Kicking Ass and Taking Names in NYC


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:18 pm 
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My wingman strong armed me into going out tonight. I had my heart set on studying German and reading, but I couldn't argue with his logic so we hit it up. Bounced all over LES, couple of different bars, loads of street sets. At the end I even approached a girl on the subway platform. We talked for a minute then she politely told me to buzz off. Earlier, another girl rudely told me to fuck off, shaking her middle finger at me to make sure I got the message.

Most times when this happens I'm cool with it, but once in a while I have a night where I take it personally. I think about me and my buddies, putting ourselves on the line and inviting rejection while girls just stand around and call all the shots. Or at least that's how it can feel. But that's really just a reflection of my mood right now. Other nights, when ownage occurs, we count ourselves blessed to be guys with a chance to improve.

In terms of interactions tonight, one set I missed the window for the makeout, that was unfortunate. She liked me for a while. Another set, met them on the street, bounced them to a bar. Once we got inside things fizzled. The ideal would have been to buy us all a drink. That would have guaranteed steady conversation for another 20 minutes. But $25 with tip is $30 more than I'm ready to spend.

There were other girls, I don't remember them. It's been four nights out in a row and I'm whipped. I've experienced heavy doses of most emotions. I feel like a guy who goes out regularly condenses five years worth of experience and emotion into one year, which can be intense. I have to say though, I love it. I wouldn't trade all this for anything.

Notes

*What is it that girls want?

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 3:25 am 
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Browsing the forum after a long hiatus. Sounds like you have a good mojo starting out but don't take full advantage in the long-run. Other than your logistical shortcoming, is there something holding you back?

If it's any motivation, this is the only FR thread I'll continue checking out. Quality writing and (somewhat) consistent results. Haha.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:39 pm 
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valleyplaya wrote:
Browsing the forum after a long hiatus. Sounds like you have a good mojo starting out but don't take full advantage in the long-run. Other than your logistical shortcoming, is there something holding you back?

If it's any motivation, this is the only FR thread I'll continue checking out. Quality writing and (somewhat) consistent results. Haha.


Thanks for the words, glad you like the writing. Yeah haha I was pretty consistent when I had good logistics. 1 to 2 pulls a month like clockwork.

It's a good question, about something holding me back. I think a big part is logistics, but I also attribute some of it to me not really enjoying my life situation. My roommate drives me insane and my job is unfulfilling. I feel like these things have a subtle impact on me that I don't fully understand. So I'm going to Thailand in a few weeks and in the future I'll never put myself in a similar situation as now.

Right or wrong I really feel that at this point if,

A - I have good logistics
B - It's summer and I can find enough sets on Tues/Wed
C - I go out 5 nights a week

I can pull every week. No idea if that's the truth but I think it may be.

-------------

Had an above average Tuesday. We approached quite a few sets and things went fairly well. Still, I think that I can learn a lot from where I messed up.

Lessons

*I opened some cute girls and my wingman came in later. I had my girl, he had the friend. The vibe was pretty good, my girl was cool but she wouldn't let me kiss her. After a while me and my wingman switched girls. Now I'm with the friend. This caused me to feel uncertain. Am I just keeping her socially warmed up or is this game time and my job is to escalate and make it happen? Being conservative I was just social, no escalation. The result? Some pickup artist with better game than me came in and swooped her. OK, so next time if I switch with my wingman I just go for it. Even as the original girl watches.

*Started the night by opening some cute girls from Florida. Initially I was talking to two then one faded, leaving me to talk to the cuter one. It was going good but I could see her slowly inching back towards her large group. Instead of taking action I just left the set. I think that what I needed to do was introduce myself to the group, say a few pleasantries and then (now as a member of the group) keep talking to my girl. I think that would have let the conversation go on for quite a while.

I will have to consciously force myself to do this group introduction. I have a few insecurities here. I feel like all the guys in the group are going to dislike me and the whole thing is a waste of time. I need to trash that useless point of view, assume that I'm the one with value, I'm the opportunity, and everyone there is lucky to meet me!

*In several sets I was consciously aware of some annoying behavior I was exhibiting. I was fidgeting, shifting weight from foot to foot and otherwise dispelling sexual tension and acting like a nervous beta. Subtle shit but shit nonetheless. Becoming aware of it, I was able to chill the fuck out and shut that all off for about a minute. I noticed an immediate change in how the girl looked at me. Then I lost it again and things returned to normal. That's OK though, I'm now more aware of how these bad microexpressions and I can focus on removing them.

*I give my wingman kudos for getting us to do a ballsy approach. We looked through a window and saw a bar with five people in it, all sitting down. Two cute girls, three drunk dudes. My natural instinct was to ignore this, my wingman insisted we do it. So fuck it, I walk in and tap the cuter girl on the shoulder. She turns around and we start to have a good conversation. After a few minutes I get her to stand up. Brilliant stuff, shows I learned my lesson from Friday night. However, after talking for a bit, she wanders off to get another drink. Then she never comes back, she sort of hovers around the drunk dudes. I interpret this to mean she doesn't like me and I call the night quits. In retrospect I think she wanted me to get her back, to reengage her. So next time when she wanders off, I make the effort to bring her back in.

*I am no longer phased when a girl mentions a boyfriend. If the interaction is going good and she's giving me positive signs I just keep plowing. I treat it as though she never mentioned another guy. I don't think I've slept with a girl who has a boyfriend yet but it's bound to happen at some point. After all the wonderful shit I've gone through to reach even a modicum of talent, I feel 0% bad about this.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:10 am 
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Tonight my wingman took a girl from me. I was making out with her, her friend had just left, and my wingman came in and started hitting on her. I did not handle this well. I should have grabbed her hand and pulled her to another area in the bar. On the other hand, it's my wingman. He's supposed to have my back and I wasn't really prepared to defend my girl from him. I'm disappointed that he would do that. I stick by the rule that the guy who opens the girl, gets the girl. So I'll have words with him, see how he rationalized this into being cool.

In other news, I opened an awfully attractive chick who liked reading, traveling and was doing a grad program in creative writing. So my ideal girl. I reacted like a little kid when the teacher asks a question. I got all excited and lost my cool, as if I would prove to her that I like the same things by showing her how excited I was about what she's saying. A terribly ineffective strategy. In the future, if I'm very impressed with a girl, I can tell her that but I don't have to turn into a six year old.

Game Stuff

*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she's speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don't want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I've autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good...

*I'm really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
2. A guy who is the shit doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.
3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he's the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I'm the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I'm trying to prove myself?

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:17 pm 
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Davai wrote:
*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she's speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don't want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I've autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good...

*I'm really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
2. A guy who is the shit doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.
3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he's the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I'm the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I'm trying to prove myself?


If i was you, i would display active disinterest body language to the girl if you want to get her to start chasing you.

* Body Rocking (Body movement that actually looks to her like you you can leave her at any moment)

* Negging/Teasing (Tease/neg her a bit to force her to qualify herself to you more)

* Kino (Reward her with kino after she complies with any of your hoops that she jumps through. Punish her by taking away your kino if she says or does something that you don't like)

* Be Silent & Just Listen When She Speaks (This is self-explanatory. When a woman is talking, she's investing. Why cut her off when she's investing into the interaction. If anything..allow her to talk about herself as much as possible, while you'll be investing minimally into her. Also, you can even look down or away from her at different moments in the conversation while she's telling you a story (do this for several seconds). This technique is money for getting her to chase you!!) :wink:

* Strong Eye Contact (Holding strong eye-contact with the girl that you are interacting with is one of the most constantly overlooked & underrated simple adjustments that you can make with your body language in the game. Holding strong eye-contact with the girl sub-communicates your sexual intent & that you are entitled to her without actually trying to show her that you are)

* Let Her Go, Don't Chase (If she starts acting like she's getting bored or ready to leave, just act like you don't care. There will be a moment that she will look to see if you care. Be cool, calm, and collected. Handle this the same like you would do with a shit test..don't even acknowledge it. And do not validate her by chasing her to get her to stay. Chasing girls also lowers your state and your value, so you will almost always lose whenever you chase after girls)


These are some things that you can implement into your game immediately the next time that you go out. Try them for a while, and let me know how it works out. Just Watch!!..someone on this forum will refute what i'm saying here, with a very generalized vague mumbo-jumbo response, involving inner-game. LOl :lol:


So then what if your mood or vibe is a bit off? Or you aren't necessarily feeling very positive, confident, or "in-state" that night at the bar or at the club? What do you do?... In my experience in the field..i found that if you try to demonstrate the correct alpha behaviors (and taking the correct actions..like approaching girls in spite of having approach anxiety, staying in set, getting physical with them, leading, and being non-reactive to girls' shit tests) that attract women, although it may be a slow build up..as you warm up throughout the night or day, your inner-game will naturally catch up to align with the alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate. Once your inner-game eventually does catch up to align with your alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate to the women that you approach..then you will actually feel more positive, behave more confidently, and you may even "get into-state".


-G

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LEARNING GAME IS LAME!..Right up until the point when you will eventually see a hot girl standing or sitting right in front of you. In that moment..you will wish that you had learned game!


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:23 pm 
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GFRESH2DEF wrote:
Davai wrote:
*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she's speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don't want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I've autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good...

*I'm really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
2. A guy who is the shit doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.
3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he's the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I'm the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I'm trying to prove myself?


If i was you, i would display active disinterest body language to the girl if you want to get her to start chasing you.

* Body Rocking (Body movement that actually looks to her like you you can leave her at any moment)

* Negging/Teasing (Tease/neg her a bit to force her to qualify herself to you more)

* Kino (Reward her with kino after she complies with any of your hoops that she jumps through. Punish her by taking away your kino if she says or does something that you don't like)

* Be Silent & Just Listen When She Speaks (This is self-explanatory. When a woman is talking, she's investing. Why cut her off when she's investing into the interaction. If anything..allow her to talk about herself as much as possible, while you'll be investing minimally into her. Also, you can even look down or away from her at different moments in the conversation while she's telling you a story (do this for several seconds). This technique is money for getting her to chase you!!) :wink:

* Strong Eye Contact (Holding strong eye-contact with the girl that you are interacting with is one of the most constantly overlooked & underrated simple adjustments that you can make with your body language in the game. Holding strong eye-contact with the girl sub-communicates your sexual intent & that you are entitled to her without actually trying to show her that you are)

* Let Her Go, Don't Chase (If she starts acting like she's getting bored or ready to leave, just act like you don't care. There will be a moment that she will look to see if you care. Be cool, calm, and collected. Handle this the same like you would do with a shit test..don't even acknowledge it. And do not validate her by chasing her to get her to stay. Chasing girls also lowers your state and your value, so you will almost always lose whenever you chase after girls)


These are some things that you can implement into your game immediately the next time that you go out. Try them for a while, and let me know how it works out. Just Watch!!..someone on this forum will refute what i'm saying here, with a very generalized vague mumbo-jumbo response, involving inner-game. LOl :lol:


So then what if your mood or vibe is a bit off? Or you aren't necessarily feeling very positive, confident, or "in-state" that night at the bar or at the club? What do you do?... In my experience in the field..i found that if you try to demonstrate the correct alpha behaviors (and taking the correct actions..like approaching girls in spite of having approach anxiety, staying in set, getting physical with them, leading, and being non-reactive to girls' shit tests) that attract women, although it may be a slow build up..as you warm up throughout the night or day, your inner-game will naturally catch up to align with the alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate. Once your inner-game eventually does catch up to align with your alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate to the women that you approach..then you will actually feel more positive, behave more confidently, and you may even "get into-state".


-G



Thanks for taking the time to write this out man! The eye contact and the silence and listening, I'm all in on those. They can always be better of course but I'm very consciously aware of them.

As for the body rocking and acting like I can let her go, typically these things have not worked so well for me. Usually when I act like I'm OK with losing her or I look away or act disinterested, that backfires. She follows suit, acts disinterested in me and/or really leaves. I'm obviously not doing something right here. Maybe I'm not conveying enough value before I withdraw, maybe I'm not being subtle enough or maybe it's just too obvious that it's sort of an act, it's not a reflection of my true feelings.

In your last paragraph, yeah I'm pretty solid here. 90% of nights I can get myself into a good space, usually the only question is whether it will take 2 sets or 12 sets.

I think the most applicable thing you wrote, for me, is the negging and the kino reward. I rarely do either of those things but they obviously have some great potential. I'll definitely keep them in mind in the future.


------


Favorite new song. Coworking spaces have been a big part of my experience in New York. I’d always toyed with the idea of sleeping at WeWork but the layout is too open. Not my new space though, they have a couple of couches tucked away in the back. I slept like a baby, no regrets. In other news our night out was interesting. My wingman is doing some promoting and he said he could get us all into a hot club. We showed up late, a ton of bullshit ensued and we more or less had to sneak in. Nothing like the high end club experience to make you feel like you’re a valueless piece of shit.

Inside it’s a different world. It’s a 4 girls to 1 guy ratio, maybe better. We start hammering out approaches and I quickly notice how ineffective my game is. I can’t hook a set to save my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m drinking, I don’t know. I realize that to succeed in this environment I would need to practice in it. But tonight is not the night for it, me and my other wingmen leave and take the 20 minute walk to Meatpacking.

Almost at Biergarten we open two girls on the sidewalk. My wingman starts making out with his girl, I talk to the friend. She’s getting into an Uber. I lean into the car and try to pull her out. She keeps saying nonsense like,

“No, I would feel so bad about cancelling. We can’t just leave our Uber. We’re going home!”

I tell her it’s no big deal, he won’t care if she gets out. She doesn’t listen until her friend, who is fawning over my wingman, says,

“Alicia! Get out of the Uber, we’re going with them.”

And that was that. It’s called an Uber pull, our specialty. We take the girls to the club but lose them after 3 minutes. No big deal, we open a bunch more. However, nothing sticks so well. Around 2 we call it a night and I go back to the hidden couch in my coworking space and sleep it off. That was my last weekend in New York for at least 6 months. It’s been a crazy adventure but I’m ready for a change. Time to throw the middle finger to the cold and go drive dirt bikes in Thailand.

Notes

*I’ve gotten a lot better but I’ve still got so far to go. Reaching a level of game where I’m effective in a high end club is going to take a lot.

*I’m ready to take a few months off from intense pickup. I’ll still do some daygame and go out here and there in Thailand but most of the focus is going to be on building up a business. I’m totally cool with this because I know that when I come back to it, my vague plan is to move to Berlin in the spring, I’m going to crush it and go harder than no other.

_________________
Discover the Mayhem, Stay Entertained, & Read the Field Reports...
www.OutInBlack.com


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:16 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 9:35 pm
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Davai wrote:
GFRESH2DEF wrote:
Davai wrote:
*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she's speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don't want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I've autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good...

*I'm really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
2. A guy who is the shit doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.
3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he's the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I'm the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I'm trying to prove myself?


If i was you, i would display active disinterest body language to the girl if you want to get her to start chasing you.

* Body Rocking (Body movement that actually looks to her like you you can leave her at any moment)

* Negging/Teasing (Tease/neg her a bit to force her to qualify herself to you more)

* Kino (Reward her with kino after she complies with any of your hoops that she jumps through. Punish her by taking away your kino if she says or does something that you don't like)

* Be Silent & Just Listen When She Speaks (This is self-explanatory. When a woman is talking, she's investing. Why cut her off when she's investing into the interaction. If anything..allow her to talk about herself as much as possible, while you'll be investing minimally into her. Also, you can even look down or away from her at different moments in the conversation while she's telling you a story (do this for several seconds). This technique is money for getting her to chase you!!) :wink:

* Strong Eye Contact (Holding strong eye-contact with the girl that you are interacting with is one of the most constantly overlooked & underrated simple adjustments that you can make with your body language in the game. Holding strong eye-contact with the girl sub-communicates your sexual intent & that you are entitled to her without actually trying to show her that you are)

* Let Her Go, Don't Chase (If she starts acting like she's getting bored or ready to leave, just act like you don't care. There will be a moment that she will look to see if you care. Be cool, calm, and collected. Handle this the same like you would do with a shit test..don't even acknowledge it. And do not validate her by chasing her to get her to stay. Chasing girls also lowers your state and your value, so you will almost always lose whenever you chase after girls)


These are some things that you can implement into your game immediately the next time that you go out. Try them for a while, and let me know how it works out. Just Watch!!..someone on this forum will refute what i'm saying here, with a very generalized vague mumbo-jumbo response, involving inner-game. LOl :lol:


So then what if your mood or vibe is a bit off? Or you aren't necessarily feeling very positive, confident, or "in-state" that night at the bar or at the club? What do you do?... In my experience in the field..i found that if you try to demonstrate the correct alpha behaviors (and taking the correct actions..like approaching girls in spite of having approach anxiety, staying in set, getting physical with them, leading, and being non-reactive to girls' shit tests) that attract women, although it may be a slow build up..as you warm up throughout the night or day, your inner-game will naturally catch up to align with the alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate. Once your inner-game eventually does catch up to align with your alpha behaviors and actions that you are trying to demonstrate to the women that you approach..then you will actually feel more positive, behave more confidently, and you may even "get into-state".


-G



Thanks for taking the time to write this out man! The eye contact and the silence and listening, I'm all in on those. They can always be better of course but I'm very consciously aware of them.

As for the body rocking and acting like I can let her go, typically these things have not worked so well for me. Usually when I act like I'm OK with losing her or I look away or act disinterested, that backfires. She follows suit, acts disinterested in me and/or really leaves. I'm obviously not doing something right here. Maybe I'm not conveying enough value before I withdraw, maybe I'm not being subtle enough or maybe it's just too obvious that it's sort of an act, it's not a reflection of my true feelings.

In your last paragraph, yeah I'm pretty solid here. 90% of nights I can get myself into a good space, usually the only question is whether it will take 2 sets or 12 sets.

I think the most applicable thing you wrote, for me, is the negging and the kino reward. I rarely do either of those things but they obviously have some great potential. I'll definitely keep them in mind in the future.


------


Favorite new song. Coworking spaces have been a big part of my experience in New York. I’d always toyed with the idea of sleeping at WeWork but the layout is too open. Not my new space though, they have a couple of couches tucked away in the back. I slept like a baby, no regrets. In other news our night out was interesting. My wingman is doing some promoting and he said he could get us all into a hot club. We showed up late, a ton of bullshit ensued and we more or less had to sneak in. Nothing like the high end club experience to make you feel like you’re a valueless piece of shit.

Inside it’s a different world. It’s a 4 girls to 1 guy ratio, maybe better. We start hammering out approaches and I quickly notice how ineffective my game is. I can’t hook a set to save my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m drinking, I don’t know. I realize that to succeed in this environment I would need to practice in it. But tonight is not the night for it, me and my other wingmen leave and take the 20 minute walk to Meatpacking.

Almost at Biergarten we open two girls on the sidewalk. My wingman starts making out with his girl, I talk to the friend. She’s getting into an Uber. I lean into the car and try to pull her out. She keeps saying nonsense like,

“No, I would feel so bad about cancelling. We can’t just leave our Uber. We’re going home!”

I tell her it’s no big deal, he won’t care if she gets out. She doesn’t listen until her friend, who is fawning over my wingman, says,

“Alicia! Get out of the Uber, we’re going with them.”

And that was that. It’s called an Uber pull, our specialty. We take the girls to the club but lose them after 3 minutes. No big deal, we open a bunch more. However, nothing sticks so well. Around 2 we call it a night and I go back to the hidden couch in my coworking space and sleep it off. That was my last weekend in New York for at least 6 months. It’s been a crazy adventure but I’m ready for a change. Time to throw the middle finger to the cold and go drive dirt bikes in Thailand.

Notes

*I’ve gotten a lot better but I’ve still got so far to go. Reaching a level of game where I’m effective in a high end club is going to take a lot.

*I’m ready to take a few months off from intense pickup. I’ll still do some daygame and go out here and there in Thailand but most of the focus is going to be on building up a business. I’m totally cool with this because I know that when I come back to it, my vague plan is to move to Berlin in the spring, I’m going to crush it and go harder than no other.



Hey Man, Enjoy Thailand. I wish you tons of success with your business. I enjoyed your NYC writings. I'm originally from NY and now live in Europe. I was thinking of spending a month in Thailand - not necessarily for game but just to escape the brutal winter. I'll be in Lisbon for a month - I have no expectations, but many friends said the girls are a little more conservative and not as attractive as Easter European types. I will see :)
Enjoy, looking forward to reading your posts in the future.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:44 pm 
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UncleFreddy wrote:

Hey Man, Enjoy Thailand. I wish you tons of success with your business. I enjoyed your NYC writings. I'm originally from NY and now live in Europe. I was thinking of spending a month in Thailand - not necessarily for game but just to escape the brutal winter. I'll be in Lisbon for a month - I have no expectations, but many friends said the girls are a little more conservative and not as attractive as Easter European types. I will see :)
Enjoy, looking forward to reading your posts in the future.


Thanks again man. You should definitely come to Thailand for the winter escape. Fuck the cold. As for Lisbon, one the best guys I've ever met in game is from there. He says it's great for going out, central bar district that is packed most nights. I would definitely wager people there will be more open than those Eastern Europeans.

Let me know if you come to Thailand, we'll be in Koh Samui for a while then who knows..

----------------

The following are some of the lessons that I've learned since moving to New York City 18 months ago. I came to NYC with the sole intent of doing cold approach pickup. I ran some rough math and figured out I went out 4.5 nights a week. I pulled a dozen + times, a number which definitely would have been higher if I hadn't had zero logistics for 5 months. Impossible to know but I guess I approached 3,000 to 4,000 girls. I've fucked up a lot, I've succeeded just as much and I've learned a number of lessons. These are the main lessons, and the ones I'll keep in mind for the future.

Cold Approach is a Skill that Can Be Learned

If you go out a lot and approach, you can get better. It doesn't matter how bad you are, everyone is capable of improvement. That being said, it's a fucking intense skill to learn. Pickup has caused me to experience the highest highs and lowest lows. It's also awfully complex. Earlier it took me 13 months to go from zero to fluency in Russian. I equate learning pickup to learning Russian, times three.

Your Living Situation Matters

Let me start with the massive caveat that there are heaps of guys who get laid who have nothing going for them. Their lives are in shambles but they have game and pull. I accept this but for me, at this particular stage, I've found that it's important for me to have my life in order. That is, good living situation, good logistics and at least some modicum of satisfaction from my work. When I lack those things I notice that I do worse.

Field Reports are the Best Tool for Meeting Wingmen

I've gone to NYC meetups, posted in forums that I'm looking for wingmen, met guys at the club and had guys read my field reports then message me. Of these methods, having guys read my reports then hit me blows everything else out of the water. In 4 out of 5 cases these guys are the coolest, most dedicated, best wingmen imaginable. If you live in a big city and are going out, I would recommend posting reports not just for your own benefit, but as a tool to meet cool wingmen.

Your Self-Talk Matters, A Lot...

I used to tell myself things like "you're bad with girls" or "girls just don't like you". I had no idea how much of a disservice I was doing myself. The problem is that these beliefs are self-reinforcing. That is, when you give them power then they become reality. Your brain will seek out ways to align your actions and results to those beliefs, thus killing your chances of getting laid. For the last year I've only reinforced helpful beliefs, like "I'm awesome" and "girls love me". This has made a tremendous difference.

It's Worth Putting in the Effort to Get into Good Clubs

Me and some wingmen have a Whatsapp group called NYC Nightlife Sucks. This is not negative, it's the truth. From roughly October to April you're lucky to find a couple of sets a night Sunday to Wednesday. That's it! That being said, there is a good party happening every night of the week at one of the hot clubs. Getting access to that party would give you unlimited sets on all the off nights.

I initially had a few chances to get that access. I met a few promoters, I had some tentative relations there that could have blossomed into something. But I never pursued it. I told myself, fuck all that, you care about cold approach! Just focus on that! My heart was in the right place but long term I was shooting myself in the foot. It's hard to focus on cold approach when you can't find any girls. So in the future, in whatever city I move to, I would take the time to develop the connections that would allow me access to all the best parties.

Good Information Comes from Videos & Reading

The pickup videos are popular and with good reason, they're great. But I find about half of all my best information from reading. Most pickup forums tend towards dreck, however, with a critical eye you can find some gold. I've found that typically videos provide a broad perspective on game while individual posts do a better job of breaking down minute concepts, giving you a chance to understand the thinking and logic behind another person's beliefs.

It's Up to You to Close

As the guy it's your job to sort out the challenges. Get the logistics handled, deal with her objections, deal with her friends objections, and just fucking go for the close. Girls will not close you (exceptions aside for the stories we hear about advanced guys having girls close them, in my experience this rarely happens at a lower level). You can have the best fucking bond, have a magical time with her but if you don't close, odds are sex isn't going to happen.

Not Wanting to Leave Sweet Zone / Look Dumb

I think that in the last three months in particular I've stopped taking risks. My game got to the point where I can easily hook, have conversations, do cool shit, get makeouts, etc. It took a lot of work to just reach there and I feel that I started taking growth for granted and I stopped putting myself on the line. The problem is that to reach the next level I'm going to have to start looking dumb again. I'm going to have to take risks which will burn many sets.

Interestingly, I think that one of the reasons I stopped taking risks has to do with my awesome wingmen. I started going out with really cool guys and I didn't want to look retarded in front of them. This is obviously 110% my own problem. I think that in the future I may reserve 2 or 3 nights a week to go out solo where I give myself permission to fuck up horribly and look like an idiot.

You Can Detach too Far from Results

Outcome independence is a big thing in pickup, as is the idea of this being about not just the girls but the personal growth. I totally believe in both but I think that I took them too far. I didn't pull my last two or three months going out because I had zero logistics, but also because I didn't push hard for the close. I put so much focus on "internal growth" that the girls became almost secondary. So I definitely fucked up here.

Overall I had a blast though and I'm really looking forward to future challenges. Berlin and Vegas are next on the list, let's do it!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:10 am 
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Davai wrote:
You Can Detach too Far from Results

Outcome independence is a big thing in pickup, as is the idea of this being about not just the girls but the personal growth. I totally believe in both but I think that I took them too far. I didn't pull my last two or three months going out because I had zero logistics, but also because I didn't push hard for the close. I put so much focus on "internal growth" that the girls became almost secondary. So I definitely fucked up here.

Overall I had a blast though and I'm really looking forward to future challenges. Berlin and Vegas are next on the list, let's do it!

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're out there taking action and that's all that you can ask of yourself. Do you have any idea how many guys aren't taking as much action as you are? You're learning something that is very complicated and nuanced. Learning pickup and making big improvements isn't easy at any stage of the game. So give yourself more credit. I too am my own worst critic and i even sometimes overthink or underthink things. You're not just out chasing girls you're also working on yourself too, which is the way that you're supposed to do it. This isn't just about the girls..it's about you. As far as the bad logistics thing goes..i too have bad logistics currently. And yes, it makes it alot harder to pull girls. But you can also look at it as a blessing in disguise. Because your bad logistics is challenging you to be more creative and adapt to more difficult circumstances. Your game will be much more solid in the long run because of it.


-G

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:12 pm 
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GFRESH2DEF wrote:
Davai wrote:
You Can Detach too Far from Results

Outcome independence is a big thing in pickup, as is the idea of this being about not just the girls but the personal growth. I totally believe in both but I think that I took them too far. I didn't pull my last two or three months going out because I had zero logistics, but also because I didn't push hard for the close. I put so much focus on "internal growth" that the girls became almost secondary. So I definitely fucked up here.

Overall I had a blast though and I'm really looking forward to future challenges. Berlin and Vegas are next on the list, let's do it!

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're out there taking action and that's all that you can ask of yourself. Do you have any idea how many guys aren't taking as much action as you are? You're learning something that is very complicated and nuanced. Learning pickup and making big improvements isn't easy at any stage of the game. So give yourself more credit. I too am my own worst critic and i even sometimes overthink or underthink things. You're not just out chasing girls you're also working on yourself too, which is the way that you're supposed to do it. This isn't just about the girls..it's about you. As far as the bad logistics thing goes..i too have bad logistics currently. And yes, it makes it alot harder to pull girls. But you can also look at it as a blessing in disguise. Because your bad logistics is challenging you to be more creative and adapt to more difficult circumstances. Your game will be much more solid in the long run because of it.


-G


Thanks man, it's really good to hear that. I agree with you that I'm being too hard on myself. In fact I talk about that in my report that follows. I want to say this in a way where I fully accept 100% responsibility for my life and do not blame other people. But I do feel that the pickup community is doing me a bit of a disservice now because of how hard they stress pulling and getting the girl and how you should be getting laid this much or going this hard. So when I really push hard, really put myself on the line and still fail to live up to that standard, that can really fucking hurt. Really fucking hurt because I know that I tried and I still didn't get there.

So again, like I talk about below. I'm just trying to take the focus off the future and just enjoy myself as I am. Not try to be so damn fucking perfect, and so forth.

Thanks for the words man!

---------------------------------------------------

This report is going to be divided into two sections. The first is a brief overview of my night out in Bangkok. The second part is an annoyingly honest evaluation of my life at present. This second part is mostly for me, I don't imagine many will muster the interest to read it. So with that being said, let's look at Bangkok.

A few months ago this RSD guy who I met in New York hit me up and asked go to out. Said I couldn't, I was going to Thailand. He said he was too, what a coincidence. Said he had an apartment in State Tower, downtown Bangkok. Invited me to stay with him and I accepted. After recovering from jet lag on Friday night, Saturday night we took a ride out to the main party road in Bangkok. Debauchery, drunkenness, filth and hedonism.

I haven't talked to any girls in two weeks but I got right into it. Could feel my vibe was off which was to be expected. Kept approaching, things got a bit better. I sat down to talk to this English chick but the music was so loud we couldn't hear each other. In general this whole area was the loudest place I've ever been in my life as a PUA. Made it impossible to even attempt to have a conversation.

I kept at it though and got a couple of "bad" rejections which really stung. Then I found this cute French girl and it was on. We were vibing, I could tell she liked me, bam... But I had to leave her because my wingman was lost, I didn't have a working cellphone and without him I can't get home. So that was the best set of the night. If it weren't for the missing wingman and lost in Bangkok factor I would have pushed it much, much further.

After that we did a few more half-assed approaches before calling it a night. I got 2.4 hours of sleep, woke up and got on a bus, then a ferry, to arrive in Koh Samui 10 hours later. I'll be here for the next 6 weeks, living with the two RSD guys who I spent two weeks in Ukraine with. Glory times! Now let's look at the state of my existence on this planet.

Existence

Right now I'm in this really weird fucking place where I feel like no girl will ever like me. It's really demented because logically speaking it's not true. But I think that not getting laid in 3 months is playing a big part in that thinking. How the fuck did I manage to not get laid in three months? Shitty logistics and living with a domineering, older lady who tried to run my life and treat me like her son. I knew that this living situation would be shitty but I just didn't realize how much a lack of freedom would affect me. I suspect it's one of the reasons guys feel so miserable in marriage when they feel like their wife runs everything.

Another aspect of me not feeling like a king is that I'm being unnecessarily hard on myself. I accept 100% responsibility for my life, I do not blame others. However, I think a lot of my negative thinking originates from the pickup community. The message that I tend to pick up is that you should go harder, stay out longer, pull more, be bolder and if you don't get laid X amount you have to check yourself.

This is probably really helpful for people who are just getting started, they need that kick in the ass. However, right now it's hurting more than helping me. When I go out I'm so obsessed with getting the makeout, doing the tough approaches, breaking new boundaries, that I forget to just have fun. I'm so fucking caught up in my head that I can't just let it all go and enjoy myself. Which, if I could do this more consistently, I believe would get me laid a lot more! And this doesn't just apply to the club. I consistently judge myself throughout the day which, to some degree, hinders my ability to be that cool guy with the charismatic vibe

All that being said, I'm going to do a bit of an experiment. I'm going to stop reading so many god damn self-help books and comparing myself to people like Julien, Jocko, Wade Alters, Jordan Peterson, etc. I'm going to focus on telling myself I am enough already. I'm good enough for a girl to love, I'm good enough to be a cool person. If I never adopt this mindset than I'll never get there! I could sleep with a 100 girls and read a 1,000 self-help books but if I feel like I still have to reach some next level, I'll just end up climbing a ladder that never ends. Fuck that!

Another aspect of feeling like I'm not enough, this one more insidious, is the fact that I have the tendency to come early during sex. Never to the point where I blew a load in my pants, but there have been more than a few 14 second experiences. I've maybe confessed this to three or four people in my entire life. It's been like a daemon in my soul, eating at me, eroding my confidence. When my mind decides to make an especially big deal out of it I reach the point where I'm actually scared to have sex because I'm scared of disappointing the girl and embarrassing myself. It really sucks.

Like many other things in life, this problem is not entirely logical. Of the 20+ girls I've slept with in my life, I'd say that me coming early has actually only been a deal breaker with 3. Most of the time they don't care or I have no problem lasting longer for whatever reason (a few beers helps so much for some reason?). But still the insecurity remains. This is something I really, really need to change. The amount of time I spend mentally flagellating myself over this is entirely out of proportion to the problem. Again, I'm hoping to change this by just talking about this (even 3 months ago I was too scared to write about it) and just accepting it. Sure, sometimes I will come early. However, I always strive to give the girl a great sexual experience and also, when I have a girlfriend and we have sex a lot, the problem goes away.

Finally, lately I find myself thinking that I have to be the most attractive man on the planet or girls won't want me. Total fucking bullshit! I don't expect the girls I sleep with to be perfect, just meet some basic criteria. The criteria for girls to sleep with a guy is typically higher but it's not so high that I have to be some sort of saint. By accepting myself flaws and all, and realizing that girls have flaws too, I can get to the point where I'm OK with myself as I am. I don't have to be Julien or Brad Pitt, I can be me and girls will like me!

Fin

That's everything in a nutshell. The two biggest takeaways are that I had no idea how detrimental it would be to live with an overbearing roommate who wanted me to act like her son. I thought I could ignore her, I couldn't. I went borderline insane and the effects of that spilled over into all aspects of my life. Second, it would behoove me to stop trying so fucking hard to chase perfection. Always reading another self-help book, doing the next "right" thing, striving to always be better.

I mean this is all good, but I'm already on the right highway to success. Maybe the 80mph lane gets me there a bit faster, but I'm also more likely to crash and burn. As it is I'm driving 65mph and doing just fine. Lighten up, love myself a bit more and get back some of that naturally magnetic vibe that I've had in times past.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:57 am 
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Ironically..me and you have alot of parallels at the current points in both of our games (we also have a common sticking point. PM me). If you read some of my posts in the past, you probably saw me mention that i had mishaps in the bedroom with some of the girls that i was having sex with. Unlike your issue of cumming too fast..i had the issue of not cumming because i had ED (Erectile Dysunction). In other words..i couldn't stay hard. I had performance anxiety. There was 3 ways that i overcame it, and they were actually alot simpler than you you think. One of the reasons why i like this forum is that you can be honest about your sticking points, and no matter how embarrassing they are..you won't be judged for it (For the most part you won't be. Lol). As long as you're putting it out there to help out other guys that are in the same predicament..there will always be someone to give you valuable advice. Now in full disclosure, i'll list the 3 simple solutions to my erectile dysfunction issue. When you read these simple solutions that i listed below..you will be amazed by how obvious they were. And btw..all solutions to every problem, are usually very simple fixes. But they just weren't obvious to you at the time.


How I Overcame My Erectile Dysfunction

#1 - from mid 2015 thru to 2017, i got laid quite a bit..not just by different girls, but i had fuck
buddies that gave me the bedroom experience and practice that i needed to overcome my
performance anxiety

#2 - i was wearing condoms that were too small, that was actually cutting off my blood flow..thus
negating my boner. All i had to do was buy larger condoms (magnum condoms)

#3 - start fucking girls that i'm actually attracted to. And if i lose attraction to that girl that i'm
currently fucking (usually because she wasn't that hot to me to begin with, but she just barely
passed my seal of approval, so i fucked her anyway. And after i've done fucked her several
times already), either stop fucking her, or while i'm fucking her..i'll imagine that i'm fucking a
hotter girl that i already banged before. And amazingly..doing this usually keeps my dick hard
until i cum.


I'm not saying that doing these list of things that i did will work for you..but it may give you some hints of what you might need to do to fix your issue.


Although pulling the girls that you approach (whether it's in nightgame, daygame, or after a date) is the ultimate goal for all puas (Because getting laid is the ultimate goal. It's the main reason why we all are in pickup), to your point..i do agree with you that pulling is over-emphasized in the community, and is actually making our game suffer because we aren't enjoying the process of picking up girls unless we fuck them. This causes many of us learning the game to have massive outcome dependence!!!!! And girls can feel this, which will repel them from us even further. And if you're gaming this way every time that you go out for 3 months straight..HELL YES!!!!! this will cause you to have a drought. Trust me..i've been where you are a many of times throughout my pickup journey/career.


I actually responded to someone else's post on this forum several months ago, and i mentioned several things that you can do to get your mojo back (sticking-points/frustrated-vt207111.html) and start getting laid again.


Some of the things that i mentioned will no doubt be offensive to most pua's egos. But i'm not here to sugar coat shit, i'm here to help guys out as well as myself by telling the raw truth and offering straight up solutions. The word "FRESH" in my name means that "i'm a breath of fresh air to the game". Nothing that i say will be watered-down or politically correct. I will always try my very best to keep it 100% raw & real.


-G

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