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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:14 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:59 pm
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Hello people. Need help on this seriously.

This evening I went to a bar alone. I was standing, listening to music and drinking beer. There were group of foreigners football fans in the bar. One of them aproached me and asked to help to talk to girls. I said I am not able to help. I was not sure how to say the reason. He said I am smart guy, but I am shy. And he started saying - go try, if it does not work - you do not lose anything. Which makes sense.

I said I feel shame when it does not work.

He still said lot of times to join to them, and go to the table where girls sit. And started saying to say hi to girls/, how are you doing and similar things.

And then he talked to girls that he is helping me, I am shy and so on.

It feels kind of weird. This is bad in girls eyes that I am shy and I need help from some guy.

Then he said me to talk to girl which he talked to. I tried to say few word, like hi, how are you doing. Etc.

But of course those girls saw that I am stressed. And couple of them were bit overweight which often are easier to talk with.

He kept pushing me.

On one hand I need somebody to push me out of comfort zone. But on the other hand - man needs to be relaxed when talking to girls, right?

The girls were laughing at me. I said to that guy that this is screwed. He said - no, go to talk to them and if that does not work, you do not lose anything. You are smart. Why cant you get a girl. You talk to them, if they say no, you do not lose anything. He repeated this hundred times maybe.

But I saw that this is really screwed, I will not get relaxed in that bar anymore because of this pressure and I went home.

That is good at least that I am free to go out and relax.

I have been lot of times in those situations when I am hugely stressed and cannot talk to people normaly, have fun. I need to chill.

This sucks a lot.

For example as I wrote in my journal today I met girl from the internet and I had an easy talk with her because I was relaxed, there was no pressure. But when there is pressure, I am fucked.

Good at least that nobody knows me in that bar.

I am feeling shame.

How do I get pressure to get out of comfort zone but at the same time be relaxed? Maybe he was helping in wrong way, putting too much pressure. He does not understand how does it feel to be stressed maybe because he maybe never had been in such situation like me.

At least I had done something what is not in my comfort zone but the result sucks.

:(

After situations like this were I get very stressed, I am feeling very little worth, and like not worth the girl like today I had met. Such beautiful girl wants a guy who does not get stressed in social situations. Such stresses reduces my confidence - reminds me how bad I still am.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 1:51 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:08 pm
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Go to a bar on your own and take a seat someplace which is ideal to see the interactions between people. Now just sit back and watch at the bar how many guys will talk to girls and see if anything bad happens. After a while you will notice that men talking to girls does not lead to them being slapped, being humiliated, being joked about and that its pretty harmless fun.

If on the odd occasion a girl is being harsh then best thing to do is just laugh it off. Remember females enjoy being approached - it gives their ego a boost and enjoy being spoken to by men in front of their friends. Nothing bad will happen and viewing others trying to approach women and seeing this - will reinforce this. You will get girls that are in the mood to talk to you, some that won't and the occasional rude one so just move one when you meet the later and keep in mind that persistence and practice is your key to success - its like sales - its a numbers game my friend.

Best of luck.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:01 am 
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2011 5:53 pm
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA
1. You take the pressure off of yourself by practicing talking to women without trying to get laid. If you want to learn this shit, don't plan on having sex at first because you need to establish fundamentals first.

2. You should have told those guys to leave you alone, told a bartender you were being harassed, or left. I hate when people try to "help" someone who doesn't feel like being extroverted by forcing the matter, but you weren't forced to stand there.

3. You got home with all of your limbs. All five senses still work for you. You didn't lose money. There's no criminal charges filed against you. So despite your "shame" and fear, nothing bad actually happened to you.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:25 am 
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Quote:
After a while you will notice that men talking to girls does not lead to them being slapped, being humiliated, being joked about and that its pretty harmless fun.
yea, I have seen how they aproach and for them nothing like this happens. At worst they get rejected but they are able to handle the rejection.
Quote:
You take the pressure off of yourself by practicing talking to women without trying to get laid. If you want to learn this shit, don't plan on having sex at first because you need to establish fundamentals first.
Yea, I was not even thinking about getting laid. My point was to improve at least something.

Quote:
2. You should have told those guys to leave you alone, told a bartender you were being harassed, or left. I hate when people try to "help" someone who doesn't feel like being extroverted by forcing the matter, but you weren't forced to stand there.
Oh, that is interesting. I will keep in mind this, next time I will try this if there is same situation. Thanks.
Quote:
3. You got home with all of your limbs. All five senses still work for you. You didn't lose money. There's no criminal charges filed against you. So despite your "shame" and fear, nothing bad actually happened to you.
is girls thinking about me I am big nerd nothing bad? :D chances are those girls might be regularly coming to this bar and if see me - will think, oh this nerd again who was trying to talk to us and was so stressed like hell. If that is nothing bad, then its good :D


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 3:52 pm 
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No. Get over yourself. Odds are they will never think about you again.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:03 pm 
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thanks. I feel bad even when remember what was yesterday. Probably need to focus mind on something else as much as possible.


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