as of this writing, and I'm still in shock.

After that, she put up a wall other than to say she planned on going to his house twice the next week.

So I sat down that night and my heart just filled with water. I took the ring off my finger and just cried.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:45 pm 
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GOD DAMMN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats some crazy shit. Ten years. fuck

A similar thing happened to me in the past but I'm a lot younger and wasn't married. Damn.

I'm so lucky to have found Pua. He'll be alright given time and if he already found pua cause you said it was from another forum then eventually he'll understand what happened and........Damn. WTF.

Ten years

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:50 pm 
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I actually had a very, very similar situation with my now ex wife of six years. It's a heartbreaking situation for sure. In retrospect, I see many things I could have done differently, but it's hard to say that I made clear mistakes or that many things were fundamentally wrong in the relationship. If I were ever in a ltr again I would pay a lot more attention to maintaining attraction. People change and comfort can be a killer. In a situation like this I believe many things that seem intuitive to try and save the relationship are in fact incorrect. I gave her respect and space, but what I should have been doing was regaining attraction.

What personally worked to get me through it, was to realize that yes it was a shitty situation, and it while it would be easy to play the victim card that wouldn't get me anywhere. I took responsibility for what I did with my life from that point, and decided to reframe it as an opportunity to rise to and overcome an incredible challenge and recreate my life. Still working on it, but I can say that I'm pretty happy right now.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:59 pm 
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Nope, it was on a boring adult forum with boring adult advice.

I've posted a lot, but I wouldn't have words for that. It's too much.

I mean what can you say? Get a gym membership? Dress better? Create some distance to generate some attraction? Get some new hobbies? Find that smile?

He's looking at some serious pain with this one. Years.

Maybe someone here might have an idea, because this is level 10. It's beyond me.

I just posted it as reminder for guys of what happens when you lose the game. Because the game is always on. It's never off.

Good luck fellas. Hope I didn't get anyone down with the story.

Cheers.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 7:23 pm 
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Lol I know what you mean.

We can't be like here's Mystery Method hope you get better.

Damn I guess its times like these that really make or break people.

I'm more worried about there son and whats going to happen if she takes the son to go live with the psycho

Weird part about it is this could have been me had my cousin never bought the game.

We just have to keep trying and get up after we fall no matter far down it its.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:40 pm 
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my heart goes out to that guy...

but this can happen to anyone who becomes too AFC in a relationship. think about how AFC this guy was. he was OK with her spending time with another guy! you think his wife would ever respect him when he's OK with that? a PUA would never be OK with that.

this is another reason why as PUA's we have to be outcome independent. there's a great quote from the movie heat:

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner"

that guy would have saved himself a lot of heartache if if he had woken up a lil earlier and seen the warning signs.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:39 am 
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This was some serious deja vu for me. I think it's hard to understand unless you've been there. In my situation, I wasn't ok with it, and drew a line, but that also pushed her away. It was really a lose - lose situation, and after 8 years it can be hard to regain attraction (don't lose it in the first place). A lot of what I've discovered in the PUA community would have been helpful, but a lot of it wouldn't have been applicable as well.

The three really big lessons I learned about relationships based on that experience.

1) Be super selective from the get go. She was a great girl, but there were a few warning signs early on. In the end some of her personal issues she had at the beginning (co-dependent traits, and social anxiety) were major contributing factors.

2) One of the benefits of a relationship (marriage in particular), is the comfort of having someone else there for you. However, too much comfort and routine are killers.

3) Examine your underlying assumptions and beliefs about relationships and well... everything actually. Oftentimes we choose to see things through our personal and cultural belief systems. However, these don't always reflect reality. Just because you want it to be true doesn't mean it is.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:00 am 
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Quote:
Nope, it was on a boring adult forum with boring adult advice.

I've posted a lot, but I wouldn't have words for that. It's too much.

I mean what can you say? Get a gym membership? Dress better? Create some distance to generate some attraction? Get some new hobbies? Find that smile?

He's looking at some serious pain with this one. Years.

Maybe someone here might have an idea, because this is level 10. It's beyond me.

I just posted it as reminder for guys of what happens when you lose the game. Because the game is always on. It's never off.

Good luck fellas. Hope I didn't get anyone down with the story.

Damn man.... you've got me there too. I'm not sure if this is an advisable story. I wanted to say at first: "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true and all, but "once you want something, you are going to work to get it." I thought that might have worked; she might have had the crush, felt extremely attractive, and since they had mutual attraction, done what they had to do. But for her to do it, not be sorry about it, and say she is going back to see him? Well, damn.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:12 am 
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I've thought about it for awhile and the only thing I can come up with is that the lady is fu$king evil... That is just too cold hearted.

Course, I've been around the block and I have found that typically, there is another side. I just can't imagine anything to justify that. Perhaps she's a sociopath.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:16 am 
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I've thought about it for awhile and the only thing I can come up with is that the lady is fu$king evil... That is just too cold hearted.

Course, I've been around the block and I have found that typically, there is another side. I just can't imagine anything to justify that. Perhaps she's a sociopath.
or maybe she is truly no longer in love with him..... :)

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