Author Message
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:05 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:24 pm
Posts: 16
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 23
This is hard for her? Really??
I love my (ex) girlfriend. We’ve both been stupid-but she had some issues that affected our relationship (abandonedment issues from her mom). Long story short over a month ago I got so tired of the arguing (majority started by her) so I broke up with her. About two weeks later I realized I made a mistake. I didn’t think we had really tried to fix things. She’s a really good woman and other than arguing a lot recently there really hasn’t been many issuss. I asked if he we could talk and she said she was confused because I had broken up with her. Eventually she said if I had something to say she’d listen. I get there and say what’s on my mind. She’s visibly irritated and is getting angry and wanted to me essentially get on my hands and knees to apologize. I already apologized a handful of times but I guess that wasn’t enough. She stopped me mid sentence and said she did me a disservice by letting me come over to talk m. She was in a good space and she had moved on. I nod and walk out.

Not long after I left she messsged me saying apologizing it’s just hard being broken up with and she was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond. I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that she doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for her and she wanted to stay but could g. I don’t respond to that either. I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with her head and made her physically worn down (she gets ulcers when she’s stressed). Again, I don’t respond. So three messages that night.

The next day I get another message. I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work. So we can get the proper tools to communicate better and to help with her abandonment issues. She replied and said she it’s not just the one issue I mentioned and doesn’t need counseling. I don’t reply. 12 hrs later she sends me another message. I don’t reply to that either. A week passed and she sends me a text saying she isn’t doing well because this hard for her. I said it’s hard for me too. That was almost a 4 days ago and nothing since.

I don’t know, I just feel like she’s screwing with me. I thought she was in a good space...


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:36 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 am
Posts: 2540
Too many negative emotions for her to come back right now. Too many Debbie Downer talks over text. There's no reason for anyone to ever enter a black cloud of negative emotion, which is what you've created. "Let's get counseling" is not an attractive offer.

When you're trying to re-attract a woman, you speak your piece and move on to fun.

When you went over to her house, this is how you should've handled it, like a man:

"I fucked up. The split really made me recognize how important you are to me. It was a wake up call. I'm sorry, babe. And I'm giving you the power, right now, to take me back or not. But if you do, I don't want to dwell on the negativity, I just want to put this behind us and get back to having fun, because we're really good at that."

And then you leave. You don't argue with her, you don't debate her. You don't raise the emotional temperature and you sure as fuck don't write novels via text, strung out over a week.

You spoke your mind. Now get back to being the fun, chill guy she fell for. Text happy things, sexual things, funny things. Spark some kind of emotion other than the self-created black cloud.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:43 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:24 pm
Posts: 16
Quote:
Too many negative emotions for her to come back right now. Too many Debbie Downer talks over text. There's no reason for anyone to ever enter a black cloud of negative emotion, which is what you've created. "Let's get counseling" is not an attractive offer.

When you're trying to re-attract a woman, you speak your piece and move on to fun.

When you went over to her house, this is how you should've handled it, like a man:

"I fucked up. The split really made me recognize how important you are to me. It was a wake up call. I'm sorry, babe. And I'm giving you the power, right now, to take me back or not. But if you do, I don't want to dwell on the negativity, I just want to put this behind us and get back to having fun, because we're really good at that."

And then you leave. You don't argue with her, you don't debate her. You don't raise the emotional temperature and you sure as fuck don't write novels via text, strung out over a week.

You spoke your mind. Now get back to being the fun, chill guy she fell for. Text happy things, sexual things, funny things. Spark some kind of emotion other than the self-created black cloud.
That’s the thing I didn’t write novels via text, that was her lol. I guess the reason why I haven’t I don’t the last part is because I didn’t think she’d be receptive.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:15 pm 
Offline
The Grand Puba
User avatar

Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:17 pm
Posts: 5962
Location: Los Angeles
The thing you're glossing over is why are the two of you arguing? Are you arguing over stupid shit that you shouldn't be arguing about? Is it her or you that is starting these arguments or you? Whatever it was, it lead you to breaking it off with her and that has to count for something even though she is a great girl outside of arguments.

EDIT: The reason I'm asking you this is because of your question and how you described what's going on. A lot of guys fall into codependent behavior patterns. She gets upset and starts arguments and he tries to fix it and the cycle keeps going on over and over again. Now you've broken up with her and the moment that you tried to fix it, she was cold and standoffish but when you didn't bite at her being standoffish she contacts you and tries to give you sob stories on how hard it's been. It's that same pattern.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com


Last edited by JackZero on Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:24 pm 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title

Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
Quote:
I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work.
Should be the end of it here. If counseling is the only solution, she doesnt want that...then move on. If the arguments were mostly started by her, and she's not even taking accountability...whats there to fix? Sorry, but guys come here looking to salvage broken relationships with chicks and ask whats going on their head. Truth is, you got issues too, that would be better for you to figure out. If you didnt you wouldnt be thinking of taking someone back who wants you to apologize more instead of her issues. Sure, she might have abandonment issues, but whats your issue for wanting a chick with issues who doesnt even acknowledge their issues? You gotta figure out your own head before you wonder what some chick is thinking.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 9:56 pm 
Offline
Dedicated Member

Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:14 pm
Posts: 689
Breakups are hard because both people are often very conflicted with what they want.

Decide what you want and stick to it. There's going to be a LOT of anxiety and angst but that's the best route.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:06 pm 
Offline
Member of MPUA Forum

Joined: Tue May 02, 2017 12:35 am
Posts: 117
After reading that, do these steps.

1. Block and delete her number and delete all messages, photos and any thing that reminds you of her off your phone.

2. Block her on all social media and delete anything to do with her off your devices.

That way it's a clean break off and she can't contact you and you can't contact her.

Then work on yourself to aid recovery.

Lesson here is to avoid broken women like the plague in terms of a LTR. They zap all your energy and then when you can't meet their needs, they walk and go elsewhere looking for the next guy who's stupid enough to pander to her needs. Guys end up wasting large parts of their lives with women like this and neglect themselves because of it.

When you have recovered and worked on yourself to the point where you are 100% happy, you will be able to find a woman who isn't broken and got her head screwed on. You will have to go through a lot of women and date lots of them at the same time to weed them out. It's better for your health in the long run.

We can help you out on here if your willing to take on-board straight talking advice and criticism.


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 4:22 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:24 pm
Posts: 16
Quote:
Quote:
I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work.
Should be the end of it here. If counseling is the only solution, she doesnt want that...then move on. If the arguments were mostly started by her, and she's not even taking accountability...whats there to fix? Sorry, but guys come here looking to salvage broken relationships with chicks and ask whats going on their head. Truth is, you got issues too, that would be better for you to figure out. If you didnt you wouldnt be thinking of taking someone back who wants you to apologize more instead of her issues. Sure, she might have abandonment issues, but whats your issue for wanting a chick with issues who doesnt even acknowledge their issues? You gotta figure out your own head before you wonder what some chick is thinking.
But who said I was thinking of taking her back?


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 4:47 am 
Offline
Ask a mod for a custom title

Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
Quote:
But who said I was thinking of taking her back?
You did:
Quote:
so I broke up with her. About two weeks later I realized I made a mistake.
Quote:
I finally respond and I essentially say I love her and counseling is the only solution that I see that can work. So we can get the proper tools to communicate better and to help with her abandonment issues.


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:36 pm 
Offline
Read My Book
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2013 8:08 pm
Posts: 5028
Website: http://www.EddieFews.com
Location: New York City
Quote:

I don’t know, I just feel like she’s screwing with me. I thought she was in a good space...

There you go.

When you broke up with her you were likely in a strong space and seeing the relationship for what it truly is. Weeks lately you got lonely and weak and tried to crawl back to a broken person that you know is not healthy for you to be with. As a result the young later here lost all respect for you. She has to consider.. " Why would you apologize and try to get back with someone is a unhealthy for you to be with? " Theres no reason for you to. She knows she's broken and has her issues whether she admits it or not, but you were willing run back to that and pour your heart out in apology for what? For doing what was best for yourself when you were at your strongest point? Thats pitiful.

We all go through these waves. We when we're strong we think one thing I.E. " I think im going to start going to the gym 4 times a week" and then once we get week, we make a good excuse to go back on our word and do the opposite.

Stop letting your emotions rule you. Thats what women do. You have to be able to look negative emotions in the face and still do whats best for you despite them. I.E. approaching women even when you FEEL nervous.

Get over this shit. Its over.

Theres other girls. And you'll be fine in 2 months tops.

_________________
Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

Show Support, Buy The Book: 'The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom - Click Here

http://www.EddieFews.com


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link